Chapter Nine
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
"Are you sure you want to go through with this?" Minato asked his son the morning of the Chuunin Exams.
"It doesn't matter if I wanted to or not," Naruto said grimly. "Kakashi threatened to make us train with Gai for a year if we don't."
Minato winced sympathetically. "Well, I just don't want you getting involved with something you can't handle."
"You don't think I can handle this?" Naruto asked, a little hurt.
Minato shook his head. "No, that's not it, it's just…this is dangerous. Really dangerous. You could die and I know you faced death on that A-rank mission you took, but Kakashi was there to protect you and now you're all on your own."
"I'm not all on my own," Naruto corrected. "I've got Sakura and Sasuke with me and we're going to kick ass."
"Is that so?" Minato asked, sounding amused.
"Believe it!" Naruto declared. "And besides, since I've recently achieved my life-long dream of having a bridge named after me, I need to make Chuunin to make progress on my other life-long dream of becoming Hokage."
Minato raised an eyebrow. "You had a bridge named after you? Was this in Wave? Do tell."
"Mom, Dad, I'm going to take the Chuunin Exams today so I won't be going on any missions for the next two months or so," Sakura announced.
Momoko looked puzzled. "You're taking more tests? I thought you would be done with that when you graduated."
"So did I," Sakura laughed. "But this is to see if I'm ready to be promoted."
"I'm sure you'll do fine," Keisuke told her confidently. "You've always been good at tests."
"Thanks," Sakura beamed, heading for the door. "I may not actually be home tonight or for the next week or so and if that's the case then it's because we're doing a survival test so don't freak out or anything."
"Good luck!" Momoko called after her daughter.
"Are you nervous?" Itachi asked.
Sasuke looked up from his breakfast. Since today was a big day, he was having tomatoes despite their status as usually-not-a-breakfast food. If Naruto could have ramen every day for breakfast, then Sasuke could have tomatoes occasionally. "No."
Itachi looked at him skeptically. "Really?"
"What's the worst that could happen?" Sasuke asked rhetorically.
"People have got to stop asking that," Itachi said, shaking his head ruefully. "And you could die, for one. Or fall into a coma. Or get permanently disabled. Or-"
"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Sasuke interrupted a bit petulantly.
"Relax, Sasuke," Itachi told him with a small smile. "I'm not saying it will happen to you, just that it could happen at the exams. In fact, I'm sure you'll do just fine."
"Then why do you think I should be nervous?" Sasuke countered.
Itachi shrugged. "Everyone's nervous at their first Chuunin Exam, right?"
"Even you?" Sasuke asked, surprised.
"You do realize I was two years younger than you when I took it, right?" Itachi reminded his little brother.
"You still won," Sasuke pointed out.
"True, but even if you don't you could still make Chuunin. Just give them a good show," Itachi advised.
"I've got to go," Sasuke said, standing up and popping the last piece of tomato into his mouth.
Itachi stood up as well to poke him in the forehead. "Be good and don't fail."
"Hey, Kakashi, I was wondering something," Obito said slowly.
"What's that?" Kakashi replied.
"You know how Genin teams have to complete a minimum of eight missions in order to be eligible for the Chuunin Exams?" Obito began.
Kakashi nodded. "You wouldn't think just going shopping or babysitting a few times would qualify you, but then again I suppose that's why this is the first time in five years rookies are entering…"
"Your team took quite a few missions, I'll admit," Obito continued. "But they only ended up passing the Wave escort mission. Even if that was technically an A-rank mission, it still only counts as one. How in the world are they allowed to compete?"
Kakashi froze. "That's a damn good question. I suppose my team did find all the lost pets they were supposed to, even if Sasuke did end up traumatizing them, and since they didn't lose, maim, or kill the children they were watching those would count, even if they aren't allowed within ten feet of those missions anymore."
"Or it could just be blatant favoritism given that Naruto is Minato-Sensei's son, you are his student, and Sasuke is my cousin," Obito teased.
"We're going with the first one," Kakashi said firmly.
"So ready for the big exam?" Anko asked, coming up behind them.
"I believe my students are…properly motivated," Kakashi replied. "Plus it will let me off the hook as far as that 'punctuality' thing goes."
"You are NEVER going to be off the hook," Anko informed him seriously.
"Yeah, you think it's bad when you're dating or engaged to someone?" Obito asked rhetorically. "Wait until this is over and you get married. It's like Rin made it her mission in life to make sure I wind up where I need to be on time…"
"She's given me plenty of tips as an engagement present," Anko said cheerfully.
Kakashi groaned. "I knew I should have stayed single…"
"WHAT was that?" Anko asked, pulling out a kunai.
"I love you?" Kakashi offered weakly.
"That's what I thought," Anko said sweetly. "So who's proctoring the third exam? I heard Hayate was going to do it but realized that with his chronic coughing it might make his job difficult."
"I volunteered for that," Obito answered. "In fact, I was actually the one who convinced Hayate that it might be a problem. Proctors don't necessarily have a very large speaking role, especially for the tournament part of the exam, but in life or death situations the match has to be called quickly and if he's suffering from a coughing fit someone might die."
"That would make us look really stupid," Kakashi decided. "So you both are proctors, huh? I'm feeling kind of left out…"
"You lost your opportunity to proctor when you entered your kids into the exam," Anko told him. "Besides, the only part left would be if there were to be a preliminary round and you wanted to do that instead of Obito or the written exam part, but Ibiki really is the best choice for that."
"I don't know," Obito said thoughtfully. "While I would agree that Ibiki is far more intimidating than Kakashi, Kakashi would probably manage to piss them off and get them to lose their composure more easily, thus narrowing the candidates down. After all, all it takes is one idiot with an 'I'll never give up!' speech to get through Ibiki's final test and that wouldn't really work with the 'deal with Kakashi's eccentricities' final test."
"True…" Anko agreed. "It's a little late now, though, and Team 7 is in the exam. We should recommend that for the next time this is held in Konoha."
"You guys are the worst friends ever," Kakashi said flatly.
"But you'd be lost without us," Obito grinned.
"I could easily replace you with a rock," Kakashi insisted. A memorial rock, but still.
Team 7 walked onto the second floor to see a sizeable crowd standing around watching a mildly-henged Izumo and Kotetsu beating up Team Gai. How they thought that would be inconspicuous was anyone's guess.
Naruto, of course, went right up to the disguised Chuunin. "Excuse me, can you move?"
"Sorry, kid, we're weeding out the weak," Izumo told him.
"If you want to enter the exam room, you're going to have to go through us," Kotetsu agreed.
"Yeah, that's great, but you're blocking the way to the stairwell," Naruto shot back.
"Stairwell?" one of the grass nins who may or may not still be associated with Orochimaru repeated.
"Look, just because Konoha comes off as rather eccentric doesn't mean we have a different labeling system," Sakura told him heatedly.
"I applaud your dedication to weeding out those unworthy of becoming Chuunin, especially if you think that some of the applicants aren't actually capable of telling the difference between the numbers two and three," Sasuke added.
The genin surrounding them all suddenly found the floor and/or ceiling extremely fascinating.
"Well, I suppose your team at least passes," Izumo decided.
"Not that we would have expected otherwise from the stacked team," Kotetsu muttered.
"Oh, you only WISH your team had been as awesome as ours, undercover exam proctors!" Naruto declared.
"Did they say they were undercover exam proctors?" an Ame genin asked.
"…Gotta go," Kotetsu said as he and Izumo quickly left.
"Excuse me, what is your name?" Lee asked as he came up beside Sakura on the walk to the correct room.
"Haruno Sakura," Sakura replied. "And you are?"
"Rock Lee," Lee told her with a smile. "Would you like to go out with me? I'll protect you until I die!"
"That's certainly very thoughtful," Sakura told him. "Tragically, needing to be protected is one of my biggest pet peeves and my teammates and I decided that puberty would be a lot easier to handle if we didn't date anyone until we made Chuunin, so I'm going to have to decline."
"So…if you make Chuunin and I make Chuunin, we can go out?" Lee asked hopefully.
"If we both make Chuunin ask me again after I've gotten a chance to get to know you better," Sakura told him. "I'm not the kind of girl who will go out with someone because they're cute, cool, or strong without getting to know them first."
"Since when?" Ino asked, latching onto Sasuke. "You nearly ended our friendship because you didn't think friends could be rivals, remember?"
"Thankfully Naruto and Sasuke have long-since convinced me otherwise," Sakura said smoothly. "So you're in this exam too, Ino?"
"Yep," Ino nodded. "And that other team that graduated with us."
"Is it really that difficult to remember who we are?" Kiba demanded, also showing up with his team. "We only had classes with you for four years!"
"If my precious Sasuke-kun were on your team than I'm certain I would remember you," Ino sniffed.
"I'd be careful of dismissing Team 8, Ino," Naruto warned her. "They have Shino."
"So?" Ino said, not seeing a need for concern.
"He does bugs," Sakura explained. "It's…you don't want him on your bad side, let's just say."
"Ew," Ino made a face. "Bugs are so gross."
"Please do not be so troublesome as to let Shino hear you say that," Shikamaru advised her. "It would not end well for you."
"Sakura used to like that boy?" Lee pointed at Sasuke. "Then I shall challenge him to a fight in order to prove that I am a worthy competitor for her heart!"
"You'll do that by beating up my teammate before the Chuunin Exam starts?" Sakura asked skeptically.
"Your faith is truly touching," Sasuke said sarcastically. "As to the fight…I would, really, but I don't think anyone here needs a preview of my skills and unless you make it to the inevitable one-on-one portion of the exams, the simple truth is you will not be worth my time."
"Oh, I'll be there," Lee said determinedly.
"Are you planning on getting off anytime soon?" Sasuke asked irritably.
"Nope," Ino said cheerfully.
"Sakura, how mad would you be if I were to use-" Sasuke began.
"Don't even think about it," Sakura told him sternly. "Ino's my best friend, even if she is a fangirl."
"Fine," Sasuke grumbled and used a substitution jutsu instead.
"A log?" Ino complained. "No fair, Sasuke-kun!"
"Though for the record," Sasuke told her quietly. "Her fangirlism was never near as obnoxious as watching the competent Kunoichi who helped Naruto convince me to come back to Konoha revert to a silly little girl who would break her most important bonds for the sake of a pretty boy."
"Yeah, well…thanks for not letting me," Sakura said, a little embarrassed.
"So you're not a fangirl anymore?" Tenten asked.
"What? No, I outgrew that quite a while ago," Sakura explained.
"GOOD," Tenten said vehemently. "Because to any serious ninja a fangirl is just about the worst thing to be and I don't want to have to salvage the reputation of Konoha's Kunoichis all by myself."
"What about Hinata?" Sakura asked. "She doesn't like Sasuke."
Tenten raised her eyebrows. "Have you ever seen the way she looks at Naruto?"
"Point," Sakura conceded.
"Kiba, I think Choji wants to eat your dog, you should be careful with it," Hinata said quietly.
"What?" Kiba yelped. "Is that true?"
"…Maybe," Choji admitted. "I'm hungry!"
"Just eat one of your boxed lunches," Shikamaru advised him. "You brought over a dozen."
"But-but I might need those to fortify me in between exams," Choji protested.
"If you try and eat Akamaru, he could very well try and eat you back," Kiba warned.
"Can you all try not acting like you're five?" Neji asked, standing as far apart from the group as he could without being rude.
"I agree," Kabuto said, approaching them. "You guys should be more quiet. You're just out of the Academy, huh?"
"Who are you?" Shino asked.
"I'm Kabuto," Kabuto replied. "But don't worry about that. Look around you."
The future Konoha 11 plus Sasuke looked around. Quite a few people were glaring at them.
"Those guys behind you are from Amegakure. They have short tempers. Everyone is nervous about the exam. Quiet down before you cause a scene," Kabuto advised.
"If these people can't deal with a little noise then there is no way they are qualified to be Chuunin," Sasuke said coolly. "And if they start a fight they'll just get thrown out of the exams. I don't see any reason to keep it down."
"Hey, Kiba, is it just me or does this guy smell like snake?" Naruto asked.
Kiba sniffed. "You know, you're right; he does smell like snake."
"I do?" Kabuto asked, seemingly puzzled. "That's strange."
"I don't like snakes," Naruto told him. "Snakes remind me of vampires and vampires are evil."
"So is this your first time, too?" Ino asked. "No offense, but you look quite a bit older than us…"
"Oh, no, actually this is my seventh time," Kabuto told them, looking a little sheepish.
"Wow, you suck," Kiba said bluntly. "If I don't pass by five, I'm just going to resign myself to being a failure who can't beat a bunch of twelve and thirteen-year-olds and quit."
"It's not all bad," Kabuto insisted. "I know quite a bit about the exam and have ninja info cards on everyone here."
"How would your retaking the exam repeatedly help you get information on the people who are just now taking it for the first time?" Shikamaru asked lazily.
"Well, that's…does anybody want to see the cards?" Kabuto asked, holding them up.
"I do," Kankuro said as he walked up to them, Temari and Gaara not far behind him. He pointed at Naruto. "Tell me about him and his teammates."
Kabuto took three cards out of his deck. "First up is Namikaze Naruto. He's the Hokage's son, and is a Jinchuriki. He has very high ninjutsu and is above average in taijutsu though his genjutsu is almost non-existent," Kabuto said. "Then there is Uchiha Sasuke. He is one of three Uchiha to be left alive after the massacre four years ago. He has strong ninjutsu and taijutsu and exceptional genjutsu as well as already gaining the Sharingan eye and evolving it to its second level. Finally there is Haruno Sakura who is taking shifts at the hospital to be a medic nin with decent ninjutsu and taijutsu and very high genjutsu. Their sensei is 'Man Down' Kakashi and together they have…" he trailed off, looking at the cards in disbelief.
"What?" Kankuro growled.
"Together they have failed every D-rank mission they have ever been on and have been permanently banned from all future D-missions. They have one C-rank that had turned A-rank and successfully completed it," Kabuto finished, his voice somewhat shaky.
"Don't you have to have passed eight missions to take this exam?" Temari asked.
"Hokage's son, probably gets special treatment," Kankuro decided.
"How the hell did you manage to fail the D-rank missions? They are the easiest things in the world!" Kiba pointed out.
Naruto grinned proudly. "It took a great deal of effort planning, but we managed. And now we're banned for life!"
"You say that like it's a good thing," Ino said, eyeing him strangely.
"Well it IS quite the accomplishment," Sasuke informed her with a smirk. "We're the first team to ever be banned from the D-ranks."
"And we'll never, ever have to do any of them ever again," Sakura concluded, beaming.
"…I hate you guys," Kiba announced.
"No more D-ranks, huh?" Shikamaru asked. "If I plan out how to fail them, would you guys carry it out so we don't have to do them anymore?"
"In a heartbeat," Ino replied promptly.
"Would Asuma-sensei still take us out for barbecue?" Choji asked.
"I'm sure he'd be so thrilled to not have to supervise those chores that he would," Shikamaru assured him.
"Have I mentioned this place is full of crazy people?" Kankuro asked.
"I believe so," Temari answered.
"Well I would just like to reiterate that," Kankuro said.
"Who is he?" Hinata asked, pointing to Kankuro. "He doesn't seem very open-minded…"
"Let's see," Kabuto said, drawing another card. "That's Kankuro. He's the son of the Kazekage and has completed eight C-rank missions and one B-rank mission. I would say that's very impressive, but Sasuke's team did an A-rank. He mostly uses puppets in his fights."
"Evil Soulless Puppets?" Choji asked, eyes widening.
Sakura looked to Naruto in confusion, but he was currently hiding behind Shikamaru.
"Hide me!" he begged.
"This is so troublesome," Shikamaru sighed. "As long as I don't have to actually do anything…"
"Naruto's been back for a few years and at some point he gave everyone a huge lecture about why puppets were evil," Sasuke explained in a whisper. "I think that was when the girls were off picking flowers or something, though."
"It was more than just picking flowers!" Sakura hissed indignantly. "Although we did do that."
"How can you stand having such an evil brother?" Naruto asked Temari.
She shot a quick glance at Gaara. "Practice."
"Hey, whose side are you on, anyway?" Kankuro complained.
"I feel sorry for you," Naruto told Gaara frankly.
Gaara looked at him suspiciously. "Why?"
"Because your evil older brother hates everybody younger than him, of course," Naruto replied.
"I'm more than capable of handling his hatred," Gaara replied impassively.
"Doesn't make it right," Naruto insisted. "Seriously, how can he not love kids? They're adorable."
"Hey, Naruto, your friend smells like raccoons," Kiba announced.
"Better than smelling like evil like Kankuro," Gaara muttered.
Naruto started, then grinned. "My sentiments exactly!"
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