Author's Note: This chapter was soo hard to write but I'm reasonably happy with the outcome and I think I've finally decided on the romantic entanglement I want to focus on…. hehehehe *maniacal laugh*
The next day they pretended that there was nothing wrong with Elena Gilbert. She was the same person she had been as a human. They had decided to ignore her erratic oversexed behaviour in favour of a comforting lie, everyone responds to the transition differently. Damon had initially felt guilt, Stefan had initially become a ripper but these phases had passed for the most part, allowing them to become themselves. Elena's outbursts needed to be indulged or controlled, depending on which brother you asked, but they both agreed it would pass.
When Bonnie and Jeremy arrived the next morning, Stefan had watched Elena come downstairs and greet her friends with more than a little trepidation. She had smiled awkwardly, made jokes to ease the tension and… was just the old Elena. He didn't understand her anymore. Her mood swings had left him feeling confused, tired, hurt and now, nervous. He had no idea what she was going to do next.
Damon didn't appear to share his concerns. He had wandered casually into the living room, Elena's breakfast in hand, pointing out that if she ended up snacking on Jeremy and the witch, he'd never hear the end of it from Caroline. Stefan knew Elena needed no encouragement to feed but Damon just loved rubbing salt in fresh wounds.
His brother had chatted with Jeremy and shared death glares with the witch, while Elena had used all her self control not to immediately devour the contents of the glass in one mouthful. Even still her friend and brother had looked fearful and disgusted as Elena drank. Stefan had stood stoically in the corner, arms crossed, ignoring the tantalising scent of human blood, not joining them in conversation. Once Elena had finished the blood, Damon was quick to make his exit, pointing out that he had a meeting with the former Sheriff Forbes.
"Grazie Damon e arrivedderci," Elena had said as Damon had turned to leave. Everyone had openly gaped at Elena's few words of Italian.
"They're teaching me Italian," Elena had lied. "I know it's random but figured I needed something to take my mind off things." Damon practically ran out of the boarding house.
The brothers had spent most of last night discussing the changes they had seen in Elena. It had been Damon's idea to switch back to their native tongue, Italian. They had argued for hours, insulted and accused each other of horrible things, knowing very well that Elena could hear everything and trusting in the modern American education system that she couldn't understand a word. Perhaps they had underestimated Elena's language skills but last night at four in the morning it had seemed like their only option and it had allowed the brothers to decide on a plan of action.
They both conceded immediately that Elena wasn't in her right mind, primarily because she seemed to be romantically interested in both of them and didn't care who knew. Neither of them pointed out the similarities between her behaviour and Katherine's. This was a phase and it would pass. There was nothing wrong with Elena Gilbert. They agreed that she just needed the time and space to adapt to her new circumstances, so they had come to an unhappy truce; neither of them would take advantage of her. Damon may have been a bit fuzzy with this concept but Stefan was confident his brother would do what was best for Elena. He was a narcissistic prick but Damon could be completely selfless and protective to the point of martyrdom where she was concerned.
That's why Stefan couldn't bring himself to tell Damon the truth, despite their brother bonding time. The blood connection Damon shared with Elena wouldn't put her in immediate danger and it wasn't what made Stefan feel like he holding a vervain grenade. Damon didn't know. He had no idea how Elena had died, why Matt had survived and as soon as he found out… it didn't bear thinking about. So Stefan had omitted the truth, bought himself a little more time. After all Elena didn't want them fighting, beyond that he didn't much want to consider what she did want.
He watched her, nervous and unsure of herself as she handed over her mother's pendant to Bonnie. The witch didn't comment on her choice of jewellery as she took the necklace from Elena and walked to a large window across the room. Elena stood up and went to follow her friend but Stefan moved quickly to take hold of her arm and pull her back. She looked at him confused and lost, even as Bonnie pulled open the large curtain and sunlight flooded the far side of the room. She turned to look at the sunbeams only a few feet away from where she stood as Bonnie began to chant.
The spell was complete in moments. Bonnie returned the necklace to her oldest friend, and Elena took it reverently. Once the necklace was in place, Elena had strode out of the living room, opened the front door and disappeared from sight. Stefan anxiously followed her, Jeremy and Bonnie trailing behind.
They found Elena sitting on the front lawn soaking in the sun. She turned around to smile broadly at them and couldn't stop thanking Bonnie for everything she had done. Jeremy had beamed right back at her and made a joke about vampires getting a tan. Unsurprisingly, Bonnie had seemed uncomfortable and quickly made up an excuse to leave. Jeremy followed Bonnie to her car but not before Elena made him promise to come back with a long list of personal items, her journal included.
Once her friends were out of sight, she turned back to him smiling. "I would like to learn Italian."
Stefan couldn't summon the strength to smile back at her. He was tired and settled for a frown and the truth. "Elena we're worried about you."
"Why? I'm not exactly new to all this vampire stuff."
"You know that's not what I'm worried about," he said.
Elena shrugged and squinted up at the sky. "Can you show me how to hunt animals now? I don't want to go back inside."
So they had hiked up into the hills behind the Salvatore house. Stefan never suggested using vampire speed and Elena didn't seem to consider it at all. Instead of hunting, they just kept walking and talked about things that didn't matter; the weather, the scenery, Tyler's return and the fact that Caroline and the hybrid were now borrowing Elena's bedroom as they hid out from the Council. They kept walking until the path became too overgrown by brambles, and vegetation to be recognisable as a path. Elena wondered aloud if they should head back the way they'd come.
"Elena there's something I have to tell you," he finally admitted.
She sighed and turned back to him. "Sounds like bad news."
He took a deep breath and just told her the truth. "Dr. Fell said that she gave you Damon's blood, that it was his blood that turned you into a vampire."
"So me and Caroline are what – blood sisters?" she asked laughing. "She's going to love this." Elena walked past him, following the trail back towards the boarding house.
"Elena, Damon avoided Caroline like the plague after she was turned…"
"I'm fairly certain it was the other way around," she pointed out without turning to look at him.
"There is a bond between a maker and the vampire he creates."
That got her to stop walking and turn back to him. "Like a sire bond," she asked gloomily.
"Similar. It's unique for every vampire and it depends a lot on the relationship between the maker and the child."
Elena looked thoughtful. "What kind of relationship do you think I have with Damon?" she asked.
Stefan looked away. He didn't want to answer that question and he didn't want to have this conversation right now. There was a truce to be considered. He tried again to explain the blood connection without making any accusations. "The bond means that he can make you do things Elena. He might be controlling you without you even realising it." He realised as soon as he saw her face that he had said something wrong.
She laughed at him again but this time there was no mirth in the sound. "This is about last night, isn't it?"
They were going to have this conversation, no avoiding it now. "You kissed Damon, right in front of me."
"I've kissed you in front of Damon, more times than I can count. You ever wonder what that felt like, for him."
Stefan was silenced by her accusation. He didn't know what to say. Well after last night, yes I think I do know what that felt like. It was on the tip of his tongue but he swallowed the retort back. It made him sound petty and implied a guilt he didn't feel. Why should he feel guilty about kissing his girlfriend in front of his brother? It led his thoughts in a dangerous direction; how did Elena know what Damon felt? why did she care and even sound… remorseful?
"Before I turned, Caroline accused me of been selfless, always willing to die for the people I love," she spoke quietly. "She was wrong. I was just a stupid little girl who never thought she could die."
Stefan forgot his anger, relieved that she had changed the topic of conversation. "That doesn't make you stupid, just – human," he responded mournfully.
"Not human anymore," she reminded him. "But everything I was back then is heightened and I've finally realised the kind of person I was."
"Elena –" he didn't know where her thoughts were going but he wanted to stop her. He wanted to explain that it was normal, to look back at her human life detached and judgemental, but she couldn't afford to give into the guilt and the grief.
"I was selfish Stefan," she persisted. "I wanted to save the people I loved because I couldn't bear to let them go.. But it didn't matter what my motives were back then, because I failed my friends and family more than I saved them. Caroline, Jenna and now Alaric have all died because of me. Caroline's father, Bonnie's mum…"
"Elena you can't let the guilt take over."
"It's not guilt, its frustration. Nothing I did ever changed anything."
He closed the distance between them and pulled her into his arms. He hadn't been able to read her since she became a vampire, but he could tell that she was in pain right now. It hurt him just to watch her blame herself for everything that had happened since they had met. Stefan knew he deserved the lion's share of the blame.
"I've hurt everyone I care about Stefan and if I wasn't such a selfish bitch, I'd run away and never come back," she mumbled against his chest. He pulled her back to see if she was crying and smiled when he saw the tears welling in her eyes.
"You know I'd follow you Elena." He tried to pull her close again but she pushed back from his chest.
"I love you Stefan but I'm more selfish that I ever was as a human, and I love your brother too and I want both of you." Her voice was so quiet.
He cursed his vampire hearing, knowing he hadn't misheard her. Stefan dropped her arms and stepped away from her. He didn't know what to say or do; how to react to her… declaration. "How do you think that's going to work?" He asked incredulous and curious to see how she had rationalised this in her head.
"It has to," she spoke calmly. "Right now if I love one of you, it means losing the other. I can't do that Stefan, not for hundreds of years. The bitterness, wondering what my life would be like if I'd chosen differently, watching you two fighting and hating each other, I couldn't live with it." The tears that had threatened moments earlier were now running freely down her face and Stefan was so tempted to comfort her but he didn't move.
He had to be cold right now. "That's too bad Elena because there is no door number three. It's me or Damon. If you want both of us… like that, someone's going to end up dead."
"I'm already dead Stefan,"
She left him with a gust of inhuman speed and he wanted to cry. He had tried to pretend there was nothing wrong with Elena Gilbert, it was just a phase, it was just the blood, it was just Damon been an ass. He was beginning to realise that he knew very little about Elena and definitely not enough to determine when she was in her right mind.
By the time he reached the boarding house, Stefan was breathing heavy despite his vampire speed. He stormed through the unlocked front door, and strode from the foyer to the vast living room, but it was empty. He stood quietly listening from any sound that would indicate Elena's hiding place. He knew she had come back here but the only sounds that reached him were Damon's screeching tyres outside.
"There's something wrong with Elena," Stefan said as he turned around to meet his brother.
"Whatever that is I'm sure it's your fault, brother," his older brother responded as he stormed up to him. Damon flung his head forward and enjoyed the satisfactory crunch as he connected with Stefan's nose.
As the brothers greeted one another, Elena lay desolately on her bed upstairs, head in hands wondering why she had said those things to Stefan. She had meant to break her feeling to him gently; instead she had spit it in his face like an insult. Her phone rang. She smiled as she looked at the caller ID and answered immediately, looking forward to a distraction.
"Hey Caroline, how's Tyler?"
"Oh my god, Damon's on his way to the boarding house and he's pissed." As if to punctuate Caroline's point, there was a violent crash downstairs. Elena rolled her eyes.
"What happened?" she asked calmly.
"My mom came over and we were all talking about covering up... you know, your death."
"The point, Caroline."
"Matt told Damon that Stefan saved him first," Caroline blurted.
"What?" Elena was sat bolt upright on her bed now, listening to the sounds of violence coming from downstairs.
"He just mentioned that a car stopped before Stefan pulled you out and they called 911 before he could stop them and next thing you know the ambulance turns up and you're in the morgue…" Caroline babbling continued without encouragement, as Elena slowly approached the door.
"Don't worry Elena we're on our way right now." Caroline's words had finally caught her attention.
"NO!" Elena screamed down the phone. "No, no, no" she repeated finally getting her voice under control. "They need to work this out Caroline. Whatever happens no one should come up to the boarding house tonight. Do you understand me?"
"Elena I don't think that's a good idea," Caroline said. She sounded so unsure of herself, so unlike Caroline.
"But you don't know them like I do. Neither of them will kill their own brother, but they might kill someone who is stupid enough to interfere" Elena said, stressing the stupid part.
"What about you Elena?" her friend asked quietly.
"I'll stay out of their way," Elena said, her hand already on the doorknob as she hung up.
