A/N: Holy crap! I never thought I would get to this point. Sorry to all the devoted readers for taking so much time to update, but things have been very, very hectic in my life lately. I'm not going into details, but it hasn't been fun to go through. I'll try to update again as soon as possible, but if it takes a while, please forgive me as I have more pressing issues to deal with.

New dialogue: **bleep** - word/statement edited out by the censor.

Disclaimer: I don't own LWD or WLIIA. I wish I did - then I wouldn't have to worry about my finances so **bleep** much.

Now, on with the show.


(return from commercial. Guys are seated on stage. Drew and Clive are seated behind the desk. The M/V family, Sam, and Emily are seated in the front row of the audience)

Drew: Welcome back to Whose Line Is It Anyway: Life With Derek Edition, where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are like knocking on doors at the MacDonald/Venturi house. Who cares?

Clive: Just because the family knows the secret now doesn't mean the fun is over. We still have plenty of show left.

Casey: Just as long as it doesn't involve Derek flashing my underwear anymore, then we're good.

(guys laugh at Casey's comment. Derek hides his face behind his hands)

Drew: That was kinda like a bad high school dream, wasn't it?

Casey: Yeah.

Ryan: Or a good one. Depends on your perspective.

Clive: I hate to interrupt, but Keith over wants us to move on with the show.

Drew: Alright, alright. We've got one more game before the MacDonald/Venturi crowds joins in. Now our next game will be for all four performers and it's called "Hollywood Director". Wayne, Derek, and Ryan are going to act out a film scene for us and Colin will be their tempermental Hollywood director. (Colin walks over to Drew's desk and receives an envelope from Drew) Now, Colin will have to give them notes every once in a while on how to make the scene better. Our scene is – Ryan is a star hockey player who is trying to impress a lovely fan, Wayne. Derek is her boyfriend and a rival player who has it out for Ryan. So, whenever you're ready, take it away!

Ryan (imitating skating noises and slapping a puck): Yes! That's my twentieth goal of the season! Yeah!

Wayne (jumping up and down and clapping): Yay, that was fantastic!

Ryan: Why, thank you.

Wayne: My, you are so swift and strong. Maybe you can show me some moves later.

(Derek then joins the scene)

Derek: Honey! What are you doing?!

Wayne: Oh!

Ryan (gasping): Venturi! We meet again!

Wayne: Sweetie, this isn't what it looks like!

Derek: First, you try to take my MVP award. Then my Stanley Cup. Now you try to steal my woman!

Ryan: You don't deserve any of those, you no-talent has been!

Derek: Why you…! (acts like he's decking Ryan with a punch. Ryan falls out)

Colin: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut! You know what? That was wonderful, you guys were great, that's a rap.

Wayne/Ryan/Derek: Oh really? Great

Colin: You see what I did? That is acting. What you did was CRAP!!!

Derek: I'm having a hard time staying in character.

Colin: I know you are! I've seen better character development on 'The Match Game'! (Derek looks offended) Now, let's try to concentrate and work hard!

Derek: Work hard, work hard. Last night, you didn't say that.

Colin: Shhh! (acts like he's whispering something to Derek. He then looks at his notes) Alright, what we need to do is mix it up, go for the unexpected. Do the entire scene backwards!

Casey: Just when I thought they couldn't get any weirder.

Colin (to Casey): I am a creative genius! NEVER QUESTION MY INTELLIGENCE! Action!

(Colin runs off. The groups starts off with Ryan laying down and Derek with his arm extended. Ryan proceeds to get up)

Derek (drawing his arm back): You why?

Ryan: Been has talent-no you, those of any deserve don't you!

Derek: Woman my steal to try you now! Cup Stanley then my. Award MVP my take to try you, first.

Wayne: Like looks it what isn't this, sweetie!

Ryan: Again meet we! Venturi!

Wayne: Ho!

(Ryan and Derek crack up and start laughing at Wayne's line)

Colin: Cut, cut, cut! That was terrible! (to Wayne) CRAP! (to Ryan) CRAP! (to Derek) Not bad! (looks at his notes) Yes, yes! What we need is movement. Do it like Riverdance! I want to see the sweat glisten! Action!

(Colin runs off. Wayne and Ryan start off the scene dancing)

Wayne: My, you've got some fancy footwork.

Ryan: All part of the game my dear.

(Derek comes out and joins them in dancing)

Derek: I'm going to get you punk.

(all three then strike various poses)

Colin: Cut, cut, cut!

Ryan: At the end, that seemed a little too 'Charlie's Angels'.

Colin: I wish!

Derek: Can I take a moment?

Colin: Take it.

Derek: Done.

Colin: That's why I love working with you!

Wayne: What about me?

Colin: Shut up! (looking at his notes) I've got it! What we need is passion!

Nora: I'm sure this is going to get weird.

Colin: Everything on this show is weird! Do it like you're filled with lust! (to Derek) You remember. Action!

(Colin runs off. Wayne and Ryan come out and resume the scene)

Wayne (rubs against Ryan): My, you're such a good player.

Ryan: Well, I carry a big stick, if you know what I mean.

Wayne: Oh yeah, big boy…

(Derek walks out)

Derek: What's going on?

Wayne: Oh, honey, you're home early…

Ryan (runs a finger under Derek's chin): You know, stud, there's plenty of room for one more.

Derek: Well, why didn't you say so? (acts like he's taking off his clothes)

Colin: Cut, cut! I'm getting turned on here!

BUZZ!

(guys return to their seats)

Drew: I'm going to have some bad dreams tonight, let me tell you. (guys and audience laugh)

Clive: Outstanding. I'll give 1000 each for that one.

Edwin: That's good, but I think I speak for the rest of us when I say we're ready to get in on the fun!

Marti: Yay! I want to play with Smerek and his new friends!

Lizzie: Calm down, you two.

Drew: Clive, what's our next game going to be?

Clive: It's called 'Scenes From A Hat' and it is for Ryan, Colin, Derek and Wayne, as well as Casey, Edwin, Lizzie, Marti, George, and Nora, you can step in as well if you want.

Marti (excited): Really?!

Drew: You can just step in and play when you want. This is just a quick, fun game…alright?

(M/V family nods in agreement, then start to head up to the stage)

Drew: Alright! In this game, we've had audience members write suggestions for scenes they'd like to see pulled out of this hat, and we take the good ones and put them into this All-American hat, no offense…

Edwin (looking into the hat): What's the dead rabbit for?

Drew (chuckling): My old career. Anyway, you all get to act out these scenes. You guys ready? Casey, Lizzie, and Nora, you can team up with Ryan and Colin, while Edwin, Marti, and George can team up with Wayne and Derek. (everyone lines up in their respective places) Clive, pull the first scene…

Clive (pulls out a slip): What Marti is thinking right now?

(Ryan walks out and points at Drew and Clive)

Ryan: Why do those two sit there and don't do anything?

BUZZ!

(George walks out)

George: I'm six years old with an imagination. Why the hell am I here?

BUZZ!

(Marti walks out)

Marti: If Smerek and Casey had a baby…

(The entire M/V family face-faults at Marti's sentence. Guys and audience burst out laughing)

BUZZ!

(Colin walks out)

Colin: Why is the bald guy the only funny one?

BUZZ!

Drew: Alright, let's see what's next. (pulls out a slip) Times when you would like to say "Let's see that again in slow motion."

(Casey walks out. Derek come out and, in slow motion, starts running toward her)

Casey (waving her hands in front of her and talking slowly): Nooooooo.

(Derek grabs Casey and throws her over his shoulder. Derek starts walking around and pretends to lift her skirt)

BUZZ!

(Derek sets Casey down and they walk off laughing)

Clive (pulls out a slip): Posts you'll never see on the church bulletin board.

(Nora walks out)

Nora: Hey! Satan's teaching a Tae-Bo class!

BUZZ!

Ryan: Hmm. No collection this week?

BUZZ!

Wayne: He has come and gone…Aw, man!

BUZZ!

Drew (laughing): He has come and gone. You know, you might see that one.

Clive: What's next, Drew?

Drew (pulling out a slip): Let's see…Casey's perverted thoughts.

(Drew, Clive, and audience laughs. Casey glares at Drew and Clive while the guys hide their laughter)

Casey: Oh crap.

(Wayne shoves Derek out onto the stage. Derek stands there for a moment, then acts like he's starting to unbutton his shirt and undoing his pants)

BUZZ!

(Casey stares at Derek, with her mouth hanging wide open. Derek, laughing, walks back and punches Wayne on the arm.)

Wayne (laughing): What?

(Colin and Ryan walk out. Colin bends over like he's touching his toes, while Ryan grabs Colin's waist)

Ryan: The letter 'H'.

BUZZ!

Casey: EW, EW, EW, EW! That one was worse that the Derek one.

Drew: I'm really going to have some nightmares tonight, I'm not kidding.

(Derek walks out)

Derek: I'm Casey MacDonald, and in today's news…

(Wayne runs out)

Wayne: You know they call me girl?! They call me Reggae Jackson!

Derek: Oh, take me Reggae!

(Derek and Wayne then act like they're making out)

Casey: Not again!

BUZZ!

(Ryan walks out)

Ryan: I wish Ryan would turn around so I can look at his ass.

BUZZ!

Casey (annoyed): Okay that's enough.

(Colin walks out)

Casey: Nooooooo!

Colin (acts like he's reading a book): Animal genitalia…

Casey: Please, no more! (to Nora) Mom, make them stop!

(everyone laughs)

Drew: Alright, alright. We'll stop for the time being. Drew, what's next?

Clive (pulls out a slip): Jeopardy categories with the 'Whose Line' and 'Life With Derek' cast members as the answers.

(Ryan walks out)

Ryan: I'll take "People Who Sit Behind A Desk And Do Nothing" for 500, please.

BUZZ!

(Derek walks out)

Derek: I'll take "Kids Who Spend Way Too Much Time In The Game Closet" for 100.

(Edwin and Lizzie stare at each other nervously, then back at Derek)

BUZZ!

(Wayne walks out)

Wayne: Uh, I'll take "Reasons Why The Letter 'H' Will Keep Me Up For Years To Come" for 400.

BUZZ!

(Lizzie walks out)

Lizzie: I'll take "Disgusting Stepbrothers" for 500.

(Edwin walks out)

Edwin: I'll take "Overbearing Feminists" for 500.

(Casey walks out)

Casey: Uh, I'll take "Idiotic Stepbrothers Who Torment Innocent Souls" for 1000.

BUZZ!

(Casey smiles sweetly at Derek. Derek, meanwhile, is shooting a death glare at her. Derek comes back out again)

Derek: I'll take "Klutzy, Keener Stepsisters Who Annoy The Crap Out Of People" for 300.

BUZZ!

(Derek gives his smirk while Casey is glaring at him. George walks out)

George: "Kid Who Are About To Get Grounded On National TV" for 200.

BUZZ!

(Nora walks out)

Nora: "Reasons Why I Started Drinking" for 500.

BUZZ!

(Colin walks out)

Colin: I'll take "People Whose Head Is A Solar Plate For A Sex Machine".

BUZZ!

Drew (pulls out a slip): The secret double lives of the 'Life With Derek' cast members.

(Derek walks out)

Derek: I'm Casey MacDonald (imitates stripper music and acts like he's stripping off a bra and panties)

(Casey quickly hurries out and acts like she's taking a seat)

Casey: I'm Derek Venturi.

BUZZ!

(Derek and Casey walk off laughing. Edwin and Lizzie walk out)

Lizzie: Hi, I'm Lizzie.

Edwin: And I'm Edwin.

(Then act like they are unzipping body suits and switch places)

Edwin: Fooled you, didn't we?

BUZZ!

(Marti walks out)

Marti: Meow! (acts like a cat playing with a yarn ball)

Audience: Awwwwwww!

BUZZ!

(Ryan and George walk out)

Ryan: We're counting on you in this mission, Agent 007.

(George imitates cell phone ringing)

George: Hold on, sir. (Answers phone) Hello? Hey Nora, I'm going to be a little late getting home. Okay, love you too. (hangs up phone) Where were we?

BUZZ!

(All of a sudden, Truman and Max come out)

Max (in a dreamy tone): Look, it's Gay-Man!

Truman: Here I come to say the day! And I look fabulous!

(Casey stares in shock)

Ryan: What the hell?!

Derek: Security!!!

Drew: Quick Colin, do your dinosaur impression!

(Colin runs out, acting like a Tyrannosaurus Rex)

Truman: Uh-oh!

Max: Run!

(Truman and Max run off. Audience starts laughing as they vanish out of sight. Colin returns to his spot)

Casey: Oh God.

Drew (laughing): Wow. Things you never know about a guy.

Edwin (toward the audience): Sam, you don't have anything to come clean about, do you?

George: Edwin…

Sam (in the audience): Nah, I'm all man! (wraps an arm around Emily, who's sitting next to him)

Derek (sighing): Whew. Thank God. Let's get back to the game.

Drew: I couldn't agree more. Clive, what's next?

Clive (pulls out a slip): A brief glimpse into the dreams of Colin Mochrie.

(Casey walks out)

Casey (acting like she's washing hair): Mmmm…mmmm (acts like she's getting more shampoo and lathering it up) Ahhhh…

(Drew is laughing hard as Casey walks off. Colin gives a pitiful look to the audience)

Audience: Awwwwwwwwwww.

(Ryan motions to the guys on the other end of the stage. Ryan, Derek, Wayne, George, and Edwin walk out)

Guys (covering their heads with their hands to look like they're bald): AHHHH! AHHHH!

BUZZ!

(everyone is laughing. Colin stares at Ryan and starts to crack up. Derek walks out)

Derek: Yeah, you were great Angelina Jolie. No, I'm not gonna call you.

BUZZ!

(Colin cracks up even more)

Drew: Giving your date's parents too much information.

(Wayne walks out)

Wayne: Don't worry Mr. and Mrs. Johnson. I'll have her home by 10. I'll be finished by then.

BUZZ!

(Sam runs over to Derek and whispers something in his ear. They then walk out onto the stage)

Sam: Don't worry Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, we'll have her home by 10.

BUZZ!

(Edwin motions over at Lizzie. Both Edwin and Lizzie walk out)

Edwin (grabbing Lizzie's hand): Dad! Nora! I'll have Lizzie home by 10!

BUZZ!

(Derek walks out)

Derek: Don't worry Mrs. Johnson. I'll have Mr. Johnson home by ten.

BUZZ!

Clive: Famous movie roles as played by Carol Channing.

(Ryan shakes his head, while Colin pats him on the back. Ryan walks out)

Ryan (in his Carol Channing voice): I know what you're thinking. Did I fire seven shots or six? Well, to tell you the truth, in all of this confusion, I've forgotten myself. So you have to ask yourself one question – "Do you feel lucky?" Well, do you punk?

BUZZ!

(Everyone is laughing. George walks out)

George (in a Carol Channing voice): Well surely, you must be the son of God.

(More laughter ensues)

Wayne: Wow, I didn't think anybody besides Ryan and Robin Williams could pull that off.

(Ryan walks out)

Ryan (in Carol Channing voice): I'm Sparticus!

Drew: Oh man, that was really funny. (pulls out a slip) Outtakes from the "Whose Line Is It Anyway: Life With Derek Edition" episode.

(Ryan walks out)

Ryan (in his Carol Channing voice): I'm Sparticus!

BUZZ!

(Derek and Casey walk out. Derek's back is facing the cameras and Casey is facing him. They then throw their arms around each other and start kissing and running their hands over each other.)

Audience: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

(Guys start laughing, while the M/V family stare in shock. Derek and Casey then act like they notice the crowd and cameras)

Derek: Oh!

Casey: He was, um, um, …

Derek/Casey (quickly): Ei-di-de-di-de-di-de-di-de-di-de-di!

BUZZ!

(Drew and Clive are in hysterics. Edwin and Lizzie walk out)

Lizzie (holding her hand out): I told you they had the hots for each other.

Edwin: Damn! (acts like he's counting out money) Ten, twenty, thirty, …

BUZZ!

(Wayne walks out with one of Drew's cards)

Wayne: Hi, and welcome to uh, ah…oh, I'm so stupid!

BUZZ!

(Colin walks out)

Colin (acts like he's shaving his head): I need to work out a new contract.

BUZZ!

Drew (acts like he's eating a bunch of food): Yeah, I need to rework my contract too.

(Marti walks out)

Marti: Edwin, Lizzie! Smerek's back on TV! (acts like she's opening a door) Edwin, Lizzie, why are you kissing?

(Edwin and Lizzie walk out)

Lizzie: Oh, uh, uh…

Edwin: She was…

(Derek and Casey walk out and start kissing again)

Derek: You should've locked yourselves in the bathroom! There's more privacy!

BUZZ!

(George and Nora walk out)

George: God, we are so blind. Our kids…?

Nora: I knew this was going to happen.

George (acting condescending): Sure you did. And you did a great job stopping it, I might add.

Nora (pointing a finger at George): Don't start with me!

BUZZ!!!! Buzz! Buzz! Buzz!

(everyone returns to their seats)

Drew: Alright, we'll be back with more "Whose Line" right after this! (grabs the hat) Don't go away!

(throws the hat toward the camera. The hat curves back toward the audience and knocks over a stationary camera)

Drew: Oh **bleep**!

Colin (pointing at the fallen camera): Oh!

Ryan: What just happened?

Colin: The camera fell over.

(camera on the ground is filming Drew and Clive at an angle)

Drew: Oh **bleep**!

-Commercial-


A/N: Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Still a couple more chapters left for this story. Don't forget to review.

- the OD