Title: Cowards - Part 11
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Nick/Greg Slash
Word Count: ~3400
Warning: Sexual Content, Violence, NonCon
Disclaimer: This story is complete fiction. They don't belong to me - I just play with them a little.
Summary: Nick honors Warrick's memory by finally being true to himself. It's a lot harder than he thought and he learns that his family is a much bigger issue than he ever thought. And so does Greg. AU, there are spoilers but the plot is mostly mine.
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As soon as he walked into his bedroom he felt the exhaustion pulling him toward the bed. He fell into his messy sheets that now smelled like Greg, and he slipped into darkness despite how much it hurt to breathe-in the scent of the man he had just used as a human voo-doo doll.
He had only been asleep for three hours when his phone started ringing. He couldn't even start to pull himself from slumber before his answering machine picked up. Whoever it was didn't leave a message and he was fine with that. He and Greg had been awake for most of the previous 24-hours and he wasn't ready to be not asleep yet. His cell phone then buzzed against the wooden table top next to his bed and he assumed he was being called into work. Grissom was the only person who called every number possible until he found Nick. He blindly felt around for his phone and once he had it in his hand he sucked in a deep yawn as he flipped it open to answer. "Skotes...Stotes...Skokes..." fuck "...this is Nick." He groggily tried to get his mouth to cooperate with his brain.
"Did you know?"
Hearing Greg's voice was both a relief and intensified his guilt. He sounds so fucking tired. "Hey G." He tried his best to sound awake. "I'm glad you called. I...um...owe you an apology."
"Did you know?" Greg asked again.
Nick could hear the edge in Greg's tone. "Know what?"
"About the deal?" Greg explained.
Nick was half asleep, really tired, and just wanted the confusing man on the other end of the call to come over and crawl in bed with him. The combination of emotions made him cranky. "I have no idea what the hell you're talking about, G. What deal?"
"He took a deal." Greg said without elaboration.
"Who? Nate?"
"Who else would I be talking about?" Greg said.
Nick thought his tone was a little condescending. "Look G - you woke me up from a dead sleep - cut me some slack if it takes me a minute to get on the same page."
"So you didn't know?" Greg ignored Nick's little snit.
"How the hell would I?"
"I just...I guess I was wondering if you knew and didn't tell me in case it fell through." Greg's voice was still off. "I mean...I know you and Patricia are tight so I thought maybe..."
Something about the way Greg said it rubbed Nick the wrong way. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"What?"
"Me and Patricia are tight - that?" Nick was starting to wake up. "Are you accusing me of something, Greg?"
"What?" Greg was seriously confused by the direction of the conversation. Having only three hours of sleep in the last 36-hours didn't help.
Nick switched ears before he continued. "Do you think I'm sleeping with the ADA?"
That had never occurred to Greg...until Nick said it. Now he wondered.
Nick didn't like the silence. "Well?"
"Are you?" Greg finally asked meekly.
Nick immediately fumed. "I can't believe you're seriously asking me that!"
"It never even crossed my mind until you mentioned it, Nick. Why would you think I would think that - unless you feel guilty about something." Greg was wondering what the hell he was thinking to even call Nick after the way they left things earlier in the evening. "I was just calling you to let you know. I'm sorry it came across all wrong. I just thought you would want to know."
Nick was finally fully awake and for the second time since sundown, he felt like a huge ass. "I'm sorry, Greg. You woke me up and I wasn't completely out of my sleep-induced-stupor which usually means I'm a cranky prick. Can we just rewind this conversation to the point where you told me Nate took a deal?"
He could almost hear Greg nodding. "That sounds like a really great plan."
"Thanks, G." He could hear the smile in Greg's voice and once again marveled at the man's capacity for forgiveness. "Now tell me about this deal. Please tell me Patricia didn't give in..."
"No, man. It's the total opposite." Greg suddenly sounded animated. "He gave in. He copped to every charge."
"So where's the deal for him?" Nick was confused.
"Sentencing." Greg explained. "Two-years incarceration, reduced to time served, two years probation to be served in his home state, full restitution to his victim, and a low level sex-offender status - which means he's off the registry in ten years."
"Wow." Nick said in a daze. "That's...wow...how do you feel about it?"
"It's over." Greg's relief was evident in his voice. "It's over and I never have to see him again."
What does that mean? Greg's answer hit Nick like a ton of bricks as the implications raced through his mind. His relationship to Greg's rapist suddenly felt overwhelmingly complicated. Almost impossible. Greg will never go home with me for holidays? We won't go to family reunions together? No Fourth of July cook out spectaculars on the ranch? I just got my family stuff on it's way back toward right and now he's telling me I can't enjoy my family and my boyfriend at the same time? The fact that Greg never said any of those things didn't really factor into Nick's internal dialogue.
Neither did the fact that Nick didn't really want to see his brother again either - not to mention the fact that his family may have an opinion about who did and did not attend full family functions as well.
Nick couldn't process it all. He just felt stuck in the middle of...something.
He pushed it to the back of his mind and felt pretty proud of himself for working it out without taking it out on Greg. Sort of working it out. At least putting off the freak-out until he and Greg were on firmer footing. That was something in the neighborhood of progress.
"That's great, G. I'm so glad you won't have to face him in court." Nick meant it, too. "I just...it's weird...jesus, I can't believe my brother is a sex offender."
Greg's silence spoke volumes.
uh oh.
Nick already knew he had said - yet again - something stupid and insensitive.
"I can believe it." Greg said it like his dog died or something.
But Greg didn't have a dog, he just had a jerk for a boyfriend. "God, G. You know I didn't mean it like that. Of course I believe it - I believe you - you know that right?"
"It's just a figure of speech, Nicky. I didn't think you literally don't believe that your brother raped me. I'm not fragile, for god's sake." Even though he sounded fragile. "Look, I gotta go. Hodges just paged me."
There was nothing he hated more than to hear Greg say rape. He would rather not think about it. Which is probably why he had said something so completely fucked up to begin with. "Greg..."
"Bye, Nick."
Damn it!
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He never could fall back to sleep. His double-dose of monumental fuck-ups was weighing heavy in his mind. His heart wasn't feeling so great either. He ached from the fear that he had run out of free passes with Greg.
And it was the thought of losing him that led to Nick the decision to do something that went against everything he believed about himself. Something he had only done twice - because he was literally forced to and even then he only did the bare minimum - only enough to keep him employed.
He couldn't wait to tell Greg.
He was Googling his options when his cell phone rang again. His heart raced as he hoped to hear Greg's voice on the other end. When he looked at the caller ID he felt disappointment so intense it made his throat close. He swallowed hard before answering.
"Hey Cath."
"Hi Nicky."
He could hear voices in the background - jovial voices. "What's going on over there?"
"We're all getting ready to head out to Shooter's. You want to meet us there?"
Shooter's was one of the few clubs in town that wasn't on the strip and was also opened 24/7. It was a place they all liked to go to unwind once in a while and was usually filled with a mixed crowd of various persuasions with varying interests - which meant there was drinking, dancing, pool, darts, large tables for groups of friends and small nooks for private twosomes. The twosomes were often men and no one ever seemed to care.
They hadn't gone since Warrick was killed...and Greg was..."Actually Cath, I think I'll sit this one out. I need to talk to Greg about something."
"Then you better get your ass to Shooters." She chuckled. "Because that's where he'll be for the next few hours."
"Greg's going?" Nick was a little hurt.
"He kinda has to go, Nicky." Catherine teased. "It's a celebration and he's the beneficiary."
"Oh?" Nick said it like a question.
"Of course. Haven't you heard? It's over - your brother took a deal. That's something worth celebrating!"
"Celebrate?" Nick bristled. "Celebrate what? It's not like we got a guilty verdict - the coward took a plea so he wouldn't have to face the humiliation of a trial."
Catherine calmly schooled Nick on a few things. "No. Your brother did the right thing which will spare Greg the trauma of having to sit in a courtroom and look at the man who scarred him for life - in more ways than one. I'd say that's definitely worthy of celebration. But I understand. It's not the same for you. You've got all those messy, conflicting loyalties."
Her words stung. He wasn't conflicted and his only loyalty was to Greg. That he was sure of. Nick closed his eyes when he finally realized what he was doing. It was a survival strategy he had learned a long time ago.
He didn't like disappointing people - hurting people. He didn't like making mistakes. He would do anything to avoid the way it felt to acknowledge his human foibles.
So he just got angry and righteous instead - when he wasn't playing the hero that is.
Jesus - I need help.
Of course Catherine was right. It was the best reason to celebrate. He added one more thing to his list of things to feel bad about when it came to Greg Sanders. I should have thought of a nice celebration for Greg myself, instead of being an asshole.
"So..." Cath interrupted his thoughts. "...you in or not?"
"Yeah, maybe." He waffled. "Let me finish up a few things here and see how I feel."
"Nicky, it's not too late to man up." She slipped into mothering-mode. "Don't blow a good thing because you can't swallow your damn pride."
She hung up without another word. Nick thought it was funny how easily everyone talked about he and Greg as a couple. He spent his whole life being afraid of how people would treat him if they knew his shameful secret and come to find out - no one really gives a shit.
Even his mother was coming around.
I need to see Greg.
He quickly dressed before he grabbed his wallet and keys off of the kitchen table and rushed to his door. When he opened it he found himself face-to-face with his father.
To say he was caught off guard was a understatement.
"I thought you'd want to know that your brother accepted the terms of a plea." Bill explained calmly.
Nick looked stunned. "I heard."
Bill looked at a spot behind Nick's right shoulder. "Your mother seems to think I owe you some sort of apology."
Nick wanted to tell his father not to bother with an apology if he didn't mean it. But before he could gather his courage, his father continued.
"She made a good argument." Bill admitted while finally meeting his son's eyes. "I do owe you an apology. I'm pretty sure I owe your friend an apology too - though your mother spared me that one. I guess she figured it'd be too much at once."
Nick couldn't remember a time when his father looked at him without a scowl of disappointment. It was like looking at a different man.
"I told your brother to do the right thing. I told him his mother and I couldn't turn a blind eye anymore. I told him a lot of other things too. Things we'll just keep between him and I - but he came around to my way of thinking eventually."
Nick actually saw a twinkle in his father's eyes. And was that a smile?
"I don't know what to say. It's been a very...weird day, Dad." Nick tried to explain. "It's like for 30 years my life was at an impasse and then all of a sudden in the blink of an eye everything is happening - changing - at the speed of light."
"You mother told me you might feel that way." Bill said with a hint of regret. "I just wanted you to hear this from me." Bill looked at his son pointedly. "I believe in you...I know you're a good man, Son."
"I'm sorry...I'm..." Nick was so thrown off he couldn't even begin to know how to feel. "I gotta go."
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He had been sitting in the parking lot of Shooters for over an hour. It was like his life had been turned inside-out. Or right-side up. He went from being the black sheep to being the golden boy. His image of straight, southern boy had been converted to beefy, gay man. His secret crush had become a full-flame love affair.
The injustice of his youth had been rectified at the supreme sacrifice of a kind, gentle man. He wanted to get the next conversation - with this kind, gentle man - right. There was no room for any unfounded lashing out.
He sighed and rubbed his tired face with his hands. He was a giant mess inside and he knew it. His father's surprise visit didn't help. The only thing he was absolutely sure of in the cyclone of his reality was that he wanted Greg. He needed Greg. And fucking this up was NOT an option.
It took him several minutes to adjust to the lighting in the club and find the table occupied by his friends. Even Brass was there. When he spotted Greg his chest clenched painfully as he nervously stepped to the table. Greg saw him first and stopped talking in the middle of his sentence, causing Archie to turn around to see who or what had captured his friend's attention.
They couldn't take their eyes off of each other and everyone noticed. It was like the entire table collectively sighed with relief.
Nick stepped in front of Greg and boldly yanked him to his feet by both hands. Before Greg could react he found himself wrapped up in a tight embrace with mere inches between their faces.
"If I promise to employ the five-minute-rule before reacting to anything that pushes my sensitive, weird, confusing buttons - will you forgive me?" Nick asked while looking deeply into the soulful eyes of his lover.
"You realize everyone is looking at us, don't you?" Greg asked coyly.
Nick nodded ever-so-slightly. "Hard to miss."
Greg smiled. "PDAs Nicky?"
Nick cocked a brow. "That's not a problem for you, is it?"
"I've been known to enjoy public...displays." Greg smirked.
Nick tried to ignore how jealous that made him feel and pulled Greg closer. "Answer my question, Greg."
"I had already forgiven you." Greg finally answered. "But I do like the five-minute-rule. I think we should definitely put that into practice."
"Why do you put up with me?" Nick ducked his head, resting his forehead on Greg's shoulder. "You could do so much better than me."
"Not true."
Nick lifted his face so he could look into Greg's eyes. "I'm a huge mess, G. I'm getting help - I need help with this shit - all of it. I've made an appointment with a therapist."
Greg's hands were suddenly in Nick's hair. "Nicky. That's huge. I know hard that was to do. I know it was hard for me, anyway. I'm so proud of you,"
"You're in therapy?" Nick asked.
"It was the only way I could move past it...you know... get beyond it enough to have everything I wanted." Greg explained. "Including you."
Nick's eyes closed in relief. "I'm gonna mess up along the way."
"And I'll get pissed and go to my corner - then you'll apologize and I'll forgive you and we'll have awesome make-up sex." Greg grinned. "I hope when I mess up we can have the same routine - in reverse of course."
"I think I can handle that."
"So we have a deal." Greg exclaimed. "Let's seal it with a kiss, shall we?"
Nick answered with a perfect meshing of mouths that made Greg's toes curl. It felt so good and neither man wanted to stop - but the applause coming from all around them was a little distracting.
At some point everyone started dancing - except Nick and Grissom. Nick was enjoying watching. He's always enjoyed watching that man move his body to the beat of a good song.
Greg was fun to watch.
He was like a people magnet on the dance floor. He was pulled from one partner to another a couple of times every minute. The women tended to lean in to hear what he was saying over the loud music before they leaned back to laugh. The men tended to lean in and stay put until Greg was spun around to the next person on his dance card.
"Greg seems to be comfortable with himself." Grissom observed.
Nick didn't take his eyes off of his boyfriend as he replied. "Yeah."
"It's good to see that he can still embrace life." Grissom said. "You're a big part of that, Nicky. You helped him reclaim himself."
"I didn't do anything." Nick said as he watched a large man crowd Greg's personal space. His instinct was to kick the guys ass, but Greg deftly and politely pushed him away before he spun around to dance with Catherine.
"You did exactly what he needed. You gave him room and respect and dignity until he was ready to let you back in." Grissom explained. "Let him help you now, Nick."
Nick finally looked at his mentor. "You don't think that's selfish after everything he's been through."
Grissom eyed Nick stoically. "I think it would be selfish not to, Nicky."
Nick contemplated Grissom's simple lesson. "Excuse me, Gris."
He shimmied behind Greg until he could wrap his arms around his waist. Greg leaned into him, placing his arms on top if Nick's. Nick placed his mouth next to Greg's ear. "My turn."
Greg spun around in Nick's arms and easily matched his rhythm as they danced together, hip to hip. "Wow, Stokes, you've been holding out on me...you can dance!"
"Never said I couldn't." Nick shamelessly flirted.
"What changed your mind about dancing?" Greg asked while exaggerating innocence. "Did I look too good out here?"
Nick laughed. "That...and the fact that everyone has their paws all over you."
"Don't be jealous, Nicky." Greg teased. "I didn't paw them back."
"Doesn't matter." Nick growled into his ear. "Your body should only be pawed by me."
Greg's eyes darkened as he pulled NIck into a deep kiss. "You know, I've been awake for way too long. I think I want to head home."
"Seriously?" Nick looked confused.
"Yeah." Greg's eyes looked far from sleepy. "Unfortunately, Cath gave me a lift and it looks like she's going to be here for a while. I don't suppose you could give me a ride?"
Nick grinned. "Did you mean for that to sound dirty?"
"Did it work?" Greg sounded sultry.
"Let's get out of here." Nick started pulling Greg off the dance floor. His jeans were already feeling uncomfortable in the zipper region. "I need to get you to bed."
TBC
