Note: You guys are AMAZING!! Thank you sooooo very much for all of the feedback you're giving on all my stories!!!
Ok, on this one...so, unless my muse takes me places I never planned (which is possible) this is the end of the heavy serious stuff. Next up is some fun and fluff. :) Hope you enjoy! Would love to hear your thoughts!
--
Chapter 9
"What is this?" Lois asked curiously as she took the book in her hands. It was oversized. Leather. With nothing indicating its contents except a year engraved on the front. 2013.
"You told me last night that you didn't need or want a lot of fancy things. You just wanted me." As a way of explanation, Clark nodded to the book. "Well, Lois Lane, be careful what you wish for because…that's exactly what I'm giving you."
"I don't understand." Curious eyes met his as Lois shook her head.
"Open it." The command was soft. "I doesn't matter where."
Brows furrowed, Lois found a spot near the wall, placed the book on it and did as Clark suggested. Silence blanketed her as her eyes began skimming the first open page. It seemed to be a scrapbook of sorts. While a newspaper article was clipped and pasted onto one page, her husband's familiar script was on the other.
"Go on, read it. Aloud."
"Belo Horizonte, Brazil—September 29—School bus accident." Lois began to read the article softly. "Two busses full of children were coming home from a day trip to a park in the mountains. There was a loud crumbling sound, then a landslide. In an instant, both busses were knocked off balance and eighty-two lives tumbled helplessly into the valley below."
"Then he appeared. Out of the sky. In a streak of red and blue." Lois stopped and swallowed hard. "To save the day." Eyes flickering to Clark's own words, Lois continued. "Three were still missing. Two girls, one boy. Unreachable. Impossibly lost. I knew she would ask how many I'd saved today. How many I didn't. I couldn't give her a number. I wouldn't. Not on her birthday. 82 lives in danger. Saved—all."
Lois turned to him, her eyes shining with a film of tears. "Clark, I…"
"Read another."
Slowly, Lois turned back to the book and flipped to a random page. "San Francisco—April 9—Earthquake." Lois didn't even bother with the news article. She remembered it well. She went straight to Clark's version.
"The sight was horrific. Bodies lay broken and bleeding everywhere. The mixture of ash, pain and death was gut wrenching acrid. The sound of human suffering, deafening. There was too much to do. Too many to save. I was paralyzed.
I blocked it all out. And found her voice. She was rocking our miracle to sleep, and humming Lily's lullaby.
9 buildings, 1 bridge, 68,482 lives—saved."
Pulling in a ragged breath, Lois' lungs burned. With the cool night air. With the tears already stinging her eyes, her throat. With sudden, complete understanding.
Two entries. Two out of…how many?
The sharp arrow of realization hit the center of her heart with a pinpoint accuracy. Cracks appeared. A spider web of remorse spread like wildfire around the wall of resentment that had been built, brick by brick, with each missed meal, every interrupted conversation, the frequent emptiness of their bed. The web tightened. Doubt and fear could no longer breathe. The cracks deepened.
And the wall crumbled into nothing.
She turned to him with an apology on the tip of her tongue.
He held another book in his hands. Identical to the first. Open. Begging to be read.
"Smallville, Kansas—June 6—Our engagement party. She'd been planning this night for weeks. Her excitement was so infectious, I was even looking forward to it. Middle of the evening, I heard them. The cries for help. I tried to ignore it. Tried to smile and laugh and forget there was a group of hurting people needing me."
"I was determined. This night belonged to her and her alone. I would not ruin it. That's when she came to me. She wrapped her arms around me, looked into my eyes and asked…"
"How badly do you want to be my husband?" Lois softly finished for him, the memory as fresh to her as if it were yesterday.
A steady gaze full of emotion lifted to meet hers. "More than my own life."
"As I recall…" A soft smile played on her lips at the memory. "…I told you if you didn't get that perfect ass of yours in gear and save whoever was screaming to you in your head, I'd call the wedding off. Right then and there. In front of everyone." Her smile deepened. "Even with your super speed, I'd never seen you move so fast."
"What can I say? You gave me the ultimate incentive." Clark stated as he watched her approach. He didn't speak until she was directly in front of him. "Fifty three people were saved that night because Lois Lane wouldn't take 'no' for an answer."
"Clark…"
"I started that night. Doing this." Interrupting her, he indicated the book in his hand then placed it on a pile of identical books at his feet. He heard Lois' sharp intake of breath when she saw them. "For seven years, I've been keeping track of every rescue, every crisis, every battle. Not as a trophy or a self-indulgent pat on the back. But because of you, Lois."
She swallowed hard. "Why?"
"Because…" Cradling her face in his hands, Clark's awed gaze roamed her face. "…while the world was recording the feats of Superman, no one was recording his reason for them." His eyes met hers and he nearly lost his power of speech. "There is not a single entry where you are missing as my source of strength."
"And this past month?"
The questioning whisper was enough. He'd gotten through. He'd made his point. Gone was the distance. The walls between them no longer existed. Lois, his wife, his love, stood before him naked, open and ready for the truth.
He owed it to them both to tell her.
"I've been running on memories."
"Oh, Clark…" A tear slipped unbidden out of her eye. Clark's thumb caught it and brushed away. "I thought…I thought I was protecting you."
"I know. So did I." Noting her confused expression, Clark explained. "Lois, Oliver was being kind last night. He could have told you things…things that you should know, things I've never wanted to expose you to."
"Things?"
He swallowed hard, his hands slipping from her face. "Evil. Both the kind that comes at me from the outside. And the kind that scares me even more. Because it comes from inside of me." He moved past her, unable to look in her eyes. "It's ugly and dark, Lois. Powerful. And I never wanted that part of my life to touch you. I've tried everything to keep you from it. To keep it from you."
"I think that was a big mistake." He turned to face her. "Oliver was right. I do need you. All of you. Your fears, your vulnerabilities. But how can I expect you to hand them to me when I haven't done the same?"
Lois closed the distance between them. She gathered his hands in hers and raised them to her lips. The calmness of her smile, the strength in her eyes, it was enough to bring a super hero to his knees. He felt them weaken when she whispered, "I'm here. I'm listening."
Struggling with how to share everything with a woman who clearly shouldered the burden of the world with him, Clark chose his words carefully. "You know, you've never seen me in battle. Not really." His explanation was slow and labored. "There are times, Lois, when I know Oliver has truly been afraid for me…of me."
"What are you talking about?" Lois barely breathed, steeling herself for the darkness that heroes often had to face.
"The enemies I battle. They're often different than others have to face. Because of my heritage, the seemingly expanding galaxies, I'm a target of beings that no human could fight. And they push me to limits I don't even know I have. And change me in ways that I never knew existed."
"Then, of course, there are my internal battles. The prolonged effects of Red K. The struggles between the Clark Kent you all know and believe in and Kal-El, the Kryptonian with little to no conscience. Even without Red K I can feel him inside me sometimes. Trying to make the decisions. Trying to have his way."
"Too many times, Oliver has watched me go right up to the edge of destruction, Lois, not sure who he'd be facing once I turned around." His steady gaze met hers. "The only thing…the only thing…that gets through to me, that pulls me back from that edge…is you."
He heaved a ragged sigh. "When I say I need you, Lois, it's not just a phrase. It's my life."
Lois was overwhelmed.
So, this was Clark Kent's truth. Naked. Raw. Powerful.
She had never loved him more.
Or felt more undeserving.
"Clark…" She reached up to caress his face. Softening gaze met his. "…honey, I had no idea."
"I know." Guilt layered his eyes. "I mean, I always thought you did, but then when I heard you talking to Oliver…" He paused. "Lois, I am…truly sorry that I invaded your privacy. And there is no excuse for that. None."
Gone was all defensiveness.
"But don't you see? You are central to everything I do. When you pull away from me, I'm not just out of focus, I'm lost." A disbelieving chuckle escaped him. "What do they say? That I'm invulnerable? What do they know? You, Lois Lane, can destroy me with a look. And your silence?"
A quirk of his lips and a raised eyebrow added emphasis. "Your silence sends me into a desperate tailspin that could set this world on its head."
Breath catching in the center of her chest, Lois responded softly. "You think I'm the only one with power in this relationship? It hurts. Sometimes, it's paralyzing. To be so close to you and not have all of you. To know there's a part I can't see or touch or feel. A part that can pull you away from me at any moment."
She swallowed hard, her desperation to be understood…forgiven…was palpable. "I didn't mean to let that rule me, Clark. Or to come between us. I didn't even realize how distant we had become until you forced the issue."
Tears glistened in her eyes. "Sometimes, it just all feels too much. The weight of the world…it's not always that easy to bear. But I chose to bear it with you, Clark, and there's nothing in this world that would ever make me regret that. Nothing. I'm just…I'm horrified at how selfish I've been…"
Hastening to quell her self-condemnation, Clark shook his head. "No, no, Lois. Don't do that. You're allowed, ok? After what I've just shown you…what I've told you. I'm the selfish one here. I guess…we've both been moving at super speed for so long, it was time for something to break."
"No, not break." Lois shook her head as a gentle smile spread through her now peaceful expression. "You and I will never break, Clark Kent. We may crack a little or feel the impact of a blow, but to quote a favorite superhero of mine…" Her smile deepened. "…we're solid."
Clark's expression lightened. His eyes began to shine. His lips began to curl.
"Let's never do this again."
"Never."
"Those books are ours now."
Lois nodded her agreement. "Ours.
"And no more secrets."
"None." Lois sniffled with a solemn shake of her head. And then added, "And I will never…never trust Oliver Queen again."
Clark's burst of laughter split the silence around them.
Lois' grin made a revealing appearance then disappeared against the warmth of Clark's chest when he pulled her to him in a fiercely gentle hug. "God, I love you."
She tilted her head upward till her twinkling eyes met his. "Eh. You're ok too."
His chuckle turned to a sigh as Clark leaned down and captured her lips. It was a slow, gentle kiss. A kiss of understanding. Of forgiveness. A kiss reconnecting two souls that had lost brief sight of each other but were now back home where they belonged.
Clark ended the kiss and gaze down at Lois' now contented face.
"So." A faint smile lightened his eyes. "Do you know why I wanted to meet you here?"
Chuckling at the sudden change in him, Lois shook her head. "No."
"You know, Mrs. Kent…" Clark tweaked her nose before slowly stepping out of her embrace. "…we may have had our first date seven years ago, but you and I…" His smile turned playful. "….we began loong before that. In fact, we began here."
"Here." Lois' brows furrowed.
"Uh-huh." Clark confirmed with a nod. "At the Daily Planet."
Glancing around, his actions indicated his words. "On this very roof."
Reaching into his pocket, Clark pulled something out and handed it to her with a knowing grin. "With this…"
Tbc…
