CHAPTER NINE
HPOV
For a moment I sat completely still, frozen to the bed, my hands automatically going to cover up where the scars on my wrists should have been, as his eyes flickered towards my arms.
"You're completely healed then?" he said.
"Yes," I said quietly, afraid to look away from him in case he vanished again.
"Hermione, you didn't... that is... was it my fault?" There was so much sorrow in his eyes that I found myself shaking my head automatically. I would not tell him the truth; that the cloying misery and depression since he told me to stay out of his life had grown until it was too much to bear and then I had turned to the bloodletting as a means of controlling it. In truth I hadn't cared what Caius did with the blood samples; all I cared about was the blessed loss of feeling it brought with it. But this time things had been different. I didn't know how or why, but the niggling feeling remained that something had changed.
"Of course not, Harry. None of this is your fault."
He sighed with relief and then dropped into the chair beside the bed, resting his elbows on his thighs and leaning towards me.
"Do you feel up to talking?" he said. A mixture of emotions swirled in my head; primarily anxiety and hope in equal measure fighting for dominance.
"I'm fine, Harry. Professor Carlisle says I just need to rest today and then tomorrow I can get up, maybe even attend my lectures..."
"We need to talk then," he said, firmly.
"Yes, I suppose we do," I murmured quietly. But we sat in silence for a moment, looking away from one another. Finally he took a deep breath and spoke.
"The last eighteen months have been the worst of my life, Hermione," he said. "I was so angry with what you did in the first few months but then when I calmed down it was just too hard to go back. Every time I looked at you I would remember how we were; the three of us and it hurt so much." He broke off, swallowing hard. "I thought if I stayed away from you it would make it easier to move on; easier to forget. But I can't forget... I can't forget any of it, Hermione."
I listened to him and bowed my head, swallowing the tears that threatened.
"I thought you hated me," I said, so softly I didn't think he had heard me for a moment, but then he gave a strangled sob and got to his feet, suddenly throwing his arms around me and holding me tightly.
"I could never hate you, Hermione," he said, clinging to me. "God I'm so sorry, 'Mione. Bella's right; I have been a total... erm... how did she phrase it now... a self-righteous ass hole."
I felt a giggle rise in my throat and he leaned back a little, looking down at me, before he tenderly pushed a tendril of hair behind my ear.
"So are we ok now?" I asked, hardly daring to hope even after everything he had said.
"We'll take it a day at a time," he replied. After a brief pause he glared at me fiercely. "Don't ever get yourself in that sort of position again, Hermione. You're too important to fade away like that."
"I'll do my best, Harry," I replied, softly. Harry sighed and then scooted up the bed to sit beside me wrapping an arm around me and pulling me close to him. We sat like that for a long time resting our heads on one another's shoulders, just enjoying being together.
"Will you tell me what happened?" he asked. I paused for a long time, trying to frame the words to explain.
"It was an experiment," I murmured and then everything that had happened spilled from my lips, with one omission; I told him nothing about Draco Malfoy's sudden reappearance, knowing that that name was the last one Harry would want to hear.
"But... Merlin's beard, Hermione, you are far too intelligent to have got involved with such a crackpot scheme! Why on earth would you put yourself through all that?" he asked, angrily. I shrugged and looked at him.
"The first time I went along I went to tell him I was disgusted with his ideas about blood. He asked me if he could show me his theories and I read them. I still didn't agree, but then he persuaded me to allow him to take some of my blood. It was the first night I had actually slept in months, without dreaming. I found that every time he took my blood, I could sleep. The nights he didn't, I would wander the university, nine times out of ten ending up along the Memorial Corridor, looking at Ron's picture..." I swallowed the grief which always threatened to overwhelm me when I talked about Ron and Harry sighed.
"It was my fault then," he said, softly. I shook my head.
"We both found ways of trying to deal with losing them all..."
"Hermione, do you think there might be more to these experiments?" asked Harry suddenly. I gave him a suspicious look.
"What do you know about it, Harry?" I asked. He flushed and ducked his head before a small smile crept across his lips.
"I never could hide anything from you, could I? The truth is Hermione, Neville and I have been looking into some of the experiments the new professors are doing and there seems to be something very suspicious going on. Marcus is the one we have been watching which is why I signed up for Necromancy."
"I did wonder about that," I confessed. "Especially as you seemed to be avoiding any courses I was attending."
"I'm sorry," he said, again, squeezing me closer to him and dropping a kiss on my head. He sighed. "You know when I kissed you?"
"How could I forget?" I asked, uncomfortably.
"Was it a really bad kiss?"
"Harry..."
"What I mean is, was Malfoy so much better? Why him, Hermione?"
I shrugged and then gave the only answer I could; the truth.
"Because he was there."
"But I was there too," he said, so quietly that it took me a moment to register his words. Resting my head on his shoulder I sighed. How could I explain to Harry what Draco meant to me; what he had done for me?
"Harry, I love you with all my heart; always have, always will, but that love is so far removed from anything resembling lust. With Malfoy that night... it was lust I suppose and desperation. I will never love anyone the way I love you or the way I loved Ron."
"Do you love Malfoy?"
"I haven't even seen him since that night," I said, evasively. "Not like that anyway."
"So you two never had a relationship?"
"No we never had a relationship. Just that one kiss."
"If you had the chance though..."
"Harry, please drop it. It was nearly two years ago. Can we just talk about your theories about the Necromancy lectures?"
Harry took a deep breath, as if to cleanse his mind of all thoughts of me with Malfoy.
"Marcus is obsessed with the idea that the dead can be raised," he said, finally. "And he is very good at spouting the stuff about having that last conversation, those last words to eliminate any regret. But Neville became suspicious after he saw him having a rather heated conversation with Professor Malfoy not long ago. He told me and I have been watching them both ever since, though clearly not closely enough in Malfoy's case."
"Did you find out what the conversation was about?" I asked. Harry turned so that he was facing me and met my eyes.
"Voldemort," he replied. With that one word I felt my heart rate immediately pick up and my palms begin to sweat.
"Do you think they are trying to... to raise Voldemort?" I asked, hardly wanting to hear his response.
"I'm not even sure that that would be possible," he replied. "Hermione, I'm sorry to ask at a time like this but I could really use your help. Neville has been on at me all year to talk to you... We need to find out what the link is between the experiments Caius is doing and Marcus' Necromancy. I wouldn't even know where to start looking, but I am sure you would have a few ideas..." He broke off, looking at me hopefully. I screwed up my face as my mind went into action and then I sighed.
"There are a few books I could look up," I said. "The Measure of Purity by Devine Summers may have something to offer as relates to Caius' experiments. It was one I was going to try and find anyway. And Speaking to the Dead by Tabitha Shamrock may well give us some background on the Necromancy. I have a pass for the Forbidden Section of the library, so I will do some digging..."
"Great," he said, sounding more than a little relieved. I smiled up at him and then giggled, giving him an impulsive hug.
"It's just like the old days," I said and then sobered quickly, thinking of Ron. "Well almost anyway."
We were silent for a moment.
"Ron would have killed me, wouldn't he?" said Harry suddenly. I smiled sadly.
"Ron would most likely have banged our heads together and told us we were a pair of miserable gits," I replied.
"Yes, he was rather fond of that word wasn't he?" replied Harry. "I miss him, Hermione."
I just nodded, biting my lip. It hurt too much to frame the words to say how much I missed the man I loved. In the brief silence that followed my mind wandered to my cousin and her dreams of Cedric Diggory.
"Dreaming the Dead," I suddenly said. Harry gave me a questioning look. "It's another book I just thought of. I should have thought of it ages ago when Bella first told me! Marcus has always been a little too interested in Martyr dreams. There must be a reason for that..."
"Yes," said Harry, nodding. "Neville and I thought that too. Bella hasn't said anything to Edward has she?"
"You don't trust him then?"
"He's nothing like Cedric," replied Harry, a little darkly.
"I thought he was your friend."
"You know the saying, Hermione. Keep your friends close..."
"Keep your enemies closer," I finished in a whisper. Glancing up at him nervously, I asked almost reluctantly, "Is it safe for Bella to be alone with him?"
"I don't think he would hurt her, but you might want to monitor any sort of friendship that develops between the two of them," replied Harry.
"Thanks I will," I said. Harry sighed and then got up.
"I'd better get going. I have Potions with Professor Cullen in five minutes. I'm really sorry about what happened to you, Hermione, but I'm so glad we are friends again."
"Me too," I said. He dropped a kiss on my cheek and then he was gone. As soon as I was alone, I withdrew the photograph from the ball that I kept in my drawer, of Ron and I and Ginny and Harry. Placing it on my bedside table I sighed deeply and allowed the tears I had been holding back the whole time he was here to come. As they trickled down my face I hugged myself. "He's finally forgiven me, Ron. Now all I have to do is forgive myself."
XXX
I sat up abruptly, waking from sleep to find the room in darkness. Reaching out I grabbed my wand in a shaky hand.
"Lumos," I said and then nearly shrieked when I saw Draco Malfoy sat in the chair beside my bed.
"Granger," he said, by way of greeting.
"Malfoy, what are you doing in here?" I asked, staring at him.
"Came to see if you were all healed up and to suggest that you perhaps avoid my uncle's experiments in future," he replied.
"You cast that memory loss spell on me," I said, accusingly. Draco shrugged nonchalantly.
"It wasn't long lasting," he replied. "I just figured it would be easier for all concerned if that particular memory was kept out of your head while you healed."
"Which one?" I asked. Draco sighed and then got to his feet crossing the room. I pointed my wand at him and he sighed again, holding his hands up as if in surrender.
"I'm not going to hurt you, Granger. I came to see if you're alright."
"What did he do?" I asked. Draco's eyes darkened.
"He started before I arrived, using that damned knife again. He cut your wrists and your throat this time too. I got there just as he sliced into your throat and I managed to heal that straight away, but he put some sort of spell on the cuts on your wrists so that I couldn't stop the blood flow. Had to do it the Muggle way in the end, by wrapping strips of material round them, but it just kept coming. He lost it when I interfered; big time lost it. I ended up apparating us out of the room and into your room, but then Bella came out of her room and I didn't want her to see me. I left the same way I had come and found Professor Cullen."
Dimly, the memories came back, like a dream waiting to be snatched away from me, a vague recollection of Caius standing over me holding that blade, tipping my head back and running it across my throat as I screamed at the top of my lungs. He had cast the Incarcerous spell on me and silenced the room, so that only he would hear my voice. But then Draco had appeared and physically removed him from me, throwing his uncle across the room, as he cursed loudly. A stream of violent green light had emitted from his wand and his uncle had slumped unconscious on the floor. There had been panic in Draco's eyes as he touched his wand to my throat, closing the wound there, but as he tapped it against my wrists nothing happened. He tried over and over again but it wouldn't work. I saw him looking frantically about the room, before he aimed his wand at his cloak and removed two strips of the fabric from it and bound it around first one wrist and then the other. After that everything faded, as I must have lost consciousness right after he pointed his wand at me and caused me to forget what had happened.
"You saved me," I said, softly. Draco met my gaze steadily.
"Don't get any ideas, Granger. I haven't gone soft quite yet. Just do me a favour and stay away from my uncle. He's even crazier than Bellatrix was."
I mulled over what he said for a moment, finding myself unable to tear my eyes away from his silent form in the chair. He raised an eyebrow and I flushed, glancing away from him.
"Do you know why they want the blood?" I asked, suddenly. Draco scowled at me, but still didn't speak. Instead his eyes seemed to be searching my face. I could feel the flush creeping up my skin, burning my cheeks with a fire I had not felt since... since the first time I caught Ron looking at me like that. Shifting uncomfortably I pulled the covers a little closer and shivered.
"Are you cold, Hermione?" he asked, softly, his voice a caress.
"N... no," I stammered, watching him warily as he got to his feet and crossed the room. The intensity of his gaze didn't alter though as he approached and finally stopped just inches from where I was laid. Licking my lips nervously, I couldn't keep my eyes from his which blazed with silver light, cloudy as a stormy sky. When his hand reached out to touch my cheek, I held my breath, waiting for the caress of his fingers, my eyes closing in anticipation.
"Hermione!" Bella's voice from the living room made my eyes open in a flash. Draco leaned back from me, bringing a finger to his lips and then he vanished from the room.
