HOLY SHEEEEEEEZ!!! It's been, what, a year since I've updated!? Myabe even two. Well. Here ya go. Another chapter. Although I'm SUPER sure no one's reading anymore. Comment and tell me if you have been. . Please contact me if this chapter has offended you in any way and I'll be sure to send you more offensive sutff.

Thanks for reading.

Chapter 9: Puppy Helmet

THE THRONE ROOM

Larken kneeled down in front of the huge throne that loomed far above him. His robes clung to his sweaty flesh as he anxiously waited for his master to begin their conversation. A pair of luminous blue eyes hung in the daunting shadows, closely resembling two ghostly moons brightening a starless sky, only much less innocent. Those eyes held a sinister malevolence that burned into the very soul of any creature who dared to stare back. Those eyes, those haunting eyes. They suddenly blinked once. Twice. And then Larken's master began to speak.

"So, how have things been going while I was away Larken? I trust everything is running smoothly." There was a pause before Lord Deshwitat continued speaking. "You haven't some across any trouble have you?"

Larken shivered with every word his master had spoken. Something seemed different about him today. More…...sinister.

"No my lord. Our plans to attack the enemy's camp are still set to begin within three days, just like you ordered master."

Something in the shadows moved slightly and a silvery object whizzed past Larken, only grazing his pale cheek. He trembled somewhat, but remained motionless, still kneeling.

"Yes master?"

A serene and relaxed voice as gentle as silk answered. "That is not what I ordered my dear little slave. I said for you to kill them all as soon as possible."

"But master! My troops are not ready, we still need to repair our weaponry! We can't fight them without our ships operational!" Another glimmer of light soared across the room and sliced his robes, staining them crimson.

The voice was not as friendly this time. "Then fight on your feet! You and your soldiers should be prepared enough to battle on the land, just like your ancestors! Do you dare challenge my authority?"

Larken still kneeled patiently before his master and replied. "No my lord. I obey only you."

"…….Fine then. We attack tomorrow. No exceptions." Lord Deshwitat waved his hand towards his loyal commander. "You are dismissed."

Larken stood and bowed before swiftly marching to the exit. The faster the better to escape this prison-like room of death.

--

Back at camp

"FWHEEEEEHEEHEEHEE!!!! I'm on fire! It burns! YAAAY!!!" Gir ran ablaze throughout the camp knocking into several soldiers and lighting them up too. Zim stood chuckling atop a small hill and watched the flaming mass of Irken and human soldiers. His laughter was cut short as he was shoved forward and rolled down the length of the hill.

"Bwahahaha!! Don't get too comfortable Zim! We're at war here; You need to watch your back. Always." Dib slipped away, still giggling.

Zim rubbed his head and sat up. He grumbled and began tracing pictures of a creepy monkey in the dusty earth. "Stupid, filthy, vile human…..I'll scoop out his innards and fill him with….with….PUDDING! Yes…..pudding……Oh, that's good."

"Pudding?"

"Yes, pudding."

"I don't really like pudding."

"Well, maybe I could fill him up with gelatin or someth- HEY! Who asked you!?" Zim whipped his head around and scowled.

Keef stood grinning like an idiot rocking back and forth on his heels. "Actually, gelatin sounds good!" He rubbed his tummy like he was hungry.

Zim stood up slowly and punched Keef in the stomach.

"That's okay buddy! cough Keep brainstorming about the pudding or gelatin or whatever! I'll see ya!" Keef smiled again before he fell on his face.

--

Zim stormed away from the idiot boy. He kicked at a rock , sending it flying. It knocked into something metallic.

"GIR! Where have you been?"

Gir giggled. "I been makin' pudding!"

"What is it with pudding today?" Zim shrugged and trotted away to his cabin room.

"doo de doot doo dooooo……" Gir danced around a little in a drunken fashion, not much unlike most of the celebrities you see out there. He suddenly stopped and looked down at his feet. There lay the rock that Zim had kicked. Gir picked it up and petted it.

"I WUB you widdle Rock-fishmonkeypizzacarrotdude!!" He snickered giddily and hugged the rock close. "C'mon! We's gonna have us an adventure! CORN!!"

He turned around and bumped into Dib. They stared and each other for a long moment before Gir ran away screaming his head off.

"Hmmmmokay..." Dib was carrying the medium-sized sword he had found earlier in the cave. He swung it through the air gently with little effort. Despite looking heavy, it was actually very lightweight. He tried a more complicated move that he had seen in one of Gaz's videogames. He tripped clumsily and fell hard, not unlike a drunkard wheeling in an allyway. Hard and fast. But almost in slow motion. And wet. Sometimes it's wet….you know, from rain? I hear it rains in alleyways.

" Okay,….that didn't work. It just hurt. And why is the ground wet? I'm not in some alleyway or anything."

--

UNKNOWN RAVINE ON VENUS NEAR IRKEN/HUMAN CAMP

"YEEEEAH! AWESOME HAPPY ADVENTURE TIIIIME!!!!" Gir twirled in circles with his arms outstretched holding the rock. He had drawn a face on it and it was now very happy looking.

Keef had been watching this go on for quite some time. A couple of hours or so anyway. He was jovially clapping and laughing right along with Gir.

"Can I play with Winkle Fairydust Stalin the Rock-Fishmonkeypizzacarrot dude now?"

"NO!" Gir roared in a raspy voice, eyes red.

"Okie dokie!"

Gir sniffed a yellow cactus-like plant, still holding the smiling rock.

"How 'bout now?"

"OKAY!!" Gir pelted Winkle Fairydust Stalin at Keef's stupid head. He caught it in his eye quite expertly.

"Great throw!" Keef jumped up and down cradling Mr. Winkle Stalin whose face seemed to be predominately frowning.

"What adventure we shall have little Winkle buddy!"

--

What adventures indeed Mr. Winkle?

Well now, that wasn't too bad now was it? Okay. It downright sucked. I don't care. TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR MORE OF THE ACTUAL PLOT AND GIR, KEEF, AND MR. WINKLE FAIRYDUST STALIN'S AWESOME ADVENTURES!!