I'd like to dedicate this story to my 15 y/o self. Lazy lil shit that she was, never finished this damn thing, though to be fair I did warn you all this would happen. Okay, so I was just casually going through my folders, procrastinating because some things never change and would you guess what I found? This embarrassing bullshit, the epic tale of my self-insert OC that literally replaces the doctor to fulfill my need to be important.
But yeah sure, I could go on about it developing my creative writing and all that and who knows? maybe it did. But I can't deny that this was shameful to read back three years later, hilarious but also cringey as all hell. Still at least I never posted online that one Harry Potter fanfiction that I started and surprisingly also never finished.
Most importantly though, I left all you poor readers on a poorly written cliff hanger, so if there is any of the like three people who once read this story and actually? Enjoyed it? Somehow? This is for you.
The never before seen, epic ninth chapter, of …The Girl Who Knows and The Siren? Jesus Christ what kind of long ass pretentious bull-
"My name is James, James Zander, I'm the Siren little brother"
Corwin's hand lies limply in James' who awkwardly lets go. Then he returns to his senses "I'm sorry, hello- brother? Right... Wait did you say little brother? James nods, "but you, you look about thirty something" Corwin scans James' face as if it will suddenly get younger. "Look I thought I told you, timelords don't age at the same rate, I'm what-" I glance at James "around 90 years older than you?"
"Give or take" he shrugs and Corwin blanches looking at me in a whole new way "ok, say you are, you know that age, why doesn't he still look young, aren't you a timelord as well?" He questions James, who is playing with his helmet again because he is actually quite shy.
"Well we aren't actually blood relatives, he's just an ordinary human being"
"Hey!" He says indignantly "sorry! I mean he's a genius but you know, he's a human genius, and I kind of adopted him when he was little"
"Ok, I get it... I think." Corwin frowns and sits down, apparently sorting it all out in his head.
"Now that he mentions it though, you are looking a bit old, I'd say- hmmmmm, 356?"
"359" he corrects me, grinning "and you are at 171, right?"
"Dammit, how do you do that?"
"Sorry, what are you guys doing?" Corwin interrupts, "oh" I laugh "sorry, it's how we keep track, we never meet in the right order, we both travel through time, not that he's supposed too-" I glare at James "and If I ever find out what he's using I'm going to confiscate it- oh it better not be a vortex manipulator, you KNOW how dangerous those things are" I take a calming breath and turn away from James rolling his eyes to look at back at Corwin "point is; we number our meetings to prevent any confusion, this is the 171st time I have met him since he left the Tardis, and for him it is the 359th time he had met me."
"And just then, you guys were guessing each other's?"
"Yeah, it's like a contest and he always wins, I reckon he's cheating!"
"Am not!
"Are too"
"You're the only cheater, remember my 86th meeting?"
"I won fair and square, it's not my fault that you fell for the whole 'I'm only 102 years old' thing"
"God, you sound just like my brother and sister" Corwin chuckles "but if he's human, how did you guys end up siblings?"
"Story time!" I sing and plonk myself down in a wheelie chair (God I love wheelie chairs!) "Urgh I hate this story" James moans as I reach down into a box of clutter under the console "that's only because you're in it, look if it bothers you so much go mess about with your gadgets"
"Gadgets? These things can make your eyeballs blow up, stabilize a nuclear planet, make a red giant-"
"Can any of them boil an egg?"
"No, why would you even want to-"
"Not interested then!"
"You're so childish". He stalks off with a metal thing that does god knows what clutched in his hands. "Ok here we are" I hand Corwin a sepia photograph of a boy of six, standing very straight with a grim expression on his face. The date is scrawled in ink at the bottom of the paper.
"No it can't- does that say February the 24th, 1863? But that's like, what? the Georgian Era?" He inspects the warped paper more closely, as if looking for signs of forgery, "Victorian" I correct him "ah good ol' Queen Vick!" James calls out, his voice slightly muffled as he tinkers away under his bike, "I thought you weren't listening"
"Well I can't help it, your voice is really loud and penetrating" is the response. I sigh and turn back to Corwin.
"Anyway, yes, it was 1863, and I had gotten the Tardis to choose a random place to land so I could explore-"...
In truth, it wasn't random at all, it was back during some of my darker periods, I had been lonely for so long and felt so homesick that it had physically hurt to breathe. I remember burning up, with tears flooding my face as I screamed "take me back, take me home! I need to see them" I hit the control panel, again and again, before finally sliding to the floor and letting the waves of emptiness flow from the center of my being and outwards. The Tardis hadn't moved and I knew why, I had made my choice, my life for his, I could never go back.
Slowly I returned to my now usual state of absolute apathy and programmed some nanobots to fix all the oozing cuts and bruises I had made. I whispered apologies to the old girl, it wasn't her fault, we were in it together now me and her, I closed my eyes and thought. Reaching a decision I stood up and began flipping switches and turning dials, the Tardis worked out what I was doing and helped as I still had some problems with the controls back then.
Once the familiar wheezing had stopped I flung open the door to see my old family home from when I was a child, It was the Victorian Era, so I would not mess up the time lines, and so a lot was different, but it was still my home, no matter how different it all seemed on the surface, this area, this particular patch of the universe was home.
Memories resurfaced before my eyes as I went to use the old fashioned knocker and I noticed a worn sign on the door.
349
Woodburn Orphanage
A short and rather stout woman who was clearly quite stressed opened the door and snapped "yes what do you want?". Now unfortunately I was a bit behind on my history lessons with the Tardis, so I couldn't for the life of me remember what sort of story I should feed this poor woman so I simply pulled out the Physic paper and chanted in my head:
'Woman with reason and a right to stay overnight
'Woman with reason and a right to stay overnight
'Woman with reason and a right to stay overnight
'Woman with reason and a right to stay overnight
Luckily this seemed to do the trick as I was rewarded with one of the most genuine smiles I've ever seen, "A new carer? Oh, thank goodness! I've been telling the founder for ages that we needed one!" She leaned close and muttered confidentially " Between you and me the new recruits I got from the company are awful! Never do anything and always dissapearin'! Even the kids hate 'em, three ran away from orphanage since those nurses arrived, three! Just up and disappeared, and I'll tell you that's not common, these kids are always ever so grateful to be here, wit' regular meals and dry beds an' the like" She ushered me through my own front door and as she looked the other way I took a brief moment to stroke the door frame nostalgically.
Matron Alcott, as she had instructed me to call her, gave me a brief tour of the house which was actually rather intriguing as I compared it to how it had looked all those years later when I lived there. The Matron suddenly noticed what I was wearing, she clearly hadn't taken in my clothes before due to her excitement at having a new recruit. "Whatever are you wearing girl?" I felt the heat rising in my neck and my brain stumbled for an answer, I mentally kicked myself, stupid Siren! "I- ah- erm, please forgive my state of dress Matron, I am merely very fond of the latest fashions in- ah- London" I racked my brains, trying to remember when women first started wearing trousers, I glanced down, oh and leather jackets apparently. "Well I beg your pardon but I have never seen the like, I had heard some women had started wearing- but I never, wait, London, you aren't by any chance a Suffragette are you?" I couldn't read her expression, but her body language- "possiblyyyy" as I said it her face lit up like a light bulb "oh I am glad, I have always been a supporter, we women work just as hard as men, harder in fact! We should be equals, fancy, a suffragette from London, you're exactly what I need to get this place up and running again! However as, erm 'powerful' as your garb is I'm afraid we'll have to stick you in uniform, you'll know what small towns like this are, they flinch at even the slightest bit of change," she tutted, conveniently forgetting her own initial reaction to my clothes just seconds before, "come on up here" she lead me into an attic room and retrieved a neatly folded dress, apron and frilly cap like her own from a cupboard.
"Now this is the younger boys' quarters, and as it's ya first day I think it's better if you spend some time getting to know the kids and the system, I'll come back In a couple of hours after finishing embroidery with the girls to take 'em all to church."
So I did. I stayed in that room and watched over the little ones. These boys varied from about four to twelve and there was at least a dozen, reading books, playing marbles, shoving each other when they thought I wasn't looking and playing with mostly broken toys. These kids were far more sharp minded than the weary matron had been, they worked out straight away that there was something off about me, but they didn't mind, they seemed so happy to see a fresh face that I found my spirits lifting.
I soon learnt most of their names and somehow ended up with three of the littlest ones balanced hazardously on my lap. " Whatths your name?" The smallest one asked looking up at me with big eyes, I stumbled for an answer... " I, er, Jane, Jane Smith"
"Jane, my sister's called Jane!" A redhead yelped excitedly, before being shoved aside by another a couple years older. "She don't care about that, and ya have to call her Nurse Smith, not Jane!"
"You can call me Jane if you like," I leant forward conspiratorially and whispered "as long as you don't tell the matron" they all giggled and a boy called Peter boldly said "the matron is such a dragon" I pretended to look outraged before messing up his hair and laughing as several other voices chirped up "that's not fair Pete!"
"She's used to be really nice"
"She gave me a biscuit when I woz ill"
"She's better than those other nurses!" That last comment set them all off;
"They never talk"
"They all look the same"
"They made Timmy faint"
They look at yous all funny like"
"They scare me!" This last comment was but a mumble from the smallest tike sitting on my lap, he looked up at me, huge eyes glistening. I felt myself frown slightly and pulled him in a little tighter whilst letting my gaze wander across the children who were still in heavy debate. I suddenly spotted two of the eldest boys hovering at the opposite end of the room, away from the rest, what had caught my attention however was that one of them was looking straight at me, dark eyes seemingly boring a hole into the back of my skull. I stared back and he broke away first, his friend demanding his attention, but I still shivered, feeling the chill spread through my body. As was always the case, something was not right.
Later me and the Matron walked the kids to the local church only a street away, I lead the boys and matron the girls, we had to ensure to keep them separate at all times otherwise it would've been 'most improper'. Thankfully they didn't exactly put up a fight however I did notice the redhead glancing mournfully at a much smaller child with whom he shared such a close resemblance that I knew she was his sister Jane.
"I am dreadfully sorry that I had to drag you along on your first day but those other nurses all disappeared on me again!" She had fretted as we corralled them into the pews.
After that the children had lessons, dinner and then bed. The Matron, the cook and I sat in the kitchen with cups of tea and Matron briefly went over the nigh time patrol schedule.
I went on my first patrol, silently walking the corridors to check no one was still awake. The lamps that were still burning flickered in the gloom. At the end of the corridor there was a flash of white and grey and I jumped but it was just two other nurses, before I could relax again, slow my speeding hearts I realized that It was my shift and mine alone, no one else was supposed to be walking the halls, they kept walking and with a swish of her skirt one was out of sight but the other stopped and turned her head towards me, her face was blank, empty, every facial feature was there but seemed frozen, like the creepy kind of doll your grandmother might collect, whatever she was she wasn't looking at me but she saw me and quickly continued on her way, around the same corner as the other one. I ran after her, the kids had been right, these women weren't just creepy, they were wrong, I could feel it in my gut, there are words in other languages, both on earth and further out in the universe that could have more adequately described those two, and in gallifreyan there is naturally a perfect one, but in plain English the best word I could possibly use to describe them was wrong. I turned the corner just in time to see a door silently close. As I neared the door I heard a low thudding, whump, whump, I had heard it earlier but assumed it was just one of the nearby factories, whump whump, it got louder and louder the closer I got, whump whump, there was now another sound, like heavy breathing mixed with a slight whistle.
I rolled my eyes, clever Tardis! Getting me back to work, clearly something's going on here. I reached out for the door handle, but a whisper in the darkness stopped me "I wouldn't do that if I woz you" I spun on the spot to see two small boys standing at the end of the hallway, their faces glowing in the soft golden light of the candle one of them held. I stepped closer and saw they were the boys that had stayed back when I first arrived, although which one had stared at me before I could not tell as they were so similar, sharing dark, messy hair and even darker piercing black eyes. However, I doubted anyone normally got them mixed up as I realized that the child without the candle only had one working hand, the other one badly mangled, presumably from a factory machine. Despite this he was clearly the confident one, speaking whilst the other remained quietly staring, "that room's dangerous it is, people goes missing at this time, an' never come back."
"What are you two doing here then?"
Both boys gave identical grins and the quiet one spoke for the first time, "We're going to save them."
I was about to respond when I noticed the silence, "It's stopped"
"It, always does at this time," the confident one muttered then cursed far too fluently for a kid his age, "we missed em'!"
"Well don't worry, we can come back tomorrow and you'll be better for it, coz this time you've got me" I smiled.
"You're a nurse, what are you gonna to do, wag your finger at them?" He quipped scornfully. "She's not a nurse." The other cut in softly, dark eyes boring into mine once more.
I walked them back to their room and by the time we got there I had learnt that the loud one was called James and the other Alexander, I had noticed that whilst James shared the accent of a common street kid with the other orphans, Alex, despite how much he clearly tried to suppress it, spoke with the language of someone with a lot more status, and money. I remember briefly pondering how the hell he had ended up in an orphanage. We agreed to meet up the next night outside the door and then I hurried back to the kitchen before the Matron realized I was missing.
It was dark, darker than the night before, all though I knew that was probably phycological, once upon a time I would have said it was the director, trying to make the episode more dramatic, but now I knew better, this isn't fiction, it's reality. I had been waiting for a long time, I wasn't sure how long, watches tend to be rendered a tad useless by time travelers, but it had been a long time. Finally, the two boys emerged from the shadows, the pallor of their faces giving them away. Before I could finish asking what had taken so long James interrupted, "another one's gone missing, Ed's little sister Jane, she's the youngest they've taken" I recalled the girl outside the church, the shy grey eyes and loud freckles. "She would never have left without Ed, she idolized him she did, he's furious, him and the other lads, we ain't got much, only each other, and now that's been taken away from him too, it took ages to calm 'em down!" From what I could tell James was pretty angry as well, Alexander however continued to conceal any emotions, looking up at last and simply saying "She was last seen with one of the Nurses, they are responsible, and they are behind that door". Although it was only his eyes that moved towards it I hurried to throw myself in front of the door "Hold up, one rule before either of you go and do something stupid" I leant down and looked them both hard in the eyes "No. Wandering. Off."
I reached down towards the doorknob, it was painted gold, not remarkably ornate just round, several queer little scratches cris-crossing it in rusty grey, revealing the iron beneath, the screws attaching it to the door still shone though, as if they were still brand new. I picked out all these tiny insignificant details within seconds, as one does when they are scared but trying to hide it. I grabbed the handle and stepped back instinctively as I flung the door wide open to reveal...a broom cupboard.
"How very anticlimactic" I commented, noting the strange sense of dullness creeping into my head, "there ain't nothin' there, guess we'll hafta look someplace else" James chipped in abruptly, but there was no anger in his voice, I turned and bent down to face him and peered into his eyes, pupils weren't dilated, "not a Papaverea screen" ah but maybe- "James, look at the cupboard" he tried but then his eyes slid away from it, "come on, look at the cupboard", he tried again, harder this time but his eyes refused "I- I can't, I don't want tuh"
"It's okay, you can stop" I turned back to the cupboard, finding it hard but managing to focus my mind, "perception filter", like the Doctor, Martha and Jack had worn, but larger. A small ticking sound interrupted my thoughts and I found Alex holding a strange device, that looked like it was made out of clock parts, kitchen utensils, and scraps from the street, it had a tiny clock hand swinging to and fro like mad, clicking as it went, he held it away from the door and the clicks slowed, then brought it back and they increased once more. "Is that an EMP detector? I questioned, surprised, "um, I do not know, it detects electromagnetic pulses though, or at least it should, I have never really had anything to test it on" he blushed slightly at the end of his sentence.
"And you made it?", he flinched this time and nodded before further retreating, " Why do you look so scared, you made that" I pointed at the device in his hand enthusiastically "in the Victorian era, years before it's time, at just nine years old! You're a genius!"
"That's what I've been trying to tell him" James grinned, weakly punching Alex's shoulder with his good hand. I watched Alex cautiously smile back before straightening his posture and regaining most of his blank expression once more. He moved back to the door and his device ticked joyfully, "there has to be something there..." I heard him say with a struggle, like James finding it hard to focus on the doorway, his head further leaning over the device as he took another step and- Disappeared!
Both me and James yelled his name and started forward but just as swiftly as he had gone Alex reappeared looking pale "Don't worry, the cupboard, it's image is just an illusion." A hologram, of course! "What's really in there then?" James continued to try, and fail at keeping his eyes on hologram. "Well how about we find out for ourselves" I reply, and the three of us walk through the image, feeling a slight tingle of electricity. It was admittedly quite hard to push through the filter, for James in particular as we ended up having to almost pull him through. Once we had though the effects disappeared completely and I found myself squinting my eyes to try and cut through the darkness of the chamber. The noise from earlier was still going but now I realized that it was not machinery as I had first expected but rather music, strange and foreign and alien, but music none the less. My eyes adjusted slowly, pupils enlarging to allow in as much light as possible, and that was when I began to notice the smoke, deep purple in colour it writhed and twisted in ropes all around us. "The smoke, it's-" One of the boys whispered, so quietly that I could not tell which. "Alive" I finished, because as it danced, perfectly in synch with the alien melodies, you could see that not only was it aware of the music but with each lick and twist of its trendils, each swirl of indigo it carried the music with it, it was the music.
Then we heard the screaming, or at least it started as screaming, then it became interwoven with the music, a fractured painful sound somehow adding to the melody, making it even more beautiful. I felt myself start to sway with the music, get lost in the sounds, more cries of anguish joined the first, intoxicating, sweet music.
…and that's all she wrote, from what I can recall I stopped here because I really just couldn't be arsed to think of a good way to tie this plotline off, visual language and I'm your girl, actually cohesive story telling? Yeah, not so much.
So here is what I do know, the basic idea was that the kids in the orphanage were being used, somehow by the alien robo-nurses, for something? And the purple stuff was an alien also? I think? I dunno, but it was all going to be very dramatic and end in flames and glory and the poor kid James dying because DRAMA, Alex taking his name in his memory? Or something and the surname Zander being derived from his actual first name Alexander. The Siren decides after all that shit she's gonna adopt him or whatever and she find out his tragic backstory of being a wealthy kid who gets kicked out coz his super genius science was seen as witchcraft and all that- thereby causing his fear of being openly scientific of whatever. He lives with her on the Tardis before moving out at like 17 to do his own shtick . Then the three go on another adventure before James Zander takes off again.
After those two potential chapters I had seven, that's right SEVEN regenerations (all women because I was suuuper secure in my gender apparently) planned for The Siren as well as the vague idea that the word 'siren' we find out comes from The Siren just generally getting up to shenanigans in ancient Greece and also Siren as in 'warning' coming from all these times she warned people and forced them to evacuate from casual apocalypses.
Each time she regenerated, or was about to The Siren rushed to The Doctor and River's house, the first-time coz she'd never regenerated before and just didn't know what to do or expect, and the other times it was like a comfort thing/tradition. All apart from the last time where she had to regenerate before she managed to get to them, also we see her brother die so THAT'S FUN. In this last regeneration, The Siren finds that she also managed to accidentally come the day after River had died of old age and finds the Doctor going that way too. At this point the freaking idiot geniuses put their stupid heads together and realize that maybe? They should just both be timelords? Keep each other company? Not be alone again? Not have to watch each other die? Duh?
And yeah, the whole fanfiction, which at this point I can only assume would have to be like at least 150 chapters long, was supposed to end with a brief epilogue from like 3rd person POV talking about how they worked together and through struggles and joys and other kinda weird marriage allegories (especially given that I'm gay af) managed to save the universe until the end of time and all that junk.
So yeah, now im gonna give a brief description of what each regeneration was supposed to look like because, yeah, I really did plan that much, so feel free to skip this bit, considering that you actually managed to read this far ya goddamn trooper.
Siren 2:
Looks like a living Barbie doll, loves the colour pink, unironically says phrases like 'golly gosh'. Just wants everyone to be friends…apparently, seems a smidge insane half the time however because she destroys baddies with a stupid grin on her face and her infuriatingly bubbly attitude never fading. I planned for her to have a companion/ girlfriend called Alycia who sadly never got much character development past the idea that she has short green hair and a few tattoos.
Siren 3:
Pretty optimistic, always trying to look on the bright side of thing, think tenth doctor if he wasn't always sulking every other episode, the only black regeneration because YAY DIVERSITY, shit I really thought myself so progressive, though to be fair that still continues to be one more black timelord lead than Doctor Who has had. She wore a lot of yellow to reflect her sunny disposition I guess? Lazy symbolism 101 kids.
Siren 4:
Smol and rage-filled, tiny little thing with large feet? Weirdly specific but okay past me, and blonde hair that she hated, although to be fair she hated most things. The teenage angst regeneration of the bunch. Nice contrast from the torn 'but I don't wanna hurt anyone' Doctor mentality and also just her own past regenerations, this Siren literally had to be held back by companions because she kept punching the aliens. Oh and her sonic ring had spikes on it because she was Extra af and wanted her punches to really hurt.
Siren 5:
The weird, cookie, omg so raNDOM lol XP regeneration. She had huge thick, messy lilac hair, dungarees and bright blue lipstick and is the shortest regeneration yet, which is really saying something at this point. As a nod to that one Doctor that used to wear celery she also wears a celery stick as well as occasionally using it to tie up her hair out of her face. Hyperactive with a tendency to say alliterative verb/animal combos as exclamations such as "kicking koalas!" and "jumping giraffes!".
Siren 6:
Only asian regeneration because yet again, YAY DIVERSITY! I was trying at least, anyway she had Tardis blue hair which really pissed her off because people thought she did it on purpose, wore a lot of beige? for some reason? She was primarily just a sarcastic arsehole, like constant sarcasm, constant irony, rarely a sincere word slipped from her lips, the more it pissed people off, the more she enjoyed it.
Siren 7:
The wild child, energetic and boisterous (as if the others hadn't been). This one was ginger, the only one to be and thrilled about it as that, like the doctor, is something she hoped for each regeneration. Irish accent because of reasons and stereotypes, very confident, uses lots of innuendoes but is actually asexual af, despite me not knowing the word for it back then. Physically strong, outdoorsy type of person that you could see hiking for pleasure or some shit.
Siren 8:
Pretty similar to the Siren's original form but with paler skin, darker hair and ghostly eyes because FORCED SYMBOLISM THAT'S WHY. Just very tired and sad overall.
Aaaaand that's it. That's the story, just with all the good meaty parts taken out, but let's be honest, I don't think anyone needed more of my terrible writing.
I'll admit, coming back to this as a 'fully certified adult' was weird, but I hope this provides some long deserved closure for any poor sap that trudged through this mess of a fanfiction, im sorry if it was more/less than what you expected but im glad to finally put this to bed. I've always been good at starting stories, but never finishing them.
So yeah, Merry Christmas all you suckers that still use this hellsite instead of AO3 (seriously tho it's a much better website just go)… and reviews are what make me curl up in guilt for being a noncommittal little shit.
~Talie
