A/N - thanks for sticking with this story. I genuinely appreciate all you reviews.
Chapter 9
Ducky watched as his friend digested the news about his prognosis, his silence betraying his inner turmoil. He had just found out that his injuries could be career-ending. Ducky knew Jethro well enough to understand exactly what was going through his mind.
"Don't, Jethro," Ducky said, invading his thoughts. "Don't go there. It may never happen," he warned.
Gibbs looked at his old friend, who had been with him through so much. He could always lower his mask when Ducky was around. He shrugged his shoulders like a child lost for words and sighed.
"And so what if it does? You've retired before," Ducky reminded him.
"Yeah, and I wasn't much good at it, if you remember," Gibbs replied soberly.
"Well, practice makes perfect!" Ducky responded on cue.
Ducky couldn't help but laugh at his own wit, which, in turn, brought a hint of a smile to Gibbs' stony face. Gibbs rested his head back against his pillow. He was suddenly overcome with a feeling of nausea and wasn't sure if it was due to his injuries or if it was a physical manifestation of his emotions. He suspected the latter. He swallowed, forcing down the rising bile in his throat, knowing the act of vomiting was going to cause him untold agony.
Ducky noticed the sudden appearance of greenness in Gibbs' pallor and reached for a nearby kidney dish. He stood and held it to Gibbs' chin, suspecting the wounded agent was going to throw up. He placed his left hand on his friend's shoulder. Gibbs closed his eyes and concentrated on his breathing, battling against the urge. As his breathing regularised, Ducky piped up:
"Better?"
Gibbs nodded slowly.
"I'll get them to prescribe something for the nausea if you wish," Ducky told him as he returned the kidney dish to the side table.
Gibbs didn't really mind. He was way passed caring. Being awake and chatting for barely a half hour had exhausted him. He couldn't understand it. He had never felt so weak. He just needed to close his eyes. So he did, just for a few minutes.
He never felt the nurse administering the meds through his IV. He only knew that when he woke, his stomach felt a little better. The seedy feeling was gone and so was Ducky. Gibbs wondered how long he had been asleep. He shifted slightly in the bed and regretted it instantly. He couldn't believe the amount of pain he was experiencing. He had been injured before, both in the marines and at NCIS, but this was by far the most debilitated he had ever been. He lay there, his head resting back on the pillow and looking up at the ceiling. He was too afraid to move. He considered what Ducky had told him. Could this injury really be the straw that broke the camel's back?
All kinds of thoughts went through his head. If he had known that it could end his career, would he have tackled the lieutenant on that fateful day? He remembered his team so vulnerable in the park. There was no doubt in his mind that he would do it again, for them. Then he considered his life as it was. There was not much to show for it besides a glittering career. No relationship, no kids, nothing that he considered to matter he realised. His family had been snatched from him, it seemed a liftime ago. Now, three failed marriages and countless romantic liaisons later, all they added up to was an empty house, a bottle of Jack and an unnamed boat in the basement.
He was lost in his wallowing when a familiar cry snapped him back to reality.
"Gibbs! Gibbs! Gibbs!" an excited Abby exclaimed as she burst into the room, teetering in her platform knee-high boots. "I'm so glad you're alive!" she declared without inhibition.
Gibbs summoned a feeble smile and his heavy heart lifted a tad upon seeing her and McGee.
"Hey, Abs," Gibbs said before she automatically threw her arms around his neck.
He flinched and inhaled sharply as her inadvertent action sent a jolt of pain across his chest. McGee winced and Abby quickly realised that she had hurt her beloved boss.
"Oh my God!" she said anxiously. "I'm so sorry. What was I thinking? Are you okay? Should I call someone?" Abby asked, totally flustered, arms flailing, completely panicked.
Gibbs' eyes remained pinched closed as he mentally dealt with the torturous onslaught.
"Gibbs?" Abby said meekly, trying not to cry and seeking his forgiveness.
Eventually Gibbs released the breath he had been holding with a shudder and opened his eyes as the throbbing finally passed.
"Good to see you too, Abs," he said, managing a tolerant smile.
"I'm sorry. It's just ….. I'm so glad to see you. I really wasn't sure if you were going to ….you know….not get better," she stammered, deliberately avoiding the word die.
"Well, if Ducky is to be believed, I'm a bit of a miracle," he told her.
"I always knew you were," Abby said, sounding very serious. "You survived that explosion and the near drowning and ... come to think of it, you do end up in a lot of scrapes," she realised as she recollected the number of times she had seen her silver fox injured.
Gibbs ignored her slight rebuke and turned to McGee, who stood there quietly in the background.
"How's the arm, McGee?"
"It's fine, Boss," McGee said, subconsciously raising his sling-bound arm. "Just a flesh wound."
"Good," Gibbs said, looking with pride at the young agent. He may be the team geek, but he also showed a lot of bravery and savvy in the field. Gibbs knew he had a lot more than technical know-how to offer his team and was glad to have him. "I hear Abby's been looking after you."
"Eh, yeah, Boss," McGee said sounding a little embarrassed, as he wondered how much Gibbs knew about him and Abby. Not that there was a "him and Abby," but there had been and if the truth be told, he would still like there to be.
"So, when will you be back at work, Gibbs?" Abby asked, hoping it was sooner rather than later, but suspecting it could be at least a couple if months. Being in work without Gibbs just wasn't the same. She lived for their "Whatcha got, Abs?" moments.
Once she posed the question, Gibbs broke eye contact and stared into space. He didn't know how to answer that question or how much to tell her. Of course, as soon as she noticed his hesitation, Abby was suspicious.
"What are you not telling me, Gibbs?" she demanded.
Gibbs looked back towards her but couldn't make eye contact.
"Nothing," he lied. "It's just that I haven't spoken to the doctors about that yet. It could be a while."
Abby looked at him, unable to hide her concern.
"That's okay. You take all the time you need," Abby said, sympathetically. "We just want you to get better," she said, leaning down and giving him a peck on the cheek.
"Thanks, Abs," Gibbs said gratefully. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine."
Gibbs and Tony continued to improve day by day. Tony's recovery had been much quicker than expected. His wound healed up nicely and his strength returned steadily. Soon the days turned into a week. Tony had itchy feet and he was anxious to get home. On the day he was preparing for discharge and he called in to see his boss, who had moved out of the ICU and into a private room a couple of days earlier.
"Hey, Boss," Tony chirped as he entered the room full of the joys of spring.
"You still here, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked, grouchily.
"I wasn't going to split without saying goodbye," Tony told him.
"Goodbye," Gibbs grunted, barely looking at him.
"Goodbye?" Tony asked, unimpressed by his reaction.
"Is there something else you want me to say?" Gibbs asked.
"Huh?" Tony replied, disappointed by his mentor's attitude. "No, it's just…ah hell, Gibbs, you need to snap out of it," Tony snapped, surprising himself at his boldness. Gibbs turned towards him suddenly and glared at him. "That's it, get mad, get angry, but stop feeling sorry for yourself. Everyone's tip-toeing around you because they think you need time. Well, you've had time. Now you need to get on with it. I know you feel like crap. You're not the only one, you know? I've got a nice scar to remember all this by too, but at least we're alive. That Metro PD officer was buried yesterday. He left behind a wife and two kids. Gibbs, we survived! There's a lot to be said for that, you know?"
Gibbs couldn't believe the nerve of Tony speaking to him like that. He should be angry at his senior field agent but just couldn't bring himself to yell at him. Despite how miserable he felt, he knew Tony was right. It could have been worse. They could have been burying Tony and he would never have coped with that.
"Sorry," Gibbs muttered, much to Tony's surprise.
"Never apologise," Tony automatically responded. "It's a…"
"Sign of weakness," Gibbs said, finishing his sentence, the scowl on his face softening.
Tony smiled. It was hard for him to watch the man he so admired, reduced to a shadow of the man he once was. It was obvious to Tony that his self-confidence had taken a battering. Not only were his physical injuries debilitating, but it became clear to Tony that each day Gibbs spent laid up in hospital, his psychological well-being was suffering.
Ducky had mentioned to Tony about Gibbs' long-term prognosis but he found it difficult to bring it up with Gibbs. He knew there was no guarantee that Gibbs would ever be back behind his desk, never mind in the field. He found the thought that he might be going back to work under a new boss hard to stomach. NCIS without Gibbs just wasn't the same. He had experienced it once before when Gibbs retired, albeit temporarily. And even though Tony had been promoted to team leader and thrived as such, he discovered that he would rather work under Gibbs any day.
"I've gotta go, Boss. Ziva's waiting for me downstairs. She and my dad are babysitting me until I'm back on my feet. Should be fun," Tony said, his words dripping sarcasm.
"Go on, get outta here, DiNozzo," Gibbs said, his tone a little less sharp.
"I'll be back to see you tomorrow," Tony said, sounding almost threatening. "We'll get you back on your feet. First we set goals. Tomorrow's goal, walking to the bathroom," he told him seriously.
Gibbs didn't know what to say. He sort of hoped that Tony was kidding. He had barely been out of the bed since he was shot. It was only a few metres from his bed to the adjoining bathroom, but he wasn't sure he could make it. He was still in a tremendous amount of pain. He didn't want Tony to see him so weak.
"It's that first step that's the hardest, Boss. I've been there," Tony reminded him. "And I'll be here for you. See you tomorrow!"
And with that, Tony was gone, leaving Gibbs alone with a lot to think about.
TBC
