AN: Huh, so warmer reception than expected for Waking Sober, guess this means I'm gonna actually have to figure out a plot *stresssssss* haha well should be fun. Anyways no promises on how long that's going to take cause humor just sorta hits me rather than me brilliantly coming up with it by sitting down. In the meantime here are some of my in class doodles that I polished up a bit to tide you over until I figure out where to go with my mini plot.
James Vega liked to think he was a relatively well traveled and open minded individual. He had seen more of the galaxy than most. He had interacted with just about every other sentient species out there, and few that weren't. True, most of those interactions had involved killing said aliens, but nonetheless he was no wide eyed country bumpkin out on his first tour of the galaxy.
Still, living on a ship with aliens was a novel experience. It opened up all new avenues of confusion over the practices of other species that lived out there and often in ways that simply plain bewildered the poor marine. For example, at the moment he was banging on the doorway to the gun battery with a meaty fist, trying to get his hands on a module that was needed for the spectre missiles targeting matrix, but the Normandy's resident turian was refusing him entry.
"Open up Scars! I need those modules if you want the Normandy to be able to spit missiles at the Reapers."
"Yeah right! You won't get me that easily Vega! I know what you're up to! Real clever John, but you're not getting me that easy! Not this time!" The flanged voice was muffled through the doorway, but even through half a foot of steel James could make out the undercurrents of hysterical laughter.
"Scars you drunk in there or something?"
"Fuck you Vega! I have a Mantis loaded with concussive rounds and I'm not afraid to use it!"
Raising an eyebrow, he turned to exchange a curious look with Tali who had left the dining area to investigate the commotion. In fact it seemed half the personal on the Crew Quarter deck was crowding in behind them.
"Garrus, what's gotten into you, you big boshtet?" Tali rested a hand on her hip while she glared at the doorway as if the turian would be able to feel it if her gaze was fierce enough.
"Tali you're in on this too?! You traitor! How could you?!"
"Scars what the hell are you talking about?" shouted James in exasperation.
"You think I don't know?! Not this year! You won't get me this year! I'm ready! Anyone who comes through this door is eating a concussive round!"
"Garrus we have no idea what you're talking about!" growled Tali as she flicked out her omnitool and began to override the automatic doors. The red holographic display on the doorway began to flicker between green and red like an out of control traffic light.
Eyeing the doorway wearily, James backed up from the quarian who was furiously tapping away on her handheld interface. "Ugh Sparks, I think he's being serious about the whole concussive round thing."
"Let that big blue boshtet try! I'll hack is visor to play nothing but hanar porn for a month after I shove Chickatee up his skinny armored ass!"
"Don't do it Tali!" Garrus must have come closer to the door because his voice was much clearer even over the confused murmurs of the crowd. "I'm serious! I'll shoot!"
Lowering her omnitool, Tali gave the doorway a good smack. "What the hell are you talking about?!"
"Are you serious Tali? You really don't know?"
"Know what you stupid boshtet?!"
"It's the first day of the fourth month of the human calendar! Don't you remember?!"
The crowd murmured in confusion as James turned the phrase over in his head. Snorting in disbelief, the marine crossed his large arms as he stepped up behind Tali once more.
"You're throwing a big fuss over April Fools? Geez Scars I thought you were indoctrinated for a moment!"
Tali raised both hands and began banging on the doorway.
"Garrus! Open up! You have to let me in! They're behind me!" she shrieked, flailing her limbs wildly against the metal frame.
Shooting the suddenly frantic quarian an alarmed look, James raised his hands up placidly. "Whoa, whoa, Sparks what the hell's gotten into you?"
"Stay back!" shrieked the Admiral, raising her omnitool which was crackling ominously. "I've got an overload set to cripple a krogan on this thing! Garrus let me in!"
"I'm sorry Tali, I can't risk it!"
"You Boshtet open the hell up!"
Now completely bewildered, James backed up away from the quarian who had her back to the doorway with her omnitool waving in front of her as if to ward off the crowd of befuddled humans. With a few final bangs, Tali gave up and instead lowered her shoulder and blitzed through the crowd sending people stumbling in all directions.
Scratching his head and watching the normally cool headed quarian bolt off for the elevator while laughing maniacally, James wondered what he had missed.
"What the hell was that all about?" he grumbled as the confused crowd behind him picked themselves up with angry mutters.
"I believe I can shed some light on Garrus and Tali's reaction." Edi's synthetic voice from the speakers startled the marine. It was easy to forget that EDI was practically omnipresent on the Normandy now that she had a mobile platform.
"What do you mean?"
"April fools was first introduced to the alien crew members who served on the Normandy SR1. From what Jeff told me and the databases I have been able to access, it got quite out of hand. The tradition was continued on the SR2 where I bore witness to the event. It was truly something to behold. It is not surprising that Garrus and Tali have such an adverse reaction to this occasion. To an organic mind, it was no doubt quite traumatizing."
"How bad could it have possibly been?"
"Urdnot Grunt ended up sold to the Batarian Hegemony and spent 17 hours in a slave holding pen on Omega before a rescue operation was launched. Operative Taylor was marauded in an escape pod on an inhospitable planet for two days with no clothing before he was retrieved. Justicar Samara almost lost her title as a justicar due to indecent public exposure while intoxicated. Yeoman Chambers lost 100% of all hair follicles. Those are examples of some of the more tame pranks that had befallen the crew."
Eyebrows having nearly shot of his face as he listened to EDI's recall, James couldn't help but shiver slightly.
"Wow you guys really took April Fools seriously on the Normandy."
"You are mistaken. The crew did not willingly partake in these events."
"What?"
"Shepard single handedly pulled off each individual prank by himself."
"You're kidding."
"His skills as an N7 infiltrator was no doubt invaluable. Even I was not exempt from his machinations."
"What did he manage to do to an AI with no body?" James asked, disbelief coloring his voice. He knew Loco was good, but no one was that good.
"I would rather not talk about it. Logging you off."
Shocked by EDI's abrupt dismissal, James missed the sound of footsteps coming up behind him.
"James, suit up! We're going groundside."
Nearly jumping out of his skin, the lieutenant whirled around and faced his commander with wide eyes.
"Uh, yes sir!"
Snapping a quick jerky salute, the big marine began to edge around the commander, keeping his eyes on the man at all times. John watched with furrowed eyebrows as the big soldier practically ran away from him.
What the hell was that all about?
"Garrus! Grab your gear! We're going groundside!"
Flinching back from the keening wail coming through the doorway, the commander did a double take as the sound died down into panic-stricken sobs.
"Garrus! Are you alright in there?!"
AN: Yeah thought I'd give the april fools things go, cliché I know lol
