A/N: Thanks for the reviews everyone! This chapter is a Salex centered one. Oh and a special shoutout to Wootrar16: I'm currently brainstorming on how to help you out :) Hope you guys like this chapter :)

Chapter 9

*New York City*
*Alex & Nikita's Apartment*

Alex bolted awake in her bed by a blood-curdling scream.

She looked frantically around the room for any sign of an intruder, but she sadly realized what it was when her eyes landed on her best friend's shaking form sitting up-right in bed.

"Hey," Alex said softly to Nikita, as she made her way over to her bed. "Nikki...you alright?"

Nikita wiped tears off her face, her body still shaking. "I'll never be alright, Alex." She breathed heavily. "Never."

Alex just looked down, wanting so badly to help her friend, but there was nothing she could do.

Nikita got out of bed, and changed her clothes. She put on a pair of jeans, and a sweater.

"You going out again?" It wasn't a question, more of a statement.

"Yeah." Nikita nodded. "I need some air."

"You know," Alex picked her words carefully. "you're not the only one that Ryan hurt."

"You'll never understand what he did to me, Alex." Nikita shook her head. "You'll never...you weren't there."

"No, I wasn't." Alex agreed. "He tried to rape me, Nikita." Alex's eyes grew dark as she revisited the worst time in her life. "Yeah, you and Sean got there in time and stopped it, but...you weren't there before that. You don't know what he did to me." Tears rolled down Alex's face. "You don't know what he made me do."

Nikita stopped, her hand frozen on the doorknob. She slowly turned around to face Alex horror strucken.

"Alex, are you saying…did he do something to you?" Nikita asked, her eyes wide.

"Yeah." Alex nodded. "And like you," She choked. "I never talk about it. I never wanna talk about it, cause talking about it...it makes it real. It's too hard," She cried. "it hurts too much to think about."

"Alex," Nikita was at a loss of what to say. She thought that Alex was fine. She thought that it never went that far, but she was clearly wrong. "I'm so sorry," She broke off, tears in her voice.

"Don't." Alex held her hand up, and shook her head. Both signals that she wanted no apology. "I didn't blame you then, and I don't blame you now."

Nikita just shook her head, tears rapidly streaming down her face.

"I just wanted you to know...I wanted you to get that I do understand about what happened to you." Alex was keeping her voice controlled, intent on not breaking down right now.

"Alex, does Sean know?" Nikita asked softly.

"No." Alex shook her head. "If I'd told him...he would've killed Ryan and saved you the trouble. And…" She looked down ashamed. "I know he would've never looked at me the same way again."

"Alex," Nikita gasped softly. "that is not true! Sean loves you. He would want to know what Ryan did to you, what he made you do...he would want to help you."

"I don't want anyone's help." Alex defiantly replied. "It's over, and nothing can ever take it away. Like you, Nikki...I'll never really be alright."

At this point, both girls were silently crying, they didn't realize when the door opened until a voice filled the air.

"Hey, girls! I thought we'd get an early breakfast..." Sean's voice trailed off, when he saw both of the girl's faces. "What's going on?" He asked softly.

"Alex," Nikita began, not acknowledging Sean's question. "I really think you should te-"

"Nikita, no!" Alex said sharply, tears still rolling down her face. "I don't tell you what to do about your feelings, so don't you dare start telling me what to do about mine."

Nikita was silent. She didn't know what to do. She wanted to help Alex so badly and she really believed that telling Sean was the best thing…but if Alex didn't want that…

"Just go." Alex said, her voice softer. "Go on your walk."

Sean didn't repeat his question, he just stood there silent. He know something had to be wrong, but figured he'd wait til Nikita left and then ask Alex. She always was more open when it was just the two of them.

"Alex," Nikita shook her head. "I don't wanna leave like this."

"I'll be fine!" Alex forced her voice to raise in a laugh, pretending like everything was normal. "I got Sean here." She finished, her voice dropping to a softer level. A level that only she and Nikita understood.

"Ok," Nikita replied softly. "but I have my cell, so call me if you need me." Nikita turned around and walked out the door.

"Alex?" Sean's voice was gentle. "Why are you crying?"

Alex stood up, and quickly wiped her tears away. "I'm not! I just have...I have allergies, remember?" She tried to fake laugh it off.

Sean shook his head. "Alex, don't even try that. Not with me."

She was close to crumbling and she knew it. She had to get out of that room. She couldn't break down, then she'd have to tell him why.

"I think Nikki had the right idea." Alex said softly. "I'm gonna go for a walk."

"So, you're lying to me and you're avoiding me." Sean stated, a tinge of anger in his voice.

"Babe-" Alex tried to explain, but he cut her off.

"Don't call me that right now." Sean said with a shake of his head.

Alex's face crumbled. "Please, don't be this way."

Although, it broke Sean's heart to see Alex in any kind of pain, he wasn't going to let it rule him. It was really pissing him off that after everything they'd been through together, she was gonna go several steps back and start shutting down on him again.

"How should I be, Alex?" Sean asked. "Honestly, how should I be?"

Alex's arms were folded across her chest, she was openly crying and shaking her head back and forth.

"You're clearly upset, and you won't talk to me. You just shake your head and try to blame your cries on allergies." Sean shook his head, still in disbelief over her latest lie. "Allergies. Allergies, Alex?! Really?!" He yelled.

Alex took a few steps back, not used to hearing him raise his voice at her. The last time he'd raised his voice at her was...well, it was the last time they'd had a real fight. They didn't have those often.

"Don't." Alex shook her head.

"Don't? Don't what, Alex?" Sean's voice softened, he wasn't really pissed at her, he was just pissed at what she was doing to them. "Don't try to get you to tell me what's wrong? Don't care? Don't love?" He ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, I didn't know I got a choice in either of those feelings."

Alex turned away from him, and leaned her crumbled face into the door, she fell down against it, as her body shook with cries.

Sean's face immediately softened at seeing the woman he loved break down in the corner of the door.

"Baby," Sean kneeled down to her level, and gently placed a hand on her shaking shoulder. "what is going on with you?"

Sean didn't understand this breakdown at all. The last time she'd broken down like this was after Ryan had almost raped her, but he'd gotten through to her and they'd been fine. He couldn't imagine what could've possibly happened to reduce her to this.

"Don't ask me for something that you don't wanna know." Alex cried, as she shook his hand off of her shoulder, but Sean refused to let her push him away like this. He pulled her body onto his lap, and he gently, but firmly held her in place.

"Don't wanna know?" Sean asked incredulously. "Alex, you're my girlfriend. I'm in love with you. You're everything in the world to me, and you don't think I wanna know what's gotten you like this?!"

Alex looked at him through tear-filled eyes. "I don't want you to hate me. I couldn't bare it."

"Hate you?" Sean gasped. "Baby, I love you. Nothing on this earth could ever change that."

"I cheated on you, Sean." Alex whispered softly.

Sean let go of her in shock and hurt. "What?" He asked in disbelief.

"It happened five yea-"

"I don't care if it fucking happened a decade ago!" Sean cut her off furiously. "I cannot believe this, Alex!"

"Babe," Alex's voice was small, as she tried to explain to him the truth. "please.."

"Do not fucking call me that ever again!" Sean yelled at her.

"Please, you don't understand!" Alex cried.

"Understand what?!" Sean spat coldly. "Understand that the woman I love is nothing but a liar and a cheater?!"

"I didn't want to!" Alex screamed through her cries. "He made me!"

Sean was silent as he watched Alex sob.

A few moments ago, he was so furious and so hurt that she'd betray him this way, and now...now he wasn't sure what to be. Alex wasn't making any sense to him. At first, he'd been so angry at the mere idea that he didn't know what he was saying. He still didn't know. Only thing he did know was that he loved her more than anything, and he didn't wanna say anymore things that he may regret later. He wanted the truth, all of it.

"Alex, I don't understand what you're trying to tell me." Sean kept his voice calm, not wanting to yell at her again, as that clearly wasn't helping matters any. "Are you saying you were forced into cheating on me?" He shook his head. "That doesn't even make any sense."

"Sean, I love you." Alex cried out. "I never would want to betray you like that in any way, but Ryan threatened you and-"

"Ryan?!" Sean spat. Alex flinched back, and his eyes softened. "This is all about him?"

Alex nodded her head rapidly.

"Baby, that wasn't..." Sean couldn't believe that this was still eating at her this much. And to this extent. "You did not cheat on me." He told her firmly. "That bastard attacked you. That wasn't your fault."

"Before you and Nikki got there..." Alex looked down, unable to face him. "He made me do things..."

"What things?" Sean asked her confused.

"Sexual things. Things that you and I would do...Things I've let you do to me, but that I haven't been able to do to you since." Alex confessed.

"Oh my God." Sean's body was shaking with fury. If that pig were still alive...what he would do to him...

Alex stood up, she couldn't stay and hear what he thought of her, she had to get out.

Sean's arm caught her hand before she could turn the door-knob. "Alex, wait please…"

"He threatened to kill you." Alex said. "He said that if I didn't do what he wanted, if I fought him on it...he'd make me watch you die."

"Oh, baby..." Sean was ashamed of himself, of the way he just flew off the handle at her. He should've known it couldn't have meant what she'd made it out to be, but when she'd said he didn't wanna know...

"I fought him anyway, and that's when he held the gun to my head, he said he'd take me by gun, find you and make me watch him kill you." Alex's voice was slightly calmer, but her body was still shaking. "I know what you think of me now. I know you don't see me the same way as before."

Sean's head shot up, he looked her in the eyes. "Alex.." His eyes were pained.

"I know you think I'm dirty now, and-"

Sean couldn't let another second go by without holding her. He took her in his arms, even as she fought him, and held her firmly there, his hands tangled in her hair, gently holding her.

"You're not dirty, baby." Sean whispered into her hair. "You're beautiful." He kisses her hair. "You're so beautiful and I love you so much."

Alex melted further into his embrace, taking comfort from him that he was so willingly offering her. "Ba-" She abruptly stopped, unsure. "Can I call you Babe again?" Her voice was small.

Sean closed his eyes in deep regret, as his angry words came back at him. "Always, baby." He gently kissed the side of her face. "I'm so sorry for what I said to you. I'm so sorry, Alex."

"I'm sorry too, Sean." Alex whispered. "I'm sorry for making you think I was fine all this time. I'm sorry for lying."

"I understand, baby." Sean held her tighter to him. "I understand."