Chapter 9: First Glance
"So how did you people find me?" Spike asked he drove them towards the boarder.
"Well I went to your crypt but you weren't there. So I figured you were at Willy's but Willy said he hadn't seen you for weeks." The slayer replied with an indifferent tone.
Willow piped in. "We thought something awful had happened."
"Yeah too bad it didn't." Xander mumbled under his breath. He was squished up against the window and was hating having to be in the car with Spike for so long.
"Anyway so Willow and Tara did a locator spell and we found you. I didn't really care that you had left until I knew we couldn't get into the Initiative without you."
"I'm touched that you found me just to bribe me into helping you." Spike said mockingly.
This group always made it a point to make sure he knew they didn't care about what happened to him. Willow and her girl had tried when he started working for them but Xander made sure that Spike remembered he was there because they needed him not because they wanted him around.
"How long is this gonna take?" Xander asked.
"We were in bloody Brazil how long do you think?"
"Well I hate having to be stuck in this dirty piece of junk with something dead and annoying."
Spike was already tired of them and regretted leaving the comfort of his room. And the whelp's whining was only making his blood boil faster. This is the third time he had asked how long this car ride was going to be and every time he said how much he hated this trip.
"Look whelp, I get it alright? You hate me and I hate you. But in order for this to go faster so I can get you and smell out of my car you need to shut your bloody mouth alright? Your whining is only going to make me kick all of you out and drive back to Brazil. Got it?"
"Whatever dead boy." Xander grumbled and was silent.
*************************Later that night***********************************
"Finally, Spike turn here." the slayer commanded.
"But that will take us to your place."
'Uh yeah where did you think we were going? To your crypt?"
Spike was panicking. He couldn't go down that street. He couldn't get out of his car. She would know his car. She would see him. She would come out and scream at him to leave. He couldn't face being so close to her. Knowing she was in the house right next door. Spike gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white and he heard the plastic of the steering wheel creak under his strength. "Is everything ok Spike?" Tara asked, as always the most observant one in the group. "Yeah Glinda I'm fine."
"Seriously what's your problem?" the slayer asked, and then a look of realization formed on her face.
"You left because of Hanna didn't you?"
Spike slammed his foot on the break at just the beginning of Buffy's street. "Ok, everyone out. You can walk to rest of the way. Come get me slayer when you have a plan."
No one moved.
"What happened did she finally really take a good look at you? Did her pity wear off?" Buffy was smiling and it was only twisting the knife in Spike's gut further. The knife that his mate had planted into his heart.
"Shut your gob slayer. Get out of my car."
"Dead boy had a girlfriend? You picking on the mentally challenged now Spike?" Xander smiled at Buffy who smiled back. Glad they could share a friendly moment while making Spike's life a living nightmare.
"What happened Spike?" Willow asked.
"Did she leave you?"
"I SAID EVERYONE OUT!! GET OUT! GET OUT OF THIS BLOODY CAR!"
Spike bellowed his orders and sat there still holding the steering wheel just waiting for the dreaded Scooby gang to leave him alone. This was a mistake. He was not ready to be in this town and was not ready for the mocking and the abuse that would come from the slayer and her gang about his short lived relationship with Hanna. Tara grabbed Willow's hand and opened the back door.
"We're always here if you need to talk." Tara said quietly under her breath so no one could hear besides Willow and Spike.
Xander followed after the girls.
Now it was just him and the slayer.
"Look, Hanna deserves to be a normal girl. You did the right thing. Demons and humans do not go together. Your crypt is trashed. Willow and Dawn set up the basement last night so you could stay."
"Why are you being so nice to me slayer?"
"Because you're helping despite the abuse from all of us. I forget sometimes that you're not a killer anymore. Look don't get used to this ok? I still strongly dislike you, but you had the opportunity to kill a human girl and kill many people in Brazil while getting around the chip and you didn't. That does count for a little. But stay away from Hanna. OK?"
Spike hung his head and sighed as Buffy exited the car and caught up with everyone else. He knew she was right. His crypt was probably taken over and he wasn't staying long to begin with. No reason to make more enemies when he was going to leave again. But a huge part of him didn't want to stay at the slayer's. The slayer hated him, although Dawn and Joyce seemed to like him alright. If the slayer and Riley were still an item then he would have problems there too. But the main reason was he couldn't be that close to Hanna knowing she was in her house, in her bed, not thinking about him. Doing her homework ,hanging with her friends and not thinking about him. Spike sighed again and drove his car the rest of the way to the slayer's house. He pulled into her drive way right behind Joyce's SUV and got out. He walked to the porch and looked over at Hanna's house. All the lights were on. She was probably in there right now, doing something cute and again, not thinking about him. He opened the door and was greeted by Joyce.
"Hello Spike dear."
"Hello Ms. Summers. How are you?"
"Well I say for a 40 something woman who just beat a brain tumor I'd say I'm feeling great." She smiled warmly.
"Well that's wonderful. Congratulations. Sorry I couldn't be around for support and all that."
Joyce continued to smile. "Well that's sweet dear. I have put fresh linens down in the basement for you and Dawn and Xander put heavy curtains up last night for you too. You may smoke, but please do it on the porch or backyard. Buffy went and got you blood yesterday as well."
Spike was touched that she cared about him as much to go though all the trouble making her home vampire friendly.
"I know someone who is probably dying to see you. DAWN!"
Dawn liked Spike and he liked her. She was the only one besides Joyce that didn't treat him like a monster. She was cute and stood up to Buffy and her friends whenever they would be particularly nasty to him. Dawn came bouncing down the stairs all smile and energy.
"Yeah mom?"
"Look who's here?"
Dawn turned and saw Spike. Her face fell instantly and she folded her arms over her chest. Just like she does when Xander talks to her. Spike was confused, but decided to ignore it.
"Hello little bit."
"Hello Spike."
She turned to her mom.
"Can I go now? Danny's gonna be her in 5 minutes and I need to help Hanna get ready."
Spike's eyes widened. It was like a punch to the gut. Dawn knew Hanna? Knew her enough to be friends? Since when? He supposed they knew each other being neighbors, but not friends. Hanna never mentioned being friends with the Summer's.
"You know Hanna?"
Dawn turned back to Spike. "Duh. You would think for a guy with a million years of learning you would be quicker."
"Dawn! Apologize to Spike right now."
Dawn rolled her eyes. "Sorry Spike. Look I really need to go."
"Alright, but come back with a better attitude missy."
Dawn kissed her mom's cheek and headed out the front door. Spike excused himself and followed Dawn outside.
"Bit wait, please."
Dawn huffed and pivoted on her heel. "What do you want Spike?"
"Why are you angry with me?"
Dawn looked surprised. "What, you don't remember? Or you just don't care about what you did to poor Hanna?"
Spike was now more shocked then ever. "Wait, Hanna told you about us?"
Dawn huffed again. "Of coarse. I'm one of her closest friends. I'm one of the only people besides the Scooby gang that knows about vamps and stuff. We became close ever since you ran out on her. I'm dated her friend Kay's brother Danny."
It all made sense. Dawn would be the only one her age to understand what she is going through. Wait ran out on her? "I didn't run out on her…"
"Oh really? What do you call leaving her and never coming back?"
"She told me to leave! I had no choice."
Dawn rolled her eyes. "Did she say leave forever?"
And with that Dawn turned and walked the rest of the way to Hanna's house. Spike in almost a daze walked back into the house. He never thought about it that way before. Could he have interpreted her command to leave her wrong? No, he couldn't have. She looked like she hated him. He thought the only way to make her happy would be to leave. She didn't want him and he never refused a lady. He loved Hanna and never wanted to leave her, but if that is what she wanted then there was nothing he could do about it. Spike made his way to the basement and sat heavily on his cot. He pulled the heavy black curtains back and looked as Dawn knocked on the Jenson's door. It opened and Spike could see Margaret standing there. She looked the same, very friendly and warm. She reminded him a lot of Joyce. Just as he was about to close the curtains she came out. His eyes widened and he almost gasped. There she was. His Hanna. Walking down the porch steps to meet Dawn. She looked even more beautiful then his memory of her. Her hair was shorter now, a little bit past her shoulders. It still looked soft in the moonlight. She wore a gray gypsy top and dark blue jeans. He could see her laughing at something Dawn said and he ached to hear that sound again. She had an infectious laugh. He sighed. She looked happy. She couldn't have missed him or wanted him. She didn't need him. When he went back to Brazil he would at least know that she can smile still and laugh. Spike continued to watch as the girls waited for something. Finally a black truck came whizzing down their street and stopped right in front of Hanna's house. Two boys got out in unison. Spike held his breath. He started to panic. He wasn't ready to see this. He couldn't handle seeing her with another man yet. He should just pull the curtain back down and close his eyes. But he couldn't. It was like some train wreck you couldn't take your eyes off of. He watched in horror as a boy taller than himself, but not as built walked over and put his arm around Hanna. His Hanna. And she smiled up at him. Those smiles were once for him. The boy leaned in and Spike felt like he was going to be sick. The boy kissed Hanna's cheek and led her to the car. He helped her in and then closed the door behind them. As they drove off, Spike was able to calm a little. She had moved on just like he thought she would. He had been gone for eight months. He wondered how long it took her to find someone new. His heart ached. No wonder he wanted to forget. He had tried to move on, but something always stopped him. He wondered what it was now. There was nothing for him anymore. Except getting the chip out of his brain. Even that was an empty consolation prize. He laid down on his cot and looked up at the ceiling. What if he had never told Hanna anything that night? Would he be with her right now? Would he be on the receiving end of those smiles? Be able to touch her and kiss her? He shouldn't torture himself like this. He had to move on and try to find a new purpose for himself. Maybe he could help people. Well there's a laugh. He's not going to open up some human help shop like the big Poof has so that's out of the question. Maybe Philippe could get him a job in the mountains like he had. He wouldn't mind working all night and then sleeping all day. It sounded mundane, but he would be tired and less likely to think. Spike closed his eyes and hoped that sleep would come. He had been driving for two days straight with the Scooby gang and that would make anyone tired.
Spike jolted awake. He was instantly aware that something was different in the house. He got up and headed for the stairs. He heard voices coming from the kitchen so he assumed Joyce and Buffy and Dawn were already up. He opened the door and stepped into the kitchen. As soon as he saw who was with the Summers he quickly ducked back into the hallway. Hanna was there. Right there in the same house as him. He couldn't handle this. Her scent was so potent, so intoxicating. He could hear her heart beat. He knew that sound well. He could hear her voice. He had missed it so much. Had missed her so much. He pressed himself against the wall and willed her to go out through the kitchen door. He was frozen to the spot and could not move himself to go back to the basement. He didn't want to be this close to her with the visions of last night still fresh in his mind. She had someone new now and he would not ruin it by making guest appearance. He needed to get out of there. He needed to run back down those stairs and get away from her as quickly as possible. Damn his stupid legs. Why wont they move? He was so scared that she would see him. He heard footsteps coming closer and he wanted to die. Wished that a portal would swallow him quickly and take him away from here.
"Spike what are you doing up so early? Hungry? There's blood in the fridge. Don't worry there's a girl here, but she knows about this kind of stuff. You should meet her. She's really quite darling."
Joyce turned toward the kitchen door. "Buffy, show Spike where his blood is." Joyce smiled and then made her way up the stairs.
This has got to be the worst moment of Spike's entire existence. Hanna knew for sure now that he was back in town and now staying right across the street from her. She was right in the next room and he could only hear heart beats. They were waiting for him to show his face. What would happen to him if he did? What would Hanna say to him? He never wanted to find out. It was too late for him to run now. She knew he was here and it was day time so he couldn't even leave the house quickly enough. Spike took a deep un needed breath and let it slowly out through his nose. He took small steps toward the kitchen door and slowly made his way into the kitchen. He mustered up all his courage and braved looking up at the three girls now staring at him. He looked to Buffy and Dawn who seemed nervous. Then his eyes made their way to Hanna. Who's eyes were as big as saucers and her mouth hanging open. Even with a shocked look on her face she was still beautiful and her scent was driving him crazy. She smelled flowering and fruity all at the same time. She was so feminine and soft. He couldn't help but to soften his expression to a look of tenderness. He knew it was wrong to look at her in that way, but his body and heart didn't care what his mind had to say. To them she was still his mate and they wanted her bad. He cleared his desert dry throat.
"Hello Hanna."
That was all he could say. He didn't dare say anymore. He didn't even call her a nickname. He did not know how long she would stand there, but he didn't want her to run off or start yelling at him right away. Hanna took a breath for speech and Spike braced himself for what he knew would be hate filled words and yelling then slamming of doors. Hanna looked right into his eyes…
