This chapter will be going back and forth between Mercy's and Nathan's POV. I wanted to showcase what they both go through on a regular basis when one of them is away on a mission, but this one proves to be different from all the others. One that neither of them soon forget. I hope you all enjoy!

Chapter 9: Recklessness

Angela's POV, during the last chapter when Nathan is with Ana...

The anger I felt towards Nathan's actions was insurmountable. He was so needlessly reckless, and took what I said even worse than I expected. He had been battling his demons all day, and it's starting to weigh on him heavily. Keeping his feelings bottled up all the time, and then the only time he ever lets them out is with acts of aggression and violence. I was beginning to contemplate asking him about his past once more, in hopes of getting his anger out in some other way, but Captain Amari had entered before I could do so.

Nathan seemed to back down as soon as Amari entered, and I could feel a spark of fear be sent through him. He had respect for the woman, much more than most, and even cared for her. He rarely spoke of their relationship between one another, but I could tell there was a bond between them.

I wish Nathan could understand where I was coming from. Of course I have feelings for him I've still yet to come to terms with, but I didn't want it to cause a conflict with our work. His work in Blackwatch was vital to Overwatch's function, and I needed to focus on my patients and research. He took it as a personal insult, rather than me trying to come to a mutual agreement. Though I couldn't deny I felt horrible doing it to him, and to see the pain he hid away from me so quickly. He turned cold in a blink.

But the truth was, a part of me feared him. I knew of his past before Blackwatch, and I was painfully aware of the deaths he was responsible for, but what pushed me away most was Blackwatch. The rumors I hear, although just rumors, are enough to insight fear of them being true. And those nights he comes back covered in blood only provide more evidence of corruption in Blackwatch. The times he decides to withhold the truth of what he's doing in those missions is enough to make me suspicious.

Although I cared about the man, and wanted to see him do well, and live a good life, I doubted his intentions at times. He may have a charming smile and personality, but was that real, or all a cruel ploy to distract me from his actions? As much as I wanted to deny it because of all the time I'd spent with him, I couldn't completely write that possibility off. Blackwatch taught many skills, from ways to kill, interrogation techniques, and most importantly of all, manipulation.

I was heading back to the med bay, to speak with Nathan on his condition, after giving Ana time to speak with him of course, which I figured was her scolding him for his actions. I wasn't entirely against her doing so. As I neared the entrance to the door, I could tell my prediction wasn't too far off. She was yelling about him being an idiot. But what wasn't so predictable was why she was saying that.

"Foolish. Did you think it would work between you two? The woman has better things to do than date you! Look at you. Throwing away your life because some woman didn't date you! You're an idiot Nathan. I'm disappointed in you." I could overhear the conversation, with the older woman yelling at him. I sighed, realizing this was probably about me. I knew he was using this violence as a coping mechanism, but I didn't know he'd reveal it to her. I frowned, the feeling of guilt washing over me. I had hurt him more than I anticipated.

There was a pause between them, before Ana spoke up again. "You love her, don't you?"

That certainly caught my attention. I wasn't one to eavesdrop, but I couldn't prevent myself from listening in. I heard him sigh deeply, and I expected a no in response. "Yeah. Y-Yeah I do." He muttered, and the hallway became much hotter, as my eyes widened. He loved me? Nathan Parker, the infamous outlaw and killer, cared for me on that kind of a level? I was flattered of course, but why? I didn't expect that kind of emotional response from him. Of course he flirted and I flirted back at times, despite me telling myself not to, but this was something much more.

"I know you do." Ana spoke up, and she continued quickly, and I kept listening. "I can always tell. Just by the way you speak about the woman, shows how madly in love you are." She teased, and I began to blush myself, becoming admittedly nervous. "She loves you too, you know that?"

The blush had reached a new intensity, leaving my face hot, my cheeks flushing. I subconsciously held my clipboard close to my chest. My mind tried to deny that fact, with all the times I'd felt hatred towards him, but I couldn't keep the facade up forever. He was closer to me than most. Maybe that was my fault for letting it get that way in the first place. But I didn't really mind it all that much. Having someone to lean on was very useful.

"But she just-" Nathan tried to retort, but was quickly silenced. "Listen. She let you go because she loves you. She doesn't want to see you hurt. The woman speaks highly of you, and there is that same look in her eyes when she says your name. Do you think she would spend all her time on you if she didn't care for you? All those times when you two are together, I can tell how you both feel. I know it may be hard now, but trust me, it's worth the fight."

I had spent so long telling myself the opposite of that, but when I could hear someone else other than me say it, I could recognize what I felt. All those moments we had together. The walks, the night we danced underneath the stars like in all the romance holovids, the flirting, the kiss that one night. It all clicked. We both had something. Maybe I was too blind to see it, or I was trying to keep my feelings to myself, but it was there.

For a moment, I was there dumbfounded as they spoke a bit more, as I blushed as she said I'd miss him, which was true. I soon snapped to my senses, pretending to be just arriving. A bit of me felt guilty for listening in on something so private. It was rude of me, but it's too late now.

The door opened, and Ana smiled at me, and placed a hand on mine. "You're lucky. You have something most women don't ever get." She whispered, before leaving. I stood there, mind rushing with thoughts and emotions. I held a hand out to stop the door, entering the room once more.

As I told him about his condition, my mind blanked out, thinking of everything else. Of Nathan. He didn't seem as troubled as before, but something was there that he held back. Something he kept hidden away behind his eyes. I found myself staring into them, searching for the truth. He offered a weak smile, standing up to leave. I stopped him, grabbing his hand. They were still rough from the fighting today, but surprisingly warm and comforting.

"Are you-" I began, but he answered before I could finish the question. "Yeah." He said, giving my hand a gentle squeeze, before leaving. I watched as he went, his eyes straight ahead, and he didn't hesitate. I expected him to look back or something, but he never did. Something was there, and I didn't exactly know what. He hid it well, despite him opening up to Captain Amari. I shut the door as I left too, walking to the opposite side of the hallway.

Nathan's POV, during present mission...

I ducked behind the shot, the bullet just barely whizzing by my head. I let out a "phew", turning to my right. Gabriel and Jesse were occupied with the other gang members in this firefight, and Genji was busy in the back lines. "Son of a bitch." I gritted my teeth, looking up at the sky for a moment.

In hindsight, we weren't very prepared for this mission.

This one was supposed to be relatively easy, taking an hour tops, especially with Blackwatch's best seeing this through. The gang we were after had been trouble as long as I could remember in Blackwatch, as we'd been hunting them for a long time. They were docked here, shipping volatile chemicals and bombs across the borders, and were linked to several bombings, including the one during my mission with Ricky and the others. This one was personal.

The problem still stood though, we were severely outgunned, and underestimated our opponents. They had been ready for us, and ambushed us, pinning us down here. Our pilot was still holding off the forces on his end, while we dealt with the clusterfuck of oncoming fire on our side. This wasn't going so well.

Jesse had taken a shot to the arm, and Gabriel was still trying to contact Overwatch and let them know what was going on. Genji was still back there, and I had no idea how to contact him. Our communications were down, and a crowd of angry gang members armed to the teeth stood between us. We'd been in this situation for about an hour now, slowly pushing them back. It was a sluggish mission, but we were here to see it through.

"Sir, Genji is still back there!" I yelled over to him, and he grunted. "I know!" He replied over the gunfire. "Any bright ideas?" Jesse asked, popping out and firing a few shots. "Just one!" I said. It relied heavily on me being reckless and not giving a shit about my wellbeing, and as luck would have it, I didn't. I figured with Genji and I, we could pincer them between two fronts, and they wouldn't be able to handle it.

"Lay down covering fire!" I yelled towards them. Gabriel frowned. "What are you doing?!" He asked, as I rolled out of cover. "Something stupid!" I answered, and Gabriel grunted. "God damnit kid!" I dodged the bullets, grabbing a large shard of metal from a recent explosion, using it as a shield to defend myself. I could hear the ding of each shot hitting metal, as the force was knocking me back. Reinhardt made it look easy.

The make shift shield was becoming hot to the touch, and damaged, chipping off bit by bit, as I kept moving forward. I felt a shot enter my calf, and it flew right out the other side. I groaned, wincing as a fire shot up my leg. Genji was worth the risk, he helped me, and I wasn't gonna leave him to die any time soon. He may not be the friendliest, but I considered him a friend at most, and a squad mate at the very least.

My free hand reached out for my hip, which held the last of my grenades. I smirked, giving it a kiss for good luck, and tossing it over the top of my shield. The explosive bounced into the middle of them, and they tried to escape its blast. They were much too late, a hole being blown in their defense, leaving a lane open for me. I ran through them, hoping with all the commotion I could get through to Genji.

A bullet entered my side, and I grunted, falling to my knees, I held it up, blocking the shots fired, before I couldn't hold it any longer. I fell down, expecting to be riddled with bullets. They all aimed at me, and I closed my eyes, ready to meet my violent end.

But fate smiled upon me today. Three of the gang members became new owners of freshly brandished shurikens, all lodged in their skulls. I snapped to my feet, thanking Genji silently, as he dashed in, slicing through them quickly. I withdrew my gun, firing at those who planned to shoot Genji in the back. He deflected those shot at my back in turn. We were like a well oiled machine, ripping and tearing through them. One charged me with a knife, and I flipped him over my back, and he landed with a thud. The cyborg's sword made quick work of him.

Gabriel and Jesse joined in the fun, distracting the others. They were pinned against one another. The intimidating Commander Reyes and cowboy Jesse McCree on one side, with the legendary Genji Shimada and sharpshooter Nathan Parker on the other. They didn't last very long, as most would expect.

My eyes widened as a sniper on one of the rooftops zoomed in on Genji, his sights on his chest. I yelled out to him. "Duck!" He did as I said, not questioning it, as the bullet grazed his metallic frame, and I took a quick shot at the would be cyborg killer, which left what remained of his brains splattered along the wall behind him. Genji seemed impressed. "Hmm. Nice shot." He complimented, and I nodded at him, offering a smile. "Let's just say we're even." I replied, as we stood back to back, killing what remained of the soon to be extinct group of gang members. "Deal." He chuckled, his laughter a rare sound.

Soon enough, we were the only ones left. I smiled, looking at a job well done. Genji went back to check on the pilot who accompanied us. That left Jesse and Gabriel with me, who were pretty happy with the results. Gabriel offered his bland point of view of the whole scenario, and told me job well done. Jesse gave his own sort of version of the "badassery", as he put it, which gave a more heroic version, rather than a reckless plan. I remembered why I did it, and it gave me chills. I was reckless, but it was for something I didn't like to talk about. It was a day that had been engraved into my mind.

I shook it off, smiling at Jesse as he continued his tale of my epic charge into battle. I looked behind him, as four snipers took position behind him, lining up a shot. I frowned, throwing Jesse to the side, getting him out of their sights. "Step right up." I said, the words oddly echoing, sounding loud and prominent. Gabriel was caught off guard, still drawing his shotguns. I stared at them, and within seconds, and four shots, four men hit the ground.

I blew out the smoke from my gun, as I smirked, proud of that little moment. I felt like the cowboys in all the holovids for once. It felt nice, to be a hero. To be able to protect those you loved. Jesse let out a shrill yell. "Holy shit!" I turned to him, placing my weapon back in it's holster. "How in the hell?" He asked, and I shrugged. "I just saw them, and shot them. Nothing much to it." He slugged me in the arm, and I groaned. "Bullshit that was badass!" He retorted, seeming like a kid on Christmas Day. I smiled. Gabriel clapped me on the back. "Good work kid."

We both began to make our way back to the drop ship, where Genji would be getting an earful about what Jesse was yammering on about. I mean, it was pretty cool, but he was very excited. Gabriel was already becoming annoyed by it all. I smirked. It was good to be with these guys. I loved them, in my own way. They were family. An odd, dysfunctional family. But a family all the same.

Angela's POV

I placed my head in my hands, sighing. It had been 6 hours since Reyes' planned mission that was supposed to take 4 hours began. I was growing worried, as they hadn't answered any calls back to them, or updated their progress. Jack had been working hard to reach out to them, worried for Gabriel. I was fearful for what happened to the others accompanying him as well, especially Nathan.

He had been showing signs of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and serious antisocial behavior. Whenever someone approached him, besides Jesse, he usually pushed them away. He'd been holding onto a photo from his past that I couldn't get a good look at, uncertain as to what it was. All I knew was that Nathan held it very close to him, not wanting to lose it. He snatched it off the ground in a hastily fashion when he dropped it one day.

Despite my best efforts to convince him this was irrational and unsafe behavior, he didn't cease his attitude. Something about him changed. I still didn't know what it was. I was about to write a notice to Reyes about this abnormal behavior, but Nathan was already off on a mission today before I could try and reach out to him. I still cared for the man, yet he distanced himself from everyone, including me.

Now, I was beginning to worry for his physical wellbeing along with his mental health. He was beginning to become reckless, and when he was leaving to enter the drop ship with his gear, I tried to give him a piece of my mind. But he ignored it. I yelled at him, wanting him to come back. He turned, smiled at me, and shrugged. I was going to say something, but he turned a corner, leaving me to myself.

I've been worried ever since. I'd been trying to keep working, but it's been bothering me the entire day. I've yet to get much done today. Nathan has been on my mind for a long time now, in many different ways. I wanted to apologize to him, but his reactions to me approaching have usually consisted of him excusing himself from the conversation, or distracting himself with work. I guess I was getting a taste of my own medicine.

Nathan hasn't ever given me reason to doubt him, especially in the field, but I didn't know if he'd be able to handle all the gang members himself. Even with his skill, and intelligence in a fight, he couldn't handle an ambush. It was only him, Gabriel, Jesse, and Genji. All of them skilled, but no match for an entire gang that was well armed. I sighed, pressing a button, hearing a robotic voice come over the intercom in my office. "Yes, Dr. Ziegler?" It responded to the command, and I placed a hand on my chin. "Time since last call to Commander Reyes?" I asked, and the AI, Athena replied. "39 minutes and 12 seconds."

I groaned, placing my head on my desk. This was reaching a boiling point. I couldn't get any work done, let alone if there was any work. I never was one to become easily bored, finding ways to spend my time. But for now, I had nothing on my schedule to distract me, for once. I rarely had the time off. The news was becoming annoying, reporting on the same story for the fifth time this day. "Athena, turn the news off. I need to focus."

"Of course." Athena responded, and silence engulfed the room. I smiled a bit, happy with the quiet. It was good to just relax every once and a while. I closed my eyes, leaning back in my chair, drumming my fingers on the desk in front of me. "Dr. Ziegler?" Athena spoke up, and I raised an eyebrow, eyes still closed. "Hmm?"

"May I at least put on some music?" I chuckled in amusement. "No. Try and contact Nathan and the others again will you?" I asked, and she responded quickly. "Yes ma'am."

I sat there, resting my eyes, as Athena checked for them. I guess Nathan was right. Relaxing at times wasn't all that bad. Perhaps I should thank him after I slap him when he gets back. "Nathan's drop ship is landing in the hangar now." Athena said, and my eyes snapped open. So much for relaxation. "Mein Gott Athena why didn't you say something?!" I rushed from my desk, hearing the AI chuckle. "You owe me this. Let's see how fast you are now." She taunted. Perhaps Winston programmed the AI too well. Nathan was gonna have a lot to answer for.

Nathan's POV

I held the photo in my hands. It was old, ripped in one corner, and a bullet hole going through the bottom left corner. I smirked, remembering the shot that almost killed me, but grazed the photo and I. Placing it back in my pocket, I felt us touch down, readying myself for a lot of scolding from Angela. I sighed, looking over at Genji, who was being talked to by Jesse. Although Genji ignored him, Jesse kept talking, telling the story of what I did for the 15th time, always adding exaggerated things and more heroics and deeds than the last rendition. He reminded me of Reinhardt. A chuckle escaped me, as Genji rolled his eyes, slinging his bag of gear over his shoulder.

Standing, I held my bag in one hand, lazily slouching. I was tired, and not looking forward to what Angela had to say. I purposely ignored her warnings, telling her I'd be fine. I guess she really did care.

The hatch opened, and Jesse began walking down, holding his hands out in celebration. The others awaiting us didn't have the same look. Jack and Ana had their arms folded, staring right at Gabriel. Angela stood beside them, hands on her hips, her eyes piercing into mine. I offered a wave hello, that she didn't return. Jesse was still as excited as before. "Aaaand we are back! Alive!" He smiled brightly, stepping towards Jack and Ana. "What? You had any reason to doubt your success? I want a full report!" Jack said, and Jesse laughed. Genji spoke with Angela about something, and they both turned to me, before he returned back to me. "I told her to go easy on you." He nodded, and I smiled. "Thanks Genji." I said, and he smacked my arm playfully. "It was nothing." He replied, before leaving.

"Sure thing Commander. You'll like what you read! Nathan was nothin' short o' amazin' sir! He was practically a living revolver! He never missed a shot!" Jesse began enthusiastically as Jack frowned, looking at me. I offered a shrug, as Angela began moving towards me. She didn't look very happy. "I wish ya could'a been there Captain Amari! Nathan was fast! ...Well faster than usual ya know... and he-"

Ana interrupted him, holding a hand up. She offered a tired but oddly delighted smile. "We'll finish this over tea. You can tell me all about Nathan and his heroics then, child." She replied, and Jesse nodded at me. "Sure. Your tea is legend ma'am!"

Ana began to walk over to Gabriel, who was already getting his ass chewed out by an infuriated Jack, which I made sure to avoid. But Angela stood right in front of me, and I frowned, scratching the back of my neck. "Hey." I smiled softly, and she scowled at me. "Anything to say for yourself?" She asked, and I cleared my throat, gripped my bag, and pushed past her. She was right on my heels. "On no you don't! You do not walk away from me! You nearly got yourself killed! You willingly put yourself in danger just to get away from everything?! Need I remind you these missions are of utmost importance, and are not for some leisurely stroll?!" She yelled, following me as I made my way through the hallways, receiving my fair share of looks from fellow agents. I quickened my pace in hopes of escaping, which failed miserably.

"What were you thinking?! First you ignore my messages! You don't respond to the incoming calls for updates! You lie to my face about this whole thing! And most of all you go on a mission without me giving you permission to go on it! You were not cleared for the operation!" She followed me, as I growled, stopping in my tracks, turning to her.

"ENOUGH!" I yelled, overpowering her voice. "I know I lied to you. I know I wasn't cleared for it. I knew you'd hate me for risking my life like that. But I did it anyways. Yeah maybe I was reckless, and almost got myself killed, and got shot twice this mission alone, but I got the job done! Don't go telling me how to do my job!" I spat back all of the anger and rage she projected onto me back to her. I turned to walk away, but she grabbed my wrist.

"You have to be the most insensitive, cruel, manipulative, idiotic, irrational, irresponsible, reckless, and evil person I've ever met! I can't believe I ever even liked having you around!" Angela jabbed her finger into my chest, and I gripped her wrist, stopping it. "SHUT UP!"

That silenced her, as she looked up at me. I towered over her, erupting in a fit of rage. "You don't have the right to tell me what to do! You are not in charge here! I'm in charge of my decisions! You don't know everything I've been through! You don't know how it feels to hit rock bottom! You hold yourself above me in such a cruel manner! You think you're better than me! And maybe you are! But you will not tell me how to do my god damn job! Perhaps you have some moral high ground because of your past actions, but I'm getting my job done! I do whatever I have to do to see my work completed! You will NOT tell me what to do!" She backed down, as I stared daggers into her eyes.

"You've never had to deal with what I've dealt with! To see all the shit I've seen! To see your friends die around you! To feel the pain I've felt! How it feels to be truly alone! To hold your friends corpse in front of you! To feel their life slowly seep out of them in your arms! To see your OWN parents in a pool of blood beside you! To bury your own fucking parents! Don't you tell me what I did wrong! Don't tell me how much better you are than me! Don't. You. Dare." I snarled at her, as she gasped.

I frowned, pausing and realizing what I said. I told her about my parents. I snapped at her. A woman I loved. This wasn't her fault. All of this...I took it out on her. Suddenly my legs were weak, and the photo of my parents and I in my pocket became much heavier. Angela reached her hand out to my cheek. I turned away. "That's what happened to your parents? Nathan...I'm sorry...that's what this was all about." She muttered, and I sighed.

We looked at one another, and I was becoming lost in her eyes. She was so beautiful, so innocent. She could be mine, if I only reached for it. I closed my eyes, feeling a tear threaten to reveal itself. Her hand touched my chest, and I turned around. "I-I should go." I stuttered, as my grip on the bag tightened. Everything felt heavy, as I hastily fumbled with my gear, and stumbled across the hallway, disappearing behind a corner, trying to calm down. "Why did you fucking say that you idiot?" I asked myself, slamming my head into the wall.

Now she knew. She was gonna look at me differently. She already did. Like she pitied me. I didn't want Angela's pity. I didn't want anyone's pity. The dreaded date I had awaited for so long was here. The date of my parents murder was tomorrow. Everything seemed to come crumbling down, as I collapsed into my bed in the barracks, alone for once. I slipped the photo out of my pocket again, staring at it. We were all smiling happily together, as a family. Or at least my parents were. Despite the wear and tear it bore, I kept it very close. It was precious to me. I was with my parents, when I was a few months old. I had cuddled up to my mother's chest, who was wearing a white blouse, as I was sleeping soundly, with my mother and father smiling down at me. My father wore a dress shirt, as always, with a clean shaven appearance and perfect smile. He was always very concerned with his appearance. They were proud of me. Their little baby. Their son. Nathan Parker. A stray tear was shed, as I wiped it away from my cheek.

I flipped the photo over, analyzing the back. On the back, hastily scribbled in a blue pen, was a promise I made. I've kept it every year, and this time would be no exception.

I'll be back home, I promise.