Let me just say first up - you guys are awesome. 50 reviews? I'm so glad that you guys have responded to the story and it feels like ages since I last uploaded. Sorry if there are a few little mistakes. I rushed it a bit to get it uploaded for you all. Thanks :)
sidenote - check out my other hunger games story 'Real or not real' if you want another peeta/katniss story.
Chapter 9
We run hand in hand back to the camp, and Finnick and Mags are trying to pack up our gear. "Leave it," I scream. They fumble with whatever is in their packs and slip them on. Peeta has my bow and arrow in his free hand and I take it from him as we run. Neither Peeta and I can run very fast. We're both damaged, broken, but we try to move each other faster along as Finnick moves like a steam train up ahead, Mags over his shoulder. The sweet odour gets stronger and when the fog touches us, I trip. There is some kind of chemical in this fog. Peeta picks me back up but I can see he's struggling too. It's like the air is attacking our muscles, breaking them down. We start moving again but all we do is fall and get back up. Finnick finally stops.
"Think you can take Mags?" he says, lifting Peeta up without another answer. I bend and allow Mags onto my back and we only get a few metres before my knees buckle.
"Finnick!" I cry. He takes my hand and gets me to my feet. "Can't you carry them both?" He shakes his head and I notice that he only has one trident left, tucked under Peeta. His face is sagging and he looks desperate.
Then something unexpected happens. Mags hops off of me, kisses Finnick right on the mouth, and walks straight into the fog.
"No!" I yell, going to go after her but Finnick pulls me back. I can see the shadow of her twitch and convulse. Then it falls and the cannon goes and she is dead. My body is aching but I still run after Finnick and Peeta. We finally collapse at the water, right near the Cornucopia, where the games started. The fog does not follow us. Instead, it retreats into thin air. I groan into the sand, rolling over on my side. Peeta and Finnick are a few metres away from me but they look to be breathing. I drag my fingers through the hot sand until I have pulled myself to the water. When I reach a hand in, there is a sharp burst of pain, so much so that I pull it back out. But as soon as I do, I feel better. I inch myself in slowly, willing myself to accept the pain so that I can feel the relief later. Getting my head under is the hardest. I scream, and water rushes into my lungs. When I emerge, coughing and spluttering, my body feels functional again.
I get out of the water and go straight to Peeta. Without hesitating, I grab his ankles and tow him to the water. Peeta's head is lolling on his shoulder and he's muttering things I can't understand. I try to hold his head straight and pull him in, little by little. He jumps, and tosses and tries to fight me but I still drag him further into the water.
Just as the water has reached his waist, his hand darts out and clamps down around my wrist. His head is upright but his eyes are closed. His mouth is curled in a frown. "Katniss, don't leave me."
He must be delirious from the pain, I think. I press my lips just above his left eyebrow and whisper against his skin. "I'm not going anywhere."
This seems to relax him. He falls back against the sand bank and I continue to pull him further into the water. I have to do it with one hand because he holds tightly onto my other one. "I'm sorry Katniss," he mumbles, as the poison seems to leak out of his body. "I knew, right from the start….."
"Shhh," I tell him. I can't let him say anything he shouldn't. I bend down and kiss his blistered lips. He blinks a couple of times and then opens his eyes. I pull back instantly and he just stares at me. It seems he's conscious enough now to remember that I shouldn't be kissing him, not after what I did. We stare at each other and I wish he could how he really feels, because not knowing is much worse.
A groan breaks through our shared gaze. Finnick is lying a few metres away, sprawled out on the sand, eyes closed.
"I need you to help me get him into the water," I say to him. Peeta nods and we get out of the water to walk to Finnick. His big, muscular frame is heavy to carry, even for the two of us. He looks much worse than either of us did, probably because he had to carry Mags and Peeta and because there was a lot more of him for the poison to seep into to.
We heave him to the water and dip his toes in. He actually cries and has a mini seizure. We have to hold him still until he stops.
"If we keep going, we'll kill him," Peeta points out. He's right, of course. I see a few shells nearby and together we scoop some water into them and pour them over Finnick. He groans but he doesn't fidget. The fog exits his pores in wisps of smoke. When we finally do his face, he opens his eyes. "Thank you," he says. He sits upright and I sit next down to him. Peeta stares down at the both of us.
"I think I'll go for a swim," Finnick says after a while, and he leaves us alone to dive into the water. Peeta looks away. "I'll set up camp. Stay here." I do. When night falls down suddenly on us, Finnick insists on keeping guard. I take one look at his bleary eyes and know he is grieving for Mags.
When Peeta and I lie down for the night, he surprises me by putting his arm around me. To anyone, it would look like we are trying to heal after the tragic miscarriage of our child. But I notice things that The Capitol audience surely will not. Like how stiff and rigid his arm is. How his hand doesn't curl into me, finding mine or touching the side of my face. How his head turns away from me. How he doesn't even say goodnight.
I barely sleep that night. Finnick's on and off sobbing keeps me mostly conscious. I keep my eyes on Peeta for most of it. He mutters in his sleep on and off, mostly stuff I can't understand. After a while, he turns away from me in his sleep, letting go of me and I shove down the hurt that rises in my chest.
I finally look away from him and stare up at the stars that litter the sky. It's funny. A lot of people never realise what they have until it's gone. I'm one of those people. I never knew how much Peeta's friendship meant to me, how much he meant to me until he didn't want to even be around me anymore. Until he stopped looking at me like he loved me.
When morning light comes, Peeta rolls back over to me and opens his eyes. "Hi," he says sleepily.
"I need you," I say abruptly. I have no right to need him. I'm being selfish. I know that if I force him to treat me better, he will have to for the Games. If I kiss him, if I try to act in love, he will not push me away. He can't. But can I really do that to the one person I can truly trust? Can I break for my own selfish need to be forgiven? I honestly don't know what I'm capable of anymore.
"You have me," he says indifferently. But I wonder if this is true or a lie. In the Games, I cannot tell. Another time, I might have known.
We examine our bodies in the sunlight streaming down on us. We look horribly disfigured, like burn victims. And it itches like crazy. I try to resist even though it's difficult. Finnick clearly has no such self-control. He's hopping around like crazy, scratching and rubbing himself up against the nearest tree.
"Do you need some privacy or….?" I ask, gesturing to him and the tree. He rolls his eyes and continues to scratch. "You'll just cause scars if you keep doing that Finnick. Then you might have to be ugly for the rest of your life. Imagine that."
It may or may not be a coincidence but a second later, he stops scratching.
A couple of minutes later, a parachute lands in front of us. Peeta is first to reach it, and he pulls out a tub of thick purple goo. He looks at Finnick and me. "I'm guessing this is for the burns."
"Gimme," Finnick says, snatching it from Peeta's hands. He slathers it all over his body and we take turns helping spread it all over each other. We end up looking like something out of a horror film. Finnick looks suitably horrified.
"You'll be pretty again one day," I tell him and he just groans. We hear footsteps and it stops our joking around, puts us immediately on the offense. Finnick levels his trident in his fingers;Peeta pulls his knife from his belt and I aim my bow.
Suddenly, Finnick calls, "Johanna," and takes off running into the jungle. I groan this time. Of all the possible allies we could have had, Johanna Mason was at the bottom of the list, somwhere near the Careers.
"She's got Nuts and Volts with her too." When I frown at Peeta, he explains. "Wiress and Beetee." My eyebrows arch in surprise. I was not expecting that one. I jerk my head in their direction and together we walk towards them.
When Peeta and I reach Finnick and Johanna, she's telling him some blood filled rain. Wiress is just spinning around in circles, running around them both and muttering 'tick tock' over and over again. "Sit the hell down," Johanna spits.
"Leave her alone," I snap, reaching a hand out to Wiress. She takes it with surprise and stops moving. She looks at me confusedly for a moment before sitting down on the ground. She crosses her legs, hangs her head in her lap and continues to mutter.
"Leave her – I got them for you! Almost died to - " Johanna steps towards me and before I can react, slaps me so hard across the face I actually stumble. Peeta steps in front of me before I can regain my step and put an arrow through her brain. He pushes her away and Finnick picks her up like she is a ragdoll. He brings her to the water and washes the blood off her skin. All the while, she yells as many insults as she can at me, in between Finnick dunking her head under water.
Peeta puts his hand gently against my cheek. His skin is still damp and it soothes the burning. "Are you okay?"
I ignore his question. "What did she mean, getting them for me?"
Peeta takes his hand off his face and all pretence has dropped from his face; the moment of gentleness is gone. "Did you want them? She probably knew you wouldn't agree to be allies unless she brought them to you."
I look down at Beetee, who is shaking in the sand, skin caked with blood. "Unless we fix him, he's not going to live long enough to be our ally."
We grab one of his hands each and haul him to the water. Peeta scrapes the blood off Beetee's skin and I try to cut him out of his jumpsuit. I avert my eyes as much as possible but it's not too bad. My mother's been treating naked men for years.
There's a long gash on his back but it doesn't look bad. Peeta cleans it as best he can and wraps one of the soft moss leaves around his back. We bring him back to the sand bank where Wiress is sitting how I left her, mouth moving so fast I doubt any words are coming out.
But when I get closer, I hear her. "Tick, tock, tick tock," she mutters.
"Yeah tick tock," I say back. She stares up at me oddly and I take the momentary distraction to check her out. She doesn't look like she is injured, at least not physically. I can't speak for her mental health.
Johanna returns with Finnick and we distinctly avoid eye contact. I make a show to laugh and talk with Finnick though, only because I know she's good friends with him and it would piss her off. It does. She eyes me for the rest of the night, like she wouldn't hesitate the chop my head off with her axe.
"I hate Johanna," I say when we lie down for the night.
Peeta sighs. "I know," he replies back. I stare up at him for a while, and note all of his physical beauties. Like the line of his slightly squarish jaw. His incredibly long lashes that frame over his blue eyes, the colour of the water on a perfect day. His full lips curled over a row of slightly off coloured teeth. He really is…..beautiful.
I think back to our moments in the cave during our first Games. How he told me he fell for me the moment he heard me sing in class. More and more, I've been remembering the lyrics to that song. I haven't sung since Rue died. Singing seems like a luxury for happy people.
But now, in a voice that's barely above a whisper, I sing.
I know I'm not singing it properly. In my effort to keep low, my voice is somewhat strained. But I still feel Peeta freeze beside me, still feel his eyes stuck on me like he will never take them off me again. I finish the first verse and the chorus and die off into a low hum. Peeta relaxes and I notice that he has inched a little closer toward me. Our feet are close enough for me to push my leg out and touch him.
When I fall into a somewhat restless sleep, I swear I hear him say, "I was a goner right from the start."
Sunlight seems to come too quickly. They must like keeping us awake. Either that, or they have something serious planned.
When I get up, Finnick and Johanna are hovering over Beetee. He seems to be in a worse shape than he was yesterday. Wiress is her usual crazy self and Johanna looks as irritated as ever.
"He got cut getting some stupid wire up at the Cornucopia," I hear Johanna say derisively. "Like that would help him."
"He won his Games with a wire," I pipe up. They both look over me and Peeta, unaware we had woken up. I narrow my eyes at Johanna. Something doesn't make sense. "Seems you would know that, wouldn't you?"
Johanna takes a step forward, towards me. "Sorry for not realising that. I must have been busy trying to save their asses and mine. While you were doing what exactly? Getting Mags killed?"
My fingers go to the knife tucked into my belt on instinct and Johanna's eyes narrow to dangerous slits. "Do it," she dares in a low, threatening voice. "I don't care if you are pregnant, I'll rip your throat out!"
Everything seems to happen in slow motion. The words leave Johanna's mouth and hang in the air. Finnick glares at Johanna. Peeta looks sideways at me in concern, seeking out my hand.
Before anyone can stop me, my hands are around Johanna Mason's throat.
