-REMEMBER ME-
CHAPTER NINE
Remember You
I'm not sure if what you're doing is the right thing or not, I can't tell what's right and wrong with you. Maybe it's better that way. I only know that this way will cause you less pain.
You hold my hand tighter than completely necessary, and because of that I know you're hurting more than you care to admit.
And after we're both done talking, and our tea has gone cold, we just sit together for a few moments. Taking in everything said between us, realizing that, quite suddenly, and without even asking, we've both become each other's confidant.
We've only just found our way back to each other, and we're still reeling for the shock and happiness of that. But suddenly we've become best friends again, as if we spent no time apart at all. It's wonderful.
And you smile at me, and ask me to help you with your research, and I do.
"What are we researching?" I ask you as I open a book.
"The Sash and the Rod of Rassilon," you say.
I think I take you by surprise as you start digging back through your books and I pull out the small computer I always take with me, and tell you exactly what book you can find the information in.
You stare at me with your mouth open. And I decide I love that look, and that I'm going to impress you at every available opportunity.
Silently, you open the book I tell you to, and you find your answer. And you grin, a goofy, toothy, I-can't-believe-you-did-that grin. You have your answer, and you know what Master is planning.
"That's it! That's it! Clara, you're a genius!"
And you jump up and down like a little kid. You put your jacket back on and you shove your hat on your head and throw your scarf over your shoulder. You pick up the Jelly Babies, and you pause for a moment in your enthusiasm. You place them in my hand, and you lean in and kiss me on the forehead.
I swear my hearts have exploded. You smile at me, and then you run out, leaving me with this big stupid grin on my face. You look back over your shoulder at me as you reach the doorway, and we share a silly smile.
It's my only comfort in the hours to come.
You fight the Master, and you win. But it comes at a cost. Lives are lost, so many lives. Half of the Citadel is destroyed.
And me. I die in an attempt to save you. The destruction has opened up great cracks, down, down, all the way through to the undercity, the Eye of Harmony.
And I die. Killed for protecting you. I can't remember what happened. I know there was a man, a Victorian looking man in a tall hat, and I know he would have poisoned your life. I died saving you from him.
You noticed this time.
You yelled my name as I fell. Your face was the last I saw, your scarf blowing in the wind, your hand outstretched as if you could save me through sheer force of will.
It's okay, Doctor. It was time for me to regenerate, anyway.
And I did it saving you. That's what I was born to do. That's okay.
I regenerate, alone, and in the dark. I've mucked it up again, I know. I feel woozy and sick and my head hurts again. And I'm remembering things I shouldn't know.
A big chin. A bow tie.
"I suppose I'm the only one who really knows how I … feel about you … right now. How pretty you are. How smart and funny. And if I'm to be completely honest, I'm starting to like you in a way that is more than just…"
"You are beautiful! Beautiful, fragile human skin…like parchment!"
"Are you guarding me?"
"Well, yes. Yes! I suppose I am."
"Is this what you do? You crook your finger and people just jump in your snog-box and fly away?"
"It is not a snog-box!"
"Run."
"We must all be like ghosts to you."
"It's not a ghost story. It's a love story."
"Do you think I'm pretty?"
"No. You're too short and bossy and your nose is all funny."
"Brave heart, Clara."
"Doctor."
"You remind me of someone."
"Whoever she was, I'm not her, okay? I'm not going stand in place for a ghost."
"There was a girl, in the Dalek Asylum, we fought the Daleks and she died saving me, and she was you."
"I have to save the Doctor."
"All of time and space, anything that ever happened or ever will. Where do you wanna go, eh? What do you wanna see?"
"Something awesome."
"Run."
"And there was a girl in Victorian London who was a governess and a barmaid and we fought the Great Intelligence together and she died and she was YOU."
"What are you, eh? A trick? A trap?"
"Clara, shh, you're alright, you're fine. Shh, Clara, I'm here."
Your deep, musical voice reaches my ears, but it gets mixed up on the way to my brain and your voice changes, and it's higher and impatient and beautiful and you're suddenly my Doctor. With a big chin and a bow tie.
"Doctor…"
"What were you expecting, a body? No, bodies are boring. I've had loads of those. The tracks of my tears. That is the scar tissue of my journey through the universe. From Gallifrey, to Trenzalore."
"If I step in there, what happens to me?"
"Clara, Clara. Stay with me, Clara."
"The time winds will tear you into a million pieces. A million versions of you, living and dying all over time and space. Like echoes."
"Run, you clever boy."
"It's the only way to save him."
"But they won't be you.The real you will die."
"They'll be real enough to save him."
"Well, how about that? I'm soufflé girl after all."
"You will be scattered along my timeline like confetti."
"Clara!"
"Run you clever boy, and remember me."
A/N: Okay, forgive me. I went a bit AU..well, a bit more than a bit. I hate to admit that I haven't actually seen "The Deadly Assassin" yet and I probably got Canon all wonky there. But it was just so adorable having Clara help him figure him out and she needed to prove herself worthy as a sort-of companion to him. The only way I could figure out how to do that is by slipping Clara in there. I really sort of hope that, when I do finally get around to watching "The Deadly Assassin" they just show sort of fragments of the Doctor researching, that way there could be moments unseen by the camera where Clara could have slipped in.
Update: okay, I actually went and watched "The Deadly Assassin" last night, and boy did I oops. Not only is Tom Baker in various stages of taking his clothes off through the whole thing, which practically negates that awesome visual I had of him being the last thing Clara saw with his scarf blowing in the wind (he wasn't even outside, so there's no wind). He was also never in that awesome Library of Gallifrey I had pictured. God, my imagination practically just screwed Canon, eh? On the other hand, my imagination was more creative than Canon and a bit prettier. And by a bit I mean a lot. That's promising, eh? Maybe I could write for the show someday in the future. I've got some awesome ideas and monsters monsters in mind.
Okay, I'm just getting overly ambitious now. I mean, I'm American, for Rassilon's sake.
Did I really just say that?
...I did. Okay, taking a break from Doctor Who...
I know, basically the whole second half of this chapter is just quotes, but I wanted the sense of a dream-like flashback where Clara/readers didn't really get a sense of what was going on. She's remembering things she shouldn't, and she's unconscious. So, that explains that a bit. Hopefully. Anyway...
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