Tenzo was sweet. He was polite and good natured. He was intelligent, could be funny. He was one of the best ninja in the village, arguably the best ANBU agent. He had the blood line limit of the First Hokage and therefore his skills could be limitless. He had a tragic past, being taken as a baby, an orphan, by a mad Sanin and experimented on, being left for dead but miraculously survived. He was good looking, had a strong body, anyone would feel safe with him. Tenzo could be powerful and intimidating. Tenzo had an air of mystery for anyone willing to notice. Tenzo wasn't even his real name.

There was speculation whether even he knew his real name. The Hokage assigned him a new one for each position he was given. He had been known as Tenzo for years though and only gave up the name when he went on long term assignments. On mission reports his name was not needed, they would just write the symbol "wood" on the name place. Tenzo was interesting.

Having to let him down was not easy.

Hanare almost said yes, not wanting to hurt him. But Tenzo was not Kakashi. And Hanare had long ago given away her heart to the skinny silver haired boy who had carried her on his back and given her a moment of happiness, until her old sensei had shown up and taken her back to the training facility. In retrospect, Kakashi probably didn't deserve her heart for just that. He had just been in the right place at the right time when she needed someone to be there for her. He was just Kakashi. And Hanare found herself in love with everything that was just Hatake Kakashi.

"What the hell is going on?" Hanare thought, "First I kiss kakashi and on the very same day I get asked out by Tenzo."

Hanare had never been asked out before, except for the creepers on the street, but that didn't count. She had never rejected anyone before so she had no idea what do to when Tenzo had asked for a date. It was awkward; she said she was sort of interested in someone else. He had laughed it off. Very awkwardly. He proved how sweet he was by saying it was just an idea that popped into his head and that he wished Hanare good luck with the other person. That if he ever hurt her, Tenzo would personally castrate him, whoever he was.

Hanare guessed Tenzo had thoughts of castrating his mentor more than once, with the way kakashi always picked on him. So that thought wasn't too far from the truth. Also, the way Tenzo looked like he had just remembered something excruciatingly obvious sold him out that he most likely knew Hanare had a thing for kakashi.


The next day of training passed without incident, she didn't even faint this time. Kakashi perched in a tree reading his pornography and Hanare trying to open the first gate. Team Gai was out on a mission so it was safe to stay in the village for the next few days. The only interruption they had was an ANBU messenger bringing a scroll for Kakashi, but with a curt nod from the captain, the messenger with the abstract painted mask departed.

It was hard to look at kakashi. Hanare had felt his lips...among other things, on her and wanted to feel them again. She felt guilty about what happed with Tenzo and wanted to tell him but couldn't find a way too. As it was they weren't anything to each other that would matter if someone else asked her on a date or not. Kakashi probably wouldn't care.

By the next day, Hanare felt the gate metaphorically budge. She fainted that time and Kakashi carried her right up to her door because everyone was out that day. The third day was interrupted by a very large, very hairy Sanin. He was leaving the village again and asked Hanare if she had done her research on cuddly poops supposed family.

"I did, the family name came up, all the relatives they mentioned checked out, good honest family too. I only wish I could go pay them a visit and make sure it really them. The names match up but I would like to go make sure the people match up."

"I'll do that on my way out of fire country. You seem to be busy." Jiraiya handed her a mission scroll. "Hokage wants to see you now." He added to kakashi. A three way goodbye followed and Hanare went to get her ANBU gear, Kakashi to the Kage tower and Jiraiya over the wall of the village, still refusing to use the gates.


Hanare had been gone four days. Not long by ANBU standards, but she was supposed to be back after three. She was on a simple retrieval mission, no real danger. Yet kakashi yearned to go with her, something inside of him missed being close to her and he knew he would be on edge until she returned. He could actually feel impulses surging through him making him shake with anticipation even though he had been piled up with work sorting through candidates for new ANBU members on request of the Hokage. Why the Hokage wanted to strengthen the darker side of Konoha's shinobi had something to do with his long conversation with Jiraiya. Kakashi didn't want to think too much about it, he had other things to concentrate on right now.

He was at the memorial stone; his eyes easily fell on his best friend's name. His gaze was so used to staring at the spot he didn't even have to think to find it. Then immediately next to it was Rin's name, that one especially caused a sharp stab to his heart. Three rows down, at the right edge was sensei and Kushina. Passing his eyes over the stone he could name a dozen or so more people he had once known. He wondered if he was just bad luck. Everyone he loved was gone, completely gone. He didn't even have one grave to visit, even their bodies were gone. Well, there was his parents, but he only visited there once a year. The emptiness inside him expanded.

No, he wasn't going go down that road again, not until he did this.

The wind was picking up, Kakashi smelt it. In approximately 47minutes it would rain. He had stood here in the rain before, he just hoped it wouldn't break his concentration. He sat crossed legged infront of the monument, briefly touching those four names before tugging his head band up. Hanare's jutsu would only work with his Sharingan. Hanare...

His shoulders relaxed, she always filled that emptiness. And he did love her, she made him happy, it had been a while since he could have said he was purely happy. After he did this he would have to tell them about that kiss. Hmmm, when did that smile get on his face? Kakashi massaged it away with one hand. He didn't want to let himself get attached again. History might repeat itself and he would have another regret etched onto that stone.

Ok, focus. He was pulled into his mind then. What should he start with? Maybe something recent.

Hanare sitting below him, her luxuriously long eyelashes brushing the top of her cheeks. Deep in concentration. Then Hanare, cradled ontop of him, arms wrapped around his midsection. The crisp, calming scent of her shampoo wafted up to his nose. Her cheek nuzzling into his chest. He heard his heart racing in his ears. Hanare always there, peacefully sleeping, when he awoke in the Land of Clouds. That one night, sleeping next to her, feeling that wonderful dip in the mattress where she lay. Walking with Hanare, discovering her love of reading, debating, discussing with her, starting to fall in love. Seeing a child at the corner of his eye walking through the streets of Konoha. He had seen that girl before, that face, that hair, he knew what her voice would sound like even though she hadn't said a word.

Then, that day. The first day.

Going back to the village after scouting. Seeing that little girl crying, yet still resolutely walking to her unknown destination. He had approached her. She was lost. He took her up on his back, determined to help her. He was uncharacteristically kind to her. Something about this little girl, those unfathomable brown eyes filled with tears. They would have looked alot better happy. Maybe that was why he did it. It just felt right.

Only when the old man appeared did kakashi realise how open he was being with this girl. He was getting lost in talking to her, looking at the clouds. He wasn't on a mission then, wasn't a chunin, wasn't a ninja who had already claimed lives at the age of twelve. He was just a kid, just kakashi. All too quickly did he let the girl on his back dismount at rush to that man. He jumped a few yards away feeling his insides flutter, then with one last look he teleported out of sight. His head as light as a feather.

Kakashi found himself looking at the unopened scroll of his memories again. He was at loss. He had always felt guilty not remembering that first day completely. But now he had just relived it. Every detail clear in his mind. That first memory triggered a domino effect and Hana flooded his thoughts. Was he crazy or did it seem like Hana was, dare he say it...flirting, with him sometimes.

His heart had stopped. One part of him was as excited as the day the third Hokage called him a Genius for graduating the Academy after only one year, the other part didn't want to assume what it might mean. He dispelled the jutsu, closing Obito's Sharingan.

The sky was dark now, the place humid and hot. 25 minutes till the rain. That was enough time. His eye focused on his Sensei's name, his friend, older brother, hell Minato-sensei was a father to him longer than the six years he had with his real father. He would have been a great father. It was a tragedy Naruto would never know. Kakashi felt as if he had stolen that opportunity from Minato's biological son.

He sighed, breathing in the moist air. He would go back there next. The day Naruto was born, the day the Kyuubi escaped from kushina and ripped the village apart.

He, like most shinobi in the village, felt responsible for not being able to stop it. But he was the one who should have been fighting alongside his Sensei. The only one who regretted it more than himself was probably Jiraiya, who wasn't even around when his Village and Student needed him. Logically, both knew if Minato could not stop it, they didn't have a chance, but maybe if all three were there, plus Sarutobi-sama things would have been different.

Replaying it back in his mind, it was more embarrassing than anything. Being the only ANBU member being detained in that unbreakable barrier. Not doing anything but waiting out the fight. He really needed to stop wearing ANBU gear around the village too. Gai was being exceptionally submissive looking back on it. He saw that Kakashi knew what was going on and wasn't doing anything about it. That was a far cry from Gai not knowing what was going on and not doing anything about it. The man must have really trusted Kakashi's judgement. Kakashi wished that trust hadn't developed so early. When he had figured out Naruto's delivery had gone horribly wrong he should have done something. They should have done something.

Kakashi felt the rain hit his shoulders. Icy drops speared through his clothes and washed over his skin. He was going to get a cold but he couldn't stop now. It was Rin's turn.


Hanare reached back to the village at the height of the downpour. Konoha's rainy season had begun. Not that she was complaining, she loved the rain. It's just that after another solo mission, without an umbrella in heavy, soaking wet ANBU gear, water squishing in her boots, was not a pleasant feeling. At the gates she waved to Kotesu and Izume. Even with her mask, they knew it was her; they seemed to know all of Konoha's secrets being involved in every sect of the village. She wondered if they had gotten together as yet. Her former school mates had always been exceptionally close, even back then. They did make a cute couple if anything.

Speaking of which, she had to find kakashi. He had tormented her thoughts relentlessly since she had left his side four days ago. She fantasized about him making a grand entrance like he had before. When she was half way back to the village all fantasies were given up. It was 1pm. Kakashi would be at the cenotaph. But in this rain maybe even he, was cowering under his warm blankets, sipping hot cocoa.

But this was Kakashi. Never hurt to check. She did have time to pick up an umbrella, a bright green one with orange swirls on it, and headed for the monument.

And there he was. Sitting motionless. His hair drooping down, heavy with rain. Hanare walked straight up to him and sheltered them both with the very, Gai-like umbrella before she noticed that his normal eye was closed and Sharingan open, moving sporadically. Well, not that sporadically. He was using her cranial infiltration jutsu. The poor guy probably didn't even notice he was in the worst thunderstorm of the year. Hanare loosed her long hair behind her, wringing out some of the water. She placed her tiger mask at her feet and pulled down the cloth mask that reached up covering her nose. Good, now that she could breath, it was a marvellous occasion to blatantly stare at Kakashi without him noticing.

He was so pale. His skin soo smooth. She knew the exact shape of those lips under his mask, by sight and touch. Was more water leaving his eyes than what was steaming in? He was...crying. Hanare's breath caught in her throat. She was suddenly aware of every deep beat of her heart, every drop of rain that beat against the umbrella. He was. He was crying, looking back at something and, crying. She stood entranced by the sight of him. Only when her eyes became irritated she remembered she had to blink.

He wouldn't want anyone seeing him like that. Cool, aloof, calculating Kakashi would not. Yet Hanare could not tear herself away from him. She took slow breaths, not daring to make even the smallest sound. If she was staying she needed to find something to stare at besides the copy ninja.

The stone infront of her provided the answer. She found some of the recently added names, she knew two of them from ANBU. She noticed another kunoichi she had gone to the academy with. But soon, she ran out of familiar people. What were Kakashi's teammate's names? There was the fourth hokage. Namikaze Minato. That's his sensei. Then there was the Uchiha. Uchiha, Uchiha, Uchiha Obito! There it was. Now the pretty medic, she would be somewhere after Uchiha Obito but before Namikaze Minato. Rin. That was it. But it was right after Obito's name. They had been killed about a year apart. No way would they be right next to each other. But, Hanare thought, it had happened during the third great shinobi war, the stone probably wasn't updated that often. Why not put team mates next to each other if given the chance.

Hanare reached out and tapped the two names with her index and middle finger.

"He's remembering you two I bet." She thought as kakashi's breathing picked up. Hanare moved her fingers away but stayed leaning towards the stone.

After a whole minute Kakashi cleared his throat.

"What would you do if you were captured," Kakashi's voice was strained and raspy "And you had to erase all your memories, would you forget everyone that was special to you?"

Hanare glanced in his direction without repositioning herself. She couldn't see him but she didn't want to turn around yet.

"I used to think about that," She began softly, "But it doesn't seem like such a hard choice, it would be to protect our village, so I would do it. Plus, I don't have to erase everything. I could choose to remember most people, just not everything about them."

She could not take it any more. She felt her body turning and she faced kakashi. His Head band was covering his Sharingan but his normal eye was tinged with red, already starting to puff up.

"I kept a diary, alot of talking to myself basically. I wrote all the important things that had happened to me in it. But after all the failures at perfecting the jutsu I lost track of updating it. I guess now I have to dig it up and add a few things." Hanare smiled gently towards him. It was all she could do. She wanted to reach out and touch him, but that wouldn't heal whatever memory had hurt him so much.

"Write about me in it okay." Kakashi whispered. There was something in that. Something pleading touched with a hint of hope and longing. His eye was slited almost closed as he looked up at her.

She dropped to her knees, her metal shin guards knocking against the pebbles on the ground.

"I already did." The hand that wasn't holding up the umbrella reached out and hovered at his swelling eye. He closed it completely as her palm glowed a gentle green and she channelled the fluid building up there, away.

"When we were kids and you helped me find my way was, is a very important memory to me. I don't know if you remember, well you can go back and remember now even if you don't. But that day I was crying, and you told me about the clouds. That whenever I feel sad or alone I could look up there and in vision whatever I wanted, because clouds change their form and they could be anything that I needed." Hanare removed her palm and kakashi's sad eye focused on her.

"After that day, I started to look at the sky and see what I wished for all the time. I even thought about you." Hanare felt her face flush, "and when that didn't work, I turned to books. If I couldn't get lost with my head in the clouds, I got lost with my mind in a good story."

"That's how I started reading all the time too." Kakashi sounded infinitely better. Hanare's smile widened.

"Thank you for giving me your jutsu." Kakashi said.

"Thank you for giving me the clouds." Hanare could think of a million other things to say to him but she just continued to smile until he matched hers with one of his own.