A/N: I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me! Ah ha! Seriously though, my apologies for not making it more clear that this story is not yet complete. Hopefully, it has not overstayed it's welcome. But I have 7 chapters of angst to make up for! So we've got a few fluffy chapters incoming. Once again. can't thank everyone enough for the incredibly thoughtful reviews and kind words/support.
So let's get going on another chapter shall we?
Warning: This chapter contains vague descriptions of sex. Love makin'. Intercourse. Whoopie. Fornication...and a lot of other dumb synonyms for sex. Anyway if you aren't a fan of that sort of content, feel free to skip the beginning of the chapter.
I hope you enjoy!
December 22nd, Echo Park, CA: 0700 hours
Sarah woke to a tickling sensation on the back of her right hand. She didn't open her eyes right away, instead lifting her hand slightly to gauge what it was that was rubbing against her skin. After a moment, she realized that what she felt was Chuck's fingers. They danced lightly across her skin, curled around her own fingers and squeezed gently, before starting the process all over again. Slowly, and with her eyes still closed, Sarah became aware of her other surroundings. There was an incredible warmth pressed against the length of her entire body, and she could feel steady, gentle puffs of air on the back of her neck that sent shivers down her spine. Chuck's chest rose and fell rhythmically against her back. He was still sound asleep in spite of the way his fingers stroked hers unconsciously.
Chuck's large feet were tucked against her own, and one of his legs had threaded itself loosely between hers. They were tangled together underneath the sheets, and although the contact was entirely innocent and probably accidental, Sarah had never shared such an intimate moment with another person before, and it felt…incredible. She was cocooned between the blankets and Chuck's warm body, and for something that was so unfamiliar and alien to her upbringing as an detached spy, she'd never felt more comfortable in her entire life. Suddenly, there was a hitch in Chuck's breathing and his entire body shifted away from hers, far enough for Sarah to feel the sudden lack of heat. She didn't move, but waited, hoping he would curl back against her, fearing instead that he might pull away and leave the bed entirely. Chuck was still for a minute, most likely becoming aware of their current position just as Sarah had, and then he leaned forward, his open mouth finding the soft skin of her neck. Sarah froze, expecting Chuck to grip her tightly, turn her over, and speed things along in a frenzy of pent-up passion. That was what she was used to in situations like this. But Chuck's ministrations stayed slow and sweet. He brushed her hair aside, exposing the slope of her neck and dragged his lips and teeth along her skin, soothing any nips he left with a soft brush of his tongue . Once he reached the juncture of her neck and shoulder, he sighed against her skin, and Sarah shivered in spite of the warmth of his breath, goosebumps rising along her entire body at Chuck's gentle caress.
The shudder made it clear that she was wide awake, but Chuck continued to explore her body without pause. One of his large warm hands crept underneath the hem of her camisole and pushed the fabric up past her hip. His long fingers slid down her abdomen, teasing the sensitive skin there with gentle circles. When she didn't object to the intimate touch, Chuck ventured a little further, dipping his fingers just beneath the waistband of her panties; he pulled away just as quickly, his warm palm splayed against the flat planes of her belly as his lips began to wander again. Sarah had never felt a more sublime tension taking over her body than she did now. She'd never been with anyone before who'd spent so much time discovering her most sensitive spots. Chuck's touch was gentle and also somehow simultaneously the most adoring and arousing thing she'd ever felt. Being touched like this, like she was the most precious thing in the world, wasn't something Sarah was familiar with. Especially not when it came to sex.
Sarah's mind continued to spin, unbeknownst to Chuck, who was now dropping kisses down the length of her arm. When the warmth of his mouth reached the sensitive dip of Sarah's waist, she found she couldn't hold still any longer. A lance of fire coursed through her body, and she squirmed around to face him. Chuck propped himself up on his forearms, shifting up her body so that they were face-to-face and she could see the unhindered passion darkening his beautiful eyes. A powerful tension crackled between them, each one waiting to see who would break the spell first and take the proverbial plunge. Chuck's gentle amber eyes locked on hers, a mixture of emotions swirling inside of them, mirroring what Sarah was sure could be found in her own gaze. In any previous circumstance, Sarah would have taken this moment to lunge at her partner, turn up the heat and the passion. But when she looked at Chuck's face, time seemed to slow and the need for him was tempered by the desire she felt to explore him just as tenderly as he had explored her. She leaned up, cupping his cheek and capturing his lips in a slow kiss. Chuck's hands wandered to her hips again, sliding underneath her cami and up her back until she was cradled in his embrace.
Sarah's heart hammered against her ribs as she allowed her own hands to wander. Chuck's hair seemed like a natural place to tease, and she found she was correct when she gripped a handful of his curls and tugged. Chuck released a hearty groan that vibrated against her lips. The sound made Sarah frantic, the apprehension that plagued her in New York coming back with a vengeance. It suddenly seemed possible that this was the only intimate moment she'd ever share with Chuck. She was still entirely convinced that she'd do something down the line to push him away for good, in spite of what he continued to tell her otherwise. She began to speed things along, a tinge of desperation in her movements. If this was the only time she'd ever get to act on her longing for Chuck, then she was going to make it happen before he had the chance to change his mind and tell her that things might be moving too quickly. Removing her hands from his hair, Sarah reached for the fabric of his shirt, bunching it in her fists so tightly that she realized later that she might have hurt Chuck in the process.
Sensing her sudden desperation, Chuck pulled away, and for a moment, Sarah was devastated that she'd already ruined the chance to explore the physical intimacy she'd wanted with Chuck for months now. But he didn't say a word. Instead, he stroked the backs of his fingers across her cheek, his eyes bright and full of compassion. His lips, still wet and enticing from the kiss, stretched into a small smile. Now sure that Sarah understood the pace he intended to set, Chuck met her lips again, this time in a much gentler kiss. The desperation that had fueled Sarah's actions up to this point began to dissipate and she sagged deeper into the mattress, loosening the grip she had on his shirt and sighing against his mouth.
Once Chuck felt her relax, he let his hands wander away from her face, down her shoulders and back, kneading the tension out of her muscles as he went. He reached her own hands and guided them to the hem of his shirt again, helping her lift it up and over his head. The fabric caught in Chuck's hair, leaving it mussed and wild, and Sarah couldn't help but smile at how adorable he suddenly looked. She ran a hand through his curls to smooth them and then cradled the back of his head, pulling him back down. She felt him smiling too, and it struck her as odd that this intense and heated moment between them was also laced with joy and tenderness. It wasn't like any intimate situation she'd experienced before. What was most confusing for Sarah was her own contentment with the unhurried pace Chuck had set. She knew where this intimate exploration was headed. But Chuck was in no rush to get there. In fact, Sarah had a sneaking suspicion that if they were interrupted before anything could happen, Chuck would be entirely satisfied with the fact that they'd spent the morning exchanging passionate kisses. But there was no way in hell that was going to be enough for Sarah. And if they were, god forbid, interrupted any time soon. Whoever or whatever it was that ruined her morning with Chuck was going to face her unbridled wrath.
Chuck fingers trailed down her sides, leaving fire in their wake, and lingered at the bottom her camisole. He shifted to allow her room and Sarah followed his lead, rising off the mattress far enough to pull the camisole off of her body. It was quickly followed by her lace bra and once both had gone, Sarah sat back against the headboard and met his soft eyes. A wave of apprehension passed through her as Chuck's eyes left hers and took in the sight of her naked torso. She watched his gaze darken and his breath hitch, but the moment of obvious lust didn't last long. His eyes snapped back up to hers and in a voice so soft and sincere that it made Sarah weak, he whispered, "God, you're...breathtaking." Words she'd heard before. But coming from Chuck's mouth, coupled with the adoring look in his eyes, they moved Sarah to her very core. Because it was so clear that he meant them. Deeply. He bore his heart to her with those simple words. Sarah smiled in response and crawled forward, settling herself on his lap and kissing him again. She ran her hands down his surprisingly defined chest and abdomen, discovering parts of him that she'd fantasized about for so long while his own hands traced patterns up and down her back.
For as long as she'd been a spy, sex for her had been nothing more than a release of adrenaline. Sometimes it was also a tool. The Farm had given her more than enough information about the power that sex, or rather the feigned promise of sex, gave her over her marks. And coming back after a long mission, keyed up, tense, lonely, there was nothing more cathartic than finding a partner as enthusiastic as she was to find a physical release. There had never been any emotion involved in any of those prior meetings. There didn't need to be. More often than not, her fellow agents had been the ones she coupled with to scratch the proverbial itch. They, like her, understood the need and didn't desire the emotional intimacy. It was dangerous, it could lead to trouble during a mission. Sarah always left before the room had a chance to cool. There was no chance for an emotional connection. It had simply never occurred to her that sex could be this; someone worshipping her with sincerity and affection. Wanting her for who she was, not just using her for a release. And not just for her body either. Sarah knew she was attractive, she worked hard to maintain her appearance and physique. But Chuck's eyes had only wandered once. Now, when they opened, they strove to meet hers. The intense eye contact was a little off-putting at first, his gaze was so open and sincere, and Sarah wasn't sure what he would see in her own eyes if he looked for too long. The anxiety was fading, though, the longer they held one another and soon enough, Sarah began yearning for that incredibly intimate connection again. When he granted it and gazed up at her with his tender brown eyes, she couldn't keep the beaming smile off of her face.
Somehow, in the midst of the continuous kisses and touches and Sarah's introspection, they had divested themselves of the rest of their clothes, and when there were no more barriers between them, Sarah felt her head beginning to spin, her breath coming in sharp pants. Every sense was connected to Chuck. She could feel the strength of his body-his powerful muscles underneath his unassuming physique. She felt the smattering of hair on his chest pressed deftly against her own and his lips drifting slowly across her jaw and neck. She could hear the quiet whispers of her name that he ghosted in her ear. Smell the clean scent of his soft curls and feel the heat rising from his smooth skin. She was spinning and he was her center of gravity, the one thing piercing the inertia and keeping her from floating away.
When Chuck's long fingers gripped her hips and squeezed, Sarah wasted no more time. She sunk down onto his lap, onto him, slowly, a low moan passing her lips as they joined. Chuck's deep brown eyes were hooded, his lips parted to make way for his quiet pants. He didn't move at first, most likely savoring the sensation just as much as she was. But then he pressed his body closer to hers, wrapping his arms around her and nudging her nose with his own, finally closing his mouth over hers and beginning to rock his hips up into her.
Sarah's breath caught in her throat and she gripped Chuck's biceps to steady herself, already feeling her body begin to shake. It wasn't just the physical connection between them that was responsible for the steady pressure building inside of her, but the way Chuck continued to cradle her as they moved together. No matter what she did to shift against him, he mirrored her actions, caressing her with his large hands and soft lips. When his eyes found hers, she saw they were filled with a hazy desire and affection, for her, and it melted Sarah's heart, stripped her of her defenses. She was lost in his eyes, something she'd never imagined would capture her so thoroughly. She leaned forward, pressing her forehead against his, letting her eyes slip shut as they moved together. Relaxing her white-knuckled grip on his upper arms, Sarah rounded his shoulders with one arm and used her free hand to tug gently on his wild curls.
She didn't expect Chuck's enthusiastic reaction. He gasped at the sensation of her hand tangled in his hair and suddenly, Sarah felt her world spin, and, before she had a chance to understand what had happened, she felt the rumpled sheets against her back and Chuck hovered above her, his eyelids fluttering shut and his lips finding her jaw. The agent in her screamed for the upper hand when she realized that she was quite literally pinned beneath someone far larger, and possibly more powerful than she was; putting her in a precariously vulnerable position. But then Chuck's lips opened against the sensitive spot just below her ear and he breathed her name reverently, and Agent Walker disappeared. She had no reason to be afraid, she realized. She could trust him, absolutely, she always had.
Sarah clutched his broad shoulders, encouraging his movements by digging her nails into his skin and rolling her hips in time with his thrusts to bring him deeper. In the past, when Sarah had shared her bed with fellow spies, she'd found it somewhat useless and a little bit uncomfortable to voice her pleasure. There was often little more than the sound of the bed creaking and mingled pants, occasional groans. But now, she couldn't hold back the gasps of pleasure and even found Chuck's name on the tip of her tongue. The sound of her voice seemed to encourage him. She could feel shivers pass through him every time she moaned his name. Pressing her lips against his ear, she ran her hands over the muscles in his back as they strained and flexed. Sarah could feel her climax building, but she didn't want this moment to end. This moment, where her whole world revolved around the man above her, making her feel like this was the first time she'd ever been touched. It was new, it was incredible and it was breaking down every wall she'd built around her heart to protect it.
When Sarah's climax did come, it hit her like an avalanche, powerful and intense at first and then rolling through her entire body in a series of slow, earth-shaking waves. She arched off the bed, clinging to Chuck like a lifeline and gasping his name as her body trembled and shook beneath his. Chuck was not far behind her. He tensed and then shuddered, pressing his face against the curve of her neck and moaning her name so that it vibrated against her skin.
Then he collapsed, his body draped halfway across hers, his panting breath cooling her heated skin. Sarah could only stare up at the ceiling as she tried to regain her senses. Her hands wandered over Chuck's back wantonly, stroking, caressing any part of him that she could reach. She could feel the rapid beating of his heart thrumming against her own chest. For as hard as she was trying to regain her breath, they only seemed to be coming more quickly, her eyes and throat beginning to burn. And then, before Sarah knew what was happening, she felt tears running down her cheeks. Chuck felt the hiccup in her breathing from where he lay with his cheek pressed against her chest and bolted upward, bracing his palms on either side of Sarah, looking down into her face.
"Oh god, Sarah. Are you okay? I'm so sorry. Did I-" He trailed off, looking terrified, his eyes wide and round, his brows twisted and his lips trembling slightly. Sarah could only shake her head, the fact that he was so concerned for her comfort and safety making the tears fall faster. She reached up to cup his cheeks, bringing his face down to hers and giving him a gentle kiss.
Chuck pulled away, still looking confused, and then dropped onto his elbows to be closer to her. He waited patiently for her to find her voice, wiping the tears away with his thumb and smoothing her hair back out of her face. Finally, Sarah calmed herself enough to speak. She reached up with both hands, stroking Chuck's face and then sliding them around the back of his neck, through his hair, as she spoke.
"Sorry," she began, her voice still a little shaky.
"You okay?" There was still concern present in Chuck's tone and in the way his eyes softened as he looked at her. "I didn't hurt you, did I? Should we not have-? I'm so sorry. It was too fast, wasn't it? I didn't mean to push you, Sarah. I should have asked, or said something. God...I'm such an idiot. I'm sorry. I-"
Sarah shook her head quickly. "No, Chuck. It's not that. It's just..." She paused, not sure how to explain that what they'd just done was something she'd never experienced before. Chuck wouldn't judge her for that confession, she knew that much. But it still felt odd to say it aloud. It made her vulnerable. She had to chuckle at that thought as if there were any way she could be more vulnerable than she was right now. "I've never done that before."
Chuck's brows furrowed, a thin line appearing between them. "You've never..." He trailed off again, a pink blush rising on his cheeks. Sarah found it both amusing and adorable that he could be so shy when he was still lying naked on top of her.
"Made love to someone," she finished for him. "Someone that I...care about as much as you." Chuck was silent, taking in her words, and the intensity of his gaze made Sarah flush. Then he smiled tenderly, his brown eyes crinkling at the corners. Nuzzling her cheek, he rolled to the side to take his weight off of her. He stayed close though, stretching the length of his body against hers and propping himself up on his elbow, resting his cheek on his closed fist and splaying his other hand out against Sarah's smooth stomach. He began drawing lazy patterns on her skin, making it jump and tremble underneath his touch.
"Me neither," he replied finally, his voice quiet. Sarah turned her head to look at him, confusion wrinkling her brow. It didn't make sense to her that a man like Chuck, who wore his heart on his sleeve, would have never experienced what they just had with another woman.
"What do you mean?" she blurted, realizing too late that Chuck might not be comfortable sharing intimate information.
"What do you mean, 'what do I mean'?"
"I mean, what about Hannah? Or your girlfriend from college? Didn't you ever..." Sarah stopepd. She wasn't sure what was provoking her to dig into Chuck's past, especially his past with other women; knowing that she wouldn't be as tolerant if Chuck were to ask her the same question.
"Well, yeah," Chuck said, catching on to her train of thought. He made himself more comfortable, dropping down onto the pillow beside her, his fingers still moving across her belly, tracing circles now around her scar. "I was...uh," Chuck blushed again, "intimate, with both Jill and Hannah...But that wasn't what I meant when I agreed with you."
Chuck shuffled closer, tucking his feet against hers and letting his hand slide across her abdomen to hook around her waist and pull her against him. "You said you've never made love to someone that you care about as much as me." Sarah could feel Chuck's heart beat thrumming against her skin again, like he was nervous...or perhaps exhilarated by what he was about to say. "I told you, me neither. Because I've never felt about anyone the way I feel about you, Sarah. No one even comes close."
His words flooded Sarah's body with a tingling warmth. She still wasn't sure what Chuck saw in her that made him want her so much, but this feeling of being completely and unconditionally loved was unparalleled. The tears pricked at her eyes again and she buried her face in Chuck's chest to hide them. She lay there while he stroked her hair, listening to the steady thump of his heart and soaking in the warmth of his lean body.
"You're only saying that because we're in an extremely compromising position right now," Sarah said finally, trying for a bit of levity. Chuck didn't take the bait like she'd expected. He slid his fingers beneath her chin, lifting her face and brushing his lips against hers.
"That's not why I'm saying it." He looked down at her, his brown eyes deep and earnest. "It's the truth. I mean it."
Sarah's heart skipped a beat. It was strange how Chuck could move her so deeply with just his words and expressive eyes. He was disarmingly honest when it came to his feelings, and Sarah wished she could be just as candid with him. Instead, she kissed him, stroking his jaw with the tips of her fingers.
"Chuck," Sarah said, when they had pulled apart and settled back onto the pillows.
"Yeah?"
"...I'm really hungry." Chuck blinked, processing her words, and then he rolled onto his back and burst out laughing. Sarah couldn't help but beam back, his laughter was infectious. It was true, though. She was starving. She hadn't eaten much the previous night when she and Chuck had dinner with Ellie and Devon. Ellie had kept a piercing gaze on her the entire time, and it made Sarah a little too nervous to enjoy the food.
"I'm so glad you said that!" Chuck replied after his laughter had died. "Because I am too. Come on, I'll treat you to breakfast at Bistro Bartowski." He scrambled out of bed, throwing on his discarded boxers and t-shirt and searching for Sarah's clothes. He handed them to her almost timidly, and Sarah once again found it amusing how bashful he was about handling her underwear.
"Thanks."
He grinned crookedly and blushed, "Sure. Um, I'll let you get dressed." Then he was gone, the door swinging shut behind him with a soft click. After he'd gone, Sarah looked down at her flimsy camisole and pursed her lips. The December weather wasn't as frigid as it had been in New York, but still there was a chill in the air, and the camisole wasn't going to do much to combat it. Sarah stood and wandered to the nearby bureau. Opening the top drawer, Sarah shuffled through the rows of nerd-related t-shirts Chuck owned. She wasn't sure how important these shirts might be to Chuck, maybe they were for looking at, not wearing. Nerds did that sort of thing, right? Closing the drawer, Sarah looked up towards the closet and saw one of Chuck's long-sleeved white work shirts hanging from the door hook.
Perfect.
Sarah slipped the shirt over her head. The hem fell to her upper thighs and the sleeves were too long, but the material was soft and smooth and it smelled like Chuck. Plus, it was thick enough to keep her warm in spite of the wintry weather outside.
Finally, Sarah left the bedroom and followed the sound of clanging pots and pans down the hallway until she'd reached the kitchen. Chuck set a frying pan down on the stove top and turned around towards the fridge. He paused mid-stride when he saw her standing in his white shirt, her golden hair a little disheveled and her blue eyes bright and wide. She couldn't have looked less put together, but in that moment, Chuck thought he'd never seen anything so beautiful.
"Hey-o," he breathed out, and Sarah's amused grin finally brought him back to his senses.
"I borrowed your shirt." She lifted her shoulder slightly in a way that made Chuck's knees feel a little weak.
"Looks a lot better on you than it does on me." And Chuck was only partially kidding. But Sarah always looked gorgeous. She could be wearing a potato sack for all Chuck cared and he'd still find her irresistible. It wasn't just how she looked in the shirt that made him happy, he realized, but the fact that she was wearing his clothes at all. It made everything between them seem real. Good thing too, because Chuck was still convinced he hadn't really woken up this morning and this was all a wonderful, impossible dream.
"So!" Chuck cleared his throat and dragged his eyes away from her back to the contents of the fridge. "What are you in the mood for? I make a mean scrambled egg."
"I'm not picky." For some reason, Chuck felt like that wasn't at all true when it came to Sarah Walker.
"Famous last words," he teased with a wink. Gathering his ingredients and setting them by the heated skillet, Chuck was about to suggest to Sarah that she take a seat at the dining room table to relax while he cooked, but she was suddenly at his side offering to help and Chuck couldn't find it in himself to tell her no.
After a while, Chuck was glad she'd offered. As he began cooking a few eggs in the skillet, Sarah stood nearby, dicing various fruits and starting up the coffee maker. Her hip and shoulder brushed his every now and again, making his heart race with every touch. It was a strange feeling for Chuck, to realize that he had a former CIA agent helping him cook breakfast in his apartment; the domesticity of it all was comforting and Sarah was falling into the rhythm perfectly. If it weren't for the way she sliced up a bowl of strawberries with terrifying precision, no one would have guessed that she wasn't just a normal girl, sharing breakfast with her boyfriend.
Chuck was so enthralled watching her that he didn't notice he was burning the eggs until they began sizzling angrily. He yelped and wrenched the skillet off the heat, holding it as far away from himself as he could without dropping it. Sarah looked at him quizzically and Chuck felt a sheepish blush rising up the back of his neck.
"Sorry, a little distracted this morning..."
A coy grin crept onto Sarah's face, and she resumed cutting fruit with feigned nonchalance. "What's so distracting?" She leaned into one hip as she spoke, the fabric of Chuck's shirt shifting up and revealing her long toned legs. The only thing more remarkable than Sarah's body this morning was her attitude. Chuck would have been lying to himself if he did not admit that he'd half expected that he'd wake up in an empty bed. After Sarah expressed her fears to him in New York, he couldn't shake his own insecurity that she might leave him when he was asleep, unable to stop her or talk her out of it. It confused him to no end that Sarah couldn't see her own worth as a person, not a spy. Waking up curled against her body, a blend of soft curves and powerful muscle, Chuck had never felt so happy, so relieved that she was still there. And god, the way they'd made love to one another to so easily, as if they'd been fighting a tenet of nature by denying each other.
Realizing that Sarah was still waiting for a reply, Chuck gulped audibly and shook his head to clear it. He was determined to keep up with her wit this morning, and that was going to require a cool head. "Oh, you know. I'm just not used to having such gorgeous company in the kitchen. I mean, there's Morgan of course, but he's just a little less gorgeous than you. I think it's the beard, honestly. Takes him down a few pegs in my book."
Sarah gaped at him over her shoulder until she realized he was joking, and by then she was too distracted to continue with the seductive game she'd been playing. She chuckled when Chuck beamed at her and shook her head. "You're such a dork."
"Nerd," he corrected, scooping the pile of eggs out of the skillet and onto two plates. "If you're going to insult me, I prefer nerd."
"Nerd it is," Sarah replied, turning around to face him. "But it wasn't an insult." The playful atmosphere dissipated as Chuck met her gaze and she moved towards him, wrapping her arms around his neck and rising up on her toes to meet his lips with hers. Chuck was starving, they both were, and he could hear her stomach growl even while they continued to exchange soft kisses. But right now, he wanted nothing more than to stay in this moment forever. This moment that was nothing but the two of them; real, open, honest and full of unspoken love.
Breakfast went by quickly, and before Chuck could ask if Sarah would like help unpacking her things, his phone rang. Chuck glanced quickly at the caller ID before answering.
"Hey, buddy, what's up?...Yeah, I got back last night." He paused, pointing to the phone and mouthing 'Morgan' to Sarah, who nodded and gathered up their plates, taking them to the sink while Chuck went back to his phone call. "Problem at the office? I can come down if you really need me..."
Chuck had given his employees the week off for the holidays but it didn't surprise him that a few had chosen to get in an extra day or two while he was away in New York. A few, namely Jeff and Lester, didn't have families to celebrate Christmas with and to them, getting in a few more hours of holiday pay probably sounded like a better deal.
Ending the call with Morgan, Chuck stood up from the dining table and threw an apologetic glance at Sarah. "Looks like the guys need me down at the office for a little bit." Suddenly his expression brightened and he stepped around the counter to join her in the kitchen. "You can come if you want to. See the office."
"Sure," Sarah replied with a bounce of her shoulders. Being back in Burbank meant following Chuck's lead, and after the intimacy they'd shared not an hour earlier, she didn't plan on leaving his side today.
"Great!" Chuck beamed, and then his expression fell just as quickly and his brows drew together thoughtfully. "So...We should probably get ready then. You can use the shower first if you want. Or I'll go, I can be quick, and then you can take all the time you need. Or we can-"
"Chuck," Sarah interrupted, placing a hand on his chest to quiet him. He looked down at her hand and then up at her, catching the amorous glint in her eye. "This could be a lot less complicated if we just showered together...Don't you think?" Chuck's lips parted and then lifted into a crooked grin. He looked torn between jumping for joy and dragging her down the hallway and hesitation, curious to know if she was serious or just teasing him. Sarah took a step closer, pressing herself against him and touching her lips to his, lingering long enough for her to feel his heartbeat speeding up underneath her palm.
"That's incredibly economic of you," he said, a little breathless, and Sarah couldn't help but giggle. Casting a final coy glance at him, she stepped around Chuck and headed down the hall, throwing a little extra sway into her hips as she walked. Chuck's jaw went slack as Sarah began unbuttoning his work shirt on the way to the bathroom. He stood rooted to the spot, gawking, as she disappeared around the corner, shrugging the shirt off of her shoulders at the last moment and letting it pool on the floor. It wasn't until she peeked back around the corner of the door and beckoned for him to join her with a crook of her finger that Chuck was able to rewire the short circuit in his brain. He scurried down the hall, stumbling over himself in his rush to get to her, and then again when his feet tangled in the shirt she'd abandoned. When he finally reached the bathroom door, he saw Sarah's coy smile fade into something more adoring, her deep blue eyes shining with emotion she couldn't put into words. Stepping into the bathroom, Chuck closed the door, and gently pulled her naked body against his clothed one. He covered her lips with his, feeling her smile fade as the passion swept them both away.
o-o-o-o
The drive to Chuck's office downtown wasn't far. In fact, Sarah felt it went by almost too quickly. Chuck rolled the car windows down and turned on the radio, glancing over at her once in a while as he sang along to the songs wafting from the stereo. Every time their eyes met, his lips would curl into an irrepressible grin and he'd chuckle nervously, return his attention to the road, only to do it all over again.
By the time they reached his office building, Sarah felt like she was floating and they'd done little more than exchange glances. Chuck parked the car and led her inside the building. There was a large desk at the back of the main lobby that looked like a security desk of sorts. From what Chuck had told her about his company thus far, Sarah assumed it was where Casey normally resided. But, it was empty now as Casey-unlike Jeff, Lester, and Morgan-was probably taking full advantage of his time off. Sarah assumed he might also be tired from the trip to New York and back. Leading her away from the lobby, Chuck took her down a narrow hallway to a door with his name emblazoned on a golden plaque. He unlocked the door and threw it open with a flourish.
"Here we are!" Chuck strode into the small office, taking Sarah's hand and guiding her inside. "What do you think?"
The office was small and a little bare; only a few steps in and Sarah already felt like she'd seen all there was to see. Chuck's desk sat in the middle, crowded with two computer screens and a desktop unit underneath. There were a few picture frames showing Ellie, Devon, and Morgan, and some figurines scattered across any space they would fit. But the walls were empty, off-white and a little dingy, and the small bookcase on the left side of the room only held a few books and DVDs. It was small, not really something to brag about. But still, Sarah could see how proud Chuck was of the space. After all, it was a start for his company, no matter how small and it was Chuck who had organized it all up to this point.
"Kind of empty, I know," he said, watching her walk around the room. "But I don't really spend that much time in here. I have to check up on the other guys too often to get my own work done."
"It's nice," Sarah said, reaching down and picking up a picture of Ellie and Chuck grinning goofily at the camera. "I like it."
Chuck beamed at her, his smile practically lighting up the room. He opened his mouth to say something when a soft knock from the doorway drew their attention. Sarah set down the picture frame and looked up to see a tall, slender, young woman standing in the doorway. She wore a black pantsuit that accentuated her lean figure, and her long brown hair fell in waves past her shoulders. She smiled at Chuck with a row of straight white teeth and fluttered her long eyelashes.
"Mr. Bartowski, I hope I'm not interrupting. I didn't know you were already back from New York. How was the trip?" Sarah was tempted to jump in and tell the strange woman that she was, in fact, interrupting, but Chuck spoke before she could.
"It was great!" he said. "In fact, I need you to keep an eye out for a contract from Insomniac Games. The CEO told Casey and me he'd sent it over within the next few days."
"Of course, sir," the woman said with another flirtatious smile and a jolt of anger flared in Sarah's chest.
"Is there a reason you're here today?" Chuck asked suddenly. "You got the email about time off, right?"
"I did," the woman replied, leaning against the doorway and popping her hip. Sarah narrowed her eyes and glanced at Chuck, who thankfully, hadn't seemed to notice the gesture. "But I decided to come in to keep an eye on the guys. Mr. Patel and Mr. Barnes have been trying to take over pieces of the project that weren't assigned to them while you were gone. Mr. Grimes wasn't having it and some minor tantrums were thrown... So I've been stopping in to put out fires for the past few days."
"Jeffster. Gotcha." Chuck rolled his eyes. "Thank you for keeping the guys in check, Courtney. Dunno what I'd do without you."
"Don't mention it." Courtney gave him a playful wink. Deciding that she'd had enough of the banter, Sarah cleared her throat, drawing both Courtney and Chuck's attention.
"Hi," she chirped, stepping around Chuck and holding her hand out towards the young woman. "I don't think we've met. I'm Sarah."
Courtney's brown eyes flashed warily, flickering to Chuck momentarily, and then back to Sarah. She threw on a saccharin sweet smile and accepted the handshake. "Courtney Fischer. Nice to meet you."
"Sorry, Sarah," Chuck said. "I should have introduced you two right away. Courtney's our production assistant, she acts as a liaison between all the departments. She's been a big help around here." Courtney smiled again and every muscle in Sarah's body tensed, but Chuck continued without pause. "Courtney, this is Sarah. She's-"
"-Chuck's girlfriend," Sarah finished, plastering on a phony smile of her own. Sarah was sure Courtney had already surmised their relationship, but it wouldn't hurt to make it clear that Courtney had no business flirting rampantly with Chuck anymore.
Courtney got the message loud and clear. She nodded politely to both of them and took a step out of the office, asking half-heartedly if they needed anything from her. When they declined, Courtney ducked out of the office and disappeared down the hall, throwing one last hasty glance at Sarah over her shoulder.
Sarah shut the door behind her, a little too hard, and when she turned around to face Chuck, a glint of apprehension in his wide eyes.
"You...okay?"
"Fine," she said, voice clipped. "Who was she?"
"...Our production assistant?" Chuck's tone lilted upward into a question.
"I heard that part. But who was she?" Chuck's brow wrinkled and he pursed his lips and Sarah struggled to not be distracted by how adorable he looked. "Did you two ever have," Sarah waved her hand around, looking for the right word, "...a thing?"
Chuck's brows popped upward. "What? No! I hired her last month. Seriously, she's just the office assistant. Kind of like a glorified secretary. What gave you the idea that we ever had," he paused and wrinkled his nose as if he'd smelled something awful, "a thing?"
Sarah's mouth fell open. It continued to surprise her that a man as intelligent and sensitive as Chuck could be so obtuse when it came to subtleties...Or women, specifically. "Seriously? Chuck, she was flirting with you."
"She was?" Chuck frowned, looking genuinely confused. "No, she's just nice. She's like that with all the guys."
Sarah scoffed. "You mean she flirts with everyone?"
Chuck raised a finger and opened his mouth to respond, but paused, lowered his hand and tipped his chin thoughtfully. "Huh...now that you mention it...I guess, I just never noticed it."
Sarah cocked a brow at him and crossed her arms. Catching the angry look in her eyes, Chuck straightened and took a tentative step towards her. "Are you mad at me?"
"No." Sarah's reply was too quick to be convincing. Chuck narrowed his eyes at her and Sarah felt heat rising along the back of her neck. "I'm not. I'm not mad at anyone. I just think it's ridiculous that your secretary would flirt with you so shamelessly. It's entirely unprofessional."
"Sarah."
"I'm not mad." Chuck obviously wasn't convinced and it irritated Sarah that only now he was perceptive of her feeling. He reached out and took her hand, forcing her to drop her arms to her sides and follow him as he walked them both backward, stopping when his legs hit the desk and perching himself on top of it. He took her other hand now and pulled her closer, their thighs brushing as Sarah stood between his legs.
"Need I remind you how we spent this morning?" Chuck asked softly, running his hands up and down Sarah's forearms. "Do you really think that after that, I'd come to work and flirt with my secretary? A woman I don't even know? With you in the room? You know me, Sarah. I'm not that type of guy. I never will be."
"It wasn't you I was worried about. It was her," she replied, leaning into his touch as he continued to stroke her arms. She looked down at her hands, resting on Chuck's thighs, and then peered up at him through her lashes. "I've never been in a relationship like this one before. I guess I jumped to conclusions. I'm sorry." Jealousy was a new emotion for Sarah, and she knew she didn't have the right to be. For as long and complicated as her relationship with Chuck had been up to this point, for her to feel like she had some sort of claim on all of his attention was ridiculous...and selfish. She knew that. And still, it made her angry just thinking of the way Courtney's eyes had roamed over Chuck's body.
The corner of Chuck's mouth lifted into a smile but his eyes were soft, and a little hurt. When they locked on hers, his hands stopped stroking her arms and slipped around her waist instead. "I don't know how I can convince you that you're the only one I see. I don't want anyone else, Sarah. I am completely and wholly yours."
Sarah's heart fluttered at his words and she flushed in spite of herself. Ever since returning from New York, there was a nagging fear in the back of her mind that what she had with Chuck would end in the blink of an eye. All it would take was one mistake, like the one she'd just made by overreacting and being ridiculously jealous. But over and over again, he told her how much he wanted to be with her, and as much as she wanted to keep up a healthy cynicism, his constant sincerity was winning her over. At the same time, Sarah was a little disappointed in herself for reacting the way she had. She'd never been the jealous type...Or at least, she'd never had anyone in her life worth being jealous about. It had been petty of her to react to Courtney's innocent flirtation so aggressively. But she couldn't help herself. She felt like she was barely holding onto Chuck as it was, even with everything he'd said to her at the train station. She'd only been in Burbank one day. How was she going to survive this on a regular basis? There was still a chance she'd screw up. And already there were women around, in Chuck's day-to-day life, that would be there to swoop in the second Sarah left the picture. Women that were probably far more deserving of Chuck's attention than she was.
"Okay," she said finally, surprised by the shyness in her own voice. She wanted to tell him that the same was true for her, but the words stuck in her throat. So she leaned forward and kissed him instead, savoring his soft lips against hers and his large warm hands that drifted gently across her back and down to her waist, gripping her hips and pulling her further into him. His touch sent sparks through every nerve in her body.
"Hey," Chuck said suddenly, pulling back from the kiss. "You told Courtney you were my girlfriend."
Sarah felt a flush of embarrassment, although she wasn't sure why. It was true, wasn't it? She'd never used the word before in the context of her relationships...She and Chuck weren't about to get married tomorrow, but they weren't just a casual fling either.
"Yeah..." She trailed off, waiting for his reaction. Chuck's lips twisted into a smile that he couldn't suppress.
"I liked hearing you say that," he explained, running his hands along her. "That's all."
"I kinda liked it too," Sarah murmured, pausing for a second before she lunged at him again. The door was closed, the building mostly empty and Sarah was eager to recapture the passion from that morning. She fisted Chuck's tie, pulling him closer, deeper, into the kiss and eliciting a small moan from him that made her stomach flutter. The moment didn't last long. They were interrupted by another knock and Sarah practically growled against Chuck's lips. He pulled away and blinked at her, looking simultaneously terrified and aroused by the noise she made. The door opened and Morgan appeared, taking a few steps into the room before he realized what he'd walked in on.
"Hey, Chuck. Courtney just told that you were bac-Oh! Oh, god, I'm so sorry man. I-"Morgan paused, taking stock of exactly who it was who stood in front of him. "Sarah?..." He blinked and shook his head, like something out of a cartoon. "No way. No. Way. Sarah! What are you doing here?"
"Hey, Morgan."
"It's kind of a long story buddy," Chuck said, rising from the desk with a grin. He glanced at Sarah, who still appeared a little irritated by the interruption. Still, she greeted Morgan pleasantly enough when he reached out to shake her hand.
"No doubt," he said, rubbing a hand over his beard a few times. "And I wanna hear all about it, I really do. But first, Chuck, if you wouldn't mind helping me deal with Jeff and Lester..." Morgan trailed off, jerking his thumb at the door and gesturing for Chuck to follow.
"Right, Jeffster. Alright, buddy, tell me what's been going on."
Sarah watched the two men leave the office, Morgan already chattering away, waving his arms around in the air as he explained his frustrations. She wasn't quite sure what they expected her to do while they dealt with the two former Buy More employees until Morgan suddenly paused in the doorway and looked back at her. "You coming, Sarah?"
Chuck looked back as well, seemingly surprised that she hadn't followed behind him, and Sarah suddenly realized that the two of them had intended to include her all along. Pushing away from the desk, Sarah crossed the room quickly, taking Chuck's hand as they stepped out of the office. He beamed at her while Morgan began babbling again, and Sarah was elated to have fallen back into place with Chuck's best friend so easily.
The trio passed Courtney's desk as they headed down the hallway to Jeff and Lester's office. Courtney glanced up out of the corner of her eye as they walked by. Chuck and Morgan were too absorbed in their conversation to notice Courtney watching them, but Sarah shot a look over her shoulder at the receptionist; tossing her hair and tugging on Chuck's hand to pull him closer. He stumbled slightly, looking back at Sarah and then followed her gaze to Courtney, who had returned her attention to her laptop and was typing furiously, a red blush tinging her cheeks. Chuck caught Sarah's smile when she turned to look back at him. She tried feign an innocent, but he shook his head with a small chuckle, squeezing her hand to let her know she had nothing to worry about. Even so, Sarah didn't think it would hurt to make sure Courtney knew, without any doubt, that Chuck was hers.
December 23rd, 2009, Burbank CA, 0500 Hours:
It was early, the sun barely more than a pink glow on the horizon, but Sarah couldn't sleep. Not that her restlessness was an issue, by any means. The peaceful silence of their room allowed her thoughts to wander without interruption, and it was so calming to watch Chuck sleep, his eyelids fluttering lightly as he dreamed.
Their room. Sarah smiled at the thought. Growing up with her father who moved around constantly and then working for the CIA hadn't lent itself to having a real home. Or anything she could truly claim as her own. But already, two days into her official relationship with Chuck, she felt safe here. Safe enough to claim this room as hers and not just as Chuck's. Part of Sarah wanted to wake him and talk with him about everything going through her mind, but he hadn't gotten much sleep in the past few days between coming back from New York, tying up loose ends at work and spending the nights with her.
Sarah shifted against his body, resting her cheek on his shoulder so that she could study his face in the early morning light. His body was warm, something she'd discovered the first time they'd slept in the same bed. Sarah had always been the opposite, a little colder than was normal, especially her feet. But she couldn't forget the first time that she'd tucked them against Chuck's and the warmth he exuded lulled her to sleep almost instantly. As she lay beside him, her fingers exploring the defined lines of his chest, she began to wonder if she should be concerned about how quickly their relationship was moving.
Granted, they'd known each other far longer than a few days, but a few days was exactly how long they had actually been in a official relationship, and already she was living in his apartment. Then again, Sarah wasn't normal, she never had been, and Chuck was well aware of that. If she didn't live here, she didn't have anywhere else to go. Chuck had offered to help her pay for another apartment suite in Maison23, just in case she decided she needed personal space. But Sarah had declined immediately. In spite of how touched she was that Chuck's foremost concern was her comfort, moving away from him would defeat the purpose of why she'd come back. As long as she was here, and as long as Chuck wanted her, she would stay close, telling him that if she ever needed space she'd use the guest bedroom. Then Sarah had shown him just how close she wanted to be by taking his hand and guiding him back to the bedroom; he'd followed her happily, wearing the lopsided grin she loved so much. Maybe their relationship and the speed of it wasn't entirely conventional. But Sarah couldn't imagine it working any other way. Strangely enough, it fit the hectic and rampant pace of the spy life she used to lead. But this was different too. Because Chuck did something every day to remind her how much he cared about her, and how confident he was that they were going to last.
She wiggled against his side, tilting her chin so that she could peek out the bedroom window. The dozens of string lights that decorated the courtyard still twinkled red, green and white and suddenly it struck Sarah that Christmas was in less than two days. A bolt of icy panic shot through her when she realized that she had no idea what she was supposed to do for Chuck when the holiday rolled around. She hadn't celebrated Christmas often as a child. Christmas with her mother felt hollow and forced without her father around, but when she was with Jack Burton, the holiday consisted of his yearly Salvation Army con job. Sarah knew that Christmas was much more than that, but the day had never held any real meaning for her. Getting Chuck a gift would be her number one priority in the coming days. But what could she possibly get him? Should she get him something nerdy and completely catered to his tastes? Or what about something for work? Should it be something romantic, since she was his girlfriend now? What would a romantic gift look like?
Sarah's mind was whirling, panic and indecision making it impossible to sleep. Glancing at the alarm clock on the bedside table, Sarah dropped back down onto her pillow with a huff. It was barely five am, the only person who could help her right now would still be asleep.
Ellie.
Sarah sighed. She'd avoided being alone with Chuck's sister since the four of them shared dinner together two nights ago. But she knew that Ellie wanted answers, answers that Sarah couldn't give her in front of Chuck and Devon. Maybe Ellie's interrogation wouldn't be quite so harsh if it took place while shopping for Christmas gifts. That was Sarah's hope at least. Find a gift and assuage Ellie; killing two birds with one stone. For now, she could get a head start on brainstorming. Maybe an early morning run would get the ideas flowing; it would relieve the sense of panic that still threatened to devour her. As slowly as she could, so as not to wake Chuck, Sarah sat up and shuffled towards the edge of the bed, letting the sheet slide away from her naked form.
Chuck stirred the instant she slipped away from him. He reached out for her, half conscious, dragging his fingers across her hip. "S'matter?" he mumbled, brown eyes bleary and unfocused.
Sarah turned and leaned down to place a soft kiss on his cheek, her hair falling over her shoulders and tickling his face. He wrinkled his nose and smiled sleepily, puckering his lips and kissing the air after she pulled away. Sarah stifled a giggle and ran a hand through his ruffled curls.
"Nothing's the matter," she whispered. "Go back to sleep."
"No, I can get up if you're up..." Chuck murmured, his voice muffled by the pillow. "S'ok babe, I don't mind." Sarah froze, not sure that she'd heard him correctly. Pet names had never been a part of her vocabulary. She'd known too many men who used them flippantly, without meaning. They were cheesy, petty, awkward. At least that's how she'd always felt before. When Bryce used 'babe' on their mission, she'd visibly cringed. It was so obviously fake then, all for the cover. Probably a little vindictive too. It wouldn't surprise Sarah if Bryce had done it only to make Chuck jealous. But when the word came from Chuck's mouth, even a Chuck who was still half asleep and not totally aware of his surroundings, it didn't feel the same. For him, it really was a term of endearment. Something that carried his emotions and his affection for her. In spite of how strange it was to hear the word again, Sarah's body tingled when he said it.
Chuck's hand fell away from her waist and his eyes slipped shut before she even had a chance to reply. She watched him for a minute longer, admiring his smooth skin, the muscles in his arms, and the gentle features in his handsome face. Tearing herself away, Sarah picked through her still packed suitcase for her running gear, wondering if she should start unpacking when she came back. She didn't need the suitcase anymore if she didn't plan on going anywhere after all.
o-o-o-o
"Thank you for agreeing to help me with Christmas shopping, Ellie," Sarah said as the two women strolled through the outdoor strip mall. "I've never been great at picking out gifts." Never really had a reason to.
Ellie waved her hand, the one that wasn't occupied with three large shopping bags. "Oh come on, Sarah. You don't have to thank me, I'm glad you asked! Actually, I've been meaning to spend some one-on-one time with you ever since you got back to Burbank."
And there it was. Not that Sarah hadn't been expecting it. She knew Ellie was going to corner her sooner or later, and Sarah couldn't blame her. The woman had practically raised Chuck, it was only natural for her to be protective of him. But if Sarah and Ellie were ever going to be on good terms, Sarah knew that she needed to be as honest with Ellie as she had been with Chuck in New York. And that meant finding a way to explain the unfamiliar and sometimes overwhelming feelings she had for him. Not an easy task, considering she had trouble understanding them herself.
"Why don't we take a break and talk for a bit then," Sarah suggested, pointing to a nearby cafe with outdoor tables. Ellie gladly accepted. Not only had they been carrying around heavy bags for the better part of the morning, but being five months pregnant, Sarah couldn't imagine Ellie enjoyed being on her feet for two long. Luckily, they didn't have to lug around the brand new surfboard Sarah had picked out. The store had generously offered to deliver it to Echo Park by tomorrow evening.
Once the two had settled at a small table underneath an umbrella and a server brought them out iced teas, Ellie leaned back in her chair, one hand rested on her belly, and peered at Sarah. "So," she began with a tone that was a little too chipper to be believable. "How are you enjoying being back in Burbank?"
"It's a nice change of pace," Sarah admitted. "Although it does feel a little strange not having a mission to pack up for."
"Did they move you around often?" Ellie asked, her brows furrowing.
"They did." Sarah remembered the same look on Chuck's face the day they'd first met and she'd told him that she didn't have a home. "It didn't bother me back then. I don't have a family to visit. Working kept me busy. I didn't have to think about what I was missing." Sarah shrugged a single shoulder and stared down at her tea as she spoke, using her straw to stir the ice cubes around the glass. It had been hard enough admitting these things to Chuck, but Ellie was the classic homebody. Clean home, successful job, a wonderful husband, baby on the way. How much would she judge Sarah for leading a completely different life? To her surprise, Ellie's response was more heartfelt than she'd expected.
"And Chuck was the one who changed that for you?" Sarah looked up from her glass, catching the tenderness in Ellie's hazel eyes.
"Yeah. He was."
"That's why you came back?" Sarah just nodded and Ellie began nibbling on her lip. "It must have been tough for you."
"What do you mean?" A lot of things had been tough for Sarah when it came to Chuck Bartowski. She wasn't sure what Ellie meant.
"I mean, leaving the CIA, just like that," Ellie said with a wave of her hand. "You mentioned the other night that you've been an agent since you were a teenager, right?" Again Sarah nodded. "To leave all that for Chuck is...huge. But, after you and Bryce arrested Roark, you went back...What's different this time?"
Sarah sighed, taking a moment to gather her thoughts before responding. "You're right, Ellie. The CIA has been my entire life for over a decade. In spite of what Chuck-and you and Devon-did to change the way I looked at things, leaving everything I've ever known behind was just too difficult for me. It was too big. Besides, I wasn't sure Chuck would be able to forgive me for all the lies I told him while I was here."
Ellie chuckled. "You didn't think Chuck would forgive you? My brother might be the most forgiving person on the planet. Sometimes that comes back to bite him, but I think it's a strength more than anything else."
"I know that now," Sarah agreed. "But at the time, I wasn't so sure. Working as an agent doesn't lend itself to meeting people as open and honest as Chuck. As for what changed my mind," Sarah paused, unsure of how much she should reveal to Ellie about her near death during her last mission, "My team and I were sent on a mission that didn't go according to plan. I was injured. It took that close call for me to realize how much I regretted not being honest with Chuck."
Ellie paled. In spite of Sarah's vague description of the events of the mission, it was clear that she'd interpreted what happened. "So you wanted to find him and apologize?
"Yeah."
Ellie went quiet for a moment, her lips tightening as she thought. Finally, she looked up at Sarah, her brows pulled together in a determined expression."Can I ask you something then?"
"Of course."
"Do you love him?" Sarah felt like she'd been hit by a sledgehammer. Chuck hadn't even said those words to her, how was she supposed to explain to Ellie that even thinking about the significance of the words made her panic. Sensing her hesitation, Ellie continued. "It's just...After you left, Chuck was crushed. I know my brother and I've seen him go through his fair share of relationships, but the way he looked at you, Sarah...He fell hard. He may not have said it then, but he was in love. You changed his life the day you two met in Malibu in a way none of us ever could have."
Sarah was at a loss for words. But Ellie didn't seem to need her input, she plowed onward, her hazel eyes boring into Sarah. "After all that, the last thing I want, is for Chuck to give his heart to you, only to watch you walk away again when things get too tough."
Sarah's anxiety vanished when Ellie fell silent. True, she'd expressed the same fears to Chuck in private and battled with herself often about whether she deserved to be back in his life, but for some reason, hearing the words come out of Ellie's mouth, as an accusation, irritated her.
"Look, Ellie," she began, careful to rein in the annoyance she felt and keep her tone civil. "As much as I appreciate how much you care about your brother. What happens between us, good or bad, is ours to deal with. I think...Chuck would tell you the same thing."
Ellie's eyes widened, but she remained silent, pondering Sarah's words. "But," Sarah continued. "For what it's worth, Chuck has made it clear that he wants me to stay in Burbank. I left my life for him, Ellie. Even if I wanted to return to it, I have nowhere to go." Sarah paused and bit her lip. "Okay, that sounded less than reassuring. I don't want to leave. I'm not going anywhere. I want to stay, so you don't have to worry about Chuck." Worry about me, a small part of Sarah shouted. I'm the one getting swept off my feet every day. If he were the one to leave me... "To be honest with you," she continued aloud. "I think Chuck would be fine if...things were to end between us, he's changed a lot since I first met him. I'm...not sure that I could say the same for myself."
Sarah felt her cheeks beginning to burn as she confessed her fears to Ellie. But she had the right to know, especially in light of her concern for her brother's happiness. To Sarah's surprise, when Ellie spoke again, she didn't acknowledge Sarah's confession.
"Has he told you about, Hannah?" she asked suddenly and Sarah just blinked, disconcerted by the sudden change in subject.
"Uh, yes, he has." A small grin broke out on Ellie's face. "Why?"
"I watched Chuck and Hannah get together a few months after you left, and although it wasn't my business to say, I knew it wasn't right from the first time I met her." Sarah stared at the woman across from her, unsure of where this conversation was heading. "Hannah was nice enough, and she was simple. I think that simplicity was exactly what Chuck needed after everything that happened with Roark. But I'll be honest with you, Sarah. My brother needs someone that balances him. Someone that challenges him every day to be the best he can be. Someone who deserves his charm, his heart, his brains. Hannah wasn't that, not by a long shot.
"And I'll tell you what, neither was Jill. But you are, Sarah. You have been since the day you met him, and every day since. Even during the times you were gone, he was pushing harder than I've ever seen him, like he had something to prove to the world. Or maybe to you. I think, even during the times you two were at odds, he was falling even harder for you, because you made him work for what he wanted," Ellie paused to gauge Sarah's bewildered expression. "I'm so happy to hear you say that you want to stay here and fight for him. Because you're right, what happens between the two of you is your business. But I think that the two of you complement each other perfectly. And to be honest, Sarah, seeing you walk away again, would hurt me just as much as it would hurt Chuck."
"It would hurt you?"
"Of course," Ellie replied. "It hurt the last time you left. You're pretty amazing, Sarah, and I hadn't met anyone like you before. Not in Burbank anyway. It's tough at the hospital where all the nurses are older than me and the doctors are mostly men. I haven't had a lot of opportunities to make close friends. But I felt differently about you. Right from the start." Ellie finished with a tender smile and Sarah couldn't help but reciprocate.
Out of all the things Ellie had just said, the last words shocked her the most. Sarah would never have guessed that a successful woman like Ellie, with a loving family, could be as lonely as she was. Looking for a friend that she could really trust. In a backward sort of way, Ellie was admitting to the fact that she viewed Sarah as a friend, a close one. Friends weren't something Sarah was familiar with. Partners, sure. Teams. But even the girls on the CAT Squad had been people she didn't fully trust. But Ellie was a different story.
"I had no idea...Ellie, I'm so sorry."
"It's okay, Sarah. Really, it is. You're here now and we have a chance to start over. If you want to that is."
Sarah had to chuckle at how much Ellie's words reminded her of Chuck's. "Of course, Ellie. I'd be honored to have you as my friend."
Ellie beamed, her smile fighting to outdo the sun . Having a friend other than Chuck in Burbank was the next step in defining Sarah's normal life. And she could think of no better person than Ellie Woodcomb.
Suddenly, she stood up, coming around the table and offering Sarah a huge hug, a little bit difficult considering Ellie's belly, but Sarah gripped her back as tightly as she could.
"Good," Ellie said, drawing away and holding Sarah at arm's length. "Now that we've got that heart-to-heart settled, what do you say we finish shopping before the crowds get worse?"
"After you." Sarah helped Ellie gather their bags, dropped some money on the table for their drinks and followed her friend back into the crowd of Christmas shoppers, feeling buoyant and content in spite of the frenzied atmosphere of the shopping center.
December 24th, 2009: Christmas Eve: 2000 Hours:
They'd decided to exchange their gifts on Christmas Eve. Sarah was already nervous about Chuck's reaction, she didn't want to have to deal with his family's at the same time. Chuck agreed without any argument and had torn open the wrapping on her gifts like a kid on...well, a kid on Christmas. With Ellie's help, Sarah had picked out a new surfboard-for their inevitable trips to Malibu-a vintage record player to replace his old one, and the picture of the two of them on the beach that Ellie had given her a long time ago. It was framed now, pristine and protected, and Chuck's eyes lit up when he saw it. After he set it aside, he swept her up into a kiss that was all smiles and teeth, and Sarah hadn't minded in the least.
"Man," Chuck said finally, glancing at the many thoughtful gifts Sarah had given him. "I'm not sure how my present is going to stack up against all this."
"Whatever it is, I'm sure it'll be perfect," Sarah assured him, although she was more than a little proud that she'd managed to blow him away with the gifts she'd chosen. Reaching into his pocket, Chuck pulled out a velvet pouch and pulled on the golden strings that held it shut. Sarah kept her eyes trained on the bag, curiosity making it impossible to tear her gaze away. Setting the bag aside, Chuck pulled out a small, silver chain and held it up so that it glinted in the candle light. A charm bracelet, Sarah realized.
"Wow, it's beautiful," she murmured, watching the tiny charms jingle as Chuck reached for her hand.
"It's good luck," he said, taking her wrist and wrapping the bracelet around her with gentle fingers. "It was my mom's. My dad gave it to her after Ellie was born." The magnitude of Chuck's gift suddenly struck Sarah. This wasn't just jewelry, it wasn't just a kind gesture, it was a family heirloom. Something that held significant meaning for him in regards to his parents, two people he'd hardly known. Two people who had been deeply in love. And for him to give something this important to her? Sarah's gifts seemed trivial in light of what he'd given her. Not just a charm bracelet, but another promise.
"Chuck, I can't take this," she found herself saying, even as she clutched the bracelet close, holding it against her chest.
"Actually, you're the only one who can," he said, keeping his gentle eyes on hers. "I've been saving it for you for...a long time. Valentine's Day. Last year. When you were here with Bryce." The shock Sarah felt must have shown on her face because Chuck ducked his head and chuckled. "Yeah. If I haven't made it clear to you yet...I fell for you a long time ago, Sarah. And after you left, I tried so hard to convince myself that I hadn't. But even when I was with Hannah, it never felt right to give her that bracelet. It's always been yours."
Sarah didn't know what to say, there were no words to explain to Chuck what the gesture meant to her. Chuck continued without her intervention.
"Look, Sarah, there's something I've been wanting to tell you. And before I do, I want you to know that I don't expect you to say anything in return, it's not going to change how I feel." Reaching out, Chuck took the hand that now bore the charm bracelet and held it between both of his. "You being here with me is so incredible, and I couldn't be happier. I know that this has been fast and kind of crazy and hard. I can't tell you how much it means to me that you're jumping headfirst into this, even when you have every right to be terrified."
Chuck ran his thumbs over her hand and then scooted closer on the couch, their knees now brushing. He looked at her again and breathed out a nervous chuckle. "Sarah, you're the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. You're smart, you're beautiful, you laugh at all of my stupid jokes. And most importantly, you were there for me when I was at my lowest. You helped me believe that I was capable of anything. So...here goes. I want you to have this bracelet because I know now...known for awhile really...without any doubt, that I ..." Chuck paused to make sure she was looking at him, his expression serious. "I love you, Sarah. I am in love with you. Not the spy. You. The woman I met on the beach that believed in me when I couldn't believe in myself."
Sarah had known the words were coming, but even still, she wasn't prepared for the effect they had on her. She felt like someone had just unleashed the sun inside her body, the warmth and happiness were pouring out of her without restraint. She didn't have the words to respond, saying 'I love you too' felt like too much, but Chuck had told her he didn't expect anything of her. So instead, she beamed at him, her heart threatening to pound its way out of her chest.
"Thank you." Her voice cracked but Chuck, true to his word, grinned at her and leaned forward, wrapping his long arms around her until she was cradled in his embrace. Sarah gripped the back of his shirt, digging her fingers into the fabric so tightly she was afraid she might hurt him, but he didn't move and she didn't let go. She held him for a long time. Trying to convey that the she felt the same way but that the words wouldn't come. Not yet anyway. Someday. Chuck's patience would get her there. So she thanked him again, the words a whisper in his ear, and Chuck's body shook with gentle laughter.
"Anytime," he chuckled, pressing his lips to her temple. Then he drew away and held her at arm's length, a playful smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Seriously, anytime. I'll say it again now if you want."
Sarah knew he was teasing but if she was honest with herself, she did want to hear it again. And again and again. She wanted to hear him say it in the throes of passion, or in a fit of laughter, or before they went to bed, when they were watching T.V., surfing on the beach. No one, before Chuck, had told her that they loved her and meant it the way he did. That he loved her for her flaws as well as her strengths, that his passion was unconditional, that he cared about her happiness more than his own. As far as she was concerned, Chuck could tell her he loved her as often as he wanted too. And someday, when she built up enough courage to put her powerful feelings for him into words, she'd say it back. Until then, she'd just have to show him.
December 25th, 2009: Woodcomb Christmas Party:
Sarah hadn't been sure what to expect when Chuck told her they were attending a Bartowski Christmas Party. A party usually suggested tons of guest, drinks, chatting, games. Fun for most people, but Sarah enjoyed her solitude and being surrounded by a room full of strangers wasn't the most appealing way Sarah could think of spending Christmas. Faking conversation and pretending to care about getting to know a bunch of people she'd probably never see again didn't strike her as a particularly good time.
She was pleasantly surprised to discover that a Bartowski Christmas Party was just the opposite of what she'd imagined. She and Chuck crossed the courtyard around noon on Christmas Day, Chuck carrying the crumbling fruitcake they'd made together-or rather Sarah had attempted to make it, and Chuck kept stealing handfuls of the ingredients until she'd chased him around the living room with a wooden spoon and tackled him onto the couch, where they'd distracted themselves until the smell of burning fruitcake tore them apart. When Sarah had slumped, disappointed in herself for ruining her only contribution to the party, Chuck gathered her up in a comforting embrace, assuring her that a ruined fruitcake made the party that much more special, because it was the thought that counted. Sarah was quick to disagree, but then Chuck has suggested they finished what they started on the living room couch, and her disappointment was quickly forgotten.
When they knocked on the Woodcombs' apartment door, Sarah found she'd been wrong about the number of strangers she'd have to interact with. Devon answered the door, took the cake from Chuck's arms, and beckoned them inside. The apartment was filled with twinkling string lights, and lit by the afternoon sun and glow from the fireplace. It was warm, cozy and filled with the amazing aroma of Ellie's cooking. Morgan and Anna rose from their place on the couch and greeted Chuck and Sarah, while Ellie came out of the kitchen and told Devon to start setting the table. Sarah was overjoyed to realize that the entire guest list was already here. Her companions from the beach six months ago were also the ones she would be sharing her first real Christmas with.
The food Ellie had prepared was amazing, turkey, sweet potatoes, stuffing, pies, cakes-even Sarah's burnt fruitcake was devoured, though mostly by Morgan, who would eat anything and everything if it was remotely edible. After their Christmas meal, the group gathered around the fireplace and exchanged gifts. Chuck had picked out the gifts for everyone, explaining that he and Sarah were giving out gifts as a couple this year, although his real reason had been to save Sarah from stressing over what to get people she didn't know well yet. For that, she was extremely grateful.
Devon had gotten everyone the same gift; memberships to his favorite gym. Sarah could bet that only one or two of those memberships would actually be used, but the gesture was appreciated by everyone anyway. Morgan and Anna explained that the new apartment had left them without a lot of spare cash, but that they had still managed to grab everyone a nick knack or two when they attended San Diego Comic-Con in the summer. Morgan handed Sarah a small female figurine dressed in a skin-tight red, white and blue suit.
"It reminded me of you when I saw it," Morgan explained. "She's the most badass female superhero to ever exist. Ms. Marvel."
"Thanks, Morgan." Sarah smiled, unsure what she would do with the figurine, maybe Chuck could put it up in his office. Still, it meant a lot that Morgan had thought of her when he saw it.
"You are so welcome. Treat her with care." Sarah almost laughed, but Morgan's face was so serious that she swallowed her chuckle and nodded instead.
Next was Ellie, who handed Sarah a small brown box. Inside was a thin silver chain with a beautiful blue pendant. Sarah had no idea when Ellie had gotten the necklace for her, since they hadn't separated for more than five minutes the day they went shopping together. Maybe Ellie had a few spy skills of her own. Sarah was moved by the thoughtful, and no doubt expensive, gift so she pulled Ellie into a tight hug, promising herself that she'd become a friend worthy of someone as giving as Ellie Woodcomb.
After the gift exchange, Chuck made everyone hot chocolate and Ellie picked out a Hallmark channel holiday movie for them to watch. The movie was a little too goofy for Sarah's tastes, but she was hardly paying attention to it as the afternoon wore on. She curled up on the couch, burrowing into Chuck's side when he wrapped a large fuzzy blanket around both of them and snaked an arm around her waist to pull her even closer. Sipping her hot chocolate, Sarah allowed herself to be enveloped by the warmth of the room, Chuck's body, and the unconditional acceptance she'd been shown today by everyone she'd betrayed six months ago. As she sat next to Chuck, she reflected back on the last couple of days. Thankful didn't even begin to describe how she felt about the way things were unfolding. This had been the first Christmas that meant something to her. And if Sarah had anything to say about it, it certainly wasn't going to be the last.
Thank you for the support and kind words. See you next chapter!
