Sidney
I feel Anna's moan, long and low, reverberate through my body and settle in my dick. But then something else breaks through the sexual haze. It's something just at the edge of my brain that I can't reach but it's there and I pull back to look at Anna.
Her lips are full and red from mine, eyes wide and filled with desire and her body warm and definitely willing. It's not her body that niggles at my brain; it was that moan. What is it that I can't comprehend or maybe that I can't remember? I shake myself out of my thoughts and notice that Anna's expression has changed. She looks, almost, scared.
I pull away immediately, appalled that I might have scared her, and push all other thoughts aside for later.
"I don't know what to say" I tell her. "Should I apologize?"
"No" Anna whispers. "No, there's no need to apologize. We both lost our heads for a minute and got carried away. We can just forget it happened."
Oh, she isn't scared but she also isn't happy about what happened. Damn.
"We should get back in. They guys must be wondering where we are" she tells me.
I back up and let her take the lead. We're quiet all the way back to the door and then inside the hallway where she takes off my jacket and hands it to me. Anna goes to the washroom and I head back to our group.
The guys are ready to go so we can make curfew and the others are leaving as well. I grab a server and hand her my credit card to pay our tab. Meagan slides beside me and puts her arm through mine.
"Thanks Sid" she purrs at me.
The sound is like nails on a chalkboard and I desperately try to figure out how to extricate myself with the least amount of fuss. Pulling away doesn't work because she moves with me. As I'm trying to figure out what to say, Suttsy shouts at me.
"Sid, got a minute?"
I give Meagan a small smile and then pull away to walk to Sutter and Tanger.
"Thanks" I tell him.
"That girl is a pariah" Tanger says.
"Yeah, she's been all over me" Sutter tells us.
"All of us" Tanger replies.
The server comes back and I sign for my card and we all grab our stuff to leave. I notice that Anna is back and has put her own coat on. We move as one group out to cabs to go back to the hotel. I'm back in a cab with Geno, Suttsy and Tanger and this time they're talking about how annoying Meagan was tonight. I'm glad they're not talking about how hot Anna was tonight like they did on the way here. I couldn't have taken listening to it.
Since I first saw her, I've thought she was pretty, not my type, but definitely pretty. As I got to know her better and saw her more often, I began to notice more. It never mattered that she's always so buttoned up almost like she's trying to hide her body. But, when she takes her jacket off, and is wearing that tight skirt, there is no doubting how hot she is. Of course that's before I saw her tonight. Those legs were on full display. Her dress tight to show off her curves and highlight those gorgeous breasts.
Thinking of Anna brings me back to that moment when I heard her moan. I still have something niggling at the edge of my brain but I can't quite bring it into focus. It's as if I'm forgetting something really important but I can't even guess at what that is or was. This is incredibly weird and leaves me feeling like I'm going crazy. Am I remembering something or wishing for something? Is it what's happened or what I want to happen? And how the fuck do you forget something like that if it's a memory? There's no way I would have forgotten Anna or her moan but it has to be about her if it was her moan that started my brain whirling.
At the hotel, we all ride up to our floor together and part at the elevator. The guys and I head to our right while the rest take the hallway to the left including Anna. There's no opportunity to have a private moment with her. I want to talk to her about what happened in the alley so that it isn't weird between us.
I turn on SportsCentre when I'm in my room and get ready for bed. I'm not really focusing on the scores and highlights because I'm trying to will myself to remember whatever it is that I've forgotten. I'm having no luck so I turn off the light and TV and crawl into bed.
As soon as I close my eyes, my brain replays the kiss with Anna both on the sidewalk and against the wall in the alley. Anna might usually be composed and contained but there is not only a sassy but unbelievably sexy side of her that she keeps hidden away. I've been puzzled about why I'm so drawn to her and now I know why.
She was a perfect fit to me. Her body was soft and yielding and her lips full and seeking. That dress showed off all of her assets that she usually tries to conceal. For a brief moment I lost control which is not like me. When she went willingly into my arms and eagerly accepted my lips, my touch, it just set something off inside of me. And her moan, holy fuck I can still hear her moan and feel my body react to it.
At that memory, is sit straight up in bed. That's it, her moan. I've heard that moan before. I've seen those eyes, felt her body, and held her before. But before when? Why can't I remember it all? I feel like I'm crazy but I'm also incredibly sure of what I'm feeling and remembering. There's only one thing that I can do. I have to talk to Anna.
I text Anna 'I need to talk, can I come to your room?'
I pull on shorts and a tee shirt while I wait for her response. She has to say yes. There is no way that I can sleep without knowing what I'm remembering and why Anna has never said anything about us knowing each other. We do know each other or am I going crazy?
'Ok, room 915'
I breathe a sigh of relief when I read her text and rush out the door. I'm careful to see if there is anyone out there but it's after curfew so everyone is in their rooms. In front of Anna's door, I knock softly.
When she opens the door, I'm surprised at how she looks. I'm used to professional Anna and tonight I saw sexy Anna. This Anna looks like a teenager. Her face is scrubbed clean of makeup and her hair is in a high ponytail. She's wearing only a tank top and shorts. I'm momentarily lost for words as I take in all of her exposed beautiful skin. She backs up to let me pass her and, as I do, I can smell sex and innocence mixed together. To say that it's arousing is an understatement.
"Is everything ok Sid?" Anna asks me.
I should have given this more thought. How am I going to ask her about this or tell her what I'm thinking without seeming like a crazy person?
"Yeah, sort of, well, no actually."
She follows me into the room and sits cross legged on the bed. I'm pacing the room and I must look nuts but she doesn't say anything.
"Anna, I'm sorry to barge in like this and I know that I'm going to sound like a crazy person but I feel like a crazy person right now." I know that I'm rambling but I can barely put my thoughts together into a cohesive thought. "Do we know each other?" I ask.
Anna tilts her head and her expression gives nothing away.
"What do you mean Sid? Of course we know each other" she tells me.
"No, I mean have we met, before this season? I might be going crazy but I have this feeling, it's like a memory, that we've, um, met before."
No matter how senseless I already sound, I can't bring myself to tell her that it was her moan that trigger this memory or whatever this is.
"I'm not sure that I understand" she tells me.
I almost buy it. I almost apologize and leave her room assuming that I made everything up in my head. She is sitting on the bed, calm, with her head still tilted and looking at me blandly. But I notice her hands. They are in her lap, fingers clasped and twisting. Over and over they the clasp, unclasp twist this way and that, over and over again.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about" I tell her softly. "Anna, I feel like I'm in some kind of science fiction movie here where an alien has erased my memories but they are leaking back in." I think she might laugh or at least smile but I get nothing. "Anna, you know something, please tell me."
I'm pleading, begging her but I don't care because I need to know.
She looks down at her hands and softly says "no alien Sid. I suspect it was just a lot of alcohol."
I'm more confused now. I never drink so much that I don't remember anything. I hate the feeling of being out of control. There are times when I have more than I should but never that much, never.
"When?" is all I ask.
She still hasn't looked me in the eye. Instead, Anna continues to twist her fingers and look down at them.
"It was the end of last season" she says softly. "We met at a party at the end of last season after the series with the Rangers."
Party? Oh yeah, Beau had a party on clean out day. It was most of the single guys. We were all so pissed off with how the season ended that we wanted to blow off some steam. Losing the series when we were up 3-1 hit us all hard. I knew that Dan and Ray were going to lose their jobs, they had to after so much failure over a few years, and I felt the failure of the season squarely on my shoulders. I didn't even get a fucking point in the whole series. I don't remember much of that night. I remember he beginning of the evening but that's it. It was the one and only time in my life where I drank that much. The next day I vowed to never drink that much again. I was sick for two days.
"It was at Beau's house. You were there?" I ask.
"Yes, I was in town and Lauren was going to she took me."
She doesn't say any more. It's frustrating.
"So we met there? Come on Anna, you know what I'm asking. What happened? I know now why I don't remember. I was completely shitfaced and can only remember the first hour or so."
She sighs and continues looking down at her fingers.
"Yes, we met that night. That's what you remember" she tells me.
She's saying it like that's it; but, there has to be more to it. Anna is acting too weird for it to only be a meeting.
"Anna, after we, well, kissed tonight, I had a flash that was like a memory of you. Did we kiss that night?" I ask her.
She nods her head but still doesn't look up.
"Did we do more?" I ask.
Again, she nods. This is so fucking frustrating.
"Anna, just tell me. Enough of the twenty questions."
"Fine" she says and finally looks up. "We had sex, ok?"
I figured that's what she was going to say. She was acting like that's what happened; but, I'm still stunned. I'm actually rocked back by those four words. 'We had sex, ok' Holy shit! I had sex with someone and I don't even remember it. That in and of itself is unbelievable and rocks me back and scares me. That it was with Anna is absolutely gutting me. How could I treat any woman like that never mind someone like Anna? And she's Lauren's friend too.
I stumble a bit and find the desk chair behind me to sit. This is unbelievable, absolutely unbelievable. I might have believed alien abduction before I'd believed this about me. I never drink that much. I never have one night stands. Both get you into trouble and I stay far away from trouble. In one night, I did both and don't even remember it. Even knowing about it, I still don't remember anything beyond the first hour or so of the party. I don't even remember Anna or Lauren being there.
Now that it's sinking in, I begin to feel nauseous. Mario asked me to look after Anna and, before he ever did, I'd already done something horrible. Another thought enters my mind and I may just puke right now. I don't want to ask but I have to know.
"Anna, when we" I actually have to swallow back bile. "You said that we had sex. You, um, you wanted to, right?"
I watch Anna's brow furrow and she tilts her head again appearing to not understand what I'm saying. I should explain more but I really can't bring myself to say it. Thankfully, she seems to understand what I'm asking so I don't need to say more.
"Oh Sid, yes, I wanted it. You didn't force me or anything."
I immediately feel marginally better know that I'm not 'that guy'. It doesn't make me a good person for treating someone that way, drunk or not, but I'm not a terrible one.
"Anna" I begin but don't know what else to say. I decide to be candid and honest. "I really don't know what to say. I've never had so much to drink that I didn't remember the next day. Most definitely, I've never had sex with a girl and not remember it. You must think I'm an asshole. How can you even be in the same room with me? I just don't know what to say. I was going to find you tomorrow and apologize if I was out of line earlier tonight; but, to hear about this, I don't even know how to begin to apologize for my behaviour."
I actually feel tears well up in my eyes and quickly blink them back. This is one of the things Pat warns his players about. Anna could have been a puck bunny who said all kinds of things that I'd done to her and, without any memory of it, how could I say any different? Oh God.
Anna
What does Sid want? I was stunned by his text asking my room number so that he can speak with me. It's probably about what happened tonight outside of the club. Oh God! Or maybe he wants to continue what we started.
I've never, ever believed in fate; but, this thing with Sid is testing that belief. No matter how hard I try, I seem to keep being either pulled or pushed toward him. Should I simply give up? He doesn't remember what happened between us, and I guess I'm not surprised given how much he drank that night, so maybe I can forget what happened too. Arg, I'm being delusional now. There is no way that I can ever forget what happened or take the risk that he'll find out.
The knock on the door breaks me out of thoughts. I should have taken a few minutes to change since I'm just in my shorts and tank that I sleep in. Oh well, it's too late now.
Sid is wearing a tee shirt and shorts with a very confused look on his face. I move back to let him in and then sit on the bed to let him take the lead.
The next five minutes are surreal. Sid pushes and pushes, asking me if we've met, when we met, what happened. I keep trying to pretend I don't understand and then I outright lie; but, he looks so confused and worried that I have answer him: yes we met, yes we had sex.
I watch the emotions wash over his face. He's confused, then surprised, then all colour drains from his face and he looks sick and terrified.
"You said that we had sex. You, um, you wanted to, right?"
I don't know what he's talking about. Sure he doesn't remember so he's going to ask questions and wants to know about … OH MY GOD! He thinks that he may have raped me.
"Oh Sid, yes, I wanted it. You didn't force me or anything."
Relief washes over his face and body and he drops this head in his hands and takes deep breaths.
"Anna" he begins. "I really don't know what to say. I've never had so much to drink that I didn't remember the next day. Most definitely, I've never had sex with a girl and not remember it. You must think I'm an asshole. How can you even be in the same room with me? I just don't know what to say. I was going to find you tomorrow and apologize if I was out of line earlier tonight; but, to hear about this, I don't even know how to begin to apologize for my behaviour."
The regret on his face pulls at my heart. I know that he's telling me the truth, in fact, I think that I've always known it which is why I've never held it against him and still can't.
"I know that Sid. It's the same for me. I've never had a one night stand or done anything remotely like that before either."
"Yeah, I know that about you too" he tells me and gives me a small smile.
We sit staring at each other in silence for a while. We're both lost in our own thoughts but can't take our eyes off of each other. I don't know what to do or say next. Shouldn't I feel some relief not to keep this secret any more?
"There's one thing I don't understand Anna. Why didn't you tell me? We've spent time together, alone, and you could have told me. Why not?"
This is the moment where I make a decision that can change my life. What I say will determine how we go forward? Truth? Lie? A mix of both? I settle on a mix.
"Sid, what was I supposed to say to you. 'Hi Sid, we actually have met before but you were too drunk to remember even though we had sex'?"
He looks thoughtful as if considering my words carefully. I decide to wait him out rather than continue. If you can't be completely honest then it's usually a good idea to say as little as possible.
"Yeah" Sid says. "I guess that's not exactly a conversation starter is it?"
He's said it straight-faced but it quickly turns into a small smile that pulls one from me too.
"What made you remember?" I ask.
"I didn't completely remember" he replies.
"Yeah but you remembered something, right?"
"Yes" he says and looks away uncomfortably.
"Tell me, please."
He doesn't look at me but says "it was in the alley."
"When we kissed?"
"Actually, um" he stops and seems embarrassed. "It was actually when you moaned."
I'm surprised by his admission and amused by his embarrassment. Then his actual words sink into my brain. Oh God, he said he remembered when I moaned, now I'm embarrassed, horribly embarrassed. He remembered my moan.
"I'm sorry Anna."
I can't take any more of his apologies. He didn't do anything wrong really while I …
"Can you forgive me Anna?"
I look back at him and he looks so contrite and sincere. It makes me ache.
"Sid, there is really nothing to forgive. I only had a couple of drinks so I knew exactly what I was doing that night. Maybe I should have said no knowing how much you were drinking. Let's just call it what it was: two people who had one night together and then went on their separate ways, ok?"
He gives me a smile, nods and says "ok."
We sit in comfortable silence this time and it's a nice silence. I begin to feel a connection with Sid that scares the shit out of me. There is no less reason to stay away from him now than there was before but the honesty between us is drawing us closer. It's more dangerous than ever.
Sid stands and walks toward me so I stand too. I'm rooted to the where is stand and can only watch as Sid slides his hand up my neck and strokes my cheek with his thumb. He smiles slightly and then reaches down to touch my lips with his own. Lightly his lips move over mine until I respond regardless of how much my head says that it's a bad idea for so many reasons.
Sid pulls back slightly and rubs his nose up and down mine.
"I really don't want to leave" he tells me. Before I can even process this admission, he continues "but I will."
He kisses me once more and then leaves the room.
All I can do is fall backwards on the bed and lie there, staring at the ceiling, and replaying the last twenty minutes. How did this day, that started so well, end this way? It's all Adam's fault. Adam and his stupid makeover and then the club. I sigh. Ok, it's not really Adam's fault. It's mine. It was my bright idea to come back to Pittsburgh and take the job with the Pens. I figured that I would be an intern so how much interaction would I really have with the players? It was a fine idea at the time.
I crawl up the bed, turn off the light and know that I'll be lying here awake for hours. I'm right and I don't fall asleep until the early hours of the morning.
When my alarm goes off, I grab my phone, turn off the alarm and check my messages. There's one from Jen asking that Adam, Meagan and I meet her for breakfast to talk about the day. Thank goodness I have an hour before I have to meet them which is enough time to get coffee, have a shower and pack to go to New Jersey for the game tomorrow.
I was confused about why we weren't staying in New York since it's only an hour or so to get to New Jersey. It doesn't seem to make sense to pack, unpack, switching hotels. Apparently, a few years ago, there was a snow storm and the Pens were staying in NYC before the New Jersey game. They weren't able to get to game because of the snow but if they'd stayed in New Jersey then they would have been fine. Since then, the team moves to New Jersey before a game there.
As I walk to the elevator with my bags, I text Geno with his morning schedule and meet Adam doing the same walk to the elevator.
"Good morning" he grumbles to me.
I knew that he had a little too much to drink. Maybe it was a little more than a little.
"How is the head?" I ask him.
He doesn't answer me with words but, instead, turns to me and grimaces. It's really cute.
"Ok, fine" I tell him.
"How are you fine?"
"I didn't drink as much as you did Adam."
He grumbles something, I can't quite make it out, and then winces when the bell chimes to let us know the elevator is here.
"Wait for me" I hear Meagan call out as we get into the elevator. When she enters, she looks at Adam and says "you kook a little green Adam."
She chuckles, Adam winces and I bite my tongue. What a bitch.
She prattles on about how great the club was and how good a time she had dancing with Geno making it sound like something happened between them. I know that she's full of crap. I may not have known Geno a long time but I do know that he wouldn't touch this girl if she was the last woman on earth.
When we get to the room where the team will eat breakfast, we find Jen on both her phone and her tablet. I don't know that I've ever seen her without one or the other and today it's both. The three of us grab breakfast from the buffet and then join Jen at her table as she's hanging up her call. We talk about our evenings for a few minutes and then review the day's schedule.
I take a lot of notes as Jen talks about the boy who will be visiting the team before the game. She's giving me the responsibility to make sure we have all of the Pen's gear for the boy and one of Geno's sweaters that he can sign. The Rangers PR team has been very accommodating with seats for the boy and family as well as a tour of Maddison Square Gardens. The family is very excited.
When we're done our preparation, I look up and see that the room is partially full of players and coaches. I didn't even notice them come in. A quick glance at the room tells me that Sid hasn't come down yet. Neither has Geno. Jen excuses herself and leaves us.
"Looking for anyone in particular?" Meagan asks with sarcasm dripping from each word.
"What does that me?" I ask before I can think better of it.
"You know" is all she says.
She grabs her things and leaves the table. Adam and I watch her walk away and stop by every table to flirt with the players. We both see her hand graze across Beau's back as she walks by. How does no one else notice?
"Seriously, she is such a bitch" Adam says.
"I know" I tell him.
I stop paying attention when Sid walks in the room. He looks around, eyes searching, until he sees me. The smile he gives me is warm and friendly. It leaves me feeling worried and guilty.
Author's Note: can't wait to hear your thoughts on this one.
