AN: That's right…it's filler time again!

Fun Fact: Wakaun's name means "serpent." According to , Wakaun is a Native American name…which is about as useful as categorizing a name as European would be for someone who doesn't know jack about European cultures. ("You mean to tell me that one probably wouldn't find two kids named Stanislaw and Bob growing up in the same town? How was I to know!") Still, it means serpent, and he is one, so I went with it. (Hahn, interestingly enough, is German.)

The World without the War

S-Michael

Chibi Parody of:

Chapters 3-6

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"Welcome to Omashu," said Chibi Ty Lee. "I'll be your guide. Over here we have the Great Pyramid of Omashu, while over there we have the Eiffel Tower of Omashu…wait a second…this isn't Omashu—it's Las Vegas!"

"Damn it, that's what we get for letting you drive," Chibi Azula said.

"It's okay," said Chibi Bumi. "I like Las Vegas better anyway."

"King Bumi! How'd you get on Fluffy?" Chibi Ty Lee asked.

"Some questions are best left unanswered. Anyway, I want you to meet Tsubasa." He paused. "Tusbasa? Where are you?"

"Chibi Toph said there's no OCs allowed in Chibi-land," came Tsubasa's voice. "I don't want her to hurt me. Airbenders are nomads because we're afraid of Toph, you know."

"Toph! Tell her that OCs are allowed in Chibi-land!"

Chibi Toph appeared in a cloud of smoke. "Fine. OCs are allowed in Chibi Land. So speaks the great and powerful Toph!"

"Oh my God," said Chibi Sokka. "It's like a pile of puppies and kittens were vomited up by a unicorn!"

"…I'm leaving now," said Chibi Toph. "None of you saw me!"

Chibi Tsubasa jumped onto Fluffy. "Alright, y'all, I'm going to lead you to the North Pole by the most efficient route."

"Uh, go north?" Chibi Sokka asked?"

"Nah, we're going to follow the jet streams, or some such nonsense," Tsubasa said. "And that means y'all need a wardrobe change."

"But we didn't in canon," Katara said.

Tsubasa blinked. "Look, just change clothes so Azula can say—"

"Do we have to wear this stuff?" Chibi Azula asked, having changed off-screen. "These leather pants are chafing me."

Chibi Ty Lee shook her head. "Azula, if the readers didn't get it the first time around, they're not going to get it now."

"That's a reference to something?" Chibi Sokka asked. "I thought S-Michael was just encouraging us to picture Azula in tight leather pants."

"More of a secret message. Anyway, with that out of the way, we can go," Chibi Tsubasa said. "Hey, Sokka, why don't you ride with me? Just remember to hold on tight?" Chibi Azula shot her full of lightning. "Aaah! On second thought, it's not worth my life. Have fun mounting the flea-bitten mongrel."

Chibi Ty Lee patted Fluffy on the head. "You're not flea-bitten."

"I was talking about Azula!" Chibi Tsubasa shouted. Chibi Azula shot her again. "Totally worth it!"

"Should Ty Lee really be leaning out of the saddle like that?" Chibi Sokka asked, staring at Chibi Ty Lee…and her butt, ostensibly because it was in the air.

"You think Ty Lee is going to lose her balance?" Chibi Azula asked bemusedly. "The moon would sooner forget to rise." Then Chibi Ty Lee fell out of the saddle. "Damn it! Way to make me look stupid, Ty Lee!"

They landed, and picked a cartoonishly flattened Chibi Ty Lee off the ground. "Sorry, Azula."

Then they reached the North Pole. "Wow, that was quick!" Chibi Katara said. "How fast are we going, again?"

"We're traveling at the speed of plot," Chibi Tsubasa said.

Fluffy landed in front of Chibi Arnook and Chibi Yue. "Hello," said Chibi Arnook. "I'm Chief Arnook, and this is my daughter, Princess Yue."

"Hi. I'm Sokka."

"Meet me at midnight, Sokka," said Chibi Yue, winking.

"Wow, Sokka," Chibi Katara said. "You're like a player or something."

"Pfft, please; you say that like it requires skill," Chibi Sokka said with scorn for all those players who thought their craft required skill.

"We're skipping this part of the story," Azula announced. "We're going to Saibei-Ria now."

Chibi Yue cried. "You're mean!"

"Yeah, yeah, go to your loveless marriage," Chibi Azula said.

"You're a bitch," Chibi Tsubasa said. "Let's be friends!"

"Heh. Saibei-Ria. I get it," Chibi Ty Lee said.

"Must you explain every joke in the story?" Chibi Katara demanded.

"Sorry."

"Wait," Chibi Sokka said. "Before we leave, I have to say something. Yue, the way you're treated here is totally bull. You deserve the right to choose your own husband. And vote. And work for an equal wage! Wow, when did I become a feminist?"

Chibi Sokka paused. "Wait a second: I'm a feminist, a player, the smart guy, and the ditz. Do you realize what this means? I'm S-Michael's author avatar! Anything I say goes! Ty Lee, make out with Tsubasa!"

"Not a chance, Ty Lee," said Chibi Tsubasa.

"This canal is now full of pudding!" Sokka shouted, jumping in. It was not, needless to say, filled with pudding.

"Sokka, you are not S-Michael's author avatar," Chibi Katara said, squatting to face him. "You're a canon character, remember?"

"Oh, right. Let's go."

"Thanks for thinking I was actually going to make out with you, Tsubasa," Ty Lee said.

"Hey, I get a real lesbian vibe off of you; sorry."

"I hit on everything with a Y chromosome!"

"You've only hit on Sokka."

"He's the only man we met."

"Hahn, Arnook, Wakaun—"

"Only real man."

Meanwhile, elsewhere, Chibi Hahn walked in on Chibi Wakaun doing an evil laugh. "I'm evil! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

"Father! Chibi Sokka—"

"—hit on your girl? We skipped that part of the story, remember?" Chibi Wakaun said.

"No, worse! He filled her head with feminist propaganda! Now she says she's going to be working outside of the home, and she's demanding a pre-nup!"

"That bastard! I'll write Dodo Head soon. In the mean time, however… Mine is an evil laugh! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

And so Chibi Sokka was kidnapped. The next morning, the gang found a note on Sokka's door.

"What does it say?" Chibi Azula asked.

"'Katara and Aang were on a beach. Then Zuko came and took Katara away. Zutara forever! The end," Chibi Katar said.

"This next one's a transcript entitled 'Rei: A New Kind of Princess,'" Chibi Ty Lee said.

"Avert your eyes!" Chibi Tsubasa said, using a whirlwind to destroy the unholy filth. They opened the door, and a whole pile of horrible fanfiction fell on them.

"These guys are going to pay for this!" Chibi Katara swore. "Oh, and also for taking my brother, I guess."

"Let's go see my friend Mai," Chibi Azula said. "She was useful in canon." And so they found Chibi Mai. "Wow—traveling at the speed of plot is awfully convenient. Anyway, Mai, we need help."

The lights went out and came back on. "Never fear—Toph is here," Chibi Toph said. "I'll save Sokka. Wait, lets' save some time." The lights went out again, and when they came back on, Chibis Usani and Kasha were there.

"Oh my freaking God, Chibi Toph—it's like a pile of puppies and kittens were vomited up by a unicorn!"

"I wish people would stop saying that," Chibi Toph said. "Anyway, let's go save Sokka." The lights went out, and when they came back on, they were standing outside Glacier Plateau.

"Oh, now how'd you do that?" Chibi Mai demanded.

The guards spotted Chibi Toph. "Oh my God!" one of them shouted. "It's like a pile of puppies and kittens—"

"—were vomited up by a unicorn?" Chibi Toph asked.

"Uh, no, that's gross," the guard said. "I mean, aside from the whole issue of being covered in vomit that would mean that unicorns eat puppies and kittens. That image isn't cute at all!"

"…Just, let Sokka go."

"Only if you let us pinch your cheek."

"You know that Toph Fact, 'The only safe thing about Toph Bei-Fong is that she can't shoot lasers out of her eyes…yet'?" Chibi Toph asked.

"Yeah."

Chibi Toph shot lasers out of her eyes at the guard's feet. "You might want to run away."

"Oh my God, guys, I saw a lot of things in that cell! I spoke to Avatar Aang—it turns out you're not the Avatar after all, Katara—"

"Aw, dammit!"

"—and Tsubasa is some sort of airbender supremacist, and I saw this guy who lived hundreds of years ago who I think is going to be important somehow, and—"

Chibi Azula kissed him. "There, now will you just shut up?"

Sokka calculated. "The guy kept telling me that he wasn't a Gary Stu, in spite of being a thousand years old and still looking young and having a bunch of other powers never seen before in the Avatar world—"

Azula shut him up again. "Hope you enjoyed that, because next time, I'm using fire."

"Thus ends the first arch," Chibi Katara said. "Stay tuned for the second arch. What will happen? What is Ilmarinen, and how does he fit in to the story? Will we be able to figure out Zhou's plans before Sozin's Comet returns?"

"You already said he's the villain of the final arch, so no," Chibi Kasha said.

"Don't SPOIL it!" Chibi Katara shouted, incensed.

"What? He also said that whatever happens during Sozin's Comet was only the first step in his plan. When was the last time you ever heard of the heroes thwarting stage one of a villain's multistage plan? It never happens."

"Besides, who's going to believe spoilers they read in the chibi parodies after Hakoda's whole by-no-I-mean-yes denial of you being the Avatar?" Chibi Azula pointed out.

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AN: You know, it just occurred to me after the fact that I'm being very evil. Sokka and Azula kiss at the end of chapter five. Well and good. Got to leave people wondering what happens next, after all. And then, chapter six ends in the same exact place. I really did need to go back and explored the things I missed during the last two chapters, you know. And then, this. It's, like, two chapters overdue, but what was I going to do, break up the story of Sokka's kidnapping right in the middle?

One way or the other, however, what that amounts to is that I've been leaving you hanging for three chapters (also, I wrote this the Sunday after publishing chapter 3). And since, if I keep to my schedule, I'll be posting chapter four on Monday (Aug. 30), chapter five on Wednesday (Sep. 1), chapter six on Friday (Sep.3), and this on Monday (Sep.5), that means that I'll have left you hanging for a solid week! Wow.

Not that I intend to change my schedule, of course. After all, I could use this cushion if I, say, get writer's block sometime this week (last week for you). And it gives me a lot of time for last-minute changes. There's a reason I created the schedule in the first place, after all. See you on Wednesday!

AN2: Prophetic words; it turns out that I got writers' block not once but twice over the last week! The first time cleared up when I took the time out to write Loyalty: A Tale of the Dai Li, and if I don't get anywhere soon, I'm going to write another oneshot, possibly about Iroh having an evil counterpart or else about Ozai drinking cactus juice.

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Now, then, Toph Facts that would never work in-universe:

1) When Toph is bored, she beats up her neighbors. Toph's neighbors are named Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer.

2) Jack Bauer can't do anything that's not manly, because the definition of "manly" is "doing what Jack Bauer does." Toph heard this, and forced Jack Bauer to wear a pink frilly dress to see if it was true. And it was.

3) Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer, so Toph makes him cry every day, because she wants to cure cancer.

4) The boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris checks his closet for Jack Bauer. Jack Bauer checks his closet for Toph.

5) Toph and Amy Pond once had a "girls' night out" together. The next day, Avatar and Doctor Who were both canceled because every single monster and villain from both series were all dead.

6) Toph was once told she was the Chuch Norris of Avatar, and was deeply offended.

7) Toph knows when you reappropriate Chuck Norris or Jack Bauer Facts as Toph Facts, and she's going to be paying you a visit later. (Ironically, originally a Jack Bauer Fact.)