I apologize for the weird, evil cliff hanger last chapter; most of you were irate that it ended, lol. Thanks for all the reviews (and PMs!) with your opinions on what is to come. They all made me smile.

Thanks to my beta, Stratan, and thanks to my prereaders stephk0525, twilover76, Nikita2009, claireoth, and Andrea. They are the greatest pimps alive, and this would not be much of anything without them.

Find me on Twitter JT040708 or on FB at Jenny B Fic.

xoxo


Chapter 8

Bella

God, his mouth. His hands. Roaming over me, ridding me of my dress. His movements felt so sure; this connection between us undeniable now that I'd let go of my doubts for the moment. Solid. Tangible.

Like I could reach out and capture it. Keep it. Him.

There were storage bins sitting in the corner. Edward ran over and got a quilt from one of them, and then spread it out beside me.

He had me down on the ground beneath him before I could gather my thoughts.

I giggled at his eagerness.

My bra disappeared, and Edward's mouth latched onto my nipple. I pressed against him with a moan as he moved over to the other side, felt him lightly bite down, and I was bucking up into him again with that bolt of sensation. He cupped both breasts in his hands, grazed his teeth over my skin again, and then ran his tongue over the spot soothingly before descending further down my body.

A cocky smirk formed on his lips as he twisted my underwear in his fingers and slowly pulled them down. His eyes studied me, darkened, and then his hands were all over me again. Exploring. Teasing. Torturing.

The pinstriped shirt he'd worn today was only half unbuttoned. I fumbled with the remaining buttons as quickly as I could, needing to feel his skin beneath my hands, brushing against my chest when he finally fit himself between my legs.

Once I had divested him of his shirt, I fought with his belt, causing him to chuckle. He picked his head up and smiled at me, murmuring as he helped unzip his fly, "Now, this is a nice change - you needin' me like this. I could get used to it."

"Stop it. I just..." I got angry at my ineptness and shoved his pants off his hips.

I let my eyes rake over his body - very nearly a mistake. I thought he was perfect before. With clothes. Without...

Almost as if he could read my mind, that one eyebrow of his arched upward again. "You just what?"

I opened my mouth, but not a sound came out. I couldn't think anymore. Couldn't breathe as he dipped a finger inside me. It'd been too long since someone else's hands had touched me.

But if I was honest, that wasn't exactly why I'd lost all sense of reason. Nothing had felt this good before, this intense. Another finger joined. In and out, twisting, swirling... Edward Masen was pulling me apart at the seams.

And he wasn't even inside me yet.

He propped himself up on his elbow and simply watched. Watched my face. My chest with each breath I inhaled. His hand between my legs.

"Well? I'm waitin'."

I stared back at him and bit my lip, refusing to answer. I was already giving him so much of me... So much more than I'd ever anticipated or wanted...

My hips rocked into his movements; my blood boiled, skin burned. Off the ground I came, shattered into little pieces for only Edward to put back together. He rolled over and brought my leg up over his.

"That was amazin' to see."

"It was just amazing period, Edward," I gasped.

"Mmm," his mouth ran across my jaw, "you're sure about this, sweetheart? You do this with me, and I'm not lettin' ya go."

Fear lanced through me for the first time since we'd come out here - surprising given how ridiculously temperamental I was about dating again.

With a heavy sigh, he started to push away from me, but I grabbed a hold of him and kept him there.

His mouth turned down, confused, and then he lightened the mood up slightly with a joke. "It's all right to change your mind. I might have to disappear into my bedroom for a while later, but I'm not gonna get angry about it. Not with the image you just gave me to think of. You archin' up off the floor like that? Hotter than anything I pictured."

I struggled to find the words to explain it, even though I was smiling and blushing wildly with his candor.

He nipped at my ear playfully, and I felt like if I hadn't been pinned beneath him I would float.

His will to understand me was incredible.

"I want this," I eventually told him. "You. I need it. I need to cross this line with you. You're... you're the only one I can cross it with."

"Bella-"

"No, I... That didn't come out right. I'm sorry." I pulled in a steadying breath, but my vision blurred anyway. "I'm terrified. But I'm ready. I want to move on. With you. Just be careful with me, okay?"

He nodded, knowing I meant more than how long it'd been since I'd last had sex. Everything about me felt so fragile, like one wrong move would break me again.

"I'm not gonna hurt you, baby," he drawled softly. He brought my leg up further, positioned himself. "I'd never want to hurt you."

I believed him.

"I know."

"I don't have a condom. I don't do this often... I haven't done it in a long time."

"I'm on the pill."

He exhaled in relief. "Thank God. I didn't even think about it."

I laughed. "So I noticed."

"I'm a little outta practice, all right?"

"Good. Now I don't feel so... lacking."

"You're not lacking. God, Izzy, you're incredible."

"Edward..."

"Shh. Don't argue with me when I'm about to fuck ya. It's rude."

I snorted out a laugh, and then pressed my lips together.

No more arguments from me.

He smiled at me with that perfect, one-dimpled smile.

Everything in me quickened, anticipation spinning me out of control. But something in me was sure about this, about him.

If only I knew what it meant.

I closed my eyes when he kissed me, when he slowly sank into me. I made a sound of distress and he stilled, thumb running over my hip in concern.

"Want me to stop?"

I shook my head vehemently. I didn't want to stop. I just needed a minute to adjust to him, to this. It was a huge step for me, another giant leap of faith. Maybe the biggest of my life.

Testing me, he pulled out, and then languidly thrust back into me.

"There it is," I moaned unthinkingly.

My cheeks flamed.

He laughed a little and kissed the tip of my nose. "I told ya it'd be good."

"You think it's good?"

Because, apparently, I needed the validation.

One side of his lips pulled up, and his eyes flashed as he stared down at me. He thrust a few more times to prove his point, doing something with his hips that had me gripping at the quilt beneath us.

"I don't think..." He pushed into me again and groaned. "I wanna keep goin', but..."

He suddenly flipped us over so that I was straddling him. I sat up just as he grabbed my hips and rocked against him, over and over again so that everything in me built again, tightened and coiled.

"Edward, I-"

I lifted up and came back down on him, a grunt of pleasure coming out of him with the motion.

"Fuck, Iz."

Faster, he started rising up to meet my thrusts. Our breathing was sharp; our skin slapped as we came together. I rolled just right, found that perfect rhythm with him, and slowly unraveled.

He made another noise, and his face contorted. I watched raptly as he stilled and came; how his mouth fell open in a silent scream. He was perfect like this, with his hair even crazier than usual, his eyes heavy, smile lazy. We were covered in sweat and sex, but he pulled me down to him and kissed me once more before shifting us so that I was lying in his arms.

Nothing needed to be said. Explained.

Not yet.

We simply were.


He led me back to the main house with his arm around my waist, checking me over for debris and anything else that was an obvious sign of how we'd spent the last thirty minutes. I picked at a spot on his shirt, pulled it out of his black pants just so, and he grinned at me.

"You know this is useless, right?"

"How's that?"

"My lips..." I could already feel the effect of his kisses, the sweet burn of them on my chin.

"You are a little red there, sugar," he said smugly.

"I figured as much."

"I'd say I'm sorry..."

"But you're not."

"Nope." He glanced away, suddenly nervous. "Are you?"

That was such a hard question to answer. I wasn't sorry for being with him. Not at all. I was still so unsure that I could be something good for him, something worthy of him. I knew I cared about him - wanted him - but everything in me was so tangled up. Tangled in the past. Tangled in the future, in what I had standing right in front of me, waiting for my answer.

If only I could get my guard to drop, find a way to let him into my heart completely.

"That's just great," he finally muttered, and started forward.

His hands raked through his hair, and I heard him utter a low curse of frustration with me as he stormed off.

"I'm not sorry," I shouted after him.

He stopped. Gazed at me over his shoulder, green eyes bright in the afternoon sun.

He was mine. Beautiful, generous, and kind.

If I just let him.

"I'm not sorry," I repeated. "I just don't know how to give you what you want."

"You give me everythin' I want," he argued, and closed the space between us. His hands came around my arms, and I was suddenly yanked against him, staring up at him. "You just don't realize it."

"How-?"

"Hey, guys!" Rosalie called out to us, and instantly, we broke apart. "You're just in time! Lunch is ready!"

"Be right there," Edward yelled back. "Can ya go ahead and make Ella a plate?"

"Already did."

A small smile twitched at his lips. "Thanks."

He waited until the sound of the screen door shutting behind his sister was heard before continuing the conversation.

"How, what?"

"How," I swallowed hard, "how do I give you everything you want? You barely know me."

I stared down at the grass at our feet, prompting him to pull my chin up gently.

I squinted at him; the sun slipped out from behind a cloud, making it too bright to see him clearly.

He sighed.

"You're right. I don't know much about ya. I want to, though. I wanna know everythin' I can about ya. What your favorite food is, favorite band, what you majored in in college... If you're allergic to anything and where that scar on your hipbone came from. But mostly... I just want ya to let me know it all. Trust me with it all."

"I wish I could explain this feeling I have. It's irrational, but I just feel like I have to protect myself."

"From what?" he asked in a huff. "From life?"

I shrugged. "I told you it was irrational."

"Yeah."

"I don't... I don't have the slightest idea what to say to you, Edward."

"I don't want ya to say anythin' to me," he answered. "I know what I got myself into."

I stiffened. "You say that like it's a bad thing."

"It's not a bad thing, Iz," he soothed. His hand came over mine, fingers entwining. "I like who you are. A lot. All right?"

The sincerity in his voice, on his face, was impossible to match. Anything I said would seem like I was returning the sentiment simply because it was what was polite in this sort of situation.

So I did something else. Gave him a little piece of what he wanted.

"I went to college in Seattle. University of Washington. It's... a few hours' drive from where I grew up in Forks. It's not far from that little town I told you about."

"La Push," he said instantly.

I closed my eyes and let my lips curve. I didn't have to repeat a thing with him. He listened to it all.

He kissed me, impish grin on his face when my eyes popped open with the feel of his lips abruptly on mine.

"Couldn't resist. Continue."

I giggled and brought my hand to my lips; he could be so sweet sometimes. "Anyway, my parents were there in Forks, and Jake was stuck in La Push for another year. We were the same age; he'd just... I don't know. His mom thought he needed another year in kindergarten or something. You know how it goes."

He nodded.

"So Jake finally moved to Seattle, and I finished up my undergrad at UW... And then I... You're going to be shocked."

He grinned questioningly. "I doubt it."

"No, you are. I'm... Well, I got an MFA in photomedia."

He blinked once. "Get out. But... I've never even seen you with a camera."

"I know. I graduated right before..." I cleared my throat. "But I had job interviews lined up at the time and everything."

"Why didn't ya take one of 'em?"

"It just didn't seem right after. Nothing did, really."

"Masen Valley has a lot of good places to take pictures, ya know. Lot of historical stuff. Nature."

I smiled back at him. "I'm not even sure what I did with my camera. And I don't have a darkroom..."

"Your boyfriend's a contractor, remember? That's not an issue. I can have somethin' up in a day if you want."

"Yeah, that's the thing." I sighed. "I haven't even had the urge to find it, much less take any pictures with it. Nothing inspires me anymore. It makes me think that it wasn't what I was supposed to do with my life after all. That maybe it was just another one of those things I went with because it was easy."

His brows knit together. "What are you talkin' about?"

"It's something I've been wondering lately. Since I met you."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Everything in my life was easy until that night. Jake and I... We were friends that shifted into something more. I happened to be good with a camera, so I just went with it. It's kind of what I did with everything. I went with the flow. You make me question all of it, Edward. It drives me crazy, because it makes me feel guilty that I question my life with Jake and guilty that I'm with you and thinking about all of that."

"Ah," he said, seeming to understand. "You shouldn't feel guilty about thinkin' about that stuff when you're with me. You've gotta process it at some point, Iz."

"I know, but what if Jake was still here when I met you? How would I have reacted? Would I have broken his heart to be with you? Would things have been platonic between us instead? Because I don't see how that could be possible. You... Whatever I have with you is intense. Or maybe magnetic is a better way to describe it."

"Well, what if things with me were different?" he returned. "What if I hadn't been dropped by my ex when Ella was born? I thought Tanya was it. But I didn't feel half of what I feel for you when I was with her."

Astonished, I breathed out, "You mean that?"

"Yeah. She killed me when she left, Iz. So much that I've spent the last four years avoiding her. And then I finally saw her the other day. Felt nothin' for her save for one thing: when she asked about El. She doesn't get the right to know how my daughter's doin'. She gave up that right when she packed her stuff up and left."

I stared back at him blankly. It was the first fact he'd ever given me about Ella's birth, and it left me feeling a little befuddled. I'd never really been the maternal type, but I still couldn't imagine ever willingly walking away from that little girl.

"Her," I struggled to clear my head, "her mother just left you with her?"

He deliberated his answer for a while, and I thought that maybe I'd crossed a line here. He was so wonderfully protective of her that it would have made sense if I did.

I was just about to apologize when he finally replied. "She's not her mother."

It was so cryptic and flat; it didn't tell me a thing.

"But that's not the point."

"It's not?"

He grinned. "Nah. The point is that I don't think I felt anythin' for Tanya when I saw her because I'd already met you. It's like... everythin' sorta has this place in your life at its right time. It all leads up to somethin' else. We don't ever really know what's in our future, so there's no use tryin' to figure it out."

His arms encircled my waist again, eyes went dark with emotion as he stared down at me. "When I say I want you as my girlfriend, it's not because I wanna change who you are, Bella, or fix what you're goin' through."

"Really?" I asked warily.

"Yeah, really. I'm here for you. However you want me. But if you're gonna be around, I need a commitment from you, because I don't let people into Ella's life lightly. If it's too much, walk away. Before my daughter gets hurt."

My throat tightened and my chest ached with the out he'd just given me, and I suddenly knew exactly why I'd given myself to him so readily before - why I'd never even questioned it. Letting him go wasn't an option. I didn't know when it had happened, but I knew that I wanted to make this work; make something wonderful out of this connection I had with him.

Guard around my heart or not, he'd managed to find a place in it.

"There's the over-protective daddy I know," I murmured jokingly.

"Bella..."

"I want to be with you, okay?" I brought my hands up and rested them on his chest. "I promise I do."

His eyes flickered over my features, seeking the truth of that statement. "Yeah?"

I nodded.

"Good," he said thickly. "Cause I wanna be with you, too."

xx

"So you get back from Jacksonville on Thursday?" I asked, my eyes sliding closed with the feel of Edward's mouth on my skin.

"Hopefully earlier," he murmured in return. "I don't wanna go."

"You have to go. It's your job."

"No, I mean that I don't wanna leave you yet. I wanna go in there and take ya to bed and fuck ya all good and proper."

My fingers flexed against his shoulders.

I wanted that, too.

The sun was setting, making everything seem as if it matched the way I felt. Like it was on fire. Somehow, that glowing, achy, intense feeling Edward gave me had spread. Made it so I couldn't think straight. Made me think that I would crumble under the weight of it.

"Ella's waiting for her daddy to come back," I replied. "Besides, I have to go inside and put all these cucumbers and stuff you made me take in the fridge."

"We can't eat 'em all up ourselves," he said. A grin stretched across his face as he straightened up to see me clearly. "Plus, there's this rule in the Masen family."

"A rule?"

"You pick it; you figure out what to do with it."

"That would've been nice to know before you took me out to the garden and forced me to help out."

The grin got bigger. "Just wait till the tomatoes are in. You'll have to get Rosie and Nana to teach ya how to can 'em."

"Thought you knew everything about this kind of stuff," I teased.

"I'm a guy, Iz. I was out messin' with the tractors when I was little. Not learnin' how to can vegetables and make jams."

"You still know how to do it all, though, don't you?"

He chuckled. "I have an idea, yeah. But I haven't seen anyone do it in so long, I wouldn't be any help to ya."

"Mmm. I doubt that."

"You workin' tomorrow?"

"I'm working every day this week."

"I'll text ya when I land. Call ya when I get off the phone with El every night."

"Okay."

He took a step back from me, creating just a sliver of distance between us. A hand shot up to his hair, dragging through it awkwardly. "I think I'm gonna miss ya."

"I hope you are. Having sex with someone and watching them run off into the good night is not exactly what I had in mind today."

"Be serious," he snorted, and rolled his eyes.

"I am."

He suddenly didn't seem so amused.

"I know I'm gonna miss ya," he amended quietly. "A whole hell of a lot, actually."

"I'll miss the sound of you hammering..."

He smiled down at me. "After I get home and get Ella in bed Thursday night, can I come over?"

"Definitely. I'll make us dinner. We'll have something with cucumbers in it."

He laughed. Pressed a kiss to my hair. "All right, I'm goin'. If I don't go now, I'm probably never leavin'."

I simply nodded.

"I'll talk to ya later, Iz."

I lifted a hand and waved him off as he started toward the spot his truck was sitting on the road. I didn't move when I heard the sound of his truck door shutting behind him. Or when he started the engine and the headlights came on. I stood there until he had driven out of sight, and then slowly opened the door and stepped inside.

I closed the door and laid my head back against the window in its center.

I noticed there was a crack in the ceiling and wondered if that was something on Edward's list of things to fix around here.

On my boyfriend's list.

"Oh. My God," I breathed when my pulse raced.

I'd tried so hard to keep that from happening.

And yet it did.

We did.


As expected, work on Monday sucked. The only thing that got me through it was the text I'd gotten from Edward mid-morning, and the promise that I'd hear his voice before I fell asleep that night.

The phone call was shorter than we'd wanted, both of us too tired from our days to really have much to say.

Tuesday was worse; my mood had become prickly and sour.

All I got that evening was a slurred, barely coherent goodnight from him.

So by Wednesday, I was shocked to get any tips at all.

Thursday...

I didn't even want to think about Thursday. The salt spilling everywhere. Jessica's attitude.

A specific, auburn-haired man still missing from town.

It was the day I had been looking forward to all week since Edward had been expected to come home. Or more specifically, to come to my house for a while. Take me to bed. Work on my bathroom. Eat some of the food I'd splurged on the night before.

But there'd been an emergency, an accident with one of the roofers on a construction site, so he'd stayed behind to lend support, because that was just the kind of guy he was.

It made me want to swoon and break something all at once.

I glanced up at the clock. Twenty minutes until my shift ended and I could go home and throw myself on the bed.

Maybe with my phone glued to my palm.

I hated how needy of him I was all of a sudden. It was inexplicable. Illogical.

We shouldn't have had sex. Sex ruined everything. The detachment, the will to keep the previous status-quo...

"Hey, Bella?"

"Yeah, Sam?"

"Sit down for a minute, will ya?"

My hands froze over the glasses in the crate on the bar. "Why?"

He chuckled. "Just sit down. I wanna talk to ya for a sec."

"You're not firing me, are you? I haven't spilt anything in... No, wait; you don't know about yesterday. I dropped the salt in the back and had to sweep it all up. Jessica saw me, of course, and made a big deal about it." I closed my eyes and grimaced. "I'm sorry."

He laughed again. "I'm not firin' ya. God, Bells. Just sit down with me for a minute before your shift ends."

I opened my eyes and did as I was told, even though I thought my heart was going to leap up into my throat at any moment.

"How're ya doin'?" he finally asked when we were settled in the booth in the corner of the bar.

"Fine."

"Just fine?" he inquired.

"Well, I mean, I guess I'm a little better than fine. You know about Edward."

"I do. I also know about that pout you've been sportin' since Monday."

"I am not pouting."

He stared at me in silence.

"Okay, so I am."

The serious facade cracked with a smile. "And?"

"And what?"

"What's with the pout?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"Cause I care about ya. I want to make sure things are all right for ya. I haven't talked to you much since he came back home."

"Oh." I sighed. "Well, he's back in Jacksonville for work. Maybe till Monday unless he can get things wrapped up today. And then he has family coming in soon to help out some."

His grin got even bigger. "Is that so?"

"Shut up."

"You miss him."

"Maybe a little."

Another knowing stare.

"Okay, I miss him a lot," I relented. "It's awfully quiet around without him constantly trying to piss me off."

"Sounds like Edward, all right," he agreed. "Once he gets his sights set on somethin', he doesn't let up till he's got it. Been like that for as long as I can remember."

"So I've noticed," I muttered dryly.

But then I winked. Edward's drive, as annoying as it could be at times, was one of my favorite things about him. Without it, I'd still be stuck in that limbo-esque state I was when I first got here. And as frightening as all the risks of letting him into my life were, the thought of not having him seemed a little worse.

Maybe there was some truth in all that Edward had told me so far. That everything happened for a reason, in its right time; that living a life full of fear wasn't living life at all, and was doing nothing to honor the ones I'd lost last year.

They'd all want me to be happy. And finally, after all this time, I was beginning to feel that way again. I wouldn't have been this way with anyone other than with Edward. No one was a blip on my radar until now; no one attracted me to them the way he did.

My heart to heart with Sam was left at that - he was never one to get too involved in other people's business - and I finished my shift with a quick wave to Angela as I headed out the door.

The walk home was almost stifling. I felt on edge, like I needed to do something with myself, and didn't have the slightest idea where to start. Much like I did the day Edward really, truly stepped into my world and all I could think of was cooking.

I grabbed everything I had originally planned to make for dinner the night before and threw it on the counter. I shuffled around the kitchen, grabbed a couple of pots I'd need, and then stopped suddenly. I didn't want to cook. Not today. Today I had the urge to do something more. Something I hadn't done in over a year now.

I dropped one of the pans in my haste up the stairs, leaving it clattering across the floor behind me, food on the counter. I was after an object far more important, one I hadn't even thought of until Sunday afternoon.

My camera.

I opened the door to the attic and was met with a blast of hot, heavy air. The box was stacked in the corner, just where the movers had left it when I'd first gotten here. Spiderwebs and dust covered it, and I quickly wiped it all away before clawing at the tape and ripping the top open.

There it was, in its torn navy case, sitting nestled in the corner.

I pulled it out with a deep breath, my fingers trembling as I worked to unzip the case and hold it in my hands.

Oversized and black, I held it awkwardly, almost as if I'd forgotten the feel of it in my hands, how it functioned when I was taking a picture. I didn't have any good film or anything to develop it with, so I set it aside and fumbled inside the box for the digital camera Jake had bought me for Christmas just before he died. The one he'd given me so I could point it at whatever I chose and take a picture with just a click. No mess. No fuss.

Typical Jake.

It made a musical sound when I pressed the power button to check the battery's life, and I numbly started back downstairs. I had no idea where to go from here. There was nothing I could think of around here that I wanted to shoot, but I wanted to at least try to find something. I had nothing better to do, and the task would, hopefully, keep my mind off of people missing in my life right now.

In more ways than one.

I scrambled to put everything away, basically throwing the food in the fridge whether it belonged inside it or not, and snatched the camera off my kitchen table. I flung the front door open, and reached for my keys in my pocket in order to lock it up from the outside.

But I never made it that far.

Arms wrapped around my waist and threw me up against the door frame. Hot, wet lips enveloped mine, and I moaned as soon as I registered who was here, and what he was doing.

I had to make a conscious effort not to drop the camera.

"Where are you off to?" Edward murmured.

"Thought I'd take some pictures of something somewhere," I answered in a rush, and then went to pull his mouth back to mine.

He wrenched his head to the side and fought against my hold with a laugh. "Not so fast there, sweetheart. What'd ya mean you're takin' pictures of somethin' somewhere?"

I scowled as he took a step back. All I wanted to do was forget the camera and focus on him.

But I knew Edward well enough now to know that wasn't going to happen.

"I just thought I'd do something to keep me occupied since you weren't here. What are you doing here, anyway?"

"Couldn't wait to get back. I missed Ella somethin' awful."

I raised a brow. "Ella, huh?"

He grinned at me. "Uh-huh. So back to you. You found your camera?"

"It's upstairs. This is a digital one. I thought I'd just take this out in case nothing strikes out at me. But you know what? I should forget it. I don't know what all there is around here still and it's not like I can go very far without a-"

"Stop it, Iz. You wanna take some pictures? We'll take some pictures."

I blinked. "Where?"

"I know a place."

"But what about Ella?"

"Ella's busy with my nana. I'm gonna let them spend some time together tonight." A haunted expression flickered over his face. "Nana should get all the time with her she can before she gets too sick."

"Edward..."

His returning smile was sad. "Come on. Don't make me regret spendin' time away from my girl for this."

"You're sure?"

"I'm sure. We've got just enough time before dark. What do ya say, Iz?" He paused and held his hand out to me.

It was my decision. Sink or swim.

"Wanna scrape the rust off that old thing or what?"