The distraction was simple enough. Xanxus decided to make a grand entrance and bitch out Iemitsu for the crap he pulled while he was on ice. Naturally that drew the bigger players out of their offices and away from security monitors that Dark had long since learned the locations of.

Lal Mirch was good, but Colonello was her former student and had broken in enough times that he had the place more or less cased out. Mostly to bring her sappy Valentines or other presents.

Dark walked as if he belonged, using special Mist bindings (which Tsuna promptly called Hammer Space, and the name stuck) to steal anything that looked the least bit interesting. It was when he got to the special room that no one really bothered with that his work really began.

It took him twenty minutes to steal the other half of the rings, and get out without leaving any evidence.

And then he hit the servers and stole every hard drive he could reasonably get his hands on without anyone realizing anything, considering the Varia had "helpfully" knocked out all the power with one of their attacks on the building. They weren't known for being "sane" and Iemitsu plain pissed them off.

He walked out the same door he came in and no one even tried to stop him.

He did send a text to the others, and made his way to the Varia mansion.


Several hours later...

"That was fun, darlings~ Did you see how red his face was? I thought he was going to have a coronary with the boss telling him off for his stupidity!" said Luss enthusiastically.

"Shishishi... the peasants learned their place," snickered Belphegor happily. He stabbed a lot of peasants who worked for the fool who talked bad about their boss. They deserved everything they got.

"Voi! So did you get what you were after?" asked Squalo to Dark.

"I took back what those idiots had stolen from my family. Doubt they'll even notice it's gone for a long while, especially since I also stole enough of their more recent 'acquisitions'. Speaking of which... you can have these. Not like I want to bother with them," said Dark, unloading the hard drives and all the files he stole.

Xanxus was grinning wickedly. They would go through it all with a fine tooth comb before they even considered letting CEDEF know where the files and hard drives were.

And they even had a legitimate reason for that show... Dark had paid them to act as a distraction while he reacquired something that they had taken from his family! They even had a receipt for it, so the Vongola couldn't bitch them out too much later!

So what if the funds came from CEDEF's accounts? They could pin the blame on them for the theft!

"So brat, how would you like to be the Varia Cloud officer?" asked Xanxus seriously.

Dark's grin was wicked.

"I don't mind acting with a partner or as the main distraction, but I can't have the reputation of Phantom Dark have the title of 'assassin' added to it. No offense. But... I suppose I could be a part time assistant in your operations and train your Clouds into something close to competent if you don't mind their dignity taking several hits. Colonello certainly loved the ideas I shared from our family's specialty in trap making."

Mammon stared at him.

"That was you?" they said in shock.

"Miser brat, what's so special about that?" asked Xanxus.

Mammon looked at Xanxus with an odd expression.

"Colonello's infamous obstacle course underwent a major upgrade several months ago. He claimed he got advice from someone who went through something that was twice as hard before he was ten, and promptly added it to his own. To put this in perspective, the original was something more in line with what the special forces use, but the new one has actual lasers, automated crocodiles from Verde, and pit falls that dump you straight into an outlet that takes you to the area close to where the sharks are," said Mammon flatly.

Seeing the others pale at the idea, Dark grinned.

"My mother loves that one, though I long modified the net she had under my bed when she opened up that pit trap into a hammock with pillows and a blanket so I could keep sleeping in when she dumps me in the basement. That course is way more fun than the one Colonello uses, and even he was impressed with it. It took him four hours just to reach the top, and we had to let him out since he would have just destroyed the lock to get back into the main house," said Dark amused.

Everyone stared at him...then...

"Phantom brat, you're making us a proper course so we can toss the greenhorns in that haven't earned names yet," said Xanxus seriously.

If they wanted to be Varia quality, then they would damn well learn how to handle ANYTHING.

"I fear for my free time," said Squalo. Somehow he just KNEW the boss was going to toss them in as a proper test run, and it would suck.

"Oh and before you get any ideas, all the traps are designed for the use of training the heirs to the family I belong to, and we stay strictly in the civilian side. So no Flames, especially you, your highness," said Dark seriously.

"Voi! Your family is civilian?"

Dark smirked.

"Not all 'criminals' bother with the underworld. We've been a family of Phantom Thieves since the time of the Vongola Primo. I'm just the first to take it international and bother with the underworld since the first Flame user married into it. They know about this side of the world, but they don't mess with it and outside of annoying the hell out of the cops it doesn't really register them. However several centuries of stealing things have allowed them to get really, really good at traps. Specifically recreating them so their active members can get past them to the target. Though if you know of any decent Flame traps, my aunt would love you for it. Our knowledge of Flames is very limited," said Dark.

"How limited?" asked Xanxus.

"We barely had anything close to knowledge of the bare minimum until Fon found my permanent assistant and explained things to him, like Cloud flames. Though training is going to be a pain. I mostly act as the decoy...my partner is the one with the active Flames."

"I can see this being a profitable relationship, for both sides," said Mammon grinning.

"Or a monumental headache," said Dark.

Xanxus quickly found out what "Phantom" meant when he said a monumental headache.

"You mean to tell me his permanent partner is a kid?"

"A kid who got your ass out of the Vongola mansion without anyone actually noticing while Mammon distracted them with their illusions."

Xanxus blinked, before a smirk appeared on his face.

"There's one thing I don't get though... why in god's name do you want to rule the Vongola so damn much anyway? I mean you don't even like the paperwork that comes with being the Varia boss, so why would you add that nonsense on top of it?" asked Tsuna honestly.

"Mostly to prove to that old geezer I'd be a better boss than he was," said Xanxus.

Tsuna openly snorted, and almost inadvertently pissed off Xanxus in the process.

"Considering that asshole sealed two Skies and allowed the Vongola's name to sink into the gutters, I honestly doubt you'd do worse than him. Hell, your name is still more feared and respected than Timoteo Vongola, if only because your people are actually competent and haven't let the same rats into the Varia that he's allowed into the main family!"

Xanxus had to make sure he wasn't hearing things.

"What do you mean 'sealed two Skies'?"

"That asshole was talked into sealing Iemitsu's son soon after he went active, and the boy was a Sky. He was only five. And the less said about his indifference to the fact he's married with a child, the better. He barely even registers them as existing outside of bragging to his coworkers with pictures."

Xanxus' snarl was actually really comforting.

"I knew he was trash, but I didn't know he was that stupid."

"That's an understatement. So about that Flame training."

"What can you do so far, brat?"

"This does not reach outside this room. I don't care how much Mammon would be willing to sell it for, I don't want those bastards finding out I'm here," said Tsuna flatly. "I'd be willing to invoke Omerta if I have to."

Xanxus glared at him.

"What's so special about you, brat?"

"Let's just say the Vongola would be very interested in finding out I'm training my Flames with you and leave it at that. Especially the two idiots I just robbed."

"Fine. Consider this secret," said Xanxus.

Needless to say he went from shock to realization as to why the kid was invoking Omerta.

"...You're that moron's son. The one he sealed."

"I prefer to think of him as a sperm donor, thank you. Besides, the second my mother saw something was wrong she took me to visit her sister. It took them almost six months to remove that damn seal, and it would have screwed me up for life if it had stayed on... if I survived past fourteen that is."

Xanxus was not an idiot.

Dark mentioned a 'permanent partner', and a lot of little things fit in. like why Dark hadn't distracted the Vongola personally, rather than have this kid hire Mammon.

"You're Dark."

"I'm his 'container', I suppose you could say. It's a family trait on my mother's side. When a boy from the main line turns fourteen, they inherit Dark and his powers. Some of which are Flame based, and if that seal had remained, I would be lucky to be alive. Now imagine how pissed Iemitsu and that senile old man would be if they found out you trained my Sky Flames," said Tsuna smirking.

Pissed wouldn't even begin to describe it. With how much they hated him, they would have a coronary if they found out.

Which was all the reason he would need to do it anyway, on top of the agreement he had with Dark.

"What did you steal from the Vongola anyway?"

"Let's just say they're going to have a heart attack when they find both sets missing, and it would probably cost me one of the favors you owe so that you don't kill me outright," deadpanned Tsuna.

Xanxus put two and two together again, before his jaw dropped.

"You stole the Vongola Half-Rings?" he said in disbelief.

"The security around them wasn't worth shit," said Tsuna. "I literally walked away twice with the rings and no one even sounded a single alarm. Hell the ones in the main house barely had a working blood seal, which took me all of five seconds to get around!"

Xanxus didn't know what to think of this. And then it occurred to him what the Vongola's reactions would be if they found out that the next Decimo was Varia trained and not inclined to listen to the shit of the Ninth generation. The sheer chaos of having someone like Dark in their midst after he robbed them twice.

"Screw it. I'm going to train your sorry ass into the ground so that when you finally come out with the rings you can proudly say I'm the one who beat your ass into shape. If only to give those bastards in the main family a coronary learning you're on better terms with us than the rest of them."

"By the way, I'll still act as your Cloud officer if you want. If there's one thing being the son from a clan of experienced thieves can do, it's make a disguise that's damn near impossible to notice without the use of Flames. That way you have someone competent to order your men until you find a proper Cloud Guardian since it's a pain to get them. I managed to luck out on that one, though we're more rivals than anything at this point."

"What's your territory?"

"Dark's reputation as a thief only. I would prefer not to get my hands bloody, but as long as his reputation as a thief remains intact I will kill if I have to," said Tsuna bluntly.

"I can work with that. Now let's see what you can do, brat."

It was clear Tsuna had Xanxus' respect, which was more than could be said of Iemitsu.

It took some major balls to rob the Vongola of both sets of the famous half-rings and it took genuine skill to actually get away with said theft under their noses without anyone the wiser.

If this didn't wake up those shitty geezers in the main family that there was a rot in the Vongola, then nothing would.

At least this way he knew the next Decimo would be someone he could tolerate, as opposed to the shits he had to deal with now.