I finished this a little earlier than expected so here it is! :) Posting this chapter is making me feel a little nervous so I hope you guys react well enough! Again, I've replied to reviews at the bottom of the chapter! :)
Enjoy!
Eight
Unkempt Emotions
"There is a swelling storm, and I'm caught up in the middle of it all, and it takes control of the person that I thought I was, the boy I used to know."
- Waves, Dean Lewis
Natsu had spent the night studying Gray's drawings only to find himself in a very surreal state of mind. So many of their early adventures were mapped out in a mixture of messy sketches and intricately coloured panels. The colour was mainly used on people Gray drew; Erza's red hair, the blue in Lucy's clothes and Happy's fur, or the orange of Loke's hair.
One particular set of drawings made him sit in shock for quite a while. The pages baffled him, especially one particular scene. Natsu knew the drawings to be from their Galuna Island job. He knew how that trip had panned out, but without him there the images looked strange. On one page Loke carried Gray down the mountain towards the village, Natsu felt as something tugged at his chest. The real scene played over in his head as if to taunt him. Showing him the way he had carried the almost unconscious Gray down the slope and how he'd heard the regretful words Gray had whispered to him through his tears.
Natsu shook his head, trying to clear his mind, but the image of Loke carrying Gray where he should have been still plagued his thoughts. As he turned the page however Natsu realised that Gray must have done more than just forgotten him. It seemed as if each time Gray had done something with him, his mind and replaced Natsu with someone else, or even someone Natsu knew hadn't even been there at the time. Again something jolted in Natsu's stomach as he stared at a full page sketch of Loke standing where he had stood to take down Deliora so that Gray wouldn't use the Iced Shell.
With a frown Natsu slammed the book shut in his lap. His heart was beating fast in his chest as he stared down at the thick sketch book. Gray's talent amazed him but he honestly didn't know what to think. Natsu decided to try and ignore the turmoil of emotions he was feeling in the hopes that they were simply brought on by how tired he was. Sliding the sketchbook onto the bedside table Natsu wiped his damp eyes and flicked off the lamp.
Why am I crying? …again.
The next morning seemed to come quicker than he had wanted it to, but after showering and wandering down the hotel stairs to the extensive buffet Natsu began to feel a little more human. As he was tucking in to his second plate of scrambled eggs a message arrived to say that Erza, Lucy, Cana, Wendy and Loke had left for Gladiolus the night before and would be arriving around lunchtime. Though excitement dominated his next mouthful of eggs, the fact that Loke had come along of his own accord seemed to irk him. Natsu knew Gray and Loke were close, there was no question of that, but Natsu knew that shouldn't be a problem. There was no need for jealousy, so why was it bubbling in his chest?
Natsu thanked the messenger, and then finished his breakfast before taking the short walk towards the hospital. The nurses in reception let him through without question as he made his way up to Gray's room with the sketchbook in his arms. When Natsu pushed open the door Gray was sitting up in bed, and it was almost a relief to see that he was shirtless. The relief was short lived however as he saw the nurse redressing the wounds on Gray's chest. The thought that he knew his friend had not stripped himself of his shirt of his own accord floated uncomfortably to the forefront of his mind. He blinked a couple of times as if to rid himself of the thought before offering the nurse a smile. "Do you mind if I sit?"
"Natsu!" Gray, who'd been so absorbed in the sketchbook which lay open on his lap, hadn't noticed him come in. "I was wondering when you'd turn up!" His face split into a wide grin.
"I'm almost done, so don't worry, I'll be out of your hair in no time." The nurse smiled at Natsu, his dark eyes studying him intently before turning back to the wounds on Gray's chest.
"Matt comes in every morning after breakfast to check up on my wounds and general health." Gray informed. "I'm surprised he's not sick of me."
The dry humour didn't go amiss. Natsu knew his friend's sense of humour, and though there was nothing out of the ordinary in his words, Gray's tone was worrying him. Minutes later Matt finished up. Once the door had clicked shut behind him, silence fell over the room once more.
"It's good to see you again. It's quiet here otherwise."
"I'm sure, though you won't have to worry about that for much longer Snowflake. The others are coming to see you," Natsu smiled at the way Gray's expression lit up his face at the thought of it. "The hotel told me this morning that they should be getting here soon."
"I look forward to seeing them." Gray's smile was wide but soon enough his brows creased into a thoughtful frown. "What did you think of the sketchbook?"
Natsu hesitated. The whirlwind of emotions he'd felt before surfaced but be pushed them down again as he gazed at Gray's now hopeful expression. "Why the hell didn't you tell me you could draw?"
Gray chuckled. "You know the answer to that question."
Natsu sighed, he'd know it was a stupid thing to say as soon as the words had left his lips but there was no taking them back now. "You got me there. I suppose He never told me because it never came up."
"I know everyone else found out some way or another. Lucy wanted me to illustrate her stories after she found a stack of sketchbooks in my apartment." Gray didn't realise his tactlessness until he noticed the hurt look on Natsu's face.
So why didn't He tell me? The question, though a small one, seemed to bother Natsu, and he sat there frowning at Gray until the darker haired man prompted him again.
"So the book, did it give you any clues as to what happened?"
"No," Natsu replied simply, "but if Erza takes this first one back to the guild when they leave eventually, maybe Levy might be able to figure out something."
"True," Gray smiled, "but what did you think? You knew me best Pinky; you'd be able to work out what the hell my brain has done? I mean you were there for most of it, right?"
Gray's cluelessness seemed to be able to get under Natsu's skin in a way that He had never been able to do so. This bothered the Dragon Slayer immensely. He really has no idea about me, does he? It was as if Gray prompting him had set of something in his mind as all the bottled up emotions rose to the surface again, but as Gray's words echoed in his head, this time there was no keeping them down.
"That's exactly the problem!" Natsu snapped. "Your brain hasn't just deleted me it filled in the blanks!"
Natsu fell silent for a moment as Gray gazed up at him in shock.
As he stared back at his dark eyed friend, Natsu now had somewhat of an idea of where the bottled up anger was coming from, but he didn't know for sure, and it was for that reason he couldn't seem to control the turmoil of emotions. Though they were Gray's eyes which gazed at him, they really weren't. This was Gray, but it wasn't his Gray. To see his friend study him as if he were assessing a stranger in the street, it was more than Natsu could handle. Gray's dark eyes seemed to look without really seeing him. It hurt more than Natsu felt it should.
"Wha…"
It was as if Gray's confusion fuelled Natsu's frustration. Why is he like this!? "Well, what do you think it is Ice-Cube? Can't be that difficult to work out…" Natsu paled at the hurt look on Gray's face, but the words tumbled out without him really wanting them to and once they'd started spilling out there was no stopping them. "You disappear on one of our jobs and I look for you for well over a year before finding anything. A year!"
All the anger, pain and frustration Natsu had felt over the past year was starting to bubble over as he stared at his friend. It all spilled out into the air in the form of sloppy, incoherent sentences. Making him say things Natsu knew deep down he'd regret. "…but this is what I get." Natsu gestured to Gray's skinny, scarred body clearly outlined by the thin blankets.
"Natsu I-"
"-don't Natsu me." As he stood he pushed back his chair it made a violent scratching sound on the linoleum floor which made Gray flinch. "You're the one who forgot me! Remember?" Natsu's eyes were wild, his brows creased in an angry grimace. "How could you do that? We've spent most of our lives together, there is no way you could have forgotten me! Yes, we are rivals, Gray, but even you wouldn't have gone as far as to forget my entire existence just to piss me off!"
"Natsu please!" Gray's voice shook as he stared fearfully at Natsu. His knuckles were white as he clutched tightly at his bed sheets.
"You remember everyone else though! Of course you do Gray!" Natsu spat the name out. "I did so much to try and get you back, but when I do see you again you aren't even all here." Natsu took a step closer so that he towered over Gray. "Where the hell have you put me? Tell me, Gray! Where?" Tears of frustration welled up in Natsu's eyes. "Please Gray…I know I must be in there somewhere, not the imagined me, the real me. Where the hell are you hiding me? Tell me!"
Natsu's yell of frustration sent Gray's mind into overdrive. As his own screams filled his ears Gray watched as Natsu stumbled back with his hands over his mouth. The room felt as if it were shrinking around him, before all of a sudden he felt large rough hands on his throat. Gray choked on his pleas for help. As he opened his eyes again in panic Gray saw a beefy faced man with tiny dark eyes and a murderous expression on his face.
"Tell me, Fullbuster!" Giganto spat the words in his face as they let go of Gray's neck.
As Gray blinked again it was as if he was floating above the scene. He watched as the skinny, dark haired man gasped and coughed as he tried to get the air back into his lungs.
"I told you, I won't tell you who or where he is!"
"You will eventually, it's been nearly a year. Your friends will have given up looking for you by now. There is no point in holding on to the information for much longer."
"I won't," the man groaned. "There is still no way I will tell you anything!"
"Fine then. You asked for it. We have a spell which will get what we need from you whether you're willing or not. Only time will tell what state you'll be in after having that done to you. I wouldn't want to stick around to find out."
"Fuck you."
Gray watched as he was given an uppercut punch to the jaw, and moments later the darkness stole him away again. It enclosed him, almost choking him. Then as quickly as the darkness had engulfed him, Gray felt gentle hands on his shoulders, and a familiar male voice cut through the screams.
It was then, and only then, that Gray realised the screams were his own.
Past the orange haired blur which hovered in front of him Gray could see Natsu. He hadn't seemed to have moved since Gray had backed out, and his hands were now pulling on his thick pink hair. Natsu's green eyes were wide and looked to be filled with tears. Even through his ragged breathing Gray could hear Natsu whispering to himself. The words were unmistakable as he repeated them again and again in an agonised mantra.
"What have I done?"
