Chapter 9

Soon they were on their way out of Truro. They sat silently next to each other. A hostile silence between them.

"Would you like the radio on?" Martin asked helplessly, when they were on the A road to Portwenn.

"I'm not bothered." Louisa replied sadly.

Both of them suddenly remembered the exact exchange they had a couple of years ago. Only it had been night-time then. Only it had been raining.

They both were startled by the realisation and after a second, turned their heads to look at each other.

They held their gaze for a fraction of a second, before Martin quickly turned his attention back on the road while Louisa looked down.

Both knew that the other one had remembered as well.

Both knew that the memory was painful to both of them.

It seemed that all the time that has passed, the turmoil, the tragic events, hadn't brought them any closer together. It just seemed that the things keeping them apart grew bigger and bigger.

If Louisa hadn't been so utterly depressed, she would have smiled at the thought that back then she had been offended by a little comment from Martin regarding her perfume. Compared to the elephant standing in the room now, that has been fiddlesticks.

"Are you comfortable?" Martin made another awkward attempt to break the silence. He was close to suffocating on it.

"Yes."

Another fragile plant of communication was killed immediately by the chilled atmosphere between them and lay tattered on the ground.

Martin swallowed hard. He needed help to get out of the corner he'd manoeuvred himself into all of his life, he needed Louisa's help, but he had no right to ask for her help, not anymore, not after all the broken glass.

"Are you bringing me to the surgery?" Louisa asked.

"Erm...yes. It seems the most logical place, especially for James."

"Yeah, you're probably right about James." Louisa sighed, dreading the thought of being back in the glum hermit's hut, shut away in coldness and remoteness. She shivered. "Doesn't matter anyhow anymore, I suppose."

Martin looked sadly towards her. Louisa had to look away. She couldn't bear it any longer.

She had always thought Martin's clumsiness, his shyness, his aloofness were off-putting. Now, she hardly noticed those now. What really got to her was his sadness, his insecurity and his helplessness.

If she just didn't care for him. It would make things so much easier. The rub though was that she did care for him, even loved him, very much, but she had to stand by and see him grow more and more unhappy, not knowing what to do to make it better.

Even worse, he was dragging her down with him into sadness.

"Don't worry, you..." Martin gulped. The words didn't want to come, but he had to say it. "...you don't...have to...stay...with me." His voice cracked and he shook his head slightly as if he was chasing away a bad dream. "I asked Ruth. I can stay with her." He finished quickly and firmly, to say what had to be said. To get the duty done.

"You mean, I shall live in your cottage, but you'd be staying somewhere else?" Louisa couldn't grasp this concept. "That would be..." Louisa shook her head. "...odd."'

"I just thought...you said...you needed a break...from us...me."

"But I was thinking of Spain."

"You won't be flying for a while."

"So I was told."

"Sorry."

"Mmh." Louisa cocked her head. She wished she had stayed on that plane. She wished she was a thousand miles away.

"I didn't know where to take you otherwise. You don't want to be at the surgery?"

"Does it matter?"

"Then tell me where you want to be." Martin offered.

Where she wanted to be? Louisa brushed away a tear that was again tickling in the corner of her eye. Where she wanted to be? She wanted to be back a couple of years. She wanted to be among family and friends. She wanted to be at home with a loving husband, she wanted to be where Martin couldn't take her.

"I'm tired. Surgery is fine."

"Good."

'Good' wasn't exactly how Louisa would call it. It was far from being good. Actually, she felt she had hit rock bottom. Surely her life couldn't go more downhill than it had the last couple of months?

Louisa tried urgently to think of something good, as not to break down completely. There was one good thing in her life, that was for sure.

"Why didn't you bring James?" she asked as casually as she could.

"Child seat. The Mercedes hasn't got one."

Martin was right. Of course he was. Whenever he could rely on facts, he couldn't be beaten. If the world were a mosaic of logical facts, Martin would be master. Problem was, that little stupid things like emotions shook his logical world up. And then Martin was out of his depth. As much out of his depth as Mike had been when a red block was placed between the blue.

Louisa turned her head away and stared out of the window. Was the world suddenly going crazy? Or did she attract nutters like a magnet?

"James is still at Ruth's. I'll bring him over as soon as you've made yourself comfortable."

'Comfortable? That could take a while.' Louisa thought grimly.

"We could stop at Ruth's and pick him up together." Louisa suggested.

Martin looked over concerned. "We still wouldn't have a child seat."

Gosh, Martin and his facts. Sometimes Louisa could throttle him.

"Besides, you'd better rest. You've been through a lot and your body needs rest to heal." Martin added.

'Not just the body', Louisa thought. There were some sore spots her soul had developed recently. Louisa had no idea yet how to let those heal.

To be continued…