Soo, next chapter then… thanks to all of you for sticking with this story, I promise there are better times to come ;)

Chapter 9: Naomi's POV

I felt numb, like literally numb. I had been lying on my bed for hours now, not able to move or think about anything else than this goddamn scene, replaying in my mind over and over again. Keeping my eyes on the ceiling I watched the shadows change when a car drove by, illuminating my otherwise dark room here and there. I couldn't even cry anymore, I felt like all the tears I had, had already been shared and now the only thing I could do was feel it. Feel it all, the pain, the disappointment in Emily and myself. How could I be stupid enough to believe she actually liked me. A woman like Emily – me .No it simply wasn't possible. And now I paid the price for my infinite optimism (well you could also call it stupidity). By now she was probably laughing about me and my rose with this fucking girlfriend of hers. Why didn't she tell me? I would've backed off had I known. The fact that the brunette she was with was rather gorgeous made everything just worse. Of course, she could have anyone she wants, why would she choose you? Plain, old boring Naomi? The answer was she wouldn't and she apparently hadn't. It seemed like all the strength had been taken from me and now there was only a shell left. Suddenly I sat up, no I couldn't let myself be so down. I had to move on, just like always. I had done it before, I could do it again. I was well aware that all of this were just lies, lies I told myself to make me believe it wasn't a big deal. But it was and deep down I knew it. Anyway it really didn't matter because I decided I'd just pretend. Pretend everything was right, pretend nothing had happened, pretend I was fine. Couldn't be that hard, could it? Nobody would notice I'd simply function: Concentrate on coursework, try to compensate my non-existent personal life.

The only problem that was left was well, Emily herself. What would I do the next time I saw her? How would I act? What would I say to her? Just pretend it didn't happen. A soft voice in the back of my mind told me. Just act nonchalantly. I didn't even think about it properly, I just felt too weak, but I decided to listen to what the voice was telling me and pretend.

So I pushed myself off the bed, my limbs feeling strange after not moving for such a long time, and walked over to my desk. Sadly I smiled down at the slightly crumbled piece of paper I had prepared yesterday – the next quote. Don't need it now, do I? Reading over it a last time I tore it up and threw it into the bin.

There is a stubbornness about me that never can bear to be frightened at the will of others. My courage always rises at every attempt to intimidate me.

Wasn't true in the end anyway, I had given up, not exactly the actions of the stubborn girl I claimed to be.

XXX

Are you loving the pain, loving the pain?
And with every day, every day
I try to move on.
Whatever it was,
Whatever it was,
There's nothing now.
You changed.
New Age.

The last notes of Marlon Roudette's „New Age" resonated through my whole body. It had become my favourite song (okay only just since yesterday, but that's not the point), simply because it described my feelings perfectly or how I hoped to feel about it in the not so far future. I had calmed down a bit and was determined to make my plan work, just function. Taking my earphones out I used the front door to enter the school (for the first time since months). I didn't want to see Emily if she was waiting like always. I had also decided to avoid her if possible. Of course she was still my English teacher and there was no chance to escape that, but I didn't have to torture myself intentionally by meeting her. English, oh fuck. It was my first lesson. Well, I had to prove myself then.

Arriving at class I tried to collect myself. You can do it, Naomi. Just stay strong. Keeping my eyes down I fidgeted with my hands, I desperately needed a distraction. But what could I do? There wasn't really much to focus on, was there? And that's when Emily entered the room. I couldn't prevent my eyes from shooting up briefly. Oh my god she looked…well awful: Messy hair, dark circles around the eyes - she seemed exhausted, tired. What's wrong with her? Is she ill? What happened? I hope it isn't something too bad. No Naomi, you don't care!

Somehow she still managed to look quite beautiful, it had to be a special gift of hers – always looking so fucking beautiful. I was ripped out of my thoughts when our eyes connected over the room. She stared intently at me and my breath involuntarily hitched. I simply couldn't stop my body from reacting to her no matter what I resolved to do. I quickly brought my gaze back to my hands, it was safer that way.

The hour passed by and I couldn't concentrate on one single word she said, the only thing my mind focused on was her warm raspy voice. What? She has a great voice. When the bell finally rang I gathered my belongings and was just about to leave when she spoke up.

"Naomi, do you have a minute?" Oh no, please don't. No, no, no, no, no

"Actually I don't." Yeah I knew it was rude but I didn't care, she had hurt me.

Emily frowned and looked pleadingly at me. "Please Naoms, I need to talk to you", she spoke in a lower voice now so nobody else would hear, although all the other students had already left.

I sighed exasperatedly. "Okay, what do you want?"

She remained silent for a few moments, just watching me. Then she slowly stepped closer, our bodies almost touching. I immediately felt the familiar surge of electricity running through me, settling in the pit of my stomach. "I'm sorry Naoms. I'm so so sorry." She went to put her hand on my shoulder but I flinched away. A hurt expression took over her face, but she quickly controlled herself again.

"There's nothing to be sorry about Miss Fitch. If you don't mind, I have to go to my next class now." I swiftly turned around, but her hand gripping my wrist held me in place.

"Please don't do that Naoms." Only a whisper. Freeing my arm I shook my head and left her standing there. I had to be strong now.

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