A/N So this is the last chapter. I hope you enjoy it. I don't know what I will be writing for next, but stay tuned and you will see. Oh, and today is my birthday. Exciting stuff. R/R, enjoy!
It had been two years. Two long years.
She knew that she should be over him by now, but she just couldn't be. It was easy to say you could get over a person when they were right there and you were strong, but it's a completely different thing if you're weak. She supposed she had always been weak. She had to be if she had let herself fall in love with Ryan Atwood. She proved she was even more weak when she ran away from him like a coward.
She still missed him. Sometimes she woke up in the middle of the night and reached for him only to pat the ghost of what could have been. Her heart had ached and bled so many times she was sure it was beyond repair. What made it a million times worse was knowing things could have been different if she had stayed back there with him. If she had been strong enough to face her mistakes, or even leave her job all together, she could've still been with him. She could've been in his arms at that very moment, smiling at him – kissing him. She had come to learn heartbreak wasn't something you could forget or ignore: it was endless and deep. Even when you thought you were over it, it came creeping back like an annoying fly or pest; you could try swatting it away or stepping on it, but it always flew back to you and agitated you some more.
It had been two years, but she was oddly okay. Yes, she had her deal of heartbreak, but she also had the best job in the world. It was because of that she got up every morning without hopping on the first plane back to Newport.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
He knew he shouldn't have tracked her down after everything she had written in his letter, but he couldn't help himself. She was the only person that he really knew anymore, the only one that would listen when he spoke. After his family had died, he knew there was no way he could possibly be happy again. He was wrong. When he was with her he felt alive after spending a long period feeling dead. She made him think that things were going to be okay, and when she left he had that feeling taken away yet again.
Hiring a private investigator didn't cross his mind until after a couple of months passed by. Even then, he didn't really expect for anything to come back to him. Still, there was always the possibility, so he left the search entirely up to fate. If they were meant to be together, the PI would come up with results. If not, then he would move on like she wanted him to. He would turn his head and never ever think of her or that short but amazing time they spent together.
Imagine his surprise when he received a call from his PI saying that he had the location where Marissa was working.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
It was another boring Tuesday in early January. She parked and then exited her car, wrapping her large coat tighter around herself. She trudged through the snow to the front door, and then opened the door to the building she had bought for her own private practice in Psychiatry. She had bought it a couple of months after finding this small town in the middle of nowhere, not far outside of Ruidoso, New Mexico. To her surprise business had bloomed up pretty quickly. She didn't have any difficult cases like she had before, but more simple cases such as couple's counseling and people that just felt like talking. It was a nice change of pace after dealing with Ryan's case, and it helped her get her mind off of missing him.
She entered her small offices and looked over to see her secretary biting her lip. "Hey, Monica. My first appointment isn't until ten, right?" She looked at the clock in the far corner and saw that it was only nine thirty, which worked fine for her. She liked to get to work half an hour early so that she could set things up. She hated being late.
Monica nodded. Her long, dark hair was pulled back into a sloppy pony tail today and her green eyes looked confused and a bit worried. "Yeah, Mr. Jacobs won't be here until ten."
Marissa raised her eyebrows and took off her jacket. "Is something wrong? I know there's been a lot of snow lately, and will be a lot more today, but you never seem this upset by that."
Monica nodded and said, "Yeah, I know." She chewed on the her bottom lip and then said, "You have a visitor..." She glanced in the direction of Marissa's treatment room and office. "A male visitor."
Marissa furrowed her eyebrow and said, "That doesn't make any sense. I don't know a lot of people here, and no one from my old town knows I live here...." She quickly walked to her office and opened the door, then gasped. It couldn't be...
But it was. Ryan stood and locked his eyes to her, his gaze strong and yet very gentle. "Marissa," he said, though it sounded more like a sigh.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, staying as far away from him as possible. Before he could answer she said, "I told you not to find me. I told you I didn't want you to find me..."
"I know," he said softly, taking a few steps towards her. "I wasn't going to but then I just couldn't help myself. I needed to know where you were. I needed to see you.."
"I don't want to see you," she said, turning from him. "So just do me a favor and get out."
"I'm not going to leave," he stated stubbornly. "I spent the last two years without you, and then I went through the trouble of finding you..."
"I didn't ask you to," she protested.
"I know," he said with a sigh. "But you owe me an explanation."
"I don't owe you anything. I explained myself in that letter," she said with a sigh. Then she repeated, "I don't owe you anything. Get out."
"You're being a little harsh, don't you think?" he asked with a raise of his eyebrows. "I thought you would be happy to see me. Is there someone else?"
"No, there isn't anyone else, and no, I'm not happy to see you."
He stared at her and judged if she was telling the truth by her demeanor. It didn't take long before he realized she was lying. "I don't believe you. I think that you are happy to see me, you are just too afraid to admit it."
She shook her head and sighed. "Will you leave me alone?"
He shook his head and said, "No, not until we talk." He got closer to her, and then said, "Not until we talk."
She stared at him for a moment, and then turned and looked at the clock. "My day is filled with appointments, the first of which is supposed to start now. If you don't mind, I kind of have a job to do."
He smiled and then said, "Okay, I will wait in the lobby then."
She shook her head and said, "Those are reserved for my patients and their family only. Sorry."
He shrugged and said, "Then I will wait outside."
She looked at what he was wearing and laughed. "Right. It's supposed to snow today and you plan on waiting outside in a hoodie and leather jacket, jeans, and those shoes? Good luck."
He looked down at his clothes and frowned. "It can't be that bad, right?" he asked, looking at her worriedly.
She smirked and said, "You will find out soon enough. Now shoo, I have a patient in desperate need of my services." She opened her office door and – ignoring Monica's curious eyes – said, "Mr. Jacobs, I am ready for you now." Then she turned to Monica and said, "Monica, can you do me a favor and show Mr. Atwood here out." Ryan turned to her and tried to protest about using his last name, but she ignored him and – once Mr. Jacobs was in her office – shut the door in his face.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
He couldn't believe she completely wrote him off that easily. Or actually, he couldn't believe that he had been stupid enough to think she wouldn't. After all, this was the girl that always needed a little encouraging before she could act upon her desires. All she needed was a little shove to realize that he wasn't going anywhere, because he wasn't. He couldn't – not when he was so utterly and completely still in love with her.
So he came up with a plan to make her see he meant business. She would kill him when she heard what he was doing, but he also knew that it was his only shot at making her see that he wanted her back – even after she abandoned him. His plan was to make it known that he loved her, and what better way to sell his love than to tell it to all of her patients?
He saw an elderly lady walking towards the front door and he offered her a warm smile though he was freezing. "Hello, miss," he said pleasantly.
She stopped and stared at him with a curious smile, then said, "Hello, dear. You look so cold. Why don't you come inside?"
He shook his head and gave her a sad smile. "I can't...Miss Cooper said that since I wasn't family of a patient or a patient myself, I couldn't come in."
The elderly lady smiled and said, "Well, my son Jeffrey wasn't able to take me today, perhaps you can keep me company?"
He flashed her a grin and said, "I would love to, Miss..."
"Strangeworth. My name is Adeline Strangeworth." She took hold of his arm and led him into the building. Monica saw him and frowned, then saw Miss Strangeworth and looked confused.
"Miss Strangeworth, what are you doing with Mr. Atwood?" Monica asked.
Miss Strangeworth smiled and said, "He is keeping me company, dear. Maybe you could use a man to keep you company every once in a while." Monica blushed deeply and Ryan chuckled. The elderly lady turned to Ryan again and said, "So what are you doing here anyways?"
Monica seemed curious too, but pretended to be doing something on the computer. "Well, I used to date Marissa...I mean, Miss Cooper."
Both of the ladies in the room raised their eyebrows in shock. Marissa dating seemed like a crazy idea to the both of them, Monica thinking of how dedicated to work she was, and Miss Strangeworth thinking of how professional and boring she seemed. "Really?"
He nodded and smiled, thinking of the short time they had spent officially together as a couple. "Yeah, and it was amazing, too. In fact, I used to be a patient of hers..."
Monica seemed disturbed by this piece of information, and he guessed that she understood the ethics that Marissa had apparently broken. However, Miss Strangeworth smiled widely, obviously completely fascinated by this story. "Really? What were you being treated for?"
He figured that he couldn't just tell Marissa's story, he had to tell his too. He sighed and sadly said, "I lost my family in a shooting, but then I couldn't remember who actually did the shooting, so I was sent in hopes of remembering." He shuddered at that dark memory and then said, "Marissa really helped me, and soon we became friends..." As he continued to tell his story, Miss Strangeworth started to cry a little bit.
"I can't believe she did that!" She said when he told her how Marissa had gotten up and left him in the middle of the night.
He nodded and decided that yes, Marissa was in fact going to kill him.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Marissa noted that her patients seemed a little weird today. They looked at her in odd, curious ways as if they were trying to analyze her instead of the other way around. More than once she had to change the subject from her life back to theirs, which she had never had to do before. It was odd and it made her uncomfortable.
During her lunch break she walked outside of her office and that's when everything suddenly became crystal clear. She was going to kill him, and then she was going to kill Monica. She looked at her secretary/receptionist and very calmly asked, "What is he doing in the lobby?"
Monica gulped and said, "Miss Strangeworth let him in.."
She nodded and crossed her arms over her chest in a stern way. "Mhmm, and Miss Strangeworth left over an hour ago, so what is he still doing here?"
Monica gave a sheepish smile and said, "Well, then Mr. Robinson wanted to hear the story, so he invited Ryan to say..."
Since when was Ryan on the first name basis with Monica? And why was she looking at Marissa that way? "What story did Mr. Robinson want to hear exactly?" She asked, her stomach starting to sink. He wouldn't would he?
"Well, the story of you two.."
Marissa glared at the lady and then turned to the lobby where a few of her patients were listening intently to Ryan's story. She marched over to him and hissed, "Get up."
He looked up at her and offered a smile. "Hey, I was just..."
"I know what you were doing, and I said get up," she said, her eyes never leaving his, her tone meaning business.
He slowly stood and everyone groaned in unison. She glared at all of them and then quickly got quiet. "I'm sorry, I was just.."
She grabbed his jacket and pulled it hard, practically dragging him to the exit. "I can't believe you," she said quietly. "After you knew, after I told you...after I left..."
He nodded and said, "I know you're mad..."
She shook her head and said, "Furious is more like it. Now stay out here and if I hear that you come back inside I will call the police." She glare at him and then once again left him behind. She walked back inside and saw her patients looking at her curiously.
One of them said, "He will freeze to death out there, you know."
She nodded and said, "Let him learn his lesson."
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Two hours later he couldn't feel his hands or part of his legs. A very nice man lent him his large coat and winked with a comment about being in the dog house before. He may have been thrown out of the warmth of the lobby, but he still told his story to those that were willing to stand in the cold and listen. One lady had even gone out of her way to go buy him some hot coffee, which he had been very grateful for. But she still hadn't invited him back in and he still wouldn't give up.
Marissa, on the other hand, was completely worn out by the end of the day. The majority of her patients asked her questions about the strange man outside of the door, and a lot of them had heard the story about her and Ryan, which completely ruined her day. About an hour after her last patient had left, she walked out of her office to see Monica looking at the computer intently, very absorbed in her work. "Um, I'm going to go home now," she said, causing Monica to look up at her.
"He's still out there, you know," Monica said after a minute, gesturing towards the door. "I wish I could have a guy willing to stand in the snow for me. Maybe you should take him back to your place and you two can talk."
Marissa sighed and said, "It's not that simple..."
"Then make it that simple," Monica said with a wave of her hand, acting as if Marissa was making a big deal out of nothing.
"I made a vow that I wouldn't fall in love with him, and I did. I said I wouldn't have contact with him in that way, but I did, and now I have to pay for what I did."
Monica laughed and said, "It isn't a sin to fall in love, Marissa, even if he is your patient. I say tell the rules to go to hell and go out there and save the poor guy before he becomes a Popsicle."
Marissa laughed a little and then stared at the door separating her and Ryan. She sighed and said, "I don't know if I can do that."
Monica shrugged and said, "You owe it to yourselves to try."
Marissa didn't say anything else, just took a step towards the door and then opened it. Ryan immediately looked up and his eyes connected with hers. She still didn't speak, even as she closed the door and started walking towards her car. He followed after her and said, "I know that I went too far today, but I really think that maybe we could just talk and you will see why I did everything. I know I seem like a jerk to you, but...are you even listening to me?"
She didn't look at him, just got into her car and unlocked the passenger seat. Hers and Monica's cars were the only ones in the parking lot, so she figured he probably didn't have anywhere else to go. When he got the message, he quickly got in and then turned to her, but decided it would be best if he didn't say anything. She didn't look at him, but turned all the vents to him, blasting the heat because she knew he must be cold if he had been out there that long. In fact, she had to wonder if he had gotten hypothermia or something.
When they got to her large two story house she still didn't speak, only let him follow her inside and up the stairs. She went into the bathroom but kept the door open, letting him know that it was okay for him to come inside. She turned on the water, making sure it was hot, and then turned to him and said, "You need to get your body temperature back to normal." She didn't look him in the eyes, afraid that she would lose herself in them, so she just turned her attention to his clothes. He tried to pull the zipper down, but it felt awkward in his completely numb hands, so he looked at her sheepishly for help. She took the zipper and slowly slid it down, the steam from the shower starting to wrap around them.
She kept her eyes on his clothes as she slowly took off his coat, then jackets, and finally got down to his shirt. She slowly started to unbutton it, feeling his heart pounding hard against his chest. She slid it off of him, and then moved her fingers down to his jeans. He looked at her face, willing her to look him in the eye, but she just unbuttoned his pants and then pulled down his zipper. Her hands remained there for a beat too long, and he started to lean in to kiss her, softly murmuring, "Marissa..."
She shook her head and pulled back, leaving him standing there in the middle of the large bathroom. "Come and find me when you are done," she said, and then quickly ran to her room and shut the door.
She didn't know how long he was in the shower, but she stayed curled up on her bed the entire time. She had no idea how she was supposed to face him after what she had done to him two years ago, or how she could even begin to consider being with him now. When she heard footsteps and a soft knock on her door, she knew that even though she wanted to, she couldn't hide from Ryan Atwood forever.
She opened the door and moved aside for him to enter. Maybe it seemed a bit odd to have this talk in her bedroom, but she didn't really feel as safe in any other rooms of the house, and in a time when she felt utterly confused, she needed to have some kind of security. He stood awkwardly in the middle of her room, unsure of where it was appropriate for him to sit. She didn't seem too worried about that so he sat down on the edge of the bed, never taking his eyes off of the woman he once thought he knew. Staring at her now he realized she was an entirely different person, but he liked that. Change suited her well.
Unsure of where to start, she softly said, "I'm sorry."
She started to pace and he quietly asked, "For what?"
She stopped and stared at him. "For leaving you. For making you think that we had a chance and then completely destroying it by walking out that door."
He shook his head and said, "As far as I see it, we still have a chance."
She scoffed and asked, "How? How could we possibly have a chance after everything? After the way I left you and then threw you out and practically ignored you?"
He stood and walked over to her, trying to wrap his arms around her, but she wouldn't let him. He sighed and said, "Marissa, I still love you. I still want to be with you. You were the only person in my life, and then you left and I had no one..."
"Exactly, how could you ever forgive me for that?" she asked, her voice breaking in places.
He shrugged and said, "Because I love you. Because I want to be with you, and there is nothing you can do that will ever change that. You were the only person that I had, and you are the only person that I still have. There was never anyone else. There couldn't be." Her eyes started getting watery and he wiped away a few of the stray tears that fell. "Hey, don't cry."
She sighed and leaned onto him, letting his arms envelope her. "I love you," she murmured into his neck. His arms tightened around her and she continued. "I never stopped."
He smiled and pulled back a little so that he could see her face, so that he could take it into his hands. He framed it with his fingers and said, "Then stop running from me."
When they kissed, it was gentle and sweet. There were two years of lost moments between them; two years of laughter and tears. There wasn't a think either one of them could do to stop the kiss: they were both drawn in as if by some magnetic force. Her hands clung to his shirt as if it was the only thing keeping her standing, which – if she was honest – was true. He held her as if she could break at any moment.
They fell onto the bed without he kiss ever halting, and their hands started to roam the once familiar bodies. Clothes melted away and he started to move inside of her in such a passionate way that she started to pant his name.
When they both came, he collapsed on the spot next to her. He held her and they both tried to regain control of their breathing. Finally she said, "I don't care what happens to me or my job...I just want you."
He smiled, and said, "You won't lose your job. I made sure of that." He stood and walked over to his clothes, then pulled out a sheet of paper that she hadn't noticed before. "It's an evaluation of our relationship. You said that after two years an evaluation had to be done to see if us dating would be okay, and it is." She took the paper from his hands and read it intently, a smile lighting up her face. And they were happy in that moment – lost together – unsure of how things would turn out. And when he kissed her again, this time she knew that everything would be okay.
