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Chapter Nine
"Hope you're enjoying your shower!" Roger calls through the door, the smirk evident in his voice.
I ground my teeth together in pure furry. Of course Roger would purposely use up the warm water. Within minutes, I jump out and get ready for work. At ten till eight thirty, I rush out the door and head to work stopping by McDonalds on my way ordering coffee and a cinnamon roll. When I walk in, Bella sits at the counter and I slide the coffee to her along with a few packs of sugar and creamers making her look up at me.
"What's this?" she asks, seemingly mad at the gesture.
I shrug. "Thought you could use some morning nectar, and I'm sorry."
She raises her perfect eyebrow at my while preparing her coffee with one sugar and three creamers. "Sorry for what, exactly?"
"I'm sorry for pushing you last night and upsetting you."
She rolls her eyes. "Whatever. You need to get to work before Ian reconsiders hiring you."
I nod and turn to continue where I left off the previous day. The work still doesn't seem hard and the time passes quickly as I help people find books and music.
"Dude, take a break, you've been working like a horse. Take a long lunch." Ian calls from an aisle over.
"Thanks man, want me to pick you up anything?"
"Naw, I've got hummus and celery and tomato juice, so I'm a happy camper. Thanks though."
"I don't know how you can do that, but okay. I'll be back by one."
"Two, you'll be back by two. Remember, I said take a long lunch." Ian nods dismissing me.
Walking outside, the sun is shining brightly and the warm air wraps around me like a blanket.
"What are you smiling about?" a familiar voice asks a little bitterly.
"Wouldn't you like to know?" I bite back and begin walking down the block.
"Yea, I actually would you jerk. I need to talk to you."
"So now you need to talk to me. You couldn't talk to me last night or this morning about anything but you want to talk now. Well tough luck buttercup, I'm not in the mood to talk to you. I've got a new Paste magazine with my name on it that I'd like to peruse over a Chillax lunch at the diner." I tell her sarcastically.
"You're just like your stepfather, you know that?" she asks calmly as if the accusation is nothing.
"What?" I roar. "You have to have been smoking something strong because I am nothing like Roger you bitch. How dare you even accuse me of that!" I fume.
"You're only mad because you know I'm right, otherwise you wouldn't be so uptight so quick."
Without saying another word, I turn on my heel toward the diner. I don't want to blow up on her; she is too good for my quick temper. Sliding into a small two-seater booth and pulling out my magazine, I quickly look over my menu and know what I want.
"Hey there honey, what can I get you this afternoon? Our specials today are—"
"Can I have a Coke and a cheeseburger with fries? Please?"
"Of course hun." She scribbles down my order and posts it in the kitchen.
I return to my magazine only to be interrupted again.
"Look, I told you I want to talk and honestly, I don't ever give up on what I want." Bella's voice interrupts my thoughts.
I sigh before looking up at her. "Then I suppose there's no stopping you. Speak, but don't insult me." I warn already pissed.
She rolls her eyes as the waitress walks up to the table with my coke.
"Well hey there honey, what I can I get you?"
Bella smiles a one thousand watt smile up at the waitress, "I'll just have the same thing he's having. Are you having a good day?"
The waitress' smile grows on her face as she scribbles down the order. "It can always be worse, I've had better days but I've got a job in this crummy economy, so I really can't complain. Thanks for asking honey, you're the first all day long."
"My pleasure." Bella smiles.
"What's going on Princess Lollipop? Sweet to our waitress then sour to me, what the hell? Now you're the one who's acting like Roger." I smirk.
Bella just rolls her eyes. "You're my issue, so I'll lash out at you and not sweet Gina who is just doing her job."
"Right. So, what do you want to tell me?"
"I don't want to tell you anything. I want to talk to you about last night and my strange behavior." She says biting her lip and tracing invisible patterns on the tabletop as if it is the most important thing she's done all day long.
"The talk to me Bella. I can't read your mind much less your emotions; they're all over the place!"
She sighs, "I'm getting there Mr. Impatient! So, how has your day been going?"
I raise my eyebrow in question but go along with what she is asking. "My day's been good. Ian's working me like a horse, but it keeps me busy, ya know? How has your day been?"
Bella smiles. "It's been…exhausting. I didn't sleep much last night for multiple reasons and then this morning it seems like the world is out to get me. First, stuff with my mom. Then my car broke down again and I had to catch a cab, but I didn't have enough cash to pay so I had to bum some off Ian. Then there's been a ton of hipsters coming in and out today giving my shit over inconsequential stuff. And then you got all up on me and at this moment in time, all I want to do is curl up at my spot and stay there forever and not have to answer to anyone anymore—or just for a little bit."
"Gosh B, I'm sorry. I had no clue about all of that." I apologize feeling a little awkward and not really knowing what to say.
"It's whatever. Can't really change it, so why dwell on it? Anyhow, as for last night and all your questions concerning why I don't ever leave and play for a living, I have thought about it—a lot."
"So why haven't you? You hate your home life."
"It's not the same."
"How? How is it not the same?"
"Because you have options Bella. You have job opportunities to leave! I don't have those offers. I don't have enough saved up to leave!"
"But you have the courage to go off on your own to the great unknown." She admits quietly as the waitress rings our plates to the table.
I roll my eyes while stuffing a few fries in my mouth. "You've got to be shitting me. You hate your situation, yet you have all the opportunities to leave and start over and you don't. What's the deal? What are you leaving behind here?"
"Everything that's familiar. My dad and a steady job." She recites as if she has been rehearsing it.
"Right. That's squat. Aren't you the one who is always saying you want out? You keep contradicting yourself and it's giving me whiplash! Bella, what do you want?"
"I guess I don't know! I don't know anything, okay? I don't know anything!" she yells frustrated.
I give her a long hard stare, not agreeing or disagreeing with her. Then without a word I begin eating my lunch and looking through my magazine. I am about as focused on the words and pictures in it as a broken camera lens. Bella has fucking options and the only reasons she's staying is because she's scared she will miss her familiarity of this awful town. Once I finish, I toss enough money on the table for Bella and my meals then head back to work.
The bells above the door tinkle as someone comes in after me.
"Yo B! You're late!" Ian calls.
"Shut up, I've got your money." She yells back.
I roll my eyes and get back to work. She's such a hypocrite! She acts fearless here and completely retarded everywhere else. Be fucking consistent! None of this lukewarm shit!
"What are you mumbling about man? You've had a storm cloud brewing something fierce all day over your head." Ian asks as he walks over and begins helping me stock and organizes shelves.
I groan. "I've got a friend who's acting like a hypocrite. Always lukewarm about all the opportunities in their life."
"She should grow some then. Lukewarm hypocrites are the worst."
I laugh. "You're telling me. Any ideas how to give them cold feet or set a fire under them?"
"You like her?"
"Who said it's a her?"
"You didn't, it's just obvious. But do you like her?"
"No. she's cool and all, but I can't deal with her crazy mood swings and lukewarm lifestyle. It's unattractive in the worst way."
"Then don't worry about it. She's not your problem." He shrugs.
We continue stocking until Ian notices the time and declares the workday over. As I head out, Bella is waiting on the corner for what I'm assuming is a cab.
"B, get in." I call over to her as I open the passenger door.
"No."
"B, just get in. you don't have the money."
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because wishy-washy lukewarm hypocrites like me can't make up their mind and aren't worth your time."
I roll my eyes. "As you wish." Without giving it another thought, I slide in my car. If she doesn't want a free ride then I'm not going to push her.
Bella's face reflecting in my rearview mirror makes me feel awful, but her ride is her own fucking problem. Not mine.
Once I arrive home, I grab my cello and lock myself in my room thankful Roger isn't home and leaving in the morning with mom. Nine blissful weeks without them telling me what to do in my life. Hopefully Bella doesn't ruin that either by pouting or by making me have lunch every day with her. Stupid bitch ruins y lunch plans with my Paste magazine. Not all right.
Hundreds of angry notes pour from my cello and me. Concertos, nocturnes, fuege's and a dozen more arrangements play until the loud banging on my door can't be ignored any longer. Stopping abruptly though my current piece, I sigh wishing I could pain on the silence for days with rhythms and textures of my own creating a picture full of a life I wish I could be living. Quickly putting my cello away, I open the door slightly angry that someone had the nerve to interrupt me when they clearly heard me practicing.
"What do you want?" I demand.
Roger's disgusting face piers at mine. "I just wanted you to stop all the noise. It sounds horrible and I still can't understand how your mother has put up with it for so damn long. You sound like a dying bird or something in pain when you…play."
"You know Roger, I'm fine with my teachers tearing me apart and telling me that I suck at times, but hearing that come from you makes me want to play as loud as I can for as long as possible—just to irritate you." I smile sweetly hoping he'd go away.
No such luck.
"Then why don't you move out so you can play all the time without interrupting anyone? I'm sure your mother would love that, wouldn't you honey?" Roger asks my mom as she walks down the hallway.
"What was that dear?" she asks with a smile.
"I was just telling Jasper that you want him to stop bumming off us and move out. He's an adult with a job and just about finished with school, so shouldn't he be leaving or even out of the nest by now?"
Mom bites her lip with a confused look on her face. "Jasper, do you want to leave?"
Before I can even answer, Roger puts words in my mouth. "Of course he wants to leave. He's just stayed to appease you. You've needed a man in the house and now you've got me, so no need for Jazzy here."
My eyes grow wide in horror. Is Roger really saying this to my mother and does she really believe him?
"Jazz, is this true? Have you only stuck around because you thought I needed you?" her eyes water as a tear slides down her face.
"Of course it's true honey." Roger answers for me. "Jasper wants to get out of here like a bat in hell."
"No!" I roar. "Mom, don't believe this bastard! I love you and that's why I'm here! I want to be here! I don't want to leave. I want to be here as long as you'll allow me to be here. Roger here just wants me out so he can start using and abusing you like he's done to me from the get go.
"If you want me out just let me know and I'll be gone and never return by the time you return from your cruise. But for now 'm out. I can't deal with this crazy shit I need to let off steam. Either I'll see you when you get back or I won't. Just know mom, I love you." and with that, I leave and drive.
Everything passes in a blur. Greens and browns pass in streaks until I pull into a coffee house in Port Angeles. Walking inside I glance up at the menu and order their largest size of chi tea and a piece of coffee cake. The place seems lodge-like and I end up on the couch in front of the fireplace. What am I going to do? I keep asking myself hoping the answer will come to me like a fortune in a cookie.
"Rough day for you too?" an all too familiar voice asks.
"What are you doing here?" I ask her tiredly.
"I was stood up for a dinner date, so I came here thinking it looked interesting."
I nod and stare out the window trying to figure out what to do. There's no one I can move in with. No way in hell I'd become a prostitute. And I'm nowhere near good enough to get job offers with my music. Employers are iffy hiring me, so schools are out and what I'm making at Bittersweet won't cover me and it's too early to ask for a raise. I run my hand through my hair trying to come up with a solution.
"What's got you so quiet?" Bella asks quietly.
"Nothing." I tell her shortly still staring out the window.
Bella stays quiet as my thoughts overwhelm me again. I'll be graduating this spring and dorms are out of the question. I'm not selling my baby, no matter what. I've got some saved and my senior concert is coming up within the next few months. But that won't help me for the right now.
"Jasper, if you keep this up your face is going to stay like that."
"That's the least of my worries."
"In that case, what's the biggest one?"
"Bella," I sigh, "I don't want to get into this. You don't need to worry about my problems. They're mine for a reason and thus I have to deal with my trials and tribulations on my own."
Without saying another word, Bella stands up and leaves, leaving me to my thoughts again. My thoughts rage in my mind like a story and all I have is a blow-up safety raft with a hole. My situation sucks; no money, no friends, a job that doesn't pay enough, parents who don't care. What else can go wrong?
"Sir, I'm sorry, but we're closing." One of the baristas informs me, disrupting my thoughts.
I nod and get up. Walking out to my car, my eyes on the ground two legs attached to sinful red pumps obstruct my view. As I follow them up to a short skirt and a long jacket, I laugh as the Cake song comes to mind.
"Can I help you?" I ask still smiling at her body and not taking notice of her face.
"I'd love a ride hot shot." Her voice smiles.
"Where you goin'?"
"Anywhere you want to take me." her alluring voice purrs as my eyes continue traveling up her beautiful body making my body respond happily.
"Bella?" I asked shocked as my eyes reached her face.
"You got it hot shot. Like what you see?" she smiles sinfully.
I shrug trying to backtrack, Bella pushes up from the hood of my car and walks up to me so close our chests are almost touching.
Smirking, she whispers in my ear, "Little Jazzy seems to like what he sees; he's giving me a thumbs up." She finishes cupping her hand on 'Little Jazzy' suddenly making my eyes bug out. Just as quickly, she resumes her sop on the hood of my car. "So can I get a ride home?"
I nod dumbly. What is this girl doing to me and where has her crazy confidence come from? Walking to her side first, I unlock and open her door for her then walk to my side with one thought in my head—Bella is going to kill me in the most wonderful possible way.
Taking my time, I back out of my parking spot and begin down the road toward the interstate. Hating the silence, I begin fiddling with eh radio and hating all the songs that are playing. Batting my hand away, Bella scowls at me then asks if I had an iPod jack.
Nodding, she pulls out an old video iPod and begins scrolling through songs before hooking it up and the familiar chords of Cute Is What We Aim For's "The Curse of Curves" blasts through my speakers.
"Well aren't you going to ask me about my date?" Bella sighs smirking, looking out the window.
I shrug. "It's really none of my business, but go ahead, tell me about it."
"Well there wasn't one. I was set up on a blind date by one of my best friends. Evidently, the guy is a med student and decided he didn't feel like showing up which really pisses me off because I got all dolled up and my friend left me stranded without a car thinking my date would take me back home. But like everything else in my life, it isn't that easy. He didn't show and then by chance I found you looking all unsettled in that coffee shop and waited for you to come out to catch a ride."
"And what if I said no?"
She smiles. "I know you wouldn't. Date attire always screams you'll give me my way."
I laugh. "Right, your date attire screams I'll give you anything. Bella, you've never been that tempting." I lie hoping she won't call my bluff.
All she does is raise her eyebrows at me. "Right, well, you know my secrets so let's hear yours. What was going on in the coffee shop? And truth would be lovely and refreshing."
I sigh. "You wouldn't understand."
"Try me; I've been through hell and back."
"Roger convinced my mom I don't really love her. So by the time they get back from their cruise I have to be moved out and on my own somewhere supporting myself, and I don't think I can. I don't make a ton of money, I'm still paying for school debts, I'm not getting any job offers for my musical abilities and I honestly don't have a game plan. I don't have friends I can move in with. I just don't know what I'm going to do ad its scaring the shit out of me!" I tell her truthfully.
"Jasper, you have to be the stupidest person alive." Bella says bitterly.
"And why would that be Ms. Smarty pants? Please enlighten me." I spit harshly.
"Yea…I need to move out and I've got oodles of job offers, but they're wanting someone to accompany me on stage—and I've got more money than I know what to do with."
"Swan, give me the abridged version. My brain is shot and I can't connect dots."
"You're always wanting an adventure and I've got the opportunity to have the adventure—and I need a partner in crime. Jasper, take an adventure with me. I can—"
"No." I interrupt.
"Why? I can provide the whole package."
"Because you can provide the whole package. Bella, I'm not one of those guys who bums people all the time. I at least have to pay fifty percent of everything and in this season in my life, I'm unable to do that. And besides, I don't know you well enough to take you up on that offer."
"And obviously you're not desperate enough. Let me know when you are." Bella glares as she slides out of my car and angrily slams the door.
Throwing the car in reverse, I drive to my house and barge in back at square one with no options that are remotely feasible. "Why is my life so fucked up?" I yell at no one.
Pulling out my cello, I begin playing. The bow rubs angrily against the strings as my fingers move on their own accord. An angry melody pours from me. Minor chords produce a frustrated transition into pure and utter wallowing. Once I finish I want to kick myself. That was by far the most intricate piece I've ever played and I have no clue what I just played.
Too frustrated for anything else, I fall on my bed and immediately drown in the darkness behind my eyelids. The morning erupts too soon, but thankfully, it is pouring outside and unusually dark outside.
Taking a quick shower, I pull on jeans, a black thermal and my favorite gray beanie and head into work. Ian steers clear when he notices my scowl, and just points in the direction of my work for the day. Nodding my thanks, I get to work and don't try to have any social interaction with anyone.
"Jasper," an icy voice says from behind me, "Ian told me to tell you to take your lunch."
I nod but keep working, not wanting to face people or the real world.
"Jasper!" the voice demands my attention.
"What?" I roar, turning around and towering over Bella.
"Take your lunch."
"I'd rather work through it."
"And I'd like to knock some sense into you, but that's not going to happen. So take you lunch and come back with a better attitude."
"How about you go and change your attitude and I'll stay and work."
"No. Go. To. Lunch." she states firmly, inching closer to me and poking my chest.
"Isabella, lay off."
"Make. Me."
"How about we live in peace and harmony fellow co-workers and employees." Ian's mellow voice interrupts us. "You both need to get out of here. You're both acting as if you have dwarfs shoved up your asses who are throwing some sort of glow stick, strobe light rave up in there. Now, I suggest you all cool off and chill out. Take the rest of the afternoon off—and that means you too B. I own this fort, thus I can hold it down on my own. Until next time, have a great day." Ian smiles not leaving any room for us to argue.
Groaning, I clock out and head to my car. I have no homework. I can't go back into work and it's too early to go out to get drunk—fuck my life. I bang my hands on my steering wheel a few times for good measure.
Three knocks on my window brings me out of m own haze. Looking out the window, I groan before rolling it down a little.
"Ride?" Bella chatters.
"Get in." I instruct simply.
Quickly she slides in looking like a wet cat. "Thanks."
I nod and begin driving. Skipping the normal route, I jump on the interstate and start heading to my rainy day get away.
"Jasper, where are we going?" Bella asks quietly.
"Lynn's." I smile to myself.
"Lynn's?"
"Yup. It's my rainy day place to go."
Bella doesn't say another word as we continue driving. The rain beats down on my car as the thoughts in my head beat against each other telling me that what I am doing is wrong and will come back to bite me in the ass, but at this moment in time, I don't care.
Thirty minutes later, we pull up at Lynn's and the familiar restaurant beckons me in. the crazy mismatched décor and the toys on the table make me smile.
"So, why'd you bring me here? I look awful and as far as I know you're mad as hell at me." Bella asks as she picks up a plastic horse and begins running her fingers over the head and eyes.
"To…talk."
"To talk? Since when?"
"Now."
"Then speak."
"I am a bastard. I don't enjoy social interaction. I usually use girls then leave them to figure out their own problems. But with you, I want something."
"You want something? Care to elaborate?"
I roll my eyes. "I was getting there. I want to take you up on your offer. I'm graduating in the spring and at the moment; I'm writing my senior pieces and trying to graduate earlier. I want something more in life than abuse and going from job to job. I want a career and I want a definite future with definite people. I promise to pay you back everything I take from you, if your offer still stands that is."
Bella bit her lip as she listens to me. "You are a bastard and honestly you drive me crazy, but I did extend the offer to you."
"So…" I trail off wanting an answer.
"So, I'll think about it. How long are your parents going to be gone?"
"Nine weeks."
She nods. "I'll let you know before then."
"I kinda need to know sooner than later."
"Beggars can't be choosers jasper, be patient." She smiles, knowing exactly what she is doing.
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