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I do not own Life with Derek.


WAKE UP CALL

Casey had been watching Derek carefully since the party. She knew something had gone on but he obviously didn't want to talk about it. He spent a lot of time in his room and when she came to help him with his homework, he seemed relatively normal, just a little down. She didn't want to push but she was worried about him. She hoped that he would come to her when he did need to talk, or that he had at least spoken to Sam about it.

Casey knew whatever it was still bothered him; especially when lunch at school on Tuesday took a bad turn.

Casey, Derek, Sam and Emily ate lunch as a group almost every day now. It was becoming the new norm. Everything was going as normal until they tried to make after school plans to study for the big math test coming up and Sam said he'd be late since he had hockey practice right after school.

"We have hockey practice today?" Derek asked, some of his mouthful of sandwich flopping onto his tray.

Everyone else sort of awkwardly glanced at each other, their faces growing sombre.

"Derek, Sam has hockey practice. You… can't play as you are right now." Casey reminded him gently, before anyone else could jump in.

"Casey, I am fully aware that I don't have use of my legs. But the doctors said I wouldn't necessarily be like this forever. I can still come to practice and just work out in

the gym the whole time." he said, childish hope in his voice that only broke her heart further.

Sam lifted a hand underneath the table to silence Casey before she spoke again. "You might want to talk to coach about that, D. But you know the drill. Starts at 3:30 sharp."

"Thanks, Sam." Derek murmured, going back to his food.

He knew he couldn't play hockey anymore. That was painful enough. Hockey was where he felt alive, special, finally successful at something. Casey didn't understand; she was good at everything she tried. Derek was good at ONE thing: hockey. And he had that taken away from him. He wasn't going to give that up easily. And it wasn't just the game itself, it was the team-mates, the parties, the award ceremonies, everything he lived for. Who was he if he wasn't the charming athlete?

Derek's thoughts were interrupted by a call over the PA system. He was to meet Paul Greebie in his office. Oh joy, more therapy he didn't sign up for.

Without a word to the other three, Derek wheeled away, avoiding the stares from the other students as they watched him nosily. They had been doing it all day, it wasn't because of the announcement. He used to love being stared at, idolized, popular…now he wished he was invisible. He hated all of this attention.

Paul sat patiently in his office when Derek wheeled in. He ignored the saddening look of reality seep into the guidance counsellor's gaze. He hadn't seen him since before the accident.

"I don't need to talk about my feelings." was the first thing that spilled out of Derek's mouth.

Paul smiled a little. "Casey told me many times you don't 'do' feelings. I'm not here to talk about them, I'm sure you were grilled enough at the rehabilitation centre. I'm actually here to discuss your future."

Second least favourite topic, check.

"What about it? I know I've missed a lot of school but I will catch up. Casey's been helping me every day."

Paul's smile brightened subtly. "I'm glad to hear that. Your marks, however, are still borderline. I know you're still in your first week back, but as I am aware of your financial situation thanks to your step-sister, and as deadlines are approaching, the sooner I spoke with you the better. I don't want to pile any more stress on you than you already have, Derek, but you are planning on going to university, yes?"

He sighed. "Yes. I know my marks aren't that great but scouts are coming…" he trailed off, his eyes widening as realization hit him. He had not even considered what else he would lose along with his favourite sport.

Paul nodded desolately. "I know. I'm sorry, Derek. Not playing hockey in front of university coaches or scouts, and unable to tryout for their team, makes you ineligible for a hockey scholarship. Since your family cannot afford to pay for your university on their own, you may want to consider getting a higher paying job, or taking a year off to work."

"Who is going to hire me when I'm like this? What kind of job can I have? What's the point of going to university when I won't get hired anywhere because I don't have use of my legs?" Derek asked, his voice raising with each question as he felt his world tumbling around him. He hadn't thought about the future. He was too upset with the present. But now it was all hitting him so fast he could hardly breathe.

"Derek, there are plenty of other people in the world with a similar position to yours. There are many job opportunities out there that do not require working function below the hip region. We can discuss some you might be interested in if you'd like?"

Derek was faintly aware of answering, his tone still polite despite the chaos running circles in his brain. "No, I think I'll pass for today. I need some time to think. Thanks." And with that, he left the office, and headed to his next class, his mind a blurring whirl of fear.

So much for no feelings talk.


Derek didn't speak much to Casey on the way home. She was even more worried about him now. He had been distracted and silent since his meeting with Paul. She wondered what they talked about. Maybe Paul had given him a harsh reality check.

"How was school?" Nora asked brightly when they came inside. Casey smiled but Derek ignored the question.

"I'll be in my room. Call me when dinner's ready." he muttered. Casey saw his eyes shining more than usual. Something was really wrong.

The phone rang shortly after he disappeared upstairs. Casey answered, sad to find Derek's coach on the other end, knowing Sam must have said something to him since Derek had gone straight home rather than attempt to join the practice. She passed the phone to Derek who quickly shooed her out of his room. She waited patiently for the phone call to end, sitting on the edge of her bed chewing her lip. She knew it couldn't be good news.

He called her a few minutes later. She cautiously went to his door.

"Here. Emily called." was all he said, phone in hand, but his face was hard, his eyes almost black.

Bad news was apparently an understatement.

"Derek-"

"I want to be alone, Casey." he said harshly, turning away from her. She left quietly, feeling helpless.

Derek sat, fuming, looking around his room. His walls were littered with hockey posters, the hints of the female models behind them. Derek had to hide them ever since Casey's Feminist Manifesto. Derek would never be able to win over a girl like them anymore, or play hockey, or meet his hockey idols or become someone else's. His burning eyes scanned the records littering his walls. What kind of rock star would he be, sitting in a wheelchair? Who would want to be like him, look up to him, when they have to cast their eyes downward to even see him? All his hockey trophies blazing on display, his notebook filled with girls' phone numbers, it was all too much. Derek grasped the first hockey trophy he saw and threw it with all his might at the wall. It broke into several pieces, leaving a dent where it hit.

That made him feel powerful. He had felt so helpless since the accident.

In a blur of rage, Derek began picking up everything in sight and throwing it.

It wasn't fair! How come this had to happen to him? What was he supposed to do with his life? His career? Even just UNIVERSITY? He had depended on hockey for so long! How could he have been so stupid? It's so easy to get injured in that sport, maybe not this severely, but still! He should have been more like Casey! He should have spent less time playing hockey and tonsil hockey with every female, and more time hitting the books. He couldn't even get into university with his grades the way they were, and after missing so much time, he may not even be able to pass the year.

And how dare the coach kick him off the team like he meant nothing? Had he not brought them many championships? Been MVP for the entire season, and every season since he started? Was he not the youngest captain in two decades? Was he not the highest scorer in years? What did he do to deserve this treatment? Was he really just a valuable athlete to them, not a person? A friend?

The family heard the crashes and rushed to his room, worried he had hurt himself. But all they saw was his raw pain, his face screwed up in fury as he ripped the records off the walls, shredded every poster in his shaking hands, let the emotions consume him. Each member's eyes filled with tears. Little Marti watched her idol change into a monster. Edwin watched his strong brother break into fragile pieces. George truly saw the damage the accident had done and what really had changed the most.

He turned to move to a new destruction area when he caught sight of all of them crowded in his doorway, tears streaming down each of their faces. He couldn't take it anymore. His whole body began to shake.

Casey quickly shoved the rest of them out of there before running to him, throwing her arms around him as he began to sob uncontrollably.

She shushed him, soothingly stroking the hair at the nape of his neck as he gripped her body to him, his hold almost painful, as his own pain expelled out of him in short bursts.

Casey cried almost as hard as him, not knowing how else to handle watching the guy who always had the upper hand, always the best comeback, break into such a vulnerable, raw state.

She stayed wrapped in his arms for the rest of the night. He fell asleep holding her to him, not letting go. She snuggled into his chest, her tears still falling, remembering all his pain and how there was no way she could take it away and make it better.

It was going to time, and a lot of it, to get through this.