A/N: To make up for the delay, this is pretty much a 98% Quinn and Rachel chapter. I found my softer side winning out as I typed this, and I figured with the Finchel break up, this was long over due anyway. Thanks for all your lovely reviews! I cannot thank you guys enough for the support and wonderful comments. It's great motivation, truly. I will start working on the next chapter, to make it longer (I do take reviews in to account, I promise) and to be quicker on the update. Promise!
Chapter 9
Her phone stayed by her side all weekend. Quinn would like to say she didn't spend all her time waiting by it, and, in a way, that's true; she did leave it to go to the bathroom and to eat. In a way she's glad she didn't receive any texts, because she's not sure she would have been able to handle it.
She walks into the paint chipped doors of McKinley and immediately begins searching for Rachel. It's moments like this she regrets not asking for Rachel's number in return, even if she would have been too nervous to use it. Now, she's forced to wait and see when and and where she'll see the Jewish girl.
Santana saunters over to her, Brittany predictably following by their joint pinkies. "Sup, Q?"
"Hey Quinn," Brittany says happily, throwing her arms around the other blonde. Quinn doesn't think she'll ever get used to Brittany's insistence on hugging Quinn like she hasn't seen her in months, instead of just a short weekend.
"Hey," Quinn replies, trying not to let her eyes wander. Santana is like a shark with things like that, and Quinn does not want to go there, and certainly not with Santana of all people.
"Did you hear about Rachel and Finn?" Brittany asks.
"Totally splitsville. Wonder how long it'll last this time?"
Quinn rolls her eyes at Santana. "Yeah, I did. How did you hear about it?"
"Kurt," both girls answer, and Quinn isn't surprised Kurt knows. Even if he wasn't Finn's step brother, he always manages to be in on all the gossip.
"Think Hudson got irritated she didn't remember that she kissed the ground he walked on?" Santana picks at her nails as if she really couldn't care less, though Quinn know she's as eager to learn more as any of them.
"It's good they broke up then," Brittany says. "That sounds really dirty for a relationship." She pauses. "And not the good kind of dirty, either."
Santana squeezes the taller girl's hand. "Let's not talk about the dirty things Berry and Finnept got up to. I don't like to think of leprechauns and farm animals doing each other."
Quinn scrunches her face in disgust, though she's not sure if it's because of what Santana just said or the image of Finn and Rachel being together like that. "The things that pop out of your mouth are always a mystery," she tells the Latina. The brunette beams proudly.
"Anyway," Quinn continues, "why are we talking about this?" She's had years of Finn and Rachel, and now that they're over, she doesn't think they should still be including the two in the same sentence.
"Whatevs," Santana shrugs. "That convo was getting boring anyway. Talking about Finn could cause anyone to throw up."
Says the girl who slept with him, Quinn thinks smugly to herself.
"We'll see you at lunch, Quinn. Santana is going to walk me to class. I got lost last time."
Quinn really shouldn't be shocked by anything her friends say or do, but she's always proven wrong. She's not sure how Brittany can still get lost when they've been in school for months, but, it is Brittany.
Santana flashes two fingers. "Deuces."
The blonde rolls her eyes, allowing Santana her Lima Heights Adjacent moment as the girls, once again, link fingers and walk in the opposite direction.
She sighs when she realizes she didn't get to see Rachel. Not that they made plans, but it just happened to become a bit of a routine that they would stop and talk for a few minutes in the morning before going to their respective classes. It was enough to get Quinn through until the next time they got to speak. And she ignores how much of a Shakespeare character that makes her.
She follows the rush of students making their way through the door into English, all of them dispersing into their assigned seats. Her fellow Cheerios greet her, and Quinn knows it's all fake so she mutters an echoing fake greeting and sits down, getting out her notebook as the teacher walks in and immediately goes over to the board.
"Good morning every one," he says, looking around for acknowledgment. "Today we will be starting our month long tribute to-" His hand grabs a marker and scribbles furiously on the board. "Shakespeare!"
Quinn sinks bank into her seat with a sigh.
Go figure.
The bell rings to end third period, and Quinn lingers behind as the students practically stampede toward the cafeteria to get in the lunch line first. She's not sure why they are in such a hurry. Short of it being taco day, every other lunch McKinley has is, predictably, crappy and usually unrecognizable.
She passes by the room to Glee and stops as something catches her eye. With interest, she turns and looks inside the classroom, expecting Mr. Schue to be practicing his dancing, or perhaps rehearsing lines to woo Ms. Pillsbury with.
Her stomach flips when she sees it's not Mr. Schue like she thought but Rachel. Quinn can't see her face from outside the room so she has no idea what the girl is doing, but she's always eager for any interaction with Rachel, especially one on one, so she opens the door softly and steps in.
Rachel's eyes immediately look her way, and Quinn can see she's been crying. "Quinn."
Hearing her own name shouldn't cause such a reaction, it really shouldn't. "Hey," she says back, walking further into the room. She nudges her elbow in Rachel's direction. "Are...are you okay?"
"I'm not sure. I just..." She holds up the CD from last week. "I wanted to listen to this. I tried listening to it but every time I'd go to put in in my player, I'd panic and couldn't do it."
Quinn nods in understanding. She can see how it would be hard for Rachel, not knowing what to expect and having that pressure on her. "Well I'll let you listen to it. I'll see you in Glee." She doesn't let Rachel see how much her body contradicts her words.
"Stay," Rachel offers softly. "I think having you here will make it easier."
The cheerleader nods silently and sits down in a chair on the front row. She watches with barely masked anticipation as Rachel walks over to the CD player and pops the disk in. Once Rachel presses play, they both wait with bated breaths.
The few seconds of silence at the beginning seem to last forever, and then Quinn is smiling widely when she finally hears it.
It's a recording of Rachel singing.
Her flawless voice fills the small room, and Quinn can't help but smile in appreciation of their Glee teacher. For all his faults, Mr. Schue cares for his students and does what he can to help them. She's not surprised he's kept a recording of Rachel's songs -probably upon Rachel's ushering – and wouldn't be shocked to find that he has the other members' songs on CD as well.
She turns to see Rachel's eyes closing and head tilting back slightly as she lets the music over take her. Quinn understands the feeling; she gets like that when she hears Rachel sing as well.
"I- that's me," Rachel says slowly, not as a question, but she still sounds like she can't believe it.
Quinn nods with a small smile. "It is."
"I just- wow- I mean I just can't believe this is me. "I had my thoughts on what would be on the CD but it still didn't prepare me." She sniffs slightly as her eyes flutter.
"Is it...too much?"
The Glee captain breathes out softly. "Yeah, it is. But-" she adds, when she sees Quinn get up to turn it off, "it's so surreal to hear and I want to keep listening."
The blonde nods and turns back to sit down next to Rachel, letting the diva's powerful voice overwhelm her as well. She wants to close her eyes and just let it flow into her but she doesn't want to miss any of Rachel's reactions, so she compromises by sliding forward slightly and leaning back against the chair.
It's a bit nostalgic, listening to the songs being played back. Mr. Schue seemed to have put great care into the CD, because it's categorized by year, every solo and group number that Rachel has been a part of, or so Quinn assumes as they make it through what she remembers as being several sophomore year songs.
She almost falls out of her chair when she hears the begin notes to the next song. It's a song she knows she won't forget, and it always brings such bittersweet memories with it. Without her permission, her mouth knowingly forms the words:
Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you
This time it's Rachel who is turning to watch Quinn carefully as the cheerleader starts to tear up. She's assaulted so quickly with everything Beth that she can't breathe for a few seconds; images of a perfect baby girl coming from an imperfect Quinn. When Quinn does allow herself to think of Beth, it's usually in more of a detached sense, the realization that while Beth isn't with her, she's obviously well loved by Shelby, though that knowledge is as comforting as it is painful.
But hearing this song, after so long...Quinn doesn't think of her baby being with Shelby, she just thinks of Beth not being with her. Of the significance the song had when she first found out she was pregnant and had given no real consideration to keeping a baby. But, somehow, those first few weeks of being pregnant became months, and a baby became Beth, and Beth became Quinn's.
This is supposed to be about Rachel, she tries to remind herself. But in a twisted way, this is about Rachel, because in the soap opera that is Quinn's life, Beth is Rachel's sister – or, more accurately, her replacement – and they both are twisted together in something other than boys for once.
It isn't until she feels a hand on her shoulder that she realizes that Rachel has been watching her since the first tear dropped, eyes obviously asking what's wrong but thankfully the shorter girl remains quiet. Quinn tries to wipe her eyes as best as she can without making smearing her make up.
"Sorry," she breathes out, "it's just...this song is kind of a big deal to me. Obviously," she says with a sarcastic, short laugh.
"Oh...Did you want me to skip to the next song?"
"No." Quinn shakes her head quickly. "I know it sounds strange, with how upset I got, but...it's such a great song. It just reminds me about Beth. My daughter. I had – uh- just found out I was pregnant and you got the others together to sing this song for me. Well, and for Finn."
The small smile that had been on Rachel's face as Quinn recalls the memory fades quickly. "Wait...you and Finn had a daughter together?" Quinn nods. "The same Finn I was dating?"
It's a totally inappropriate response, given the seriousness of the moment, but she can't help the laughter that spills out of her. "I'm sorry," she says with a small smile in apology, "it sounds awful, especially because you don't remember...but in a way, yes, that same Finn. But to make a whole lot of drama short and to not have to bring it back up fully..."
Rachel turns to face her fully, eyes alight with curiosity, eager to learn more about Quinn. "Yes," she presses.
Quinn takes a deep breath, folding her hands in her lap as she stares at the piano in front of her before facing Rachel in kind. "I was with Finn a few years ago, purely for popularity purposes; head cheerleader and quarterback dating and all that jazz. Anyway, we were dating, I was stupid and unhappy and vengeful and tired of pressure and Finn and life and so I slept with Puck, who was Finn's best friend, and of course because I have awful luck and had so much karma waiting in line, and was stupid, I got pregnant.
"Finn assumed it was his, mostly because I told him it was, and everyone found out and you had the club sing this song just as a reminder that even though he and I were being judged by everyone, you guys were here for us."
"I- I just...I mean...just wow, Quinn," Rachel finally manages, and her inability to articulate properly makes Quinn smile.
"Yeah," she laughs, "heavy. But all that aside, it's just a symbolic song and it always makes think of Be-of Her and just gets me emotional. Good and bad."
For probably the hundredth time, Rachel sits back to take all the information in. If Rachel wasn't so eager to learn more, Quinn would probably feel more guilty about always having something heavy to unload on the poor girl. "Not to keep making you talk about this, but-" she bites her lip.
"It's okay," Quinn assures her. "You're allowed to ask about her." She notices Rachel hasn't commented on her refusals to say her daughter's name.
"Well," Rachel smooths her skirt down, "it's just that you said you bullied me and what not until recently..." Quinn nods with downcast eyes. "But then you just said I got the club to sing this song for you...Why?"
If that isn't a question Quinn has asked herself so many times about the actions of Rachel, specifically the actions pertaining to Quinn. Why, indeed?
"Because as awful as I was to you, Rachel, you were always thirty times the person I could ever hope to be."
There's more to it than that, but she's not sure how to put it into words. When she writes, the words seem to flow freely, but speaking...her mind is so used to calculating and measuring each word, that she's not sure she really knows how to just let it fall out naturally.
Rachel smiles at her. "Well it's hard for me to believe that that Quinn is around any more."
Quinn feels her own lips quirk in response. "See? Thirty times, Rachel."
They stay smiling for a few moments longer, and Quinn feels so warm in this moment, the beautiful sound of Rachel's voice echoing around them as the share this moment. Quinn thinks she'd happily have a break down if it meant having this time with the other girl. She finally looks away when she feels like her eyes will start confessing held back secrets between their shared gazes, and she shyly reaches down and tightens the strings on her (of course) perfect Cheerio shoes.
The girls sit in companionable silence, Rachel glowing with each song that plays, though Quinn can see that it is slightly overwhelming the brunette. Quinn is glowing as well (thankfully not as noticeably), but hers is probably due to the close contact of their bodies, far enough that they aren't exactly touching, but close enough to feel that excited desire churning in her stomach to be just a fraction of an inch closer. It's as exciting as it is dangerous, feeling this way around Rachel.
Another smile breaks through Quinn's face as the opening notes of another favorite plays through the speakers. She flashes back to the moments leading up to this song; a doctor's office, a bathroom – though that could be any number of her memories with Rachel. She starts when she hears Rachel gasp next to her.
"What?" Quinn says with concern over Rachel's sudden reaction.
"I just...I just had a quick flash...just for a moment," Rachel says so quickly and excitedly but still so detached like her mouth is processing so much slower than her brain is firing.
Quinn sits up quickly. "A memory?" She tries to keep her tone light.
"Mhm. Yeah. I can't believe it, Quinn!" Rachel stands up, eyes shining, and if Quinn thought Rachel was glowing before, she must just be absolutely radiant now.
"That's amazing!" Quinn breathes out happily, standing up as well. "I knew this would happen soon. Do you know what it was?"
Rachel is humming with excitement as she hops from foot to foot. "I don't know for sure what the whole memory is, but it was this song. You and me, singing it for the club, our first timing singing with each other. And, and...and," she scrunches her face, searching, "and something about my nose..."
Quinn feels like she could burst into a million pieces right along with Rachel. It's Rachel's first real memory, and it's one with her! "Yeah. Yeah!" she says again, her voice getting louder as her excitement seeps through. "You were wanting to get your nose fixed after it got messed up in Glee and you asked me if I'd go with you and...and oh my god, this is so awesome, Rachel!" Quinn doesn't thinks she's ever felt so giddy.
She's not really sure who moves first, but she knows it doesn't matter because whoever it was, they both slide their arms around each other and hold tight, bodies shaking with happiness. And it doesn't matter that this is only their second hug, because Quinn has new-found appreciation for muscle memory -or maybe just her body's Rachel memory- and her arms hold Rachel like they've done this all along. But the longer she holds Rachel against her, the more she realizes that it's not that her body is reacting like it has done this all along; rather, it's reacting like this is what it was made to do all along.
And with Rachel laughing into her shoulder, her sweet scent surrounding her just like their song is (so appropriately, really), Quinn thinks that maybe Rachel isn't the only one who is gaining memories.
