Chapter 8: Kim- There's No Such Thing as a White Knight
Why was I doing this? I had never shared my special place with anyone… wait, that didn't sound right. Even in my own head shit didn't come out right around Jared. This place was mine though, the roof of the community center. It was the highest point on the edge of La Push and had an amazing view. To the left you could see the entire town and to the right the seemingly endless forest.
I found this view three years ago, when one of my mother's many useless and abusive boyfriends got a little too interested in me. I couldn't spend every night at Crystal or Mindy's so I discovered two sure fire public places to sleep undisturbed; the church on the outskirts of town and when I was worried they might call child protective services, the roof of the Quileute community center. I even had two fold-out chairs up here that doubled as an adequate bed. I promptly dropped down on one, watching Jared as he took in the view.
He was amazing, so handsome it almost hurt to look at him. I had to stop myself there, I was getting dangerously close to liking him. Really liking him! I'd always been attracted to him, yes, even dreamed about him, a couple of those being of the wet variety, but I never once imagined I could really be with him. Never once thought that he could actually be the white knight I built him up to be. Honest, caring, comforting, trustworthy… I stayed safe for years of my mother's addiction and long line of loser boyfriends because I didn't trust anyone. Trust was not something I had the luxury of throwing around lightly.
The longer this twisted dream continued, the more unreal it became. Jared was here, in my special home away from home. Looking at me like I was something special. Continuing this connection couldn't be safe, so why was I doing it? Getting so close could only lead to trouble. I let him in my home, I snuggled him and slept in his arms… what was wrong with me? It felt amazing, but what would the consequences be?
I want him, though more than anything I could explain. I want to feel him, to touch him to kiss him and oh god I want to fuck him! He's tried to kiss me all day, but I don't know if I would be able to let it stop there, and I should. I needed to stop this, my life was way too complicated to add, Jared.
But how was I going to get him out, to push away when he was clinging so hard and I kept pulling him closer despite myself? God even Matty loved him and he's been afraid of men since mom's meth-head boyfriend, Rico.
"This is beautiful," he sighed. His deep baritone was such a fucking turn on. I wanted to jump on him and rip off his stupid preppy clothes bad, but instead I bit my lip.
"Yeah," I said, adding 'not as beautiful as you', in my head. Ugh! How did I get so corny?
"Not as beautiful as you," he said like clockwork.
I couldn't stop myself from huffing, which made him blush and turn me on even further. How was it possible, the world's most attractive guy became even more sexy over two weeks of mysterious absence?
If there was plastic surgery that could possibly make such perfection I would have been certain Jared had it, but then Jared was just a gift from the gods, a gift too good for me.
"Sit," I motioned to the other seat to me. He plopped down staring up at me, the seat looking dangerously close to collapsing under his weight.
"Do you come up here often?" I wanted to lie, so that I could keep this place as my own forever, but I couldn't lie when he looked at me like that.
"Yea, when the weather's nice," I sighed his eyes were so hypnotic.
"How old are you?" He asked out of the blue. He was so odd, sometimes I felt like he was a detective or something, the way he watched my every move.
"Seventeen, same as you."
"Ok, when's your birthday? What kind of music do you like?" After everything we have gone through in the last few day, was he seriously asking me about music?
"Um… November 16th. I like Arcade Fire a lot, and this girl group from Canada called The Organ."
"Arcade fire? Hmm… what kind of movies do you like?" He asked quickly.
"What is this? Twenty questions," I asked, the tone of voice was too harsh and I kicked myself. Fuck, it's hard not being a bitch sometimes.
I smiled to softened the blow and he sighed, looking at me in that way, that way that he did that made my stomach turn.
"I want to know everything about you," he answered simply and I knew he meant it. It scared me.
"It's just weird talking about bands when, you've seen my tits and my crazy mom."
"Well, I mean, I'd like to know other things, but I don't know if you want to talk about them," he said rubbing his neck nervously.
"Like what? What is the thing you want to know most?"
"Well, do you tell me about what happened last night? " Why did he have to go there?
"What do you think? She pushed me down the stairs." WHY THE HELL WAS I ANSWERING HIM?
"And why do you put up with it? You're tough, you're smart, you could—"
"I could what? Beat her up? Run to the school counselor or the tribal council? They would take Matty away from me… and he's the only thing in my life that isn't shit," and I just keep on going. Shut up, Kim!
"Where's your father?" He asked gelty leaning his head on my shoulder.
I love it when he touches me, any sort of contact and I felt like gelatin, a huge fucking stupid bowl of Kim jello! I couldn't stop myself, my hand went directly to his head. His hair was growing out again and my fingers slid gently through it, tracing circles as on his scalp. He shivered but he was unbelievably warm.
"Where's your hair?" I asked, avoiding any more personal questions. I sort of missed his shaggy hair.
"It was time for a change," he said, almost purring as my fingers neared his ears. I had evaded as much physical contact as I could with him, but right now— with him so close, smelling so good…
"And did that change mean deciding to pick me as a charity case?" I asked, but I didn't really want to know, if I knew then I'd have to stop him—and I liked being around him.
"Why do you always do that?" He asked facing me, breaking our contact and I felt colder without it. "You're always accusing me of some sort of ulterior motive. Why can't you just believe I like you?"
"Because I've liked you for years and you never even looked at me!" OMG! His eyes were like truth serum and now I have to leave town. I can't believe I just fucking opened my mouth and said the most embarrassing thing I could ever say.
I stood up and got ready to run away and hide from Jared for the rest of my life, but he grabbed me at the edge of the roof, turning me to face him. I couldn't look in his warm brown eyes so I started at his nose.
"I really, really, really, really like you, Kim," he said placing his hand under my chin and forcing me see him.
And that was it, there was nothing I could do, no way I could not react. My hands wrapped around his neck and I pulled myself up to him, gently placing my lips on his. I felt so dizzy, so electric, so insurmountably happy at that moment that I couldn't breathe.
His lips were slow to react but after a few seconds his arms crushed me to his hot (literally and figuratively) body as his lips pried mine apart. His blazing tongue lightly grazing mine and I moaned so embarrassingly.
I didn't care what this meant for the future. How badly I stood to be hurt in the end. My life was just a string of shit, laced with more shit and I was going to enjoy this perfect moment as long as I could.
