Like a Leaf in the Wind

Chapter 9:

After my emotional purging, Emily finally sat down to explain everything to me.

Apparently Carlisle was the one to make the first gesture of peace. He explained that Edward was having a very difficult time with the lack of contact from me. This made me realized how parasitic our relationship was. There was a small hopeful bud growing in my heart, if he needed me as much as I needed him then it would be unlikely that he would turn me away. Sam was also concerned about Jacob since he would suffer because it was very painful for a wolf that imprinted to have his feelings unreciprocated.

She told me all of this in confidence. Emily was still disturbed because the Council members and Carlisle were still making decisions for me without my input. I was beyond caring; I just wanted to see Edward again.

During the week, I prepared myself for the meeting. I no longer spent time inside me head, deep in my delusions. I tried to at least communicate with Emily. I had lost so much weight since I began vomiting the first night I was here, that Emily made daily protein shakes. She made me eat yogurt filled with granola, avocados and fish. I tried to protest every time she made fish but she always made me eat all of it, I tried to explain how nauseous the smell made me but she always retorted that I needed to gain weight.

It never mattered; I vomited every time I ate fish. It was so normal for me to feel nauseous all day that I was surprised when I felt normal.

I no longer spent time alone with Jacob and it began taking a toll on him. He would constantly try to talk to me about what happened between us but I always refused. I couldn't face that day again, that was one of the worst things I could have done. I didn't feel the same way about Jacob but I used his love for me in a desperate attempt to make myself feel better. It backfired in the worst way. I felt soiled…defiled even. I knew that if Edward wanted nothing to do with me, I would deserve it. In fact a small part of me was hoping for this reaction, I would go back to my parents and live a half-life. It would be a half-life because in the weeks I had spent with Edward, I discovered what it was like to be possessed mind, body and soul by another.

In the end, Jacob revealed his thoughts on why Sam was willing to meet. Edward was willing to break the treaty to retrieve me from La Push. Sam had an obligation to protect the entire tribe and he could not risk the lives of so many for the sake of my protection from the Cullens. To Sam, I was expendable but not his entire tribe. I could not fault this reasoning and I could only hope that this meeting had some sort of resolution that ended with me being free from both these creatures' supernatural world.

I fidgeted with the parker that nearly enveloped me, it was too big and it extended down to my jean-covered knees. I nervously followed Emily while Sue was behind me. The meeting was taking place in the meadow, the same one I first met these Shape-Shifters and Vampires. The tribal Elders and the wolves are gong to be present as well as the Cullen Clan. The only two beings banned from this meeting were Edward and Jacob. Both Sam and Carlisle felt that having both of them present would exacerbate an already delicate situation.

There was large bon fire in the middle of the meadow which casted an eerie orange glow over the entire scene. Only Sam was in human form and all the other wolves are standing like a wall between the Cullens and the Elders. Fire was the only element separating the wolves from the vampires.

Sue and Emily stood on either side of me as we took our place behind the Elders.

When I timidly looked at the Cullens, I saw horror written across their faces. I knew it was because of my harrowed look. I quickly averted my eyes because I could not face the truth. I was not capable of living without Edward. That statement caused panic to settle in my chest. Because now I knew that I was linked with him for as long as I lived. The idea of going back to my parents was a mere fantasy because I would still need to have contact with him on a daily basis.

I wasn't paying close attention to the conversation, but I briefly heard Carlisle chastising Sam for not taking better care of me. I tuned him out when he listed my visible deficiencies in nutrition as evidence. I was vaguely aware that Sam was defending himself when Sue stiffened beside me, "Jacob what are you doing here!"

I covered my ears as she screamed towards my left.

She was right; Jacob emerged from the woods looking like he'd been crying. He was visibly trembling with anger.

"I have a right to be here! It may be the last time I see Bella, you can't tell me I don't have a right to be here!"

He was answering Sue's question but looking at Sam. The occupants in the meadow all turned to look at Jacob but my head snapped between Sam and Jacob. Both men were trembling in an attempt to control their anger.

Sam's head suddenly swerved towards where the Cullens were standing as Edward walked out of the woods.

My body instantly sagged as Emily held on to me to keep me upright.

I noticed the purple bruises under his eyes had deepened and there was a look of deranged determination on his face.

"I thought we agreed that they both weren't allowed to be here."

It was Rosalie that answered Sam, she waved her silver cell phone in her hand, "if the mutt can be here, then my brother has all the right to be here."

I hadn't even seen her call Edward.

Edward's eyes suddenly found mine and I choked on a sob. I leaned some more into Emily because the shame of what I did with Jacob crippled me.

Jacob took a step towards me causing Edward to emit a mind numbing growl.

It happened so fast that I almost didn't see Carlisle and Emmett's blurred form as they tackle Edward to the ground.

"HE RAPED HER!"

It was a deafening roar from Edward.

Sam gave Jacob an anguished and disbelieving look, his mouth was hanging open and no one dared to breathe.

Jacob took one step back, "let me explain…"

He didn't finish the sentence when a blond streak blurred towards him. Jasper barely tackled Rosalie to the floor in time when I became undone.

There were so many things happening at once.

Emily was stroking my hair and sobbing uncontrollably as she asked over and over again, "is it true? Is it true?"

Sue left my side and was now running towards Jacob; she gave him a resounding slap across his face.

"How could you!"

Her tears were streaming down her face. Soon after a large black wolf leapt towards Jacob but Sam transformed in time to slam his head into the wolf.

Emily bounded from my side and was running towards Sam but some of the Elders held her back. She was just trying to see if he was ok. I stood up on shaky legs. Alice and Esme were crouched between the few wolves that were still guarding the Elders from the Cullens, Rosalie was being held down by Jasper while both Carlisle and Emmett had Edward pressed to the ground.

Edward's face made me balk. He was practically foaming at the mouth. He was staring at Jacob with such intense rage that I took an instinctive step backward.

Everyone was visibly upset. I never thought of what Jacob and I did as rape. I never said no but I was never in the right mind frame to say yes either. I still blamed myself.

The stress was intense and I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I doubled over and clenched my teeth. No one was paying attention to me and if I could just get away, maybe I could run home.

I started walking backward slowly but he pain in my abdomen intensified. It spread to my lower back, like someone took a hot poker and seared my insides. It was when I was doubled over with my eyes closed that I felt the too familiar nausea. My head felt light, I smelt blood...someone was bleeding.

I stood up abruptly but the scene had not changed. Everyone was either trying to kill Jacob or preventing someone else from killing Jacob. The Elders were all yelling while Carlisle tried to reason with some of them all the while holding down Edward.

The scent of blood was still strong and the pain in my stomach kept intensifying. I finally looked down to see my jeans soaked.

I was bleeding.

The blood looked like it was flowing in torrents down my legs darkening my jeans. Disbelief spread through me.

Why was I bleeding?

I dropped to me knees and touched my legs hesitantly when I looked at my hands it was covered in blood.

In the moment of my realization, the winds shifted and all went silent in the meadow.

The wolves and vampires were the first to look in my direction. I did not look up but I heard a low growl while Edward screamed, "get Jasper!"

There was a scuffle and a thunderous thump as he must have hit the floor.

I didn't care, all I knew was that I was on my knees and a large pool of blood was beneath me. Someone was approaching me and I looked up. Emily put her hands up in a sign of peace as she carefully came towards me.

My eyes narrowed and my breathing grew shallow. The pain was twisting my midsection and I doubled over. She instantly lurched towards me but a piercing scream sent her scrambling backwards.

My scream was terrifying like a maimed animal trapped.

"Don't fucking touch me!"

I felt helpless like I was caught in something greater than I could handle. I was a leaf in hurricane storm winds. My destiny was not in my hands to control and I was tired of it.

I was crying and screaming because the pain was getting worse. My tears stung my cheeks and I finally fell into fetal position but the pain only seemed to increase. My jeans were saturated with the blood of my unborn child.

I rolled onto my back and looked into the night sky. I cried for the innocents in all of this. I cried for my parents who lost their daughter, I cried for my child who lost their mother and I cried for myself because I was lost in all of this. I had retreated into the darkened recesses of my mind to escape this but it cost me dearly. Had I been paying attention I would have recognized the signs of morning sickness from the first day I got to Sam and Emily's. I would have taken better care of myself, I would have fought harder but most of all I would not have simply succumbed to Jacob in my foolish attempts to get over Edward.

So there I was, on my back crying to the sky and soaking in my unborn child's blood pleading to any higher being out there. There was only one prayer on my lips and I repeated it aloud over and over again,

"Please take me now, let me die."