His
Chapter 09
*** Seven years later***
It was cloudy, the fall temperatures cooling and I was loading my little cart when the éored rode through, making haste to the public stable and alehouse. It is not the first éored to overnight here since I moved, but I peered from beneath hooded eyes, familiar with none, until the captain of the guard turned his head and I recognized the piercing gaze and vibrant hair beneath the hood of his cloak. Quickly, I ducked my head, lifting the hood of my wrap to cover my hair as I felt the first drops of the threatening rainstorm and I prayed he did not notice me. I put the last basket in the cart and quickly made my way to my little cottage. I paid the girl watching my child and observed as she made her way down the road to her own home, dodging raindrops before the storm truly broke. The rain was now coming down heavily and I breathed a sigh of relief, hoping that I was not identified.
I made a stew from vegetables and a hot tea to warm us. The child was quiet; storms frightened him at times, so that evening, I only heated a small pot of water to sponge bathe him in. I was banking the fire for the evening, ready to settle both him and myself for the night, when there came a great banging at the door.
Edric ran to the entry, openly inquiring who would be at our door at this hour.
I knew. I knew. Quickly, I shushed him and sent him to his bed, high under the eaves. He climbed slowly and the door continued to be pounded on.
I muttered under my breath, angered he followed me, furious he found me. I threw the door open, to the great, hulking man, soaked to the skin and none to happy to have been left in the pouring rain. "Mama!" my son exclaimed, still swinging from the ladder. "'Tis a Rider! A Rider with lots of red hair!"
"Come in, Gamling, before you catch your death of cold." I shut the door behind the captain, taking his great, heavy, green cloak. I ran my hands over the fine wool, remembering another wet day, so many years ago, when I had removed a similar damp cloak from another's wide shoulders. I offered him food, drink, neither would he take. By the time I got him to the fire, he saw my son, staring from the ladder, before my prickly rebuke sent him onwards.
"He looks like Éomer."
I dropped my eyes, ashamed. "I know."
"How long do you think to hide him? Hide who he is?"
My mouth opened and shut several times as I searched for an excuse, anything. "No one here knows. They know I am a widow and all assume he is the child of that union." I narrowed my eyes in mutinous determination. "I am determined that it should remain that way."
Gamling looked at me calmly, searching my features and face. "That is why you left. The child?"
The fire crackled and a bolt of lightening hit nearby. "Aye. I could not stay."
"Why not?"
I looked at him in irritation. "Are you so thick?" He drew himself up, unused to anyone speaking to him thusly. "He has a Queen! He married nobility, as he should and as he must! She has presented him with an heir!"
"And a spare." The captain's voice was quiet, barely heard.
My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. "They've had another?" Gamling nodded once. I steeled myself. "Obviously," I stated dryly, "it is a successful union." Suddenly, the room was as ice and I turned my back to the man, moving closer to the fire. "What woman, queen or no queen, would want her husband's bastard close by? Rubbed in her face?"
"Wudurose," Gamling began, "Éomer cared for you deeply-"
"But he did not love me."
"Yes, he did!" It was harsh, guttural, and it startled me, taking me aback. I never knew of the Rider to ever raise his voice, even in ire. Gamling's large, heavy hand settled on my shoulder. "Yes," he repeated it, only softer, "he loved you deeply. It broke his heart to end it, to be forced to set you aside. I suspect had he not been so honorable, he would have kept you, would have found a way to keep you. Truthfully, all you had to do was ask." A lump that I kept hidden and down, rose in my throat and my shoulders began to shake. I was enveloped by the smell of leather, of horse… so similar to his smell as Gamling's arm turned me around and pulled me into his chest. The tears I never allowed myself to shed, convinced myself I did not have the right to have, spilled forward like a torrent into the Rider's chest. Gamling was the King's man to his bones, but this moment, he was a compassionate one as well and he allowed me to grieve my loss until there was nothing left but bothersome hiccups.
"He loved you," Gamling whispered. "Loved you like he loved no other. He still loves you. Many times, when he has been deep in his cups, he grieved hurting you, wept that he set you aside, was forced to set you aside, railed that you left, that you felt you had to leave. He grieved the circumstances, grieved everything."
For a time, the only sound was the crackling in the fireplace.
"He is happy?"
It took a moment for the man to collect his thoughts. "Happy? I suppose so. The Queen is… kindly, loves her husband's people. She adores Éomer and he wisely dotes on her. She has worked hard to fit in, to learn our language. She strives to make sure Meduseld runs smoothly, that Éomer's life runs efficiently." He nodded his head once. "Yes. I suppose they are happy. But," and with this, his finger tilted my chin upwards, so I saw the reflection of the fire in his eyes, "you still have a part of his heart. I do not think she is aware of it."
"I was not meant to be a Queen. I do not wish for her to fear me. Or my son."
Gamling inhaled deeply, the words he considered, obviously weighing heavily on his heart. "Wudurose, when you left, it crushed him. He sent me to find you and I promised him I would locate you and see to it you were taken care of."
I turned from him, disentangling myself from his protective and kindly embrace. "Consider your promise fulfilled. You have found me. I am fine." I wrapped my arms around myself, as if to hold myself. "You are released from your promise."
"Not hardly."
My eyes lifted to the mantle in fear. "Surely, you do not mean to drag me to Edoras-"
Again, the heavy hand was placed on my shoulder. "No."
I spun, disengaging the contact, and turned on him, my clenched fists about my ears. "You cannot tell him! He will come! People will find out. She will find out. My son will be labeled a bastard and I will be scorned, hated, pitied. They would call me a common whore. Edric's life would become harder." My voice turned from anger to pleading. "He is set to apprentice with the blacksmith in a few years. He lives in the local stables already. Rohan will get Éomer's son soon enough!"
Gamling's look was full of pity. "I promised him I would find you and make sure you were taken care of."
"You found me. You found us. We are fine." A dark thought occurred to me. "Do not force me to uproot again and move. Our lives are settled."
His ire with me was quickly evident. "Your whereabouts and your son's have been known for some time. Many years. Have you seen Éomer sniffing around?" He waited a few moments, allowing what he said to sink in. "The king does not desire for you to uproot again. I do not desire to upset you or to hunt you should you decide to run, but hunt you, I would."
"You would not!"
"I would too. Believe me, I am a better tracker than you are a runner. Besides," he finished with a snarl, "running is for cowards and I would not take you for a coward. Especially," and with this, he thrust his finger in my face, "not someone who planted a snowball in Éomer King's face in front of his own men and manor."
I smiled wickedly. "Heard about that, did you?"
"His men still rib him about it. But," he shrugged, "not in front of his queen."
My smile fell as quickly as it rose.
"Wudurose," Gamling began gently, "I was there when the betrothal contracts were signed between the King and Lothiriel. He stayed her hand before she signed." He now had my full attention. "He told her that while she may be his Queen and wife and held in high esteem and all honor, Rohan was his mistress, would always stand on equal footing with her and she needed to accept that before she committed to marriage with him."
You are Rohan…
The memory rushed back, flooded me.
You are Rohan…
He watched as the recollection hit and I clung to it. "He loved you. He loved you so deeply and hoped when the world righted itself, he could make you his lady."
"But Théodred died and then Théoden died and his life was no longer his own to choose." I finished for him. "There were treaties to sign and re-sign, ties to strengthen through blood and marriage. The world changed and I had no place in his."
Gamling sighed. "That is not how he wanted it."
"It does not matter." My eyes dropped sorrowfully. "Kings are not allowed to decide their fate or whom they marry."
The Horselord sighed deeply, obviously searching for words. "Sometimes Wudurose, we say goodbye to the person we love, without wanting to. It doesn't mean we've stopped loving them or that we stopped caring. Sometimes goodbye is a painful way to say I love you." Gamling reached to his side, to a pouch carried at his belt. "Do you still have the hair piece he gave you that first Yule?"
I thought about the hair clip, hidden away in the wooden chest at the foot of my bed. It was valuable and many times I considered selling it, but it carried memories and I kept it only for sentimental reasons. "Aye."
"It belonged to his mother."
At that point, I knew the piece would be given to Edric in time and any thought of parting with it was naught. Gamling pulled something from the pouch.
"This is for you." He handed me a necklace. I inhaled when I saw the engraved piece at the end of the leather thong. It was the mark that Éomer always wore, that I often toyed with when we were together. "If you need anything, if Éomer's son needs anything, if you are in trouble, make sure that gets to me or Éomer King in Edoras. Someone will be here as quickly as possible with whatever aid you need." He reached around me and took his cloak, as if preparing to leave.
"Gamling? If you knew I was here, why did you wait until now to let me know? Why did you let me know?" I looked up at him. "You could have left me here in ignorance."
The man shrugged. "Well, there is the horse you stole-"
"The horse was a loan!" I hissed angrily. "He said she was mine if I needed to run!"
"Ah." At this, Gamling now smiled sadly, digging through the pockets hidden within his cloak. "That is true. He did give her to you in case things did not go well. The hair clip, as well. The insignia is recognized by the Elves and they would aid you best they can, if they could." With this, he nodded. "As for now… it was the King's hope that someone had captured your heart and you were happy. He wanted to ensure you and his son were taken care of and you were loved as you deserve to be."
The comment caught me off guard and I pondered for a moment while he waited. Over the years, several had sought my attentions. I had gently rebuffed each one, never wanting or desiring another in my bed.
"No." I finally spoke softly. "After my husband's death and then Éomer's… well…" I looked up with a miserable smile, "I was loved by a king and have given birth to his child. Any child, any man I could have now would be lesser than that. How unfair to them." I swallowed hard. "Before he left for war, he made me a promise, a promise he bent over backwards to keep, but could not. I will always love him for that, for trying."
He nodded once, in understanding, when finding what he was rummaging for in his cloak, his face brightened somewhat. "You know, it is the strangest thing," he pulled out a pouch that clinked as if filled with coins from its hidden compartment. "I find that I have gifted with a large plot of farm land here in the east that I have no idea what to do with. I have no need for it. I think," and with this he put the pouch on my mantle, "that I will return in a few moons to sell it. You might wish to quietly look it over."
My heart fluttered. "Where is this piece of farmland?"
Gamling's head tilted to the side as if in deep thought. He pointed towards the south. "I believe it borders your land. It is quite large; I would think three or four times larger than your current homestead." I gasped at the enormity of it. I knew that property, coveted it and no one knew who it belonged to. Some speculated a soldier owned it. Octi, who was so old, he could not remember how many summers he was, swore that Thengal King owned it. "Some of it would make a good field for cattle or a herd of horses. " He smiled good-naturedly. "I have no desire of it and it is a shame it lies fallow. I would like to see it put to good use. Also," and with this his gaze pierced me, "there is a young stallion housed in the royal stables. I have been charged with finding a buyer for him." His eye glanced at the purse he so openly left. "There might be a few mares as well. You should seriously consider expanding your livestock." The implication was very clear. Éomer intended on taking care of his son, quietly, and in the best way possible for Edric and me. If his generosity continued, I would be considered a very wealthy woman and Edric a fine catch when he reached his majority.
"Should I expect more windfalls and such gifts, Gamling?"
He cocked his head to the side, studying me as if I were a prize mare. "Yes. He would have purchased this place for you had I found you sooner." He nodded once, looking at the neatness and sturdiness of my home. "He is pleased and grateful you've managed well so far. He intends to make sure you continue to do so." At that, he opened the door and stood in the threshold, rain still pouring. "Wudurose, he is truly sorry-
I cut him off, unable to listen, absorb anymore. At that, I bid him goodnight and shut the door, gently lowering the bar.
I picked up the purse, astonished at its heaviness. I opened it, further stunned by the enormous amount of money being left for me to afford these 'purchases'. And by glance, it looked as if there would be coin left over. There was a sinking in my stomach I had not felt since I realize I carried Edric.
I moved about in a stupor. He found me. He knew where I was. He was ensuring my life and Edric's. But he knew for years and never came. Perhaps that was best. I realized my thumb was rubbing over the emblem carved in the mark and after banking the fire, I placed it and the money pouch in the trunk next to the hairpiece. I had not worn it in years and pulled it out, admiring the workmanship. I compared to the two, realizing in the glow of the fire, they were a matched pair.
After all this time… he held on. I held on…
It was a hopeless dream. I started to place the mark around my neck, but then decided against it. Instead, I set the two together, next to the sword and broach, buried the money pouch at the bottom of the trunk with the thought to hide it in the back of the root cellar on the morrow and closed the lid.
I crawled into my bed under the eaves and curled up in the quilts. Quietly, my tears began to fall as I again grieved a time gone and a world changed. What would have happened had Théoden King not died, if Théodred had survived the Fords…
What if Éomer had not become king?
What if…
Tears were falling freely, when I heard the ladder creak and within seconds, a small, warm body crawled in next to me. "Why do you cry, Mama?"
It was said so like his father. I knew that sooner than later, someone would remark on the resemblance, the similarities. I prayed for a solution, an easily believed lie. "Oh, just thinking," I whispered.
His fair head bullied its way beneath my arm and onto my shoulder. "I do not like that man. That redheaded Rider. He made you cry."
"He knows… knew your father, Edric. Do not hate the messenger. He did no wrong." I hoped the child did not notice my slip.
"He knew my father?"
"Aye."
"I wish I knew him. Tell me about him."
I stared at the rafters, vision blurred. So many memories so recently stirred and disturbed.
"Please."
"Your father," I whispered, "is a king among men."
Fini
…His…
Begun: 1/11/12
Finished 1/14/12
Thank you Bev, Tammy, and Hayley for convincing me this little piece had merit.
Additional note: I would like to claim this is the end of this little morbid bunny, however there is a companion piece: … Isenóre… (Mine) to follow soon and possibly a third: …úreu ... (ours)
