The absolute worse part of it all was how it didn't feel any different from any other day in the Mall. Well, the Mallrats were mostly gone, so that was different Ebony supposed, but everything else was as mind-numbingly the same as always. That, coupled with the unbearable fear that was coiling up her already stiff and sore body, made today one of the worst in her life.
She had last laid eyes on her sister and the rest of the Mallrats about an hour ago, as they'd split into separate groups and left the mall to take down Ram. They could be dead; and she wouldn't know it. The sounds of the city still reverberated through the mall; normal sounds, there were no alarms, no zappers or sounds of fighting or anything out of the ordinary that would give away that a major fight was going down, and that set her teeth on edge.
Surely if the Mallrat's had successfully breached Ram's defences, the city would be rioting against the remaining Technos by now? She'd wanted to go up onto the roof, to see what was going on out there, but Trudy had fixed her with such a mum glare, and made a pointed comment about how well Ebony's last foray up the stairs had gone for her that she'd had no choice other than to sullenly turn back to her cold and forgotten breakfast with a scowl on her face.
Her body hummed with tension as one hour turned into two. The four walls of the cafe were feeling as much a prison as the ones of her late hospital room had. After Jay had left that morning, she'd gathered up her belongings, said an enthusiastic goodbye to that dreadful room and shuffled down the hall to the room her sister had prepared for her. The sight of all the effort and the affection that her sister had put into making the room a home for her had brought a lump to Ebony's throat. She'd dropped her things on the bed and fled to the cafe where she couldn't be reminded of how imminently she might lose her sister.
That's where Siva had found her waiting when the Mallrats had risen at dawn. Ebony couldn't speak when she'd seen her sister walking up the stairs, barking final orders and preparations to the militia. She'd so desperately wanted to protect Siva from what she'd been about to do, but she couldn't, for the first time in a very long time, Ebony was just not strong enough to fight.
She'd reached for her sister's hand, not even caring that the other Mallrats would see the tears shining in her eyes. Ebony hadn't missed the nasty look Siva had shot in Jay's direction as though she'd known exactly how Ebony had come to find out about the plan. Siva had taken her little sister's hand and they'd sat together in silence until Jay had called the Mallrats to arms, and marched them out of the Mall. Siva had kissed her cheek and whispered that she loved her. She hadn't said goodbye. Lex had taken Siva's hand and flashed Ebony a look that told her he would die before anything happened to Siva. Jay hadn't said anything to her; their last conversation had said it all. He'd looked to her as he'd left and she'd gazed into his chocolate brown eyes across the room. And then he was gone; they all were.
That had been hours ago, and there she'd sat in the same seat her sister had left her in, as Trudy and Ellie had attempted to have a normal breakfast and desperately tried to cheer up Sammy and Mouse.
'Something has gone wrong.' She murmured, tapping her fingernails impatiently on the table top.
Trudy glared at her silently, warning her to shut her mouth in front of the kids. Mouse gazed at Ebony with doleful eyes, and suddenly and irrationally, Ebony felt guilty. She looked away and promised to herself that she would in fact keep her mouth shut.
Trudy was commanding this situation; distracting the kids, making sure Ellie wasn't freaking out and keeping Ebony quiet, all the while rocking Bray on her lap and keeping a close eye on Brady who was asleep in her high chair. Whatever the plan was to get them safely out of the Mall if things went bad, then Ebony was willing to bet Trudy was the one who had been told how to put it into play. It made Ebony grind her teeth to know that a stupid naive girl like Trudy had so much power, when Ebony herself at this moment had none.
If something did go wrong, Ebony wanted nothing more than to go straight to the hotel and bargain herself to Ram in exchange for Siva's life. And she could tell that Trudy was keeping a watchful eye on her for that very reason. She didn't have to strength to fight them if Trudy and Ellie decided to drag her off to the Eco's for safety. I could always come back to the city though, once I was stronger. Trudy couldn't stop me then. But by then it could be too late.
She chewed her lip, annoyed, agitated and terrified all at once. She couldn't stop tapping her fingers on the table, even when Mouse reached over and put her little hand on top of Ebony's to stop the noise, she took to tapping her foot instead. Even Trudy and Ellie were beginning to run out of optimistic things to say at the four hour mark, their fake smiles dying on their faces. Their small frightened group lapsed into silence, fear etched into all of their faces. Ebony knew she wasn't the only one who was scared she would lose someone she loved today.
She was so angry because she knew the sick feeling in her stomach wasn't just about Siva. She loved him still, and if he died then part of her was going to die too and she hated that. It made her more anxious; and more sick.
'I can't sit here anymore.' She muttered, standing up so brusquely that her chair scraped loudly against the floor, making the others jump.
'Ebony,' Trudy practically growled at her. 'Sit down.'
Ebony threw her a withering look and shoved her chair back even further. As she turned her back on Trudy's annoyed face and walked away with as much swagger as she could force into her walk, given how sore, and bone-tired she was, she was just hoping that Trudy wouldn't try to grab her and drag her back. Because the way Ebony felt now, Trudy could do it and Ebony wouldn't have to strength to fight her, and that would be beyond humiliating.
Thankfully it seemed that Trudy was done pretending she cared whether or not Ebony left the mall and wondered right into the middle of the fight, and she let her go off down the steps to her bedroom.
The feeling of dread refused to leave her, even as she paced across her beautiful new bedroom, up and down, like a caged animal. Her stomach rumbled loudly, but she ignored it. The thought of food made her unsettled tummy feel even worse. She could almost hear the Technos bursting through the doors, zappers blazing, that's how afraid she was it would become a reality. Ebony was not used to being afraid.
If I'd have walked into that battle at full strength I wouldn't have been afraid. Now I'm cowering in the Mall while Salene and Amber go out and fight the Technos! Her mood was darkening by the second.
She plonked herself down on her bed with a sigh. She was still wearing Siva's long white night gown, but she couldn't bring herself to change. The clothes she had been wearing when she'd fled the city had been ruined; covered in blood as she'd half walked, half dragged herself back to the Mall.
She shuddered violently; she tried very hard not to remember the hours she'd spent thinking that any minute she was going to die, desperately trying to make it home before that happened. She had never in her life been so relieved to see the city boundaries, and then it had all gone black. It had been mere chance that Lex and Pride had come across her nearly lifeless body on the outskirts as they searched for Cloe.
Her head snapped up from the bed. She'd heard something. Forgetting her aches and pains she ran as fast as she could to the Mall entrance. Breathing heavily and feeling a little faint, she looked around frantically for Siva, for Jay, but she couldn't see anyone. Dismayed, she moved towards the old sewer entrance, just to check.
Her senses were on high alert for any sound, her ears straining; but there was nothing. The Mallrats weren't home, he sister wasn't safe. She felt the pressure of tears filling her eyes and she forced them back, leaning against the fountain for support. If she was sick of one thing right then, it was crying; she'd cried enough this week to last her a lifetime.
She was trailing her fingers along the bottom of the phoenix's stone claws when she heard the sound again. She whipped her head around so fast that her braids stung her face as they struck her; but she caught movement this time out of the corner of her eye. There was someone hiding down here.
She looked back up in the direction of the cafe briefly before she decided she didn't need anyone's help; least of all Trudy's. She strode forward, ignoring how much it hurt just to move around and confronted the person hiding just behind the one of the Mallrats' old market carts.
'Jack?' she whispered. He was the last person she'd expected; she'd seen him leave with the others that very morning, baseball bat in hand, a hard look on his face. But now, he was the very opposite of the man she'd seen walk into battle this morning.
He sat, his knees pulled up to his chest, hugging himself. Tears ran down his cheeks, his eyes looked sore and puffy. He flinched when he saw her standing in front of him.
'You,' he said stiffly, roughly wiping tears from his face. 'You are the last person I want to see.'
She was shocked; not only because Jack was here and not fighting with the others, but because he'd been nothing but nice to her the few times she'd seen him since she'd returned to the Mall. She had no idea why he was suddenly so angry with her.
'Jack,' she said again, a question in her voice. She went to reach for him, but then thought better of it at the bitterly angry look on his face. He pushed himself to his feet violently and forced his way past her; like he couldn't look at her any more.
Any other day she would have let him strop off; she didn't care what was upsetting the little geek. But today; he was supposed to be out there, fighting with people she cared about. And if he was here... where was her sister?
She followed him as fast as she could; his long, angry strides gave him a great advantage.
'Jack!' she hissed. He did not slow down. 'Jack, where are the others?'
He stopped short in the middle of the corridor. She saw his shoulders droop and the fight go out of him. She knew that if she could see his face; there would be more tears falling down his cheeks.
She neared him slowly, not wanting to make him angry again. He was no longer the little boy she used to bully. He had grown tall, muscular and strong. He was a man now; and Ebony was surprised to find herself a tiny bit afraid of him after his angry outburst before. When he'd shoved past her; he had not been gentle.
'I left them,' he whispered, so quietly she almost didn't hear. 'I'm a coward.' He sank to the floor in front of her, his head in his hands.
Her cheeks flushed; now she was angry. 'You left them?' she snapped, her voice dripping with acid. 'How could you do that? What happened? Have the Techno's taken them?' She reached down and put her hands on his shoulders. When he wouldn't look at her, she squeezed his arms painfully, wishing she could shake the information out of him.
'I don't know,' his voice caught in his throat. 'I left... I left before it even started. I-I was so afraid that they would take me again.'
There was a moment, where time slowed to a painful stop and she remembered the exact look on his face the day she'd stayed hidden and the Technos had swarmed in and taken him away. Her heart thumped painfully, guilt sticking in her throat making her feel sick. He didn't look at her; but he didn't have to. She could see the blame all over his tear-stricken face.
Her hands fell from his shoulders as though burned, and she sat back on the floor, away from him. He didn't seem so much of a man anymore; as he sat there, afraid and ashamed of himself; Ebony felt tears on her own cheeks.
'I'm sorry Jack,' she murmured, unable to look at him. 'I'm sorry I left you there that day.'
His head snapped up and he scowled viciously. 'Don't you dare. Just go away Ebony.' He snarled at her.
She nodded absently; knowing that her presence was probably making it worse, but feeling unable to leave anyways.
'They wouldn't have left you today. Jay wouldn't have left you. They are better people than me Jack, you must know that.' She whispered, staring at her scabby knuckles.
'I know,' he whispered back. He leant back and rested his head against the wall. 'I just... I couldn't...' he stammered.
Her head hurt; she honestly didn't think she endure anymore emotional trauma. Jack was here causing her all kinds of guilt, she still didn't know whether Siva and Jay were dead or not and on top of all that, she'd already lost a child, a boyfriend and nearly died that week.
Jack had stopped crying, and he'd stopped shaking she noticed. That was good; she was quite familiar with post traumatic stress herself, as she woke in a sweaty, shivering state every night from dark dreams about her time in the forest with Amber, Jay and the Technos that had tried to murder her.
Unsure of what else to do; she reached for Jack's hand. It always made her feel better when Siva reached for hers; although she liked her sister a lot more than Jack liked her at that very moment that was for sure.
His hand stiffened under hers but he didn't snatch it away. Tentatively, she curled her fingers around his, and squeezed his hand softly. Ebony didn't know how to be nice; she didn't know how to make anyone feel better, and she certainly didn't know how to apologise. Nervously, she edged closer to where he was sat against the wall. She put her other arm around him and sat close to him.
It was awkward; he was as stiff as a board. She sighed, and tried to rub his back the way Siva had rubbed hers when she'd cried over Jay. Slowly, stiffly, he turned his head towards her, his blue eyes just inches from her green ones. She could tell he had no idea why she was doing what she was doing; so before he could ask or shout at her again she explained.
'Leaving you there that day is my biggest regret,' she said quietly. 'I have nightmares about the look on your face Jack.'
He scoffed and turned away from her, his hand still tense against her own.
'I know you won't believe me, or accept my apology. But I am sorry Jack, so sorry. I didn't help you because... I was scared too.' She let out a breath slowly, hating how pathetic she sounded. She didn't need to make Jack feel better; but it was true; she'd felt so guilty about leaving him there for months and months, and she knew it was her fault that he'd gotten so frightened today. He'd only just made it back to the Mall and they'd sent him out to fight the very people he'd escaped. 'I wanted to be brave and come and rescue you, but there were so many...'
She heard him intake a sharp breath. Obviously they were both remembering how the hundreds of Technos had swarmed in from nowhere and grabbed him. 'My legs turned to jelly, I couldn't move Jack. I was a coward, and I'm sorry.'
He stared straight ahead, still stiff in her arms and didn't make a sound. Ebony figured she'd done all she could do for him; he was like all the other Mallrats; it didn't matter what she said or did, they would hate her any way. And she needed to go; she was tired of being soft.
She moved to get up and leave him when she felt his fingers tighten around hers. His hands were surprisingly warm and tough. She looked down at their hands; afraid to look at his face. Those were a man's hands; they were bigger than hers and he had the kind of calluses on his fingers that came with lots of manual labour.
Siva had speculated that she thought they'd put Jack to work in the mines while he'd been away and that was why he was so strong and muscular now, but she'd told Ebony that Jack refused to talk about where he'd been.
When she'd found him before hiding behind that cart in tears, she'd seen the boy he'd been when she used to bully him in the mall and frighten him in the hotel, but now as she felt the strength in his grip on her hand, it unnerved her that Jack had so much more power now.
'Ok.' He said. And that was all he said. She felt him relax his body against hers. She didn't know if he was forgiving her, or if he was just letting her comfort him. But she would take what she could get she supposed. She let him lean against her, and they stayed that way for a long time before Jack spoke again.
'Why do you think it's taking so long?' he said quietly.
'I don't know,' she said, knowing that the fear was evident in her voice. 'It must be past noon by now.'
'I'm sorry, about... I shouldn't have left them.' His voice cracked with shame.
She ran her fingers across his; they hadn't left hers yet. 'No, Jack, it's ok.' She met his eyes and hoped that he could see how, after everything, she didn't blame him for not being brave. Even if things went badly today she knew she wouldn't blame Jack. That was a strange feeling for her; usually she swore vengeance on whoever or whatever stood in her path, but today she felt different. Emotionally exhausted probably she thought wryly.
He nodded slowly and bit his lip. She knew he would blame himself; but there was nothing she could do about that. She was about to tell him that Ellie was upstairs and would probably be really happy to see that he was safe, when she finally heard them. The footsteps and the shouts of the Mallrats rang throughout the mall, and they sounded victorious.
She was on her feet before she even knew what she was doing; she was running, hand in hand with Jack, to the bottom of the stairs. There was so many people; it wasn't just the Mallrats, half the city was crammed into the mall entrance; joy on all their faces. Her face broke out into a grin.
'We won!' she murmured, turning to smile at Jack. Her smile was lost as he pulled her into his arms. She could feel him laughing happily as his strong arms pulled her tightly to him. She gasped in surprise, the sound getting lost in his chest. She had a moment to slightly enjoy how solid his body felt against hers before he pulled away. With his hands still on her shoulders, he smiled broadly at her, and nodded over her shoulder. She turned to see what he was gesturing to and her heart leapt in her chest.
She threw herself into her sister's arms and burst into tears. For once, she didn't even care if anyone saw her cry, she clung to her sister who was laughing loudly and squeezing Ebony back as hard as she could. Ebony didn't even care when she felt her stitches pop again; she could bleed later, right now she was just so happy her sister was alive! She rained kisses on her sister's cheeks as Siva smiled and wiped Ebony's tears from her face.
'We did it Ebony, he's gone!' she exclaimed.
Ebony felt herself laugh hysterically, her joy and excitement overtaking her. When Lex came over and picked Siva up and swung her around, smiles on both of their faces, she felt like she'd never been happier.
The Mallrats were reuniting and celebrating all around her. She saw Pride kiss Salene with passion; and she saw Sammy and Mouse pull faces at that, as they reached happily for Salene's hands. She saw Ellie jump into Jack's arms, and she smiled as Jack caught her eye over Ellie's shoulder. She saw May, and Patch and Dee, Trudy and Brady, Amber and her son, in amongst the celebrating crowd of the other tribes, everybody was smiling. The Mallrats had not had a day like this in a long time.
She tried not to look for him, as Siva took her hand and lead her through the crowd and up to the cafe, telling her off for popping her stitches yet again. But Ebony couldn't stop herself from scanning the crowd for his face, for his brown eyes.
'Siva?' she said.
Her sister didn't hear, she was too busy calling for Patch to come and see to Ebony, and forcing Ebony down into a chair. Ebony sat, but strained her neck to get a view of the crowd; she couldn't see his blonde hair anywhere.
'Siva?' she asked again, panic creeping into her voice. Surely they wouldn't all be stood here celebrating if anything had happened to Jay?
A tiny part of her brain wanted her to shut up and stop looking for him. Not that that meant any part of her body would obey that command. She felt her body humming with tension, the stress making her feel breathless.
'Siva!' she called again, louder. Her sister responded to the edge in her voice and turned back to her. Ebony reached for her; feeling like her sister was stood miles away from her.
'Where is he?' she whispered, fear spreading through her like cold water and tingling at her fingertips.
She saw Siva's face fall. She saw her sister's eyes fill with sadness and regret. And then she saw nothing; her eyes filled with tears blurring her vision of everything until they poured down her cheeks.
