Why did it all have to happen that way? Matt had never physically harmed anyone in his life, except bastards who made their living harming others. That was justified! Matt was a good man, why did he have to die!

"It was my fault..." Mello moaned into his pillow. It was all his fault. It was his stupid plan. It was because he was weak that he hadn't been able to stop Matt from going.

"If only I'd been able to stop him...but all I could do was cry. All I contributed was hysteria, and he still went. I should have knocked him over the head with something, or put the handcuffs on him again. Anything like that would have stopped him!"

"And he'dve gotten over it. Sure, he might have been pissed at me for a few weeks, but he'dve cooled off. Then we'dve tried something else. Something that didn't have to involve armed bodyguards."

"But because of me and my fucking idiocy (1), the person I loved the most in this world is dead! He's dead! And it is all your fault, Mihael Keehl!"

Attempting to kill some of his agony, he rolled and switched the radio on. The song that began to play from a Netherlandic radio station, however, didn't help him in the slightest.

~In this world you tried
Not leaving me alone behind
There's no other way
I prayed to the gods let him stay~

'Why didn't they let him stay?' Mello thought, feeling the tears well up again. 'God, I am such a crybaby...'

~The memories ease the pain inside,
Now I know why~

'They do ease the pain...'

~All of my memories keep you near.
In silent moments,
Imagine you'd be here.
All of my memories keep you near,
Your silent whispers, silent tears~

The song was almost an exact replica of Mello's emotions at the moment. It was true. While remembering things about him and Matt, it felt like the redhead, gaming, smartass chainsmoker was in the room with him, with his arms around him...

~Made me promise I'd try
To find my way back in this life.
I hope there is a way
To give me a sign you're okay.
Reminds me again it's worth it all
So I can go home~

'I wonder...is he happy where he is? He can't be too happy, not without me there...'

'But he might hate me now...after all, I got him killed...'

~All of my memories keep you near.
In silent moments,
Imagine you'd be here.
All of my memories keep you near,
Your silent whispers, silent tears~

~Together in all these memories
I see your smile.
All the memories I hold dear.
Darling, you know I'll love you
till the end of time~

He actually could picture that smile; impossibly white teeth for a smoker, and laugh lines that made his face irresistably sexy.

'And, Matt? If you can here me, you do know I love you, right? Until the end of time, just like the song said...'

~All of my memories keep you near.
In silent moments,
Imagine you'd be here.
All of my memories keep you near,
Your silent whispers, silent tears~

~All of my memories...~

Mello had endless happy memories of his late lover, but living with those memories just wasn't going to be enough.

The mafia boss picked up the phone near the radio, turned the volume off, and dialed the number of a familier hotel room.

It rang twice, and then the familier voice of Mello's archrival answered with a dull "Hello?"

"Well, Near, you should be happy now. You win by default. No rich-ass funerals, got it?"

"Mello?! Wait, what the...?"

Mello hung up. He then dug out from under the bed a magnum and aimed it at his head.

"You'll be seeing me in a second, Matt..."

And he pulled the trigger.