A/N: So since the wait was so long i decided to put up two chapters. Sorry about that but my reason is hard to explain. Anyway leave me your thoughts on both chapters and enjoy.
Santana's P.O.V.
Quinn took the day off today. She's going to take her bar exam. She's been really nervous about this for a while now and had me help her study for the last two weeks. I really hope she passes it. I don't really know what to call my relationship with Quinn. I want to say we're together but how can we be when I'm married? I don't want to say she's a mistress either because that seems a little disrespectful to me. Whatever it is though, it's been the best time of my life. It's only been three months and I just...I don't know. It's like the more time we spend together, the more I really think about getting a divorce. I don't like being all secretive all the time. At first it was kind of sexy, the whole risk of getting caught but now it's just a burden and I think...I think I'm going to really consider a divorce. I check the mail and go into the living room. I see Rachel sitting on the couch looking through something...what is that?
"Hey." I say and she looks up at me. Rachel and I haven't really talked to each other in the past three months. I think the only conversations we've had have been about Miguel.
"What are you looking at?" I ask as I sit next to her. I'm not very close but not that far either.
"Our wedding album." I lift an eyebrow and lean back on the couch.
"What made you pull that out?" I ask and she shrugs.
"Just came across it." I nod and she turns back to the album. She looks at the pictures with a faint smile on her face and then she sighs softly.
"We were so happy." She says sadly then looks over to me.
"What happened?" She asks and I shrug with a shake of my head and sigh of my own.
"I don't know."
"It's my fault. I'm a huge bitch and I don't see why you're still with me. I'm just...sorry isn't even the word. The way I've treated you...you didn't deserve that. I don't know what happened to me." She says and I stare at her slightly confused.
"Where is this coming from?" I ask.
"Just...you suggesting an open marriage and the distance between us." She pauses and moves closer to me then takes my hand.
"I still love you Santana. I love you more than anything and I don't want to lose you. I want to fix us. I want to go back to how we were when we were first together and when we got married. I want us back." She says genuinely. I haven't seen Rachel like this in a long time. Real. Raw. Her.
"How do you suggest we do that?" I ask.
"Therapy. I'm willing to go now and do whatever it takes to keep you."
"But what about the media?" I say with an eye roll and she shakes her head and places her other hand on mine.
"I've given them too much attention and I've put on this facade that I'm someone I'm not, that we're something we aren't and I don't care anymore. They can say whatever they want just...please say you'll do this. Let me make it up to you? Please?" Wow. This was totally unexpected I mean...I really didn't think she even loved me anymore.
"I'll...let me think about it?" I say and she nods then kisses my cheek.
"I love you." She says before pecking my lips then hopping off the couch and leaving the living room.
To say that was confusing would be the understatement of the fucking century. Just...what the fuck? I mean that was totally random. I can't say it's a bad thing that she brought this up but why now? Why? And that kiss. That kiss was...foreign to me. I don't know if it's just because I'm use to Quinn's lips or because the love for Rachel...it isn't there. Therapy? Is that really a good idea? Should I tell Quinn? Do I even go? I mean I think the damage is done. I slip my phone out the front pocket of my jeans and unlock it. I dial Quinn's number and stand then I walk to the front door as it rings.
"Hello?" She answers.
"Hey, how was the test?"
"Long and hard." I snicker and open the front door.
"It's not funny. Don't always be so gross." She says and I sigh.
"Yeah, yeah. What are you doing for the rest of the day?"
"Going to dinner with some friends but until that, I am free and bored."
"I miss you." I say as I step outside closing the door behind me.
"I miss you too."
"Are you at home?"
"Yeah."
"Can I come over?" I ask and she takes a minute before answering.
"Isn't Rachel home?" She asks.
"Yeah but so what? She won't care that I'm leaving."
"If you don't think it's a risk then yeah. You're sure this is a good idea?"
"You're acting like I've never been to your place."
"Okay fine. Come over."
"Okay, I'll be there soon." I say then we say our goodbyes and hang up.
Quinn lives about 45 minutes away from me. Her house is nice, it's small but comfortable. I go back in the house and grab my keys from the glass bowl on the small table by the door. I see Rachel coming down the stairs and she gives me a curious look.
"I have to go take care of some business. I'll be back before dinner." She nods and walks towards me.
"Okay, be safe." She wraps her arms around me, pulling me into a hug and I reciprocate albeit with a little resistance at first. I'm just not used to her hugging me when a camera isn't around. She kisses my cheek as we break apart.
"I love you." She says and I freeze. I...I'm not sure what to say...so I just nod my head.
"I have to go." I say and she nods.
"Oh, could I borrow your credit card? I don't think you paid my bill yet." I roll my eyes but pull out my wallet and give her a credit card.
"Thanks." She says and I walk out of the front door and to my car.
I...this whole thing with Rachel is freaking me out. I mean...now? Of all times to try to fix our marriage? Right now? I shake my head and drive to Quinn's. The thought of Quinn pushed everything to do with my shitty marriage right out of my head. I'm so happy I have her. When I get to Quinn's, I park a few houses down and walk to her house. I knock on the door and the second I see Quinn's eyes, it's like...a fresh breath of air. It's like when you're underwater for a long time and you've been holding your breath so long that your lungs are burning and you're so desperate for that intake of air. Quinn is my intake of air after almost drowning. After the burning and the panic that comes with not breathing, she's that relief I feel when you take that life saving breath.
"Hi." She says with a smile and the grin that grows on my face is uncontrollable.
"Hey." I say and she takes my hand and pulls me inside. She shuts the door behind me then presses our lips together in a soft chaste kiss. God I missed that. She feels like home.
Quinn and I went into her living room and lied on the couch. We watched one movie and now we're in the middle of a second one. Quinn is lying with her back to the couch and I'm on top of her with my head on her breasts. My hand is under her shirt resting on her side and she's threading her fingers through my hair. Being with her like this almost made me forget what I wanted to tell her but sadly...I still remember. I lift my head and she turns her sight towards me.
"I wanted to talk to you about something." I say and she nods and grabs the remote from her coffee table then pauses the movie.
"What's up?" She asks.
"Rachel told me she wants to go to therapy."
"Therapy? Like couples therapy?" She asks and I nod.
"Why?" She asks and I shrug.
"Are you going to go?" She asks.
"I don't know."
"Why not?"
"Why go to a therapist to fix something unrepairable? What's done is done." I say and Quinn nods.
"But you could use this as an opportunity to get that across to her. I know you don't want to end your marriage -"
"I do." I say cutting her off.
"What?"
"I just don't see the point in any of this anymore. I want to be with you."
"But what about Miguel?" She asks.
"He'll be better off with parents who are separated and happy then together and miserable." I say and Quinn nods and rubs my arm.
"I want you to really think about this though. I mean, I want to be able to really be with you but I want you to be sure this is what you really want and if this is what's right for your family." I nod and she cups my cheek in the palm of her hand.
"Go to therapy and really think about this okay?" I sigh but nod and lie my head back down.
Quinn's P.O.V.
I feel like an idiot for telling Santana to go to therapy. I mean what if she actually realizes that she can fix her marriage? I'll be heartbroken but...If she's happy then I'll be happy for her. That's all I really want, is for her to be happy. I want it to be with me but if it's with her wife...then so be it. I want therapy to go horribly and Santana just leaves Rachel so we can openly be together. I just want her and only her. I want us to be together and maybe get married one day then have kids of our own. I'd love to be a step mom to Miguel and...If none of this happens...I don't know how I'll deal. I love her.
