N/A: I had an exhausting week and today, the cheery on the top, my dog died. Life sucks so much, sometimes. I still managed to finish the chapter, I don't know how great the last part is, but I didn't want to make you wait longer than you already did. Enjoy!
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Chapter 9 – Scared
This morning, she was determined not to be late for work, again. The past few days had been quite hectic for her because of the lack of concentration and Derek's presence in Seattle was the main cause, without him being a trouble-maker. He did make it a little difficult for her to focus and get out of bed, when in the morning he held her into his arms and she could listen to his breathing against her ear, like he was doing this morning, too.
His lips brushed sleepily against her cheek and he snuggled closer.
"We should wake up, Derek."
"Mmm..." he moaned into her ear.
"Ok?"
"Mmm," he answered with a sound.
She slapped his arm, giggling, and he fell onto his back. She rolled over and put her chin on his chest. "Are you coming with me today to talk to the chief?"
Derek opened his eyes and smiled as he rubbed his thumb against her cheek. "I am. If I stay home another week I might quit my job and become a house-husband," he joked.
Meredith smiled and stood up. "Whose house-husband?" she joked, too.
"Do you want me to propose?" he asked her.
Meredith looked at him and smiled. "God forbid!" she answered, not sure if she wanted it to sound as a joke or as something serious. And by the look on Derek's face, he didn't get it either. "Use the other bathroom. We'll be faster this way," she smiled and got out of the bed, ending the akwardness.
---
The kitchen was sleepy that morning, with Daniel nipping lazily from a sandwich and Damon sipping from his coffee. They put everything down and looked up when they heard Meredith and Derek coming. They walked in, holding hands, and bringing a bright mood with them.
"Morning!" Derek beamed and winked at Daniel.
"Morning," Meredith giggled. "Coffee?" she asked Damon.
Damon sighed, rolling his eyes, and motioned to the coffee pot.
"Let me get it for you," Derek offered, wrapping her with one arm and taking her to the cabinet. Just then he let go of her, to be able to take two mugs out.
"Did you have a good sleep, Danny?" Meredith asked her son.
Daniel nodded slowly. His eyes seemed to particularly follow each of Derek's movements.
"Here," Derek offered her a mug and also offered her a kiss.
"Thanks," she giggled.
"Ugh," Damon groaned, interrupting their moment. "You sound like a teenager."
Meredith looked at him, amused. "Bad sleep?"
"What sleep?" he asked sarcastically. "Do you people ever sleep?" he outburst. "How do you hold the scalpel during the day, Meredith?"
"Hey, calm down!" Meredith lost her good mood for a moment.
"Sorry," Damon mumbled. "But wasn't there a rule about not having sex in the house?"
"That's impressive," Derek muttered under his breath. "Did you respect it?" he asked them.
But they ignored him.
"First of all," Meredith started, "Do not use that word with Daniel around. And..."
"Why?" he didn't let her finish. "Are you curious to find out what 'sex' means?" he asked Daniel.
"Damon!" Meredith snapped at him.
Daniel looked back and forth at them and probably understood that he shouldn't be curious, because he shook his head as answer to Damon's question.
"Obviously I wasn't going to tell him the real explanation."
"And second of all," Meredith continued, "Derek is the father, so we can make an exception from the rule."
"I don't know... The rule was saying something about relationship," Damon pointed out and smiled crookedly, knowing the position he put Meredith in.
Meredith was speechless for a moment. She could feel Derek's eyes on her and his gaze as her answer was late to come. She didn't know if they had a relationship; Derek didn't mention it at all since he came back. "If you have trouble sleeping, then maybe you need a vacation," she managed to say something. Her eyes narrowed into a glare, sarcastically thanking Damon for that.
He just smiled. "Impressive, though," he stated, looking at Derek. "Fine. I won't complain, anymore. I heard there are some good ear plugs on the market."
"And some good hotels, too," Derek muttered.
Meredith turned to him with a reproachful look.
"Sorry," he mumbled.
"What is wrong with you, people?" she asked them, nervous. "I was actually having a good morning."
"You had a few good mornings, lately," Damon joked.
"It would have been great one more."
Dere put his arms around Meredith and kissed her on the cheek. "Let's stop here. It's still a good morning. Breakfast?" he asked her.
Meredith giggled, snuggling into his arms. "I am a little hungry."
While Meredith and Derek cuddled, paying less attention to those around them, Damon saw Daniel throwing the leftover on the plate and leaning back in his chair, poutedly folding his arms across his chess.
"Someone's jealous," Damon stated, so Daniel's parents would give him some attention.
Meredith and Derek pulled apart and turned to see that Damon was somewhat right about Daniel.
"Danny?" Meredith asked him. "What's wrong?"
But Daniel stayed pouted, refusing to answer or to look up.
Meredith walked up to the table and sat down beside her son. "Are you upset?" she asked softly.
Daniel whimpered and opened his arms to his mother.
"Come here," she picked him up and put him onto her lap. "Are you jealous?" she asked, amused.
Daniel just shrugged.
"You know you're my only little man, don't you?"
Daniel shrugged again.
"Maybe you should be more specific," Damon cut in. "Your only man. Because there are some grown-up men around here, too."
"Damon, shut up," Meredith silenced him. "I mean, you know I love you the most. The rest of them doesn't matter to me," she told Daniel.
"Now I am hurt," Damon cut in, again.
"This time I have to agree with you," Derek replied.
Meredith laughed at them. "Then you should live with it, because it's not going to change."
"You say that now," Derek chuckled. "I will matter, just a little bit, at least."
Meredith looked at Damon, waiting for his reply. He shrugged, instead. "I am still hurt."
She laughed and hugged tightly her little boy, kissing his cheeks. He turned around and put his arms around her.
"I 'uv you."
"I love you, too," she kissed the top of his head.
Derek brought the toast to the table and after he put the plate down, he ruffled Daniel's hair, "Do you want anything, buddy?" he asked.
Daniel shook his head and told him, very serious, "She's my mommy."
He left everyone speechless at how he knew to emphasize the right word.
Derek smiled reassuringly. "I know." he crouched to be at his level and said, "Your mommy and I are really good friends and we get along very well, but she's still your mommy and she loves you the most."
Daniel nodded and fussed to go down from his mother's lap. Now that he set things clear with Derek, he could go on with his business; which was to finish his glass of milk.
---
Meredith and Cristina were in an empty conference room, Meredith doing her charts and Cristina reading, when Izzie cautiously walked in. She looked behind her, out the hall, and then closed the door.
Without saying anything, she came and took a seat at their table. She smiled at each of them when they looked questioningly at her.
"Bored?" Cristina asked her.
"I wish," she huffed.
"Over your head busy," Cristina noticed.
"You have no idea," Izzie nodded.
"We can see that," Cristina answered.
Meredith and Cristina looked at each other and then at Izzie.
"Izzie..." Meredith tried to find out what was going on.
"How's Derek?" Izzie didn't let her ask. "I saw him around."
Cristina and Meredith exchanged questioning glances, again.
"He came to talk to the Chief about a job here."
"Oh, so he's moving here for good," Izzie nodded.
"I don't know if for good, but he's moving here for real."
"That's good," Izzie smiled. "It must be helpful to have him back here."
Meredith shrugged. That wasn't her answer; she was rather confused with Izzie's behavior, because there was something going on with her.
"It must be a difference," Izzie still wanted to know.
"It is," Meredith admitted. "It's good to have him here."
"How are you two getting along? Are you together? Like a couple?" she asked.
"Umm... we're having sex," she answered and the truth was that she and Derek hadn't talked about the status of their relationship.
"That's still great," Izzie nodded.
"Isobel," Cristina smiled sarcastically.
Izzie started to laugh. "I have a funny name. Or the way you say it makes it sound funny. Say it again."
"Izzie, stop acting weird and tell us what's going on," Meredith demanded.
Izzie shrugged. She took a piece of paper out of the pocket and put it on the table, holding her hands over it.
"Did you write a poem?" Christin asked her.
Meredith, on the other hand, seemed to suspect something. "Oh no," she muttered.
Cristina looked at her. "What is it?"
Meredith and Izzie looked at each other and Izzie nodded. "I am pregnant," she said quietly.
Cristina was staring at Izzie, but Meredith understood what she was going through.
"I don't know what to do," Izzie laughed nervously. "I like babies. Danny for instance; he's amazing. I'd give anything to have a cute, nice baby boy like Daniel."
"Does Alex know?" Meredith asked.
"Alex," Izzie smiled, discouraged. "You know Alex. I bet I know his answer to this."
"You still have to tell him," Meredith told her. "Before anything else."
"I know Alex, Meredith."
"But you're still not sure of his answer."
Izzie sighed. "I don't know what to do, Mer. How did you know it was the right decision?"
"I didn't know anything, Izzie."
"But do you regret it?"
Meredith sighed. "I don't regret that I have Daniel, but..." she shrugged, unable to find the right words. "If you came here for my advice, then I don't know what advice to give you, Iz. Derek wasn't here and as cute as Daniel was as baby... he was still a baby and it was a rough time. I wouldn't encourage anyone to keep a baby when she doesn't have a relationship with the father. I wouldn't discourage her either. I just... it has to be your decision."
Izzie remained thoughtful for a short while. "I want a baby, at some point. And now that I am pregnant... maybe this is the point."
"You just found out the result. Right?" Izzie nodded. "Give yourself a little time to think about it. What do you say?" Meredith asked Cristina.
Cristina was staring at them, dumbfounded.
"Cristina," Meredith elbowed her.
"Sorry," Cristina muttered. "I think I heard Izzie saying she was pregnant."
"She is," Meredith nodded.
"You are," Cristina looked at Izzie. "Why?"
"Because I had sex with Alex."
"Why?"
That troubled Izzie a little bit. "Because he's hot."
"Is he?"
"Yes."
"Is the sex as hot as he is?"
"Why are you even in this conversation?" Izzie asked. "You're not pregnant, you don't like kids and you don't want to have babies. I don't know what to do," she muttered. She looked up at Meredith, smiling, "You're doing great as mom. And now you have Derek back."
"I don't know if I am a model to follow," Meredith stated. "As for Derek, I am not really counting on him. It's better to be prepared for anything."
"Do you think he might leave?" Cristina asked.
"I don't think anything, but it's safer to be cautious."
"There's the Chief," Cristina said, looking out the window. "He looks nervous."
The others followed her gaze and saw Chief Webber talking to a resident and gesticulating nervously.
"Derek must be looking for me," Meredith said and stood up to leave and find Derek. "We'll talk later, Iz!" She looked out the hall for Derek, but he was nowhere in sight.
"Are you looking for Dr. Shepherd?" George asked.
"Did you see him?"
"A few minutes ago. He was leaving."
"Didn't he ask for me?"
George shook his head. "He looked a little... displeased."
Meredith stood still, wondering what could have happened. It was impossible not to get the job, because she knew how much Chief Webber appreciated Derek. She took out her phone and dialed Derek's number, several times, and each time there was no answer.
---
The house was quiet, in the evening, when she arrived home. She met Damon downstairs, who was coming from the kitchen with a beer in his hand and a book tucked under his arm.
"Where are the others?" Meredith asked him.
Damon motioned upstairs.
"What's going on?"
Damon shrugged. "Ask him. He's in Daniel's room." He walked ahead and went into his room, while Meredith stopped in front of Daniel's room.
The door was open, so she could see Derek and Daniel on the floor; Daniel was bulding up a tower out of blocks and Derek was beside him, watching him and now and then giving him an advice.
"Hi," Meredith made her presence there noticed.
"Hi, mommy," Daniel smiled at her, while Derek just glanced up.
"I tried to call you," she told Derek.
"Yeah..." he nodded. "I ran out of battery."
Meredith knew that was a lie. "How did it go with the Chief?"
Derek looked up and shrugged his shoulders. He ruffled Daniel's hair and stood up, coming outside to Meredith. They walked in her room and Meredith turned to him, waiting for an explanation.
"Did you get the job?"
"No," he shook his head.
"Why?" Meredith was surprised and confused at the same time. "I know he needs a neurosurgeon and you're one of the best."
"Not best enough, apparently," he grumbled. He took a deep breath in and exhaled everything out. He looked down at his feet as he mumbled, "I didn't get the job I wanted."
Meredith stared at him, confused. "The job you wanted? Do you want to go for another specialty?"
Derek glared up at her as if she was making fun of him. "I wanted to be the head of the neuro department."
Meredith sighed and shook her head with disapproval.
"I was the head of my department in New York and he knows I am much better than Dr. Nelson."
"Derek," she shook her head. "Does it have to be that position?"
"Yes, Meredith," he answered, annoyed. "You have no idea how hard I worked for this position."
"Oh, I think I know," she retorted sarcastically.
"Great," he grumbled. "Thank you for rubbing it into my face."
"I am not rubbing anything, Derek!" she snapped. "I am pointing out the obvious! You knew it wouldn't be easy. And don't you think it's time to make some sacraficies, too? I mean, do you think I wouldn't like to be more appreciated as doctor? To be on people's lips and say 'like mother like daughter'? I studied and worked just as hard as you for my career, Derek, but at some point I had to slow down, take steps back and ran home when Daniel ran fever or he was having fits." She stopped to catch her breath and calm her nerves. Just then she noticed that Daniel was right across the hall, looking at them as they fought. She smiled at him and closed the door.
Derek stayed quiet all this time and looked other ways, but not at Meredith.
His silence was driving her insane, because that proved her words to Izzie were right. "Do what you want, Derek," she said quietly. "You came back, I didn't call you here," she reminded him.
"And I am staying here," he reassured.
"Good. Then figure out what you want," she turned to leave, but stopped and turned around. "Find yourself another room. I am sleeping with Danny tonight." She stormed out the door, slamming it behind her.
"Mommy?" Daniel called her from his room.
She took a deep breath, ran her fingers through her hair and managed to calm down. She walked into his room and smiled at him.
Daniel stood up quickly and ran to her, taking her hand and leading her to his bed. "Are you sad, mommy?" he asked her.
"No," she smiled reassuringly. She took a seat on the edge of the bed and pulled Daniel on her lap.
"I don't think I like him," he muttered.
"Derek?"
Daniel nodded.
Meredith laughed. "I think you still like him."
"Ugh..." he shrugged, not very sure.
She kissed him on the cheek and bounced him lightly. "He's new in town. He needs to get used to it. He's a little scared."
Daniel looked at her with a shocked expression. "Really?" Meredith giggled and nodded. "But he's big."
"Sometimes I am scared, too," she said. "And when I am scared, I am come and sit with you. It makes me feel better."
Daniel giggled proudly. "I come to you, too."
"I know. What do you say if you sleep with mommy tonight?"
"Ugh..." Daniel looked sympathetic. "I think Derek needs me."
Meredith pouted. "Don't you want to sleep with me tonight? Derek can go to Damon."
Daniel giggled. "I sleep with you," he decided.
Meredith hugged him tightly. She knew she was selfish for keeping Daniel for herself tonight, but Derek was selfish too. She didn't want to think at Derek that night; she needed sleep, because she didn't know what tomorrow might bring and she had to have her mind clear.
