new chap! Wohay! Can I just say how much I love writing the twinsies? I can't. I seriously can't.
So this is pretty much BDS heavy, but I promise more Daryl in later chapters.

Yes, they are going to meet again, yes Murphy is going to meet Merle, yes, there's going to be some more AU stuff. This is pretty much the only movie scene I'm going to include in this fic, full on, because it's my favourite Connor scene and I wanted to give us a little insight thingy here. What's going through his mind there. So stay with me, less Boondock Saints, more Walking Saints in later chapters. (and thanks to akua for giving me yet another couple of brilliant ideas, but gurl, please stop it with your ideas, I end up using all of them and then you can pretty much tell people that this fic is yours, trolololololo.)

Oh and! Premiere! Me showing off with my German! TAHAHA! (I didn't bother googling any other languages cos I know google translate sucks, so why not use my own freakin language, eh? And finally! Enough with the "Sie" in fics. I'm not complaining, but it is annoying. Reading fics that involve the bros talking German and they're using our version of the formal "you" I'm like "nooo you just destroyed the perfect moment, why would they use the formal "you" when they're brothers, noooo". Yeah I shouldn't complain though, my English sucks even more, LOL. So hush Susan, hush. Stop it.)


Two Sides Of The Same Coin
Part 1| Boston

Chapter 9 - Promise


later that night

"Seriously, what the fuck Con" Murphy murmured as they entered their apartment and got rid of their rosaries.

Connor threw the keys away and sighed.

"What are ye talking about this time?"

Murphy turned around to face his older half. He shoved him.

"I'm fuckin talkin about you setting that Russian's ass on fire."

Connor grinned and chuckled.

"I think it was freaking funny" he said and walked past Murphy to enter their kitchen. He opened one of the drawers and turned his back on his brother.

The dark haired twin growled.

"Well 't was at first. When 't was a fuckin barfight but that shit, ye crossed te line there Con. Besides, could've used a little help with that rambo."

He sat down on their couch and got rid of his shoes.
Connor wouldn't turn around but Murphy could tell that his brother was rolling his eyes and pulling a face.

"I think ye did pretty well. I knew I didn't need ta step in, yer a decent fighter, and I wanted ta let ye fight, have you win, make me proud."

"You sound like M." Murphy murmured and Connor snorted.

It was true that Connor was a lot like their mother, he even looked like her. He was just as crazy as her. The younger twin remembered those times when they'd been kids and it had become pretty clear who and how they'd be one day. Murphy remembered those times when their Ma had been extra drunk and she had started complaining about how much he looked and behaved like his worthless father. Connor had always been her favourite. Of course, she loved them both, she was just having a hard time because of this.

Connor turned around and approached his twin with a band-aid, some Kleenex and a bottle of whiskey.
Murphy raised an eyebrow when his brother knelt down in front of him and looked at him.

"Let me take care af yer baby face" the blonde said and Murphy growled.

"How many times do I have ta tell ye, I ain't some fucking baby face."

Connor grinned and drenched the Kleenex with whiskey.

"Shut it, af course ye are. You will always be, little brother."

Murphy kicked his shin.

"Fuck ye! Do I need ta set yer ass on fire?"

Connor laughed and started cleaning the cut just above his brother's right eyebrow. Murphy hissed when the alcohol touched the wound.

"We always need ta match, don't we?" the older murmured and his younger half eyed the cut just above his twin's eye.

The one the redneck had given him.
They didn't speak for a while until Connor was finished taking care of his brother's injury.
He put the band-aid on the cut and smiled.

"Yer going ta live" he said and Murphy snorted.

He touched the band-aid and frowned.

"I swear ta god if it's another one af those flowers and dinosaurs band aids I'm going ta fuckin kill ye Connor."

Connor started laughing and smacked Murphy's head.

"Shut it and don't be such a fuckin baby."

He got up and pulled his shirt over his head. He found a half empty beer can on the table and grabbed it with a smirk on his face. Murphy watched his brother for a while and sighed. He was pretty sure that those Russians were in hospital now. Especially the one Connor had fucked up with his fire idea. Of course. It had been fun at first. Fighting, drinking, yelling, winning. Kicking them out, until Connor had another one of his ideas. "I've got something planned fer that fucker." he'd said when he'd grabbed the whiskey bottle and chained that fatso to the bar. When Murphy'd seen that glint in his brother's eyes again.

"I'm worried about ye Connor" Murphy said and widened his eyes in surprise.

He hadn't meant to speak it out. He heard Connor snort.

"What?" his other half asked and turned around.

He just grinned at Murphy.

"Don't worry, Murph. 'm fuckin fine. They couldn't do nothing ta me. Ye know me."

Murphy nodded.

"Aye, I know ye. You an yer psycho mode lately."

Connor snorted and sat down on his bed.

"My fuckin what?"

The younger sighed and got up. He kicked an empty beer can away and shrugged.

"Ferget about it" he murmured and got undressed as well.

"Murphy" Connor said after a while and his brother growled.

"Yer gettin us inta more an more trouble these days. You gettin inta a fight with a fuckin Nazi, two fuckin rednecks with muscles an shit.
Then you starting ta fuck one af those Russian mobsters up. I'm fuckin sick af yer ideas all te time."

The older twin just stared at his younger half for a while. Murphy didn't even need him to speak, he could tell just by looking at his brother's eyes that Connor's mind was racing right now. Disappointment, anger, denial, all at once. It made the younger feel just as uneasy. He was sensing a real fight this time, and he hated to fight. Literally didn't want to fight with Connor. So he just sighed and tried to smile although he didn't feel like it.

"Just, take it easy next time, aye? I'm just worried about me brother."

Peace. For now. Connor nodded.

"Aye" he said and got out of his jeans.

He froze and looked at his younger half.

"Ye don't need ta worry Murph. Everything's alright. No one's gonna hurt me, or ye. Nothing's gonna happen ta us. Ever. I promise. Cos I'm going ta make sure of that. Aye?"

Murphy nodded.

"Aye."

Connor looked him in the eye and placed a hand on his brother's shoulder.

"Vertrau mir?"

Trust me? he asked. German. Murphy nodded once more.

"Mit meinem Leben."

With my life.


the next morning

"Wake up yah worthless piece of trash!"

Daryl woke up when someone slapped him. He blinked and reached for his knife. Except it wasn't there.

"Looking for this baby brother?"

Daryl opened his eyes and saw his brother's face just a couple of inches away from his. He was pointing his knife right at him. Daryl tensed.

"That's my knife, asshole."

Merle grinned and stood up. He was chuckling to himself and threw the knife at Daryl.
The younger brother gasped in surprise when the blade hit his belly, but it wouldn't cut him or get stuck. It just landed right on top of him.

"Get yah worthless ass up and grab everything that doesn't belong t'yah. In fact, everything that looks like it's worth a couple of dollars."

Daryl frowned and sat up. He groaned when he felt the pain in his neck. He was pretty sure Merle had twisted and bruised it with his attack yesterday.

"What?" he murmured and his brother snorted.

He searched the motel room for things. He put the alarm inside his bag and added several towels.

"I said get up, asshole. We're leaving town."

"What?"

"Yah deaf or what?"

Daryl got up and watched his brother with a frown.

"The fuck? I though yah had business t'do with those smelly Russian asshats."

Merle snorted.

"Well, they think we have. 'm just lettin'em do our dirty work."

He looked at the clock and grinned even more.

"And I think, baby brother, they're pretty much done by now. Congrats, we got rid of yah boyfriend and his little bitch brother. All thanks t'yah Darlynna."

Daryl swallowed and tried not to let Merle see how that made him feel.

"So what now, we're jus leaving? Yah done with all yah crap?"

Merle closed one of his bags and grinned.

"Got my money, drugs, some bitches, job done, bro."

He looked up and narrowed his eyes.

"No thanks t'yah of course. Worthless piece of retarded trash."

He approached Daryl who clenched his fists and gritted his teeth.

"We still need t'work on yah, baby brother. Yah fucked up big time here, but yah rightened yah wrongs. I give yah that. But, bein yah old Merle and all I was merciful, cos we're blood. But, next time yah fail like that.."

He grinned.

"Well, yah know the story."

Both men just glared at each other. For a moment Daryl felt nothing but hatred for his brother.
Merle suddenly hit his shoulder and turned around.

"Now get yah shit t'gether. We're leaving this shithole today. Our work's done here."

Our work is done. Two people are dead. Just cos of my face. Just cos of me.
Looks like yah ain't any better than 'im after all. Yah just like 'im. A killer.

A murderer.

When they left the motel later and Daryl closed the door behind him to follow his brother wherever he was going this time, he realized that he was not only leaving Boston behind. He was also turning his back on the last bit of himself. His last bit of humanity. He wasn't one of them anymore. Those people that could live with some sort of clear conscience. He was one of those people now. The ones that had killed.

Murderer.


Yer getting us inta more and more trouble these days.

That's what he woke up to. Murphy's voice. In his head. Him, saying something like that.

You're putting me in danger. You're getting me hurt. You're scaring me.

Connor stared at the ceiling. His head ached. His ribs hurt. He had a terrible hangover. He felt like crap. Not only because of the injuries.
No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop thinking about it. It was driving him insane.

Fuck it. No I won't. Never. Going ta change. Fram this day on. No way he's getting worried cos of me.

Connor turned his head and looked at his sleeping twin. He felt even more sorry when he saw that face again. Murphy looked so much younger when he was asleep. There was a reason why Connor called him baby face all the time. Not only because he wanted to tease him. It was true. If only sometimes. This was one of those moments. He looked so fucking innocent it made Connor's heart miss a beat. Funny how someone like him - swearing 24/7, smoking like a chimney, getting into fights every day- could look so innocent.

"Eh Murph. Time ta rise an shine" Connor said quietly.

He knew he didn't need to shout. Sometimes he did it for the fun of it. Just to see how Murphy'd jump and fall out of his bed, cursing and throwing pillows.
But not today. His brother murmured and Connor chuckled.

"Five minutes" Murphy muttered and shifted. Connor smirked and nodded.

"Aye, ye get yer five fuckin minutes."

He got up to get himself something to drink and his bathrobe, which gave Murphy way more than five minutes.
Once Connor had gotten himself his coffee with a decent amount of Irish in it, he grabbed Murphy's bathrobe and threw it at him.

"Five fuckin minutes are over" he announced and sat back down on his bed.

He placed the mug on the table between their beds and looked at his brother who growled.

"Five minutes"Murphy said again and Connor hit him.

"You got yer five fuckin minutes. Get up. Spoiled brat."

Murphy finally opened his eyes and sighed. Connor smiled at him.

"Mornin sunshine."

"Fuck you" the younger growled and sat up to grab his bathrobe.

"Well, I already am fucked"Connor said and buried his head in his arms.

The headache was killing him. But it got worse when he heard a loud bang. Both twins turned around to see where the noise was coming from - the Russians from yesterday were back and had kicked their door in. The brothers got up in surprise when they entered their apartment. The fat bald Russian was limping and when Connor turned his head he saw that he had a big bandage strapped around his behind. The ass he'd burned yesterday.

"Get the fuck up!" the Russian yelled and pointed a gun at them.

Both twins tried to get out of his way, but it was too late. The bald guy hit Connor's head with his gun. The older twin was thrown to the ground and held his aching head in horror. The headache he'd just had from the hangover was nothing compared to the pain he was feeling now. He felt the rush of hot blood running down his forehead and knew he was fucked.

Ye crossed a line there, Con. I'm worried about ye.

Connor placed a hand on his forehead and saw blood on his fingers.

And his head. It was killing him.

"Come on!" the Russian boss yelled and grabbed him by his shoulders.

For a moment the older twin just felt numb, partly because of the smack on his head, partly because he couldn't believe this was happening.

"Get your fuckin' hands af me!" he heard Murphy shout but couldn't turn around to see his brother.

This can't be happening. I fucking promised.

The Russian dragged him to their toilet and threw handcuffs at Connor.

"Cuff yourself around the back! Cuff yourself!" he yelled and the older twin did as he was told.

He was still so shocked. So surprised. So horrified. So numb. Connor knew he would only make it worse if he didn't obey now.

Going ta change. Fram this day on. No way he's getting worried cos of me. No provoking. No rebellion. No fucking nothing.

The Russian checked the cuffs and wrapped them even tighter around his wrists until it hurt. For a second it was quiet. For Connor it felt like eternity. Because for the first time in his life he wasn't in charge. Didn't feel save. Didn't know anything. All he knew was: I fucking promised. He felt the gun pressed against the back of his neck. The blood was still running down his forehead. At least he could see Murphy now, who was on his knees and had another gun pressed to his head. Funny that. Even now they had to match.

"You know why I fucking come here?" the Russian asked and pressed Connor's head against the toilet seat.

"I come here t'kill you. Teach you lesson. But now, I no think I fucking kill you. The Redneck is right. I kill your brother."

Connor widened his eyes. The redneck. Kill Murphy.

This can't be happening.

"Shoot him in the head."

The Russian let go of him and realization hit Connor. Everything that was about to happen became all too clear. Painfully clear.

Shoot him in the head. I kill your brother. Murphy.

"Fuck you!" he spat and knew it was pointless. Because he was cuffed to a toilet. All he could do was scream and shout now. The boss approached his brother. He was laughing all the way through. Connor knew he should be the one laughing. Because his bandaged ass looked absolutely retarded. Because he was the one laughing all the time. I think it was freakin funny.Except it wasn't funny. It was absolutely insane.

I kill your brother.

"Murph!" he yelled and tried to fight the cuffs.

He'd been prepared to die. Get killed because of what he'd done. Maybe that would've been just.
Because Murphy'd been right. Yer getting us inta more and more trouble these days. It was his fault. Murphy was innocent. So fucking innocent.

"Connor!" the younger answered helplessly as they grabbed him by his bathrobe and made him move.

Murphy tried to fight them, but they had guns and he was in his freaking boxers.

"It was just a fuckin bar fight! You guys are fuckin pussies!" he tried to reason with them but he knew it was pointless.

Because he knew this wasn't about him, that they didn't care about him. It was about Connor. When the older saw how they took his younger half away it made his mind snap and his heart stop. Never in his life, not during any kinds of barfights, fights with their mother, frustration over the news and the world, had he ever felt such anger. Such despair. Because they were taking his twin away from him.

"MURPH!" he screamed at the top of his lungs.

He couldn't believe this was happening. Connor's desperate screams made Murphy turn around. And for a moment they just stared at each other in disbelief.
Hundreds of emotions and thoughts were going through their minds in this very second but they could read every single thing.

They're going ta take me away fram you. I'm so angry. I'm so scared. I don't want ta die Connor. I love ye. I don't want ta leave you.
This might be te last time I'm going ta see ye.. Save me. I love ye, but this is all yer fault. You promised.

Connor understood every single thing his brother was trying to tell him with this look. But he had only one thing in his mind.

No. No. I won't let that happen. They can't take ye away fram me. Not you.

And the desperation and fear got replaced with sheer mindless rage when they left the room, the apartment, the block.
For a moment Connor just stared at their door in disbelief. It was so quiet in their apartment. So quiet. And he was alone.

I'm not going to kill you. I'm going to kill your brother. Shoot him in the head.

There was no way he would let this happen. No way he could be just Connor. No way he could live with the fact that Murphy had been killed just because of his deeds. Just thinking about it made him go insane. He started screaming and growling like an animal and tried to get rid of the cuffs. Neither the toilet nor the cuffs would give in. Must protect Murphy. His most basic instinct kicked in and he started ripping and pulling even more. He could feel the cuffs cutting and bruising his flesh but he was indifferent to the pain. Because the other pain was way worse. Just his thoughts and the silence were torture to him. Murphy wasn't there. It was all wrong.

The cuffs were hurting and damaging his veins and tendons with every pull and for a moment he stared up at their windows.
Somehow trying to see his brother, see god.

Please god, I know I did something wrong, but please don't take him away fram me, please. I am begging you. Take my life, but nat him.

For a second he thought that god had turned his back on him. He thought he must have because he wouldn't just let this happen.
So maybe god had given him up, but there was no way he would ever give Murphy up.

He fought even more.

Please.

With a gush of water he was released and gasped when he could finally stand up, with the toilet still in his arms.

Thank you. God. Thank you.

He knew what he had to do.

Trembling with every step because of the exhaustion, the pain and the blood loss Connor turned around and started running for the stairs.

The rooftop.

When they'd been little and their Ma had read them the bible for the very first time, Connor had shown a special interest in the story of Jesus Christ's way of the cross.

"How could he carry that big cross Ma? Why would he do that?" Connor had asked her, his childish blue eyes gleaming with curiosity.

"He did it fer all af us, Connor. Cos he loves us. Belief and love made him able ta go through that much pain. That's what it's all about.
Love. And belief. Ye've got ta love him more than anyone in the world fer that
."

He could hear those words all too clearly now as he made his way up the stairs and carried the toilet over to the very edge of the building.

Love and belief.

Maybe this was his own version of the way of the cross now. Maybe he was carrying his own weight to this very final destination, the edge of the rooftop.
Maybe this was the day he died because of his own foolishness. But at least he'd make sure Murphy was safe.

Love and belief. Tha's what it's all about. I love 'im more than anything in the world Ma. But I ain't talking about Jesus Christ.

He saw them down there, Murphy on his knees, with a gun pointed at his head.

No one's pointing a gun at my brother.

Connor let go of the toilet. He just knew that it would hit its target. He just knew that it would if he truly believed in it.
Without missing a heartbeat he leaned over and jumped. The last thing he remembered was his own promise.

Ye don't need ta worry Murph. Everything's alright. No one's gonna hurt ye. Ever. I promise. Cos I'm going ta make sure of that.

When he finally hit the ground after what seemed like an endless fall, everything went black.