Emma was trying to put as much distance between her and that house as possible. No matter how right it felt being in… no. Emma couldn't entertain those thoughts – that wasn't part of her plan. As she was trying to calm the butterflies in her stomach, she felt herself run smack into someone – "Oh my… I'm sorry."
"Emma, are you alright?" Emma heard a familiar voice ask – David's voice.
"Oh, hey David. Yeah, I'm fine."
"You're a bundle of nerves," David said worriedly.
"It's nothing," Emma tried to reassure her overprotective brother – with a three and a half year age difference between the two of them, David had always been the big brother Emma never had being shuffled around foster care the first fourteen years of her life.
"Something is up, Emma – you know you can talk to me about anything."
Emma glanced down at the ground – part of her wanted to bury her feelings like she always did but the other part of her felt like she would explode if she didn't talk to someone.
"Ok, I'll tell you," Emma said just loud enough for David to hear. They both made their way to a bench not far from where they were standing. As soon as they sat down, David turned to his sister and waited for her to start. Emma blurted out everything in one breath – thinking it'd be easier:
"I went to help Killian with Regina's house. I climbed up on a ladder to paint over wallpaper. When I was climbing down, I fell and Killian caught me, and we, well, almost kissed."
"Almost?" David questioned.
"Yeah, I kind of pushed him away", Emma admitted, averting her eyes from David.
"Why did you push him away?" he then asked.
"I don't know" Emma unsuccessfully lied – David saw right through her.
"I think you do, and that's why you don't want to talk about it," David said, causing Emma to look up at him.
"We didn't even kiss – and even if we had, it wouldn't have meant anything. Killian and I are only just friends."
"Emma, judging by your reaction when you and Killian didn't actually kiss, I'd say there's a lot more than just friendship." Emma didn't say anything, so David continued, "And I don't see how that's a bad thing."
"Well, I'm not looking to be more than friends. You know I only planned on moving back here temporarily," Emma defended.
"Plans change. When you ran away from your foster home and showed up at our house in the middle of the night, Mom was going to drive you back and that would've been the end of it. Now look where we are. And I also know from experience that falling in love is not something anyone plans."
"Who said anything about being in love?" Emma retorted.
For a minute, David could only stare at her as he sighed – Emma could be so stubborn, especially when it came to her trying to deny something.
David considered his words, and then said, "Emma, I know it isn't easy for you to open up to people, but you and Killian had this immediate connection. Try to deny it all you want, but I've seen the way you look at him. And as far as how he feels about you, you're one of the most important people in his life. He absolutely adores you."
Emma didn't know what to say – her brother, as usual, was right, even though she didn't (and wouldn't) say it out loud. Instead, she just leaned in and hugged him – David placed both arms around her as well with one of his hands cradling the back of her head. They just sat like that for a while neither wanting nor needing to say anything more.
Emma made her way back to her apartment with her head still spinning as she fumbled for her keys. When she finally found them, she made her way to the couch and sat down. David's words were replaying themselves in her head.
"And I don't see how that's a bad thing," he had told her. Would it be so bad if she stopped running from these feelings and pretending there was nothing between her and Killian? Her heart beat wildly from just thinking about what happened. When had things gotten so complicated?
Everything had been so simple when she first moved back to Storybrooke – she had only planned to be there a year at most – maybe not even that long. But those six months to a year had somehow turned into four years. Her head kept telling her home was in Boston, but her heart reminded her how she loved working with her brother and being surrounded by family and friends.
Her mind and heart were also at war over Killian. They were friends – that was all.
Well… at least that's how it started out.
If she was completely honest with herself (even though she really didn't want to be), her and Killian were really close. She could see why David, Mary Margaret, Regina, and a few of her other close friends thought she might as well be dating Killian, and as much as she wanted to, she couldn't disagree with them.
She hadn't been this close to anyone since Neal, and she swore she wasn't going to let it happen – she wasn't going to get hurt again.
Yet, Killian knew everything about her, and some of it she didn't even have to tell him because that's how well he understood and knew her. She spent a lot of her free time with him and Anna Elizabeth – it often felt like Anna Elizabeth was her niece as well.
Emma buried her face in her hands because she honestly didn't know how any of this happened – it just kind of did. She had spent so much of her childhood running, and she had the urge to do it again. While Emma had grown a lot emotionally since then, Neal put a deep scar on her heart - a scar that she knew had healed, but the reason behind that made her feel like a scared, insecure orphan again. And she really didn't want to deal with it.
Just then, a knock at Emma's door made her jump. She went to go open the door and who else but Killian would be behind it.
"Killian, what are you doing here?" Emma asked, but she couldn't bring herself to look him in the eyes.
"Emma, we need to talk about what happened," Killian said.
The sound of his voice made Emma think, "Oh, god. He's serious." She could also tell he was serious because she picked up on the fact that he called her "Emma", as opposed to "Swan" or "love".
Even though her insides were the opposite, she calmly told him, "There's nothing to talk about, Killian."
"Is that so?" he replied.
"Nothing even happened," Emma told him in a way that she almost believed it, but Killian knew better.
"Oh, really? Then why can't you look me in the eyes?" Emma refused to give him the satisfaction, so she shot her gaze up at him.
Killian then started, "Look, Emma, I know this scares you…" but he was cut off by Emma turning and walking away from him.
He charged after her leaving the door ajar as he grabbed her arm and spun her around, "Emma, love, listen to me. You've got to stop running from your feelings – I know you feel the same way I do."
Emma snatched her arm out of his grasp – it would be so easy for her to say "yes". It would be so easy for her to tell him how she felt – she knew he wouldn't hurt her, but her wall went up instead, "How do you know I feel the same way? Is it because you think I'm an open book?"
"That's because you are, Emma," Killian put emphasis on her name, "You always have been. We understand each other – and I'm an open book to you as well. I can't hide anything from you – even when I try."
Instead of replying, Emma just turned to look out the window. Killian sighed as he placed both hands on her kitchen table. He thought about what he could say to change her mind – he had always worn his heart on his sleeve, so he took a leap of faith as he walked closer to her and gently turned her to face him.
"Look, Emma, I know when I first moved to this town, and you moved back, we'd both just had our hearts broken, and we were nowhere near ready to move on. I never thought I'd be capable of letting go of Milah. To believe that I could find someone else. That is… until I met you."
Emma could hear the sincerity in his voice and see the love in his eyes – she was left speechless.
"Geez, could he make it any harder?" she thought, but before she had time to react, his phone rang.
"Bloody hell," Emma heard Killian curse under his breath.
Killian turned slightly away from Emma to answer the call – it was about Anna Elizabeth. She had a very entertaining, but exhausting day at the zoo and was ready to go home.
As Killian hung up the phone, he noticed Emma had turned back toward the window. He had already poured his heart to her and had nothing more to say, so he just turned and walked out the door.
As Emma heard it shut, she let out a breath she didn't realize she had been holding and just slid down onto the floor with her back against the wall. She folded her arms and rested her forehead on her knees. What was she going to do? Just then, her phone rang – startling her. She took it out of her jeans pocket and looked to see to who it was. She recognized the number – it was the Boston PD.
One way or another, this phone call would change everything.
A few days following that almost kiss and his confession, Killian sees that Emma has a bunch of boxes placed around her yellow bug, and in a frustrated voice asked, "Emma, where in the bloody hell do you think you're going?"
Emma didn't look at him as she replied, "Back home – to Boston."
Killian had always known she planned on going back, but this seemed rather sudden, so he questioned, "Boston?"
"Yeah, a detective job opened up with the police department," Emma said, still refusing to meet his eyes.
Killian, noticing this, said, "Emma, you and I both know this isn't about some bloody job. You're running away."
Emma shot her gaze up at him and said, "No, I'm not. I should know – when I was a kid, that's what I did. I ran away from every foster home I was ever in until Ruth adopted me."
Killian replied, "I know, and then you finally had a family. Why leave them now?"
"Look, Killian – you may have been fine with moving here permanently to help out Liam and Elsa. That was never my plan – Boston is my home," it seemed that Emma was trying to convince him as well as herself, but Killian was resilient.
"Well, love, things don't always go according to plan. Five years ago, my plan for the foreseeable future was the open road and my motorcycle with Milah hanging on the back. Now look where I am. Storybrooke can be your future– you have a home here," Killian had to stop himself before he said "with me."
Emma planted her hands on her hips in firm resolve and said, "You just don't get it."
Killian knew better than to push Emma, but he couldn't let her leave, "No, Swan, you're the one who doesn't get it. I know you – sometimes better than you know yourself. I know it was hard for you to feel like Ruth and David could actually be your family. It took you a long time to settle in here because it's hard for you to open up to people and to believe you could be happy, and that became even harder after Neal, but you managed to do it. And now, you're at that same insecure place because of what's happening with us, and you're running away from your feelings and this town because you don't want to deal with any of it."
Emma could only stare at him – she was silently cursing him for always being able to read her so well – "you're something of an open book" as he had once told her. As much as she hated to admit it, he was right, but she wasn't taking that chance. She wasn't changing her plans – Boston was a sure thing while love was a risk she wasn't willing to take.
Instead of saying anything, Emma turned away from him and continued packing her car.
Killian sighed – it was clear Emma was going to go with her mind instead of her heart.
Killian made one last attempt to get through to her, "So, you're really going? You're just gonna leave David, Mary Margaret, and their kids? He's your brother – they're your family. Don't you even care about them? Or anyone in this town?"
Emma turned back to face him, her expression softened, "Of course I care. I just have to do what's right for me, and that's being in Boston."
It was clear Emma's mind was made up, and Killian knew there was no talking her out of this decision.
He couldn't help but feel the cruelest sense of déjà vu as Emma finished packing her car and climbed inside. She shut the door, gave him a small smile (because she didn't know what else to do), and made her way to the town line.
Killian just stared after her. This was worse than Milah because, unlike with her, there would be no moving on and finding love again.
Killian knew the longer he stood there, the more his heart would break, so he just turned on his heel and headed back home.
