December 24, 2012
Janet's Bedroom
9:08 A.M.
Groggily, Janet sat up in bed, wincing from the sunlight streaming into her room through the large dormer window on the opposite wall. Janet Perlstein wasn't a morning person at the best of times; however, today the morning seemed crueler than usual—today, it was Christmas Eve. And Janet loathed Christmas Eve. She loathed Christmas Eve nearly as much as she loathed Christmas. It wasn't that Janet was a Scrooge; she simply resented the caroling, the gift-giving, the television specials, the family get-togethers—okay, so perhaps she was a bit of a Scrooge. But did the idiots of Walkerville have to be so loud in their merriment?
It was inconsiderate, if anything. Didn't they realize that not everyone cared about Santa Claus or about being naughty or nice? Were they blind to how foolish they looked, running around in their fake beards and festive sweaters? Janet didn't know how Arnold got suckered into the foolishness, but one thing was sure—she would never be won over by the holiday.
Of course, it wasn't just Christmas that Janet hated. It was most every holiday—minus Halloween, of course, when she got to haunt her cousin and his pathetic friends (gosh, it was easy to make them panic). But that's straying a bit from the story, isn't it?
Anyway, Janet awoke on Christmas Eve, solemn and gloomy as ever. Groaning, she stood up, rubbing her eyes, and approached the vanity that sat adjacent to her bed. Janet didn't like very much about her bedroom—her parents were very narrow minded about the gender roles of men and women, so the entire room was bright pink—but she adored the vanity and it's large mirror. She could spend hours in front of the mirror, primping and posing, experimenting with her expansive collection of make-up, or even just admiring her own reflection; not to seem vain, of course, but she did spend a lot of time on her appearance. Why shouldn't she appreciate it?
Janet had hardly been sitting at the vanity for 10 minutes when her cell-phone rang. Looking down at the phone, Janet frowned. Unknown number? Cautiously, Janet picked up the phone. "Hello?"
"Janet?" Janet frowned at the voice. It sounded familiar, but she couldn't figure how she knew it… "It's Dorothy Ann." Janet remained silent, trying to recall the name. The voice on the phone sighed. "Arnold's friend? From Ms. Frizzle's class? Blonde hair? I used to wear pigtails everyday? 'According to my research'? "
"Oh!" Janet exclaimed, finally placing the voice. "You're that nerd cousin Arnold hangs out with!"
"Did you just call me a nerd?" Now the voice sounded irritated.
Janet paused, struggling to think of an excuse. "No… I called you… Um…" Rubbing her temples, Janet moved past the question, realizing there was no recovery. It was too early for this. "Where did you get my number?"
"Arnold gave it to me."
"Ugh."
"Excuse me?"
"Nothing." Janet turned her attention back to her reflection in the mirror. "What did you want?" She asked absentmindedly, twirling her hair around a finger.
"My parents wanted me to call you. Tell your parents not to bother showing up to the party this year."
"What!?" Janet cried out into the phone. The Ewing Christmas party was a popular event in Walkerville; anyone who was anyone would be there. "Why? Is this because of Arnold's incident last year?"
"Nope."
Was Dorothy Ann getting short with her? Why should that blonde bitch be angry? She was the one being so incredibly disrespectful. "Then why?'
The line was quiet for a moment. "You don't know?"
"I don't know?" Janet frowned. What was she talking about? "I don't know! What don't I know?"
"Well, there is no Christmas this year."
Janet was quiet for a minute before letting out a loud laugh. "Is that the best Wanda could come up with?"
"What?"
"Oh, come on!" Janet continued laughing, despite the silence on the other end of the phone. "Wanda's just mad that I pranked her, right? She put you up to this just to try and see me squirm? Well, tell your friend that she'll have to try a little harder!"
"I don't know what you're talking about, Janet," Dorothy Ann responded, clearly annoyed. "This is no joke; the mayor cancelled Christmas—it's all over the news. Just look for yourself if you don't believe me!"
Janet's laughter finally began to falter. "Oh, please. The mayor can't cancel Christmas. It's an international holiday."
"Well, she can forbid all celebration of Christmas within the city limits. I hope you're proud of yourself."
Janet frowned. "Why would I be proud of myself?"
"This is all your fault," Dorothy Ann explained. "The mayor happens to be the mother of Walkerville High's head cheerleader, Christie Francis." Janet nodded. It was well-known throughout town that Christie only got her position on the squad through her mother's power. "Well, when you made a fool of Wanda in front of the cheerleaders, Christie had to take notice. She went home and told her mom all about your prank. That's when Mayor Francis decided that Christmas is bad—it teaches adults to lie to children, it encourages greed, even the economy suffers since nobody works. So, she held an emergency referendum, and now Christmas is cancelled for the year!"
"That's…" Janet found herself at a loss for words. "That's ridiculous…"
"You think so? Just turn on the TV."
Quickly, Janet turned on the small television in her bedroom. Sure enough, the news was filled with Mayor Francis's decision to cancel the Christmas holiday. Janet sat back in her chair, mouth agape. "This is unbelievable…"
"Ya, well… Believe it."
Suddenly, Janet's mind wandered to the citizens of Walkerville. "They can't really blame me for this, right?"
"This just in…" Came the voice of the news anchor, "Mayor Francis has now announced that this new legislation will be known as the Janet Act!"
"Nerd girl, you've got to help me! The whole town will hate me!"
"Right…" Dorothy Ann was quite for a moment. "Good luck with that." Without another words, the phone line dropped dead, leaving Janet on her own.
After watching the news for a few more minutes, Janet stood up and got dressed. She was going to get to the bottom of this.
December 24, 2012
Walkerville Town Hall
9:39 A.M.
"How does it feel to be the most despised person in Walkerville?" One reporter asked, shoving a microphone in Janet's face.
Another reporter pushed the first aside. "What motivated you to take such extreme actions against the Christmas holiday?"
"Will there be a documentary?" Asked a third. "Can I be in it? I don't mind being an extra!"
Growling, Janet finally forced her way into Town Hall. However, the state of town hall was frightening—government officials ran about frantically, trying to organize the town in light of the mayor's newest legislation. News reporters and pedestrians swirled around, trying to piece together the method behind the mayhem. In the corner, volunteers were pulling down Christmas lights and festive wreaths. Janet frowned at the sight; town hall would seem empty without it's obnoxious decorations. Not that she would miss it, of course.
Realizing that she wasn't going to be able to talk to anyone in the midst of all this chaos, Janet turned to leave the building. However, before she had a chance to leave, she heard a familiar voice calling her name.
"Janet?" Turning, Janet found herself face to face with Harvey Hale, a well-known reporter with Channel 5 news, infamous for his drop-dead good looks and positive demeanor. "Janet Perlstein, right?" Seeing Harvey reminded Janet of how much she needed some attractive men in her life. Attractive men that weren't friends with her cousin.
Janet's face grew blush. "Um… Yes…" She struggled, internally kicking herself. Of course now is the time that she'd become shy. "Yes, I'm Janet Perlstein."
Grinning, Harvey turned back to his news crew. "Hey, guys! I found the bitch that stole Christmas!"
"Oh, that'll make a great story," a camerawomen called back. "We'll be right there!"
Horrified, Janet just stared at the news anchor, mouth wide open. Harvey Hale shot her his dazzling grin. "Could you wait here for a moment?"
"No!" Quickly, Janet stormed out of Town Hall and down the road, knowing where she needed to go.
December 24, 2012
Arnold's Basement
10:20 A.M.
Looking down at his hand, Arnold frowned. "Um… Does anyone have any queens?"
"Go fish…"
"Darn." Picking up a new card, Arnold grinned. "Ha! Got a pair of queens anyway!"
Keesha frowned at Arnold's new pair. "Is this deck rigged?"
"No. Why would say that?"
"Well, that's your third pair of queens, so-"
Suddenly, Keesha was cut off as the basement's door was slammed open. Down the stairs came a pissed off Janet, covered in snow. Looking around the table, she raised brow. "You're all here? It's not even 10:30!"
The group looked at one another, confused. "Uh… So?"
"So don't you people ever go home?" Janet growled, pulling off her wet jacket.
Carlos jumped up from his chair, pointing at Janet. "For your information, I was at my house just 3 days ago!"
Keesha rolled her eyes. "That's a strong argument. Now what do you want, Frosty?"
As Janet stared Keesha down, Carlos gave a small chuckle. Janet glanced at the Hispanic boy. "What?"
"She called you Frosty," Carlos explained, grinning dopily. "You know, like the snowman. Because you're covered in snow." When Janet didn't respond, Carlos slid back into his seat quietly. "Well, I thought it was funny."
"Thank you," Keesha responded.
"You're welcome."
"The reason I'm covered in snow," Janet hissed, "Is because an angry mob was pelting me with snowballs!"
Wanda quickly ran to the window. "Aw, man, there's a snowball fight?"
"Oh, no," Janet growled, stepping threateningly towards Wanda. "Not a snowball fight. It was more like PIN THE SNOWBALL ON JANET'S FACE!"
"Sounds like more fun than Go Fish," Carlos murmured.
Keesha chuckled. "Good one."
"Thanks."
"You think this is a joke?" Janet cried furiously. "All of Walkerville hates me!"
"As they should!" Arnold retorted, crossing his arms. "You ruined Christmas!"
Janet let out a groan. "What do you care? You're Jewish!"
"So I'm not allowed to enjoy spending time with my friends and family, exchanging presents and sending warm wishes?" Arnold defended harshly. "I've got some news for you, Janet—the meaning of Christmas is the idea that Christmas has meaning, and it can mean whatever we want! And for you, that meant sitting in your room and pouting—and that was fine! But now you shoved your gloominess down everyone's throats and become the worlds biggest killjoy!"
Janet frowned at her cousin. "What are you saying, cousin?"
Arnold took a deep breath. "I'm saying that maybe you deserve to be pelted with snowballs."
Janet spun around and grabbed Wanda, holding her against the wall. "How did you get the entire town, including my cousin, to turn against me?" She yelled.
Wanda frowned. "You think I did this?"
"You had to!" Janet exclaimed desperately. "You had to do this! You wanted to get back at me! So what did you do, shove me back into that dream-machine?"
Wanda thought for a moment. "The Dreaminator?"
"Yes, the Dreaminator! How many dream machines do you know?!"
"Woah," Wanda threw her arms up defensively. "You need to calm down! Look, if I were using the Dreaminator, you would have woken yourself up by now!"
Janet loosened her hold on Wanda slightly. "That's true…"
"Face it, Janet," DA remarked smoothly, "You brought this upon yourself. You can keep blaming others, or you can just accept the fact that you suck."
Solemnly, Janet put Wanda down and started heading for the door. "Oh, and Janet?" DA continued, smirking. "I'm not a nerd. In fact, you're a nerd!"
"And you're mean!" Ralphie added. "Like, really mean!"
Arnold turned to Phoebe. "Anything to add? You've been really quite."
Phoebe gave a small shrug. "That's okay. You seem to have everything under control."
"Cool. Tim?"
Tim shook his head. "Nah. Take it home, Arnold."
"Great." Grinning, Arnold faced his cousin once more. "You can leave now, Janet. The door is right there." As Janet stormed out of the basement, Arnold sat down with a smile. "I've wanted to do that for years!"
December 24, 2012
Walkerville Park
11:01 A.M.
After leaving Arnold's home, Janet walked. She didn't know where she was walking to or what she was hoping to accomplish, but she needed to get as far away from her cousin and his friends as possible. Looking around, Janet could see countless citizens pulling down their Christmas decorations, useless now. Janet let out a sigh. Why did she feel so bad? The mayor was the one who cancelled Christmas, not Janet. And besides, Janet hated Christmas. Surely its cancellation was a good thing.
But everyone was angry. And that was most certainly not a good thing.
Arriving at the park, Janet felt her heart drop. The park was a hubbub of activity as pedestrians lined up to watch what could only be described as heartbreaking—the dismantling of the Christmas tree. Everywhere, Janet saw families huddled, with crying children and solemn parents. Why couldn't these people see the holiday's end as a gift? A chance to see beyond mindless tradition and obnoxious celebration? Why were they all hanging around here if they found the sight so depressing? Suddenly, Janet felt a wet, sticky substance fall across her face. Looking up, she found herself before a large, intimidating man with crossed arms and an angry look.
"You spit on Christmas," he stated, glaring down at Janet, "I spit on you."
A nearby woman turned away from the falling tree to Janet and the man. "What's going on?" She asked, sensing how tense the situation was.
"This girl is the reason that tree is being torn down," the man explained to the newcomer. "She's the reason the mayor banned Christmas."
The woman turned to her eyes to Janet. "Is this true?" She asked, face completely unreadable.
Janet took a deep breath. "Well, not exactly-"
"It's true!" The woman furrowed her brow, a frown crossing her face. "Do you have any idea what you've done?"
"It's just a holiday!" Janet snapped. "What is the big deal? Move on!"
The woman looked sadly at the ground. "Christmas is the only time I get to see my children smile. Their father left 2 years ago, so I have to spend all my time working. However, on Christmas, when school isn't in session and work is closed, we get to spend the whole day together. We may not have any fancy presents, but we have each other."
The large man nodded. "My little sister died when I was 8 years old. Every year, my whole family gets together, attends mass, and then visits the cemetery so that she can be a part of the celebration. It's the only time the whole family every really gets together."
And Janet was left speechless. With their stories told, the two strangers turned away from Janet in disgust to watch the tree in its final moments. And for a few minutes, Janet watched too. What else could she do?
Finally, Janet pulled her eyes away from the bright lights. Perhaps it was time to head home.
December 24, 2012
Janet's Bedroom
6:45 P.M.
The rest of the day had been quiet. When Janet trudged into the house, her parents only glanced up briefly before adverting their eyes. They were ashamed of her; of course they would be. Her parents were people of status. Now their daughter was the most detested person in town. Their reputations would be infinitely damaged.
So Janet locked herself in her room. If no one wanted to see her, then so be it. She wandered over to her vanity and looked into it for the second time that day. Now, however, the reflection seemed less appealing.
Lying down on her bed, Janet had thought about Christmas for a while. What was so special about that day? Surely families could gather on any day of the year; why was everyone so upset that Christmas was gone? Janet had gone her entire life without Christmas, and she was fine. Right? Sure, the entire town refused to speak to her—even strangers, who knew nothing of her; even her parents, who deep down must have felt some pride for their only child; even her cousin, who would do whatever she asked simply because they were family. But as Janet sat in the room that she detested because her parents knew almost nothing about her, Janet couldn't help but have her doubts.
Somewhere in her train of thought, Janet must have fallen asleep. She didn't stir until a sharp knocking at her door pulled her from her sleep. Painfully, Janet pulled herself up from her bed and over to the door. Swinging the door open, she found herself face to face with…
"Wanda?"
"The one and only." The Asian girl smirked. "And you, Janet Perlstein, can consider yourself pranked."
Smugly, Wanda pushed her way into Janet's room, followed by Arnold, Dorothy Ann, and all those other people her cousin associated with.
"Pranked?" Janet questioned, the word bitter on her tongue.
"Mm-hmm." Wanda glanced around the room. "Nice digs, Princess."
Janet frowned at the intruders. "I didn't decorate it. Now can you please explain this pranking business?
"Fine," Wanda replied, sitting on the bed. "Now gather round, children, for the story of how Wanda kicked ass." Enthusiastically, the group sat around the bed, seeming eager to hear the story.
Janet rolled her eyes. "Oh, good. I was hoping you were going to be ridiculous about this."
"Shut up. Now, the story goes a little something like this…"
December 22, 2012
5:04 P.M.
Wanda's Bedroom
"Christie speaking."
Grinning, Wanda put her mouth to the phone. "Hey, it's Wanda, from cheerleading. Think you can do me a favor?"
"A favor?" The line was quiet for a moment. "I don't know, I already did a pretty big favor by letting you and your friend on the squad."
"Oh, but you'll enjoy this favor," Wanda assured. "It's about Janet."
Again, the line was silent as Christie tried to recall Janet. "She's the girl that pranked you a few days ago, right?"
"The very same."
"I'm so sorry about that!" Christie gushed. "It was majorly harsh." Say what you like about Christie, but she was a sweetheart, through and through.
"Well, I might have a way to get back at Janet," Wanda explained to Christie, "but I need your help. Actually, I need your mom's help."
"My mom? I don't know… What did you have in mind?"
Wanda grinned. So far, everything was going according to plan. However, the entire prank depended on how Christie responded to the next question. "Could your mom get the entire town to act like she cancelled a holiday? Say… Christmas?"
"Cancelled Christmas? I don't know… Maybe? But I don't know if that's a good idea."
"It is."
"Oh." Christie thought for a moment. "Well, if you say so! I guess my mom could get the town to participate."
"Great!" Wanda grinned. "And while she's at it, have her record a fake press conference. I'll email you the details tonight." Hanging up the phone, Wanda had a good feeling about this plan.
December 23, 2012
Walkerville Park
12:12 P.M.
On the eve of the prank to end all pranks, Wanda found herself wandering the park, carrying an armful of flyers advertising her latest plan. Normally, of course, her pranks would be more secretive. However, sometimes pranking called for advertising, and when it did, Wanda made sure not to skimp.
"Totally awesome prank!" Wanda yelled, handing flyers to passer-bys as she did. "Help a mean-hearted Scrooge find the meaning of Christmas! Make her cry in the process!" Looking around, Wanda spotted a nearby couple sitting on a bench. Hopefully, Wanda approached the two.
"Hey, are you 2 fans of Christmas?"
"Um…" Awkwardly, the large man looked at the woman beside him. "I guess so."
"Great! Do I have an opportunity for you!" As she handed the man a flyer, Wanda thought for a moment. "Say, have you ever spit on someone before?"
Curiously, both the man and the woman raised a brow at Wanda.
December 24, 2012
Arnold's Basement
9:17 A.M.
Delicately, Arnold carried a box of cereal, a carton of milk, and several bowls down to the basement where his friends all sat. "Okay, I brought down breakfast for everyone. Now can we play Go Fish?"
"Almost," Wanda promised, turning to DA. "You ready for this?"
Pulling out her cell phone, DA grimaced. "Why do I have to call her?"
"Because you're the only one of us who can uninvite her from the party!" Wanda exclaimed, pouring out a bowl of cereal.
As she typed in Janet's number, acquired from Arnold, Dorothy Ann shook her head. "There is no way Janet will fall for this."
"Of course she will!" Arnold exclaimed as he pulled out a deck of cards. "Now make the call so we can play!"
Carlos groaned. "Do we have to play Go Fish? We've been playing it non-stop for the past 3 days!"
"Sorry… I think it's fun." Arnold mumbled. "If you're so sick of it, you could just go home."
"Play Go Fish or face my relatives…" Carlos thought for a second. "Deal me in."
Quickly, DA hushed the two. "The phone's ringing… Janet?"
December 24, 2012
Janet's Bedroom
6:53 P.M.
"And after that… Well, you know the story!" Wanda concluded, grinning. As Wanda began bowing for her audience, Janet glared at the girl.
"You made the entire town, including my parents, act like they hated me because you wanted to get back at me?" Janet crossed her arms, furious. "That's going too far."
Keesha shrugged. "Considering all the crap you've put us through over the years, consider it karma."
"Whatever." Janet rolled her eyes. "So, did you all just come over her to make a fool of me? Because if so, you've done your job. Congrats. Now get out." Janet frowned as the friends exchanged knowing glances with one another. "What?
Happily, Arnold stood up and grabbed Janet by the arm. "Sorry, cousin. We're not leaving without you."
December 24, 2012
Ewing Christmas Party
7:21 P.M.
Apparently, the Ewings hadn't learned by now that their daughter's friends did not mix well with formal parties—well, at least Wanda didn't. From her spot on the wall, Janet could currently see the Asian girl standing on top of the dining table, coming dangerously close to the edge as she swayed to the music. Oddly, the music hardly encouraged such behavior; the playlist consisted mostly of slower, more traditional Christmas tunes. Why Wanda was standing on the table was beyond Janet. Perhaps she had repeated Arnold's mistake from last year and found her way into the eggnog. Beside the table, Dorothy Ann was trying to coax Wanda down while Ralphie and Keesha stood nearby, laughing and handing Wanda—yup, they were definitely handing her eggnog. Poor DA was probably going to be driven crazy by the end of the night.
Across the room, Janet couldn't help but grin as her cousin offered a hand to Phoebe. Immediatly, Phoebe shook her head a couple of times—probably arguing that she couldn't dance—but Arnold finally took her arm and pulled her onto the dance floor. Once there, Arnold wrapped his arms around his girlfriend as they began dancing. Janet noticed Phoebe's eyes were locked on the floor, watching their feet, clearly trying to avoid stepping on Arnold. The attempt was futile, however, and very soon Janet was grimacing as her cousin gave a pained grin to Phoebe, who seemed to be apologizing frantically. Ignoring the pain, Arnold placed his hands on Phoebe's shoulders once more and soon the dancing continued—albeit awkwardly as Arnold was slightly limping. Still, the pair seemed happy, which in turn made Janet happy; she really did want her cousin to be happy, after all.
Soon, Janet felt a presence beside her. Turning, she was surprised to see Tim leaning against the wall next to her. Smiling, Tim offered Janet a drink, presumably of punch- he knew better than to go near the eggnog. Quickly, Janet accepted the drink and returned her gaze to the party.
After a few moments of silence, Tim spoke. "Having fun?"
Janet shrugged. "I guess. " Glancing at Wanda again, Janet frowned. "I think your friend is drunk."
"It would seem so." Watching the scene for a few seconds, Tim laughed. "I should probably interfere, huh?"
"Stay here," Janet replied, not really thinking. After realizing what she had said, she began to blush. "I mean, she's already drunk, right? How could you really help?"
Thankfully, Tim either didn't see or chose to ignore the blush on Janet's cheeks. "That's true…" After a bit more silence, Tim glanced at Janet. "Sorry about the prank, by the way. I hope we didn't hurt your feelings; sometimes, Wanda can go too far."
"You don't say?" Janet murmured, letting out a chuckle. "Don't worry about it; I probably deserved it."
"Really?"
Janet shrugged. "Who knows? Anyway, now I get to prank her, so I guess it works out."
Once again, Tim laughed. "You guys have a weird friendship."
"Oh, we're not friends…" Janet quickly corrected.
"Of course we are."
Confused, Janet looked up at Tim. "We?"
"Sure! Look, as far as I'm concerned, you're a friend."
Janet rolled her eyes. "You're just saying that because it's Christmas."
Tim grinned. "Well, if I can't say it on Christmas, when can I say it?" Sighing, Tim pushed himself off the wall. "I should probably go help the Save Wanda committee; DA looks like she might actually kill Keesha and Ralphie." With a quick pat on the shoulder, Tim turned away from Janet. "Happy holidays, Janet."
Shyly, Janet looked down at the cup of punch in her hand. "Merry Christmas, Tim."
