Dead.

Alina was dead.

I can hear it from here as I'm trying to shove all my things into this canvas bag I stole out of one of the kid's rooms.

It's the sound of the dirt hitting her coffin- the steady thump of every shovel full being thrown on her like they're burying a dog.

In reality- there's no way I can hear it. I try to rationalize that in my mind, turning around the thought over and over, trying to make sense of it. There's no way I can hear it. She's being buried at least a mile away. But there's still that sound…

Thump. Thump. Thump.

It's like a clock. It's a rhythm. Like a song in my mind- a picture comes to thought.

It's Alina's body hanging from the rafters in front of the window we used to sit in front of. She's limp, her blue eyes once bright now dead dull grey. Her body swings in time with the thumping.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

It's how I found her the night before- at midnight on the dot. She looked like a doll- but there, in that coffin, I'm sure she looks stiff. I'm sure she looks like straw.

Like a wara ningyo.

For a moment the room's spinning, and as I put the last item in the bag I hesitate, looking out the window of my room. The thumping is louder. Too loud. I can feel it now, the sound resonating in my chest, in time with my heart. I have to get out of here. I have to run. I can't stop hearing the sound- I can't stop seeing her body- the grey of her eyes. I feel myself move, throwing the bag over my shoulder, every step in time with the sound.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

They're almost finished. She's almost gone forever.

I'm almost gone too.

Every step gets longer- every step takes away a part of me.

Every step makes me hate where I am even more- replaces the feelings of contentedness I once had here. I hate Wammy's house... and as I pass through the gate onto the streets filled with people and their name's and death dates, I realize that I hate something else.

L.

I smirk faintly, stepping out onto the street, an unadulterated hatred pouring from out of me- spreading into my aura. A few people I pass up on the streets physically cringe at the feeling I give them as I pass by.

I hate L.

I feel my body tense with frustration, anger- hate.

He did this to her.

Alina is dead because of him.

I feel my mind twisting in on itself- the small fragments of who I used to be becoming fuzzy and dark. I see Watari standing above A at her desk screaming at her. I see Roger box her ears. I watch L smirk from the shadows.

And then the hate spreads from just my memories to everyone around me- to the world.

If only I could watch the death of the world around me. Just like I had to watch the world kill her.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

It's in time with my heart now. I tense again, starting to move away from the orphanage as quickly as I can, wanting to get the sound away. When I can't run anymore I hide in an alleyway and put my hands over my ears, begging myself to make it stop. It starts to increase in tempo as my heart beat speeds up. I writhe, trying to find a way out.

And then I see it.

It's so clear- so pristine and beautiful. I see crimson. Bright, violent, passionate crimson. I hear screams.

I smile.

It's so beautiful, I begin to laugh. Not that soft, child-like laugh I used in front of Alina. I laugh like a shinigami.


I love it. I love the red, I love the echoing screams. I love the hate.

I hear a whisper, so quiet I can barely hear it.

BB...

It's so soft. So familiar.

BB…...

Another splatter of crimson- another whisper.

BB….

And then I see her face. She's so very alive with the red around her.

My beautiful Alina. The red contrasts her eyes so beautifully. She smiles as I lift the blade again.

I finish my carving on Believe Bridesmaid's chest. I smile at my handy work. Alina starts to disappear, but I know I'll see her again when I kill Quarter Queen- the thirteen year old I've already chosen to be my next victim. I smirk to myself.

I want L to try and find me. I want him to fail.

Because when this is all over, I'll be gone. I'll be with my Alina again. And he'll be alone with the one case he'll never be able to solve. He'll never beat me. Because unlike him, hiding behind a fake name, I know what mine truly is. I know who I really am before he does.

BB.

And L is After BB.