Hey Everyone Its MaximumRed here with another chapter for you guys! I'm sorry if its been a little while my job is actually crushing my soul and its really hard to write when I get depressed. I'm starting an acting class soon though so hopefully it will lift my spirits a little and get the creative juices flowing. I hope this chapter does not suffer from my current mindset. I tried to fight through everything and write something I thought was good enough to post. Eric is going to need some explanations after this chapter and Tobias just might be caught knowing a little more than he should. I have a clear plan for how I want this story to go I just need to work on making it get there. Thankyou all so much for sticking with me and to all the new followers I see you in my emails you cuties! Join the comment Party I always give shout outs to my lovely commenters.
The rest of the last night was rather uneventful. After trying to hangout with Maybell and Ren I found it harder and harder to focus. The hands reaching to grab me in my mind along with the sound of the man's voice were following my every thought. It was like his face was trapped in the back of my mind and I just couldn't find it. I know him, I know that I know him but the harder I tried to remember the more my head ached. Anytime I managed to distract myself I found my mind wandering back to Eric and my creeping suspicion that he was behind the black box. I decided not to mention it to Ren or Maybell yet. I didn't have any proof and I didn't want to be wrong. The two noticed I was distracted and it was growing harder to deflect their questions so I wandered back to our dorm to get an early night's rest.
Rest escaped me though. Someone was crying all night. It sounded like the Amity boy two bunks over and in the light of morning the puffy redness that surrounded his watery eyes confirmed what I had assumed. I should feel bad for him but I don't. There's no room for tears here and if he keeps me up regularly I'm afraid my sleep deprivation will drive me insane. Just one night has me cranky and volatile. I shoot him a glare as we all get ready and he visibly finches. I'm still distracted this morning but Ren and Maybell chatter together without pushing me to join them. I notice their curious eyes every time they think I'm not looking but I shrug it off and focus on picking at my food. This is the first time I've been in the mess hall at a mealtime and the loud roar of Dauntless dissolves my thoughts like the sound of the chasm , crashing water on solid rock, loud voice echoing off stone walls.
The room falls nearly silent for a moment and when I look around me I notice Eric has entered the room. I see something like fear in the faces of the people around us and I wonder briefly if I've been too trusting. To me Eric's growls and glares had been part of an act to scare the initiates but it looks now like it's something else all together. He is a leader and a feared one no doubt after that entrance. So am I not afraid of him even now? My eyes roam over him for an answer and my stomach stirs with a wholly different kind of fear. He looks the way he did yesterday in his sweats and boots. My eyes follow him as he stacks his plate with an enormous amount of food before sitting alone at the same table where we ate together. Today I followed the initiates to a table all our own. I don't know if we are allowed to mingle with the faction yet or if we all just feel too out of place to mingle but either way I hadn't put up any resistance when I was lead to sit here. Tobias sits at the end of our table separated from us by two empty chairs and he doesn't look up when Eric walks in. Ren catches my eyes that still haven't left Eric and I quickly try to cover up that I was staring. My eyes shoot a few tables over and I notice Domino and the Dauntless born initiates hanging off of each other and dangling food over another boy's mouth as he is pinned back against the table.
"That guy over there. His name is Domino. He helped me get to the compound."
I don't know why I said that. I think I'd wanted to convince Ren that I hadn't been watching Eric but it seemed my entirely random comment had the opposite effect. Ren just nods his head once and purses his lips. He chews thoughtfully on his muffin and for a moment I'm afraid he is going to call me out.
"Well then I'm glad. What would we do without your blank stare and total silence."
Rens sarcasm strikes a chord and I find myself bristling with anger. He didn't have to say what he saw to convey his message and that irritates me as much as it relieves me.
"I'm sure you'd do exactly what you're doing right now. In case you've forgotten we have to beat eachother up for the next couple weeks and that's going to be a lot easier if I'm not remembering your favorite food while I punch you"
Maybell awkwardly pushes her muffin away and looks at her bruised and scraped hands. There is pain clearly written in her scrunched eyebrows and tight lips. I know I'm pushing things a little too far and I feel more than see Tobias tensing as he listens. Ren stares me down without remorse.
"Incase YOU forgot we are all here for the same reason. We all have the same goal and I'm willing to take a few punches to find out if I can make it here. I'm pretty sure you are too. What difference does it make who's throwing them. Is it really worth sitting there all miserable pretending to eat your oatmeal."
I look at my still mostly full plate and sigh. I remember what Tobias said to me yesterday about making friends and I notice that he is watching me closely from the end of the table. I don't know how to do this. How to be a friend and I'm afraid that if I try I'll fail. I think of the Manifesto and remind myself that fear of a thing is not a reason for inaction. I let out a heavy breath and take a bite of my oatmeal.
"I'm sorry Ren. This is… new. My face hurts like a bitch and I didn't get any sleep with all that blubbering last night. I just don't know how to deal with… anything really"
Ren looks satisfied with my apology and he nods his head pointing at my food and then at me. One bite isn't going to cut it with him watching me and I resign myself to finishing what I served myself. I see Tobias out of the corner of my eye with a half smile on his lips as he slowly chews his food. Maybell is still looking at her hands and I'm surprised when she speaks up.
"I remember you from Amity."
Her voice is so high and soft that it's almost completely overpowered by the loud mess hall and I notice Tobias casually leaning closer to hear. The way the words tumbled out of her mouth rushed and compelled seem to prove that Maybell has been waiting to say this for a while. How long I wonder? The hair stand up on my neck when I realize what she has said. I refuse to look at her as the pause in conversations weighs down on us with anticipation or perhaps dread is the more appropriate word.
"Yeah?"
" Yeah…"
Maybell takes a deep breath before pouring words out as fast as I can follow.
" Your mom was the shut in. I never saw her but my sisters told me she stopped coming out of the house sometime between your dad dieing and your brother leaving for Erudite. I used to wonder what could make someone hide like that. What would being alone do that being with us couldn't? When Cindy's dad died her mother was over at my house every night just so she wouldn't have to be alone in her house. She said she didn't like the emptiness. You were always alone too just like your mom. You never came to the bonfires or the singing circles. You barely made it to school. If I ever saw you out of the house you were alone and walking the fields like you were looking for something. I thought maybe being shut in with your mom made it hard for you to make friends . Then one day I saw Jimmy Lambest grab your hand when you were walking the fields and before you'd even looked to see who it was you turned and punched him in the face. It took two full grown adults and a syringe of peace serum to calm you down. After that I figured it out. You were alone because you had to be...or wanted to be. You said you don't know how to deal or whatever but really you just don't know how to let other people deal. You want to take a swing at us once and as while? Fine. This is Dauntless. We can handle that. If we were worried about it we wouldn't stick around. Let us deal with the choices we make."
I stare at her with my mouth hanging open and Ren starts snickering across from us. His eyes twinkle with fondness as he looks at her and I notice their feet are close together under the table. Closer than normal. I lock eyes with Tobias and he's leaning back in his chair full on smirking as he chews. He nods at me and then at them. I know somehow what he means. My chest feels tight. I know what she wants from me, what Ren and Tobias want. I just don't know if I can give that to them. Even now my feet want to run as far away from this situation as possible. I don't want to feel bad when I have to fight them. I don't want to feel responsible for their scores in the ranking I don't want to worry about them or us. So I put my hand on Maybells for a quick moment and with my lips pulled tight I nod at her unsure of what I could possibly say to her after that. I want to say I'll try or that I'll do my best but I don't know if that's true or if I just can't face myself if I tell her it's not worth it. She looks at me with sad eyes and for the first time it doesn't make me feel small or weak. It makes me feel concerned. I don't want to be the reason she looks that way. When I realize that I think maybe it's too late. The clatter of cutlery picks up again when I feel something shift behind me. The chair beside me is suddenly full of sweaty leader and my spoon freezes mid air. A chance a glance and realize Eric and Tobias are locked in a staring match.
"Eric."
"Four."
The tension between them is suffocating and I wonder how I missed it in class before now. These two look ready to murder each other when Eric speaks up again.
"Max says he keeps trying to meet up with you but you don't show up."
"I'm not interested."
"So it's a job he's offering then?"
"You know it is Eric."
"You can't just humor him?"
"I'm not interested. "
"It's because of me isn't it?"
"why would you say that?"
"oh come on Four you know exactly why. So does Max and he is pissed at me that you're ignoring him. I'm sure you don't care about my job security but I bet you'd be pretty surprised to find out just how important it is that I keep my job."
"Is that supposed to scare me?"
"No it's supposed to motivate you."
"I'm. Not. Interested."
My eyes had been volleying between the two men as they growled at each other. If looks could kill they would both be dead already. Whatever it is that made Tobias hate Eric so much is enough to keep him from accepting what must be a leadership job. Eric catches me listening to them and glares hard at me. I quickly scoop another bite of oatmeal and focus on the table top with determination. Eric's last words are the most feral I've ever heard him sound.
"That's too bad."
He shoves away from the table and stalks off to the doors letting them swing loudly behind him though the noise is mostly unnoticed amidst the sounds of breakfast. Tobias has a crease between his eyebrows and his lips are set in a line as he finishes up his meal and leaves our table as well.
"What do you think that was about?"
I find myself asking the question aloud before I can think twice.
"I heard that they were in the same initiate class. First and second rankings. I guess they are really competitive and Max having them train initiates together was part of a plan to force them to get over it. Doesn't seem like it's working."
I nod my head in agreement with Rens words still looking at the door.
"I think Eric is scary."
Maybells eyes are saucers when I look to her again.
"Scary? Seriously? He's just a guy. I mean if he was in Fours class that means he's 20 right? He's already a leader here and it doesn't seem like this is a new job. So how old was he when he suddenly had an entire faction to take care of? 19? 18? 17? If you ask me I think he's pretty tame under the circumstances."
I don't know why I felt like I had to defend Eric but I didn't like the feeling Maybells words gave me. Eric's not so scary. Not all the time. I'm starting to wish Ren would just say what he is thinking because he's looking at me in that same calculating way as always and my skin feels like it's crawling under his gaze. I have too much to hide. Too much I have yet to sort out for myself and if he manages to figure me out before I can figure myself out I'm not sure what I'll do. I suddenly feel itchy all over and I push away from the table to quickly banging one of my knees into the metal. I hiss at the impact but move to return my tray throwing a hasty wave over my shoulder as I flee.
We practise throwing knives again in the morning and my aim is becoming something to be proud of. I notice how quickly my aim is improving and find that nearly every knife lands where I want it too. Maybell is taking to knife throwing better than Ren and I notice how frustrating that fact is for him. He hides it well but the affection that his face always hold for her is dampened when yet another of her knives hits the inner ring when his bounces off the target and clatters to the ground. The candor twins whose names I've still not bothered to learn are throwing exceptionally well. What was the one Maybell mentioned yesterday? Olley? Olson? I don't know the difference between them. I'm searching for something to separate them when I notice that they are throwing in sync with each other. A chill shoots up my spin. I don't like them. I don't know what it is about them maybe it's just the freaky twin thing but something in my gut clenches when I look at them and I don't trust them. I notice both Four and Eric are glaring hard my way for a moment I panic until I realize it isn't me that's gotten them to look so sour but the boy next to me, the Amity boy Leroy fumbling with his knives in shaky hands. There are 5 knives on the floor in front of his target when the one he tosses hits the board handle first it joins them. I flinch knowing what's coming as soon as Eric starts forward.
"You're pathetic. Two days and this is what you have to show for it. Go. Pick . Them. Up."
Leroy looks positively terrified under Eric's stare and I curse him in my mind for his stupidity. You can't be so obvious it just feeds the fire Eric won't go easier on him if he see's his fear. He might lighten up if this kid could grow a spine. Leroy's voice sounds aghast when he looks around him at the knives still flying threw the air.
"While everyone is throwing? No way!"
"Are you scared Initiate?"
Eric's voice is ice cold and I squeeze my eyes closed gripping my knife hard. Don't say yes. Don't say yes. You idiot just pick them up.
"Of flying knives? Yes I am."
I let out a breath and throw the knife hard into the board before turning my body and my full attention to what's happening beside me. This kid just fucked up hard core and I know that Eric isn't going to let it slide.
"Everyone stop!"
Eric's voice echoes around the room and all the noise of activity and chatter halts abruptly.
"Four."
Eric calls to Tobias who looks defeated as he picks up a few knives from the ground and spins them around in his hands dejectedly.
"Stand in front of the board Amity."
Leroy's legs are shaking like leaves as he turns to approach the board keeping one of his shoulders pulled back like he is afraid to turn his back on Eric and Tobias who is holding the knives. My heart starts pounding in my chest as I realize what they are going to do.
"Four here is going to throw these knives at you and if you so much as blink your factionless. Is that clear coward?"
Leroy's eyes are wide and his lips tremble as snot dribbles from his nose. With all the shaking and sniffling he can't possibly stand still enough. All I can think is that I don't want to watch this kid get stabbed.
"Stop."
It takes a moment for me to realize it was my own voice I just heard and when Eric's outraged expression turns toward me I think I may have made a huge mistake. It's too late now. There is no turning back.
"This doesn't prove anything. Bravery isn't standing still in front of a board. You're asking him to trust the aim of the world's best knife thrower? Hardly courageous."
I cross my arms over my chest trying to discreetly wipe the sweat from my palms onto my legs as I move past them. I refuse to look away from Eric though I can feel both Ren and Tobias burning holes into my head with their eyes.
"You think you know what courage is little girl?"
I clench my teeth and dig my nails into my biceps. I won't honor that jab with words I won't even nod my head I just raise my chin defiantly as the tension in the room threatens to explode.
"Then I guess you wouldn't mind taking his place. Same rules if you flinch you're both factionless."
I should have expected this and as I pass Leroy he whispers his gratitude which only serves to fill me with disgust. I don't know why I spoke up for him. He's weak and pathetic and I find it loathsome but I couldn't stand by and watch him be victimized. My mind is still turning over Eric's words as I take his place in front of the target. You think you know what courage is? Tobias looks at me with a mix between defeat and affection as he readys himself to throw the first knife. I know I can't flinch or close my eyes but I need to do something to distract myself from the fear that I just told Eric I wouldn't have. I swallow hard and a sweat breaks out on my skin. So I take a deep breath trusting Tobias to be the one focused on the here are now. I start talking slowly and deliberately to put my mind somewhere else.
"We believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another. We believe in shouting for those who can only whisper, in defending those who cannot defend themselves."
Tobias's lips curl into a smile as he nods at me aiming his next knife. I realize that I am reciting the Manifesto from memory when he begins saying the lines with me. I only read it once but just like in school once was enough. The words push out of Tobias like a grunt as he releases the next knife.
"We believe, not just in bold words but in bold deeds to match do not believe that learning to master violence encourages unnecessary violence."
My eyes meet Eric's now trying to shoot all of my rage from my eyes to see if it will melt him or turn him into stone like I feel it should. Tobias and I echo together the next line and I feel the whiz of a knife that lodges directly next to my elbow much closer than the last.
"We do not believe that we should be allowed to stand idly by."
The last knife in Tobias's hand hits the board next to my neck leaving a warm tingling sensation behind. When I raise my hand up I find blood on my finger tips. I shoot a glare at Tobias.
"You know Four. I'm getting really sick of you making me bleed."
He stands tall flexing his shoulders and retorts just as quickly.
"Then quit drawing so much attention to yourself Pheonix. Every time you open your mouth you practically beg to get knocked out."
The way Tobias speaks to me sounds rude and threatening but I cant find it in myself to be offended. If I wasn't afraid of the look on Eric's face I might have is absolutely fuming and just as much rage is directed at Tobias as the rest of us when he commands us all to break for lunch.
"Not you Phoenix."
He adds that bit at the end before I make it over to Ren and Maybell who were waiting for me. Ren stares hard at the ground his frustration clear as day but Maybell just sprints over to where I stopped walking and clutches her tiny frame around my waist. She's so tiny but her grip is surprisingly tight.
"Catch up with us okay?"
"Ha yeah If he lets me keep my legs."
I shoo her away with Ren and when I finally see the door click closed I turn back to Eric and Tobias who are all that remains in the room. I Figure it's better to wait for him to say something I'm surprised when it's Tobias who speaks first.
"Eric can you just blow your top off already? You pissed about something so yell about it or take a swing at me or let the girl go to lunch."
I start chewing on my nails as Eric's seething anger boils over with just the little prodding from Tobias.
"Shut your mouth Four. I'll deal with you later."
He turns toward me now stalking towards me looking ten feet tall the shadow his anger casts larger than life.
"What the fuck was that back there? How am i supposed to teach little shits like that a lesson if you're going to undermine my authority. Do I need to remind you again that I am your leader?"
"No you don't need to remind me Eric, who else could order my instructor to throw knives at my head?"
"I'm not going to warn you again about that smart mouth of yours. You aren't Dauntless yet."
"Yes I am Eric and that's exactly what you don't like about me. You .Don't. Scare me."
Eric is less than a foot away from me and his voice is nothing more than a serpentine whisper full of venom and danger. All the trepidation from class is gone, when I face him alone without my friends to see me if I fail I have no fear.
"Is that so? You looked pretty scared up there Phoenix. Do I need to try harder?"
This is a test I can feel it in every fiber of my being. I don't know what to say to pass it. I know he wants me to say no. He wants me to bow my head and let him win but I can't. I need to but I can't unclench my teeth to speak. Im being foolish and prideful but the words leave my body of their own accord.
"Why would you bother, there's no point."
"Well than if you still haven't learned your lesson I'm going to have to think of something you won't ever forget. I have a feeling this will be for your own good."
'This will be for your own good'
'This will be for your own good'
'This will be for your own good'
"This will be for your own good'
I don't realize I'm screaming until the ringing in my ears fades to a dull crackle. I don't remember sitting down but I'm kneeling on the ground with my hands on my ears. The sounds coming out of my throat are muffled under the thumping of my heart beat.
'I told you never to lie to me Yuna'
My vision is blurry around the edges everyone's moving so slowly but each time I blink Eric and Tobias have moved so much. How did Tobias get so far away what's he doing to the door? The way his arms move leaves a trail of color behind him like he has wings.
'I'm your father. I'm your family. You will listen to me.'
Both of them look like they are upset, panicked. Eric's perfect hair is all tousled and there's blood on his face. Why is their blood on his face? Their mouths are moving but I can't hear the words they are saying. My head lolls forward when my neck can no longer hold it and I see that the front of my shirt and the matt beneath me is pooling with the same sticky red blood I saw on Eric. Where is it coming from? Who's hurt?
'This is for your own good Yuna. I won't have my children behaving selfishly,angrily, evilly.'
My mouth feels like it's stuffed with cotton and Erics no longer wearing a shirt. He holds my head up and I see Tobias coming back from the doorway shouting something to Eric's back. His mouth is moving so slowly but I can't keep my mind focused on the words. My head feels like its splitting in two like there must be an axe lodged in my skull. I feel a sharp pain like a whip cracking across my back and then it all stops.
