Chapter 9: The Past That Won't Let Go

Victor hugged his mother, then his father, then he watched the two follow Yuuri out of the hospital room, into the hallway outside. He turned his attention to the grey sky outside the window, his mind working intently.

As soon as Yuuri gets back, it's time to tell him everything. To be honest, I should have told him already. We know each other really well now. Yuuri has opened up to me, and now it's time for me to be as open as he is.

He closed his eyes and an image of Halcòn appeared in his mind.

For the longest time, I have lived alone with what that man tried to do to me. He still holds an ace, but I have one also. Still, if he did try to kill Yuuri, then that means he thought he could get away with doing so. He didn't plan for me to know what he was doing. But, do I really know something? Why did I tell Yuuri that I thought Halcòn tried to have him killed?

What did I remember?

Was it about the hit and run, or was it something else?

What was it?

He heard Yuuri's returning footsteps and looked up as his fiancé entered the room and moved to sit down beside Victor's bed.

"Thanks for seeing my parents off," Victor said gratefully.

"Oh, it was no problem," Yuuri assured them, "They're really nice. They invited us to come over when you're back on your feet."

"That's good. I'm glad things went well. You surprised me again, Yuuri. I didn't know you knew much about Russian families."

"Well, you and I had talked a little about some things. Other things I looked up, because I wanted to make a good impression."

"You really did," Victor said, sounding impressed, "They like you, Yuuri."

"I like them too," Yuuri said, smiling, "But, how are you feeling? You look kind of pale, Victor."

"I'm all right, just a little tired from all the visitors today," Victor assured him.

"Yeah, Yurio and Otabek are hanging out in the lobby now. They told me Yakov is sending a bodyguard for us."

"That's probably best, considering," Victor said, taking a breath to steady himself, "Yuuri, now that we are alone, I think it's time for me to tell you more about Halcòn and me."

Yuuri looked back at him silently, waiting as Victor considered his words carefully.

"Some of what I am going to tell you may make you feel uncomfortable, because Halcòn and I had a sexual relationship."

A little flush rose on Yuuri's cheeks, but he nodded for Victor to continue.

"I met Halcòn through figure skating. As you know, he was a top contender in the years just following my advance to the senior men's division. At first, we saw each other at competitions and exchanged words here and there about trivial things, but we never really interacted much. That changed after one of the early competitions when I'd tried to add a second quad to my routine, but landed badly and fell. I still won a bronze medal, but also got an earful from Yakov. I left the arena and was sitting alone. Halcòn followed me, and we got to talking. He seemed sympathetic, and it was clear he was interested in me. He was charming and I was not attached to anyone, so when he kissed me, I went along with it. I wasn't in love, at first, but Halcòn was, at first, very affectionate and fun. He was someone who liked to play love games."

"Love games?" Yuuri mused, frowning, "What do you mean?"

"Well," Victor said, thinking for a moment, "both Halcòn and I liked to compete at all kinds of things. Some of the games that we played were sexual, and as time went on, we became a couple. There were other games where we role played, sometimes while skating, and sometimes we'd disappear for a few days to hide out from everyone, pretend to be other people, no one well known. Just normal people doing normal things. It's hard to explain, but it made sense to us, given the rest of the time, so many eyes were focused on us."

Victor paused and took a sip of water.

"Yakov knew we were seeing each other, and he tolerated our bad behavior, because I began to really shine on the ice that season. Being in love made me feel motivated, and I brought that into my art. Halcòn, too, made good strides and earned a place in the final six with me. By then, Halcòn and I had been together for over a year. In that time, the games we played continued, but each game we played began to get more extreme."

"How do you mean?" Yuuri asked, "Was it dangerous?"

"Not at first," Victor replied, closing his eyes as he remembered, then opening them again to meet his lover's, "But you know how it is with taking chances. One risk leads to another over time, and the danger grows. We weren't doing anything against the law, What I am trying to say is that the roles we played fell into a dangerous pattern. Halcòn liked to play the hero, so he would first pretend to be a wicked man who would tie me up and threaten me. Kind of like play acting, but he embraced his role, sometimes inflicting pain and pleasure. Understand, that everything that happened, I allowed. I could have stopped him with a word, but I was into the game as well. I didn't mind hurting a little, because the sex that followed was so good. I know that doesn't make sense to you. I'm sorry if I'm making you feel uncomfortable."

"I'm okay," Yuuri assured him.

"Good," Victor sighed, squeezing his hand, "It's embarrassing to admit, but I didn't mind being rescued. Sometimes I felt like I didn't control much of my life, but when I was with Halcòn, I could be anyone or do anything. Sometimes, I wanted to be a household name and sometimes, I didn't want anyone to know me. I was so wrapped up in embracing those changing roles, I missed the fact that as time went on, Halcòn began to change."

"How did he change?"

"It started with little things," Victor explained, "When we were apart for competitions or family events, he texted me constantly, and expected that I should answer him quickly. Sometimes, he would show up unexpectedly while I was traveling. At first, it seemed like he was trying to surprise me for romantic reasons, but one time when he spotted Chris soaking with me in a hot tub at one of the hotels, he accused me of sleeping around. We got into an argument, and he hit me. I broke up with him, then and there. Chris was there, so nothing happened. Halcòn apologized and he left. I had no idea what I was setting off."

Yuuri paled and bit at his lips, but nodded for Victor to continue.

"A few weeks later, I returned to Saint Petersburg to rest and train for the finals. I was in a slump, because even though I knew that breaking up with him was the right thing, I missed him, Yuuri. I missed the time when the games we played with each other were fun. I missed the long talks and frequent lovemaking. So, just before the finals, he texted me that he was going to be in town, and he asked me to meet him in a public place so that we could have dinner and talk. He said that he was sorry for hurting me, and that he missed me. When we met for dinner, he assured me that he had no hard feelings. We had a few drinks, and then he suggested playing a game, for old time's sake. It was stupid, but I was lonely and sad without him. I agreed to the game, and we went to his hotel room."

Victor paused, shuddering for a moment as he remembered.

"He hurt you, didn't he?" Yuuri asked sadly.

"He didn't hurt me physically," Victor said quietly, "but what Halcòn did do was to show me why my decision to leave him was a good one. He told me he wanted to play a rescue game, but after he had me in a compromised position, once I was naked and completely helpless, he started to threaten to end my skating career."

"What?" Yuuri breathed, his eyes rounding.

"Never once, in all of the games that we played, did he ever say something like that. I told him that stepped over a line, but he continued to threaten to injure me, and he took a knife and said he was going to cut my Achilles' tendon."

"Oh my god!" Yuuri gasped, going white, "Victor, what did you do?"

"I told him the game was over. I told him to stop. It was our agreement when we played our games that if one of us told the other to stop, the game ended right then. But, he didn't stop, and for the first time, Yuuri, I was actually afraid he would really hurt me. As soon as he saw the terror in my eyes, he stopped and untied me. He tried to say he was sorry, but I was shaking all over. I couldn't think straight. I just wanted to get away from him. I felt stupid for letting such a thing happen.. Halcòn realized he had gone too far. He apologized again, and he left to make tea to calm me down."

Victor looked at Yuuri, who was wiping away tears and holding his hand tightly.

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, Victor," he whispered, "I had no idea."

"Who did?" Victor mused, kissing his cheek, "Young people are sometimes heedless. I took risks back then, because I had no idea that danger could be so close to me. I wanted to have fun and to be loved. That's all. I didn't see the danger until it was too late and there was nothing I could do."

"So, what happened?" Yuuri prompted him.

"Halcòn was out of the room, and I heard a sound, like a text tone. I checked my phone, but there were no messages. I knew that Halcòn never left his phone lying around. And it had a password on it that he didn't share with anyone. I found a throwaway phone in the drawer of an end table, and I opened it to look at what had been sent."

"What was it? It was something really bad, wasn't it?" Yuuri asked in a frightened voice, "Was he going to kill you, Victor?"

"No," Victor said quietly, lowering his eyes, "What I found on the phone was that Halcòn was making plans for me to be abducted before the finals. He wanted revenge, and he wanted me out of the way, since I had left him. Halcòn also knew I was the only real challenge among the finalists, and after the insult of me leaving him, he couldn't stand to be beaten by me. He promised his contact on the phone that my parents were rich, and that there would be a lot of money in it for that person. The person had agreed to break into my house during that night and take me with him."

"What did you do?" Yuuri asked, staring.

"I took the phone with me, and I ran," Victor went on, "When he realized I was gone, and he realized why, he called the cell and shared a video."

"Of what? Did he threaten your family or something?" Yuuri asked worriedly.

"In a way," Victor answered, biting at his lip for a moment, "The video he shared was one of our sexual games. He said that he had recorded most of our games, and that if I did not give the phone back to him, he would begin releasing them."

"Oh god, Victor!"

"You know my family now. You know they are respected members of high Russian society. To have things like that plastered all over social media would have ruined me and them. Halcòn threatened to do just that. But I knew I could not give back the cell phone. I needed it to make sure that he didn't ever release those videos."

"So, now he has these videos of you and you have proof that he tried to have you kidnapped to keep you out of the finals."

"Yes. He eventually agreed to a compromise. We each held onto our ace, and we parted ways. He agreed never to come to Russia. I didn't ask him to, but he dropped out of figure skating. I don't know what happened to him them, but he must have been capitalizing on his skating career and making a lot of money, if he has a place like the one you described."

"It's pretty spectacular, all right," Yuuri admitted, "But, if Halcòn knows that you have the cell phone, then why would he try to kill me? Isn't that taking a pretty big chance?"

"Yes, of course," Victor agreed, "but think about it. What changed this year?"

Yuuri gazed back at him in silence.

"It was all over the news when I went to Hasetsu and became your coach. It was replayed nationally when you finished your program at the China Cup and I kissed you in front of everyone. What changed is that, for the first time since being with Halcòn, I am in love. One of the reasons he never had reason to do anything more was because I didn't see anyone seriously after him. I remembered the disaster I almost made of my life, and I decided that it was best to be alone. I sank deep into depression and barely managed to earn a silver medal that year. After that, Yakov suggested making changes to my image. It was then that I had my hair shortened and I had new music composed for a more progressive program. I focused all of my energy on perfecting my programs as a way of moving past what had happened. Halcòn disappeared from my life, and after awhile, I stopped thinking about him and looking over my shoulder all of the time. But I never really moved on…not until I met you. When that happened, and we came to the Grand Prix final in Halcòn's hometown, he must have seen an opportunity."

"You think he was behind the hit and run, don't you?" Yuuri suggested.

"Yes. You said that he was at the scene?"

"Yes, he didn't tell me why he was there, just that he was your former lover, and that he would take care of me and call my family."

"And because I was keeping secrets, you and your family were exposed to danger you should not have been. I am very sorry for that, Yuuri."

"It's not your fault," Yuuri insisted, "That guy is crazy."

"He is," Victor agreed, "And if he did set you up to die in front of me, then he was trying to do it to put me in a vulnerable position."

"But, since you were hurt too, he must have changed his plans, and tried to seduce me away from you."

"So, it seems," Victor said, frowning.

"What? You look like you're worried about something."

Victor nodded.

"He may have been trying to use you to locate the cell phone with the evidence on it," he suggested, "If that was his plan, I am bothered by something he said."

Yuuri's breath caught.

"He said that he had what he wanted! Do you think he might have stolen it?"

Victor shrugged.

"It is in a safety deposit box, so I don't think that's what he meant. But if it's not what he meant, then what is? What did he accomplish by having you and your parents as guests in his home? We have to figure that out, Yuuri. It won't be safe for either of us until we know. You are going to have to be really careful. Don't go out alone and be cautious about any strangers. We are in my hometown right now, but we will be traveling, once we are in competition again."

"Well, at least we have protection so we can concentrate on our training for now," Yuuri said gratefully.

"Yes," Victor agreed, "I think we should stop talking about this for now, and do something to start getting ready. Do you have the DVD?"

"Yeah, it's right here," Yuuri said, taking it out of his suitcase and slipping it into a small player that he set in Victor's lap. He climbed onto the bed beside his fiancé, watching as Victor played the first clip.

"This part, you have seen," he said, running the video forward, "The red phoenix."

"I love the drawing for your costume," Yuuri said enthusiastically, "It'll look great on you."

"Thank you," Victor said, smiling, "Your costume will be similar to mine without being the same. Your will be blue."

"That's awesome!" Yuuri exclaimed as an image of a second drawing popped up on the player.

"The theme is new beginnings. You know the story of the phoenix, and how when it's life is done, it descends and crashes down, burning into ash. Our complementary short programs will reflect that, both culminating with bowed positions at the very end. We will each have four quads in our program. You saw the clips I put together to show my part. Now, this is your part."

Yuuri watched, his brown eyes lighting up as the clipped and pasted images showed him performing sets of movements and the planned jumps.

"This is amazing!" he said, shaking his head in disbelief, "Victor, I didn't know how you could make anything more beautiful that the programs you gave me last season, but…wow!"

"I will add some more dramatic moves with your hands and arms to bring out the beauty of the costume. I want it to have the look of blue flame, and mine, red. The free skate will be the part where we are reborn, where we become filled with new life and begin again in an endless cycle. The finishing moves will be visually stunning spins. You see?"

"Yeah, they're great! I can't wait to get started!"

Yuuri paused, looking down at the cast on his right foot.

"Though, it's going to be awhile," he said sadly.

"Not so long," Victor said encouragingly, "And we can start by working on the upper body movements. We'll need to do extra weight training, and we'll add raised arms to some of the jumps to increase the level of difficulty to earn higher scores. I'll have some hand weights sent so that we can get started."

"I could go and get them," Yuuri offered.

Victor shook his head firmly.

"I want you to stay here with me," he insisted, "We'll go to my place as soon as I am released from the hospital. For right now, we'll just work on some of the motions."

The two continued, practicing the arm movements and making adjustments.

On a private ice rink, thousands of miles away, the skater known as Halcòn practiced intently, carefully mastering each move from the copied DVD, then taking a break to wipe the heavy sweat from his skin.

"Just a few more months, Victor," he whispered, gazing at the image on the video player, "I will have this together, and we can start our next…and last game!"