Chapter Nine
New Years' Resolution

The rest of a night was a blur. When Equius walked Aradia to the door, he tried to kiss her goodnight, but she just let him kiss her cheek instead, and despite being a mere ten minutes late, she still had to provide a detailed explanation to her father. It didn't feel like Christmas Eve. Aradia wanted to break down in tears, but just couldn't. A hollowness occupied her chest, and it had been for a long time.

The next morning didn't even feel like it mattered, despite the warm fuzziness the other three felt around the house. Damara was even smiling when they had their traditional Christmas breakfast.
"What's got you so happy, Damara?" Daniel asked.
"I am going back to school," she answered. Aradia looked up from her plate.
"Really?" Aradia asked. Damara paused in answering, but gave a slow nod.
"…yes."
"How'd you swing that?" Daniel asked.
"I took her to the counselor when she told me a few weeks ago, and they said Damara had a few options; she can go back and take accelerated classes and get a diploma with everyone else, or finish what she'd do in the spring anyway and get a GED, or skip the spring semester and go to Completion School next year," Hana explained.
Daniel's eyes met Damara's. "So what did you decide to do?"
"I want to go back. Study hard. Graduate with friends."
"That's great, Damara," Aradia said quietly.
"I want to… be different. Tired of such anger and loneliness."
"Well, now, the counselor didn't recommend that…"
"I know, Mama… I want to try."
"I understand that, sweetie. But, given your history…"
"I can do this!"
"I know you can. But I was told- one violent outburst and you'll have to do C school instead."
"Okay…I be good," Damara said quietly.

Christmas morning went by quite quickly, Aradia giving small smiles to her family as she opened her presents. The last one she opened was from Hana and Daniel, and it was an archaeology kit incredibly similar to the one she'd had years ago as a child. It was the one that made her genuinely happy.

Aradia sat in her room, post-gift-giving, turning the boxed archaeology kit in her hands. It reminded her of herself when she was younger, digging up "fossils" in the backyard that were actually just cool looking rocks, until her parents started burying chicken bones and gemstones for her to find. She stopped digging shortly after Rachel's passing, and hadn't thought to take it up again until that Christmas morning.
A tapping sound came from the bedroom door, the frame now occupied by Daniel.
"How you doin', kiddo?" he asked.
"I'm okay."
"Really? You ain't seemed okay."
"Yes, Dad. I'm okay. I promise."
"Alright, I just worry about you, 's all. You been real down in the dumps lately."
"I know. Just… having a rough time with my friends."
"Erh, yeah, I get it. That Equius kid; he rubs me the wrong way."
"I know, Dad."
"You really into him?"
"I don't know."
"Well if you ain't, you oughta tell 'im. Stupid kid is infatuated with you, and as much as that makes me wanna kill 'im a little," Aradia laughed, "it still ain't fair to 'im, bein' led on."
"I know… I never really agreed to go out with him, but… I don't know. Seems too harsh to just end things."
"Well, do what you think is right. 'Member, we're headin' to Spencer's for dinner later."
"Alright, Dad."

Daniel skulked out of the room as Aradia flopped backwards onto her bed. Great. The last thing she wanted was Christmas dinner at Spencer Slick's, because 1) she was in an anti-social mood and 2) Spencer was friends with Harold Boxcars, who more likely than not would have the Nitrams with him, and with Clyde Deuce, who would definitely have the Captors with him, and despite Sollux always being the one Aradia would go to at these times, he was the last person she wanted to see right now.
A message pinged on Pesterchum. Speak of the devil.

twinArmageddons [TA] began pestering apocalypseArisen [AA]

TA: hey
TA: AA
TA: what's up
TA: how's your christmas been?
AA: hey sollux
AA: its been ok
AA: dad got me a new archaeology kit
TA: man does that take me back
TA: you haven't done a dig in such a long time
AA: i know
TA: heh
AA: sollux
TA: what
AA: um…
AA: now is not really a good time to talk
TA: something going on with you?
AA: no i just
AA: its christmas
AA: i should be downstairs with my family
TA: okay
TA: i'll see you at spencer's party later?
AA: yeah
TA: you bringing equius?
AA: no
AA: why
TA: just wondering
TA: tav said he's bringing vriska
AA: oh
AA: wonderful
AA: see you later

apocalypseArisen [AA] has ceased pestering twinArmageddons [TA]

Aradia decided to keep to her word and went downstairs, where Hana was decorating cupcakes to take to the party.
"I didn't know you baked," Aradia muttered. Hana continued decorating without even missing a beat.
"Oh, hardly. It's a box mix. But topped with a nice frosting, nobody can even tell."
"Mmm…"

Before long, the group was off to the party, Aradia curling in on herself, leaning against the window. She was dreading every moment she was forced into socialization, and of course Clyde's house was already full of party guests by the time the Megido-Droogs arrived. Aradia gave all the adults brief, quiet hellos before slinking off to the spare bedroom upstairs where Tavros, Vriska and Sollux would no doubt be playing video games or something of the like.
She let herself into the room, everyone looking up at her. Sollux immediately placed his attention back on the television screen.
"Hi Aradia," Tavros said as she came all the way through the door.
"Hey Tav… Sollux…"
"'sup," Sollux lisped back, still focused on his games. Aradia sat down on the bed next to Vriska, whose scowl was nigh instantaneous.
"What, don't I get a hello?" she hissed, huffing as she crossed her arms.
"Don't you have your own family to bother? It is Christmas," Aradia muttered.
"Wha—I'm Jewish, you asshole."

The night seemed to go on like that- the boys tuned into what was happening on screen while Aradia was stuck listening to Vriska rant about things that hardly mattered, without even bothering to respond most of the time, until the kids were called down for dinner. Vriska was the first out of the room, pushing Sollux aside.
"Move it, loser!"
"Oh my god, shut up," Sollux murmured under his breath as he made his way downstairs. Aradia stood from the bed and started to leave, glancing back at Tavros, who was turning his chair towards the door.
"Hey Tav… how did you get up here?" she asked.
"Uh, Rufioh… he carried me up. C-could you go get him, actually?"
"Sure."

Aradia turned down the hallway towards the stairs, but paused at the top step when she spotted Vriska in the room below her, pacing and having what seemed to be a strenuous phone call. Aradia lowered herself below the banister, where she doubted Vriska would be able to see her, if she were even looking.
"…what- no, I don't care. …I know, but I can't force her to… shut up! Listen, Zahhak, I held up my end of the deal and rigged the game. I got you in the closet. … well that's not my problem! You deal with your own freaky relationship; I can't force Megido to have feelings for you! She hardly has feelings about anything anymore. …Figure it out! I made a promise and I fulfilled that promise. Not my business anymore."
Aradia's hands were gripping the rail, knuckles white as she filled with the most anger she'd felt in months. Vriska had been playing her for weeks, and soon she would make her pay.

Aradia went about her business for the remainder of the party, now truly faking her calm demeanor as she dealt with Vriska, and internally seething with anger at her and Equius both. She knew the relationship had felt empty, but now that she'd figured out the whole thing was a setup there was no going back. She got Rufioh and helped him carry Tavros and his chair down the stairs, she ate a small portion of dinner, and she kept quiet about her discovery. But by the time Aradia got back home, she wanted to rip her pillows apart. The past few months just kept replaying in her head, reminding her of how stupid she'd been. A small knock came at her bedroom door.
"What?!" Aradia snarled, turning to see a startled Damara in the door frame.
"You… seem upset. We talk."
"I didn't ask for your help."
"No, but is what sisters do. Help each other. You're angry."
"Of course I'm angry! It was all a lie. Equius never cared about me…"
Damara sat down on the bed, prompting Aradia to do the same. "I think he care. I think he scared of rejection. But should not have tricked you. You confront, tell him you no like him. Don't want relationship to be like that."
"I'm just so angry!" Aradia cried, a half-sob, half-scream. "I- I- Ugh!" Aradia flung a picture frame off her nightstand, letting it land in the soft carpet. "It didn't break…"
"You want it to break?"
"I want something to break."
Damara gave a small nod before leaving. "Go to archery range. May help."
Aradia wiped angry tears from her eyes before nodding back at Damara. They were different people, but had a lot of the same problems, and Aradia appreciated the advice.

The next morning, Aradia got a message on Pesterchum.

twinArmageddons [TA] began pestering apocalypseArisen [AA]

TA: hey
TA: you okay?
TA: you were acting weird last night
TA: something wrong?
AA: quite frankly its none of your business
TA: whoa, what crawled up your ass and died?
AA: nothing's dead around here except my relationship
TA: things with eq that bad?
AA: things with Equius are a fucking lie
TA: damn
AA: but i really don't see why you even care
TA: cause you're my friend?
AA: am i
AA: you haven't been acting like it lately
TA: sorry
TA: been wrapped up in other stuff
AA: other stuff
AA: like kissing feferi right
TA: i… didn't know you knew about that
AA: whatever sollux
AA: i need to go
AA: im getting an early start on my new years resolution
TA: what's that
AA: first getting out of this relationship
AA: bye
TA: aradia, wait
AA: what
TA: listen, just because i'm dating fef now doesn't mean we have to stop being friends
TA: we didn't stop being friends just cause you and equius were a thing
AA: actually you kinda started ignoring me a lot
TA: yeah, but that wasn't because of equius
TA: like i said, i've been wrapped up in other stuff
TA: besides… eh…
AA: like what
TA: well
TA: suffice to say my new year's resolution is to go to a therapist
TA: and could really use some support
AA: are you asking me to go with you
TA: yeah
TA: you're my best friend
TA: i wouldn't ask anyone else
AA: well
AA: i could go with you
AA: might even be good for me
TA: why's that?
AA: because sollux
AA: the voices are gone