A/N: Sorry 'bout the long delay. The beta and I were very busy. Anyway, /waves hand at the readers/, You guys are awfully quiet.
Coruscant Publishing: Thanks, and thanks for the name.
Lunatic Pandora1: Hmm...for the time being, no. She's frustrated too. :p
Winterfox: Ick, missed those when I cleaned the whole thing up after pluto edited it for me. Thanks for telling, anyway. BTW, isn't it too early to judge Revan's attitude? :) Read on...
Plutospawn: Thanks again, you go girl!!
The cantina by the docking bay seemed like any other cantina: it was dark, smoky and extremely noisy. Waitresses strutted around the room, waiting for orders while Pazaak players moaned and groaned whenever they lost. The smell of food and ale wafted in the air; Republic soldiers sat around the bar and ogled at the dancers dancing on the stage. A solitary figure sat in the shadows and was oblivious to the exotic dancers.
The silhouette figure raised a glass full of Corellian whisky to his mouth and drank from it. His eyes never left the person he had been watching for the past hour. A roar of laughter distracted him and his eyes shifted to the table next to his; a group of Republic Privates were exchanging jokes amongst themselves. One spotted him looking at them and immediately stopped laughing. He gave a nod and greeted him. "Good evening, Commodore."
Carth nodded in acknowledgement and looked at the person he had been looking at. He hoped she hadn't heard the Private addressing him. Commodore. Huh. I don't understand why they insisted on giving me a raise. I declined the position of Admiral and they stuffed me with the position of Commodore... Republic.
He gazed hard at the woman and the pain grew in his heart. You're a pathetic joke, Onasi. He studied her. She stood by the window and looked out into deep space, obviously deep in thought.
I will never understand you, will I, Revan? No matter how hard I try to get a hold onto you, you slip away like some fish, never allowing anyone to touch you, not even yourself. Carth sighed. Why are you doing this to yourself, Rev? Why punish yourself for the things you can't remember doing?
He shook his head at the thought and raised his eyes to look at her again. Her silvery-grey eyes were celestial-like, with a glow of their own. They mesmerised him and intoxicated him. Carth remembered how soft her gazes were before the revelation, and how they grew hard and cold after. Her smiles were never warm and alluring after Malak's death. Carth cursed the Jedi Council for torturing her soul.
He stared at her long, black, sleek, and braided hair and wondered why he had never seen her let her hair down. His eyes wandered to the choker on her neck and he flinched.
Her battle with Malak had not been as injury-free as he had wished it would be. Carth recalled seeing her coming out of the battle area with blood and wounds all over her. She was breathing with difficulty and her pale face a stark contrast to the blood smeared on her. Scorched marks were all over her and she had tried to act as if everything was fine. But as she did so she collapsed in his arms and he had to run and carry her at the same time back to the Ebon Hawk.
Most of the internal and external wounds were mended save for a number of her organs. Malak had been able to partially incinerate her trachea and puncture one of her lungs. He had also been able to penetrate her sternum with his lightsabre and grazed through her left ventricle. Her lungs and heart couldn't function on their own any longer.
It was a damn miracle that she managed to survive through all those severe injuries.
Besides the addition to her collection of scars, a stabilizer was implanted into her in the chest. The stabilizer, or NT-S23, was to act as her new system to control her heartbeats and lung functions. When he had asked why the device was in her chest the medics explained that with the seriousness of her injuries, implanting two different devices in her body may burden her, and her organs wouldn't function as well as with the single unit. The protruding disc-like metal in her neck served as a power point, with a small opening in the middle.
Revan refused to have the thing on her chest, saying that it would be extremely uncomfortable for her. She argued with them even though she could hardly speak as her lungs began to fail. The medics finally placed the device where they wanted to when the woman passed out.
Carth shook his head at her stubbornness. If she'd just relax a little she wouldn't be all paranoid and stuff. Heh, that kind of sounds like me.
"Commodore Onasi!" Carth raised his head to look at the person who called him. A lieutenant walked towards him and lowered his voice. "Sir, there's been an intrusion in the ship. The admiral wishes to see you immediately." The man nodded at Carth and walked to the direction where Revan was standing. He spoke to her and Carth saw her nod her head. Gesturing to Carth, she walked out of the cantina.
"What's this all about?" Carth asked as soon as he got beside her.
"No idea. Some Sith probably." She never turned her head to look at him.
"If it's the Sith they would've sounded the alarms." Carth tried to keep up with her swift strides.
"Hmm...I wouldn't be surprised if it's another assassination attempt. But if the intruder is a Sith, he or she must be either pretty brave or is the stupidest damn Sith I've ever met."
They arrived before a metallic door and opened it.
"Carth! Long time no see old pal!" A man older than Carth greeted him and turned to Revan. "Good evening, Knight Revan."
"Good evening, Admiral Balsa." Revan returned the greeting. Carth walked up to the man and gave him a thump on the back.
"Good to see you Kal! By the way, who are the intruders?"
Admiral Balsa rubbed his chin and gave Carth a good long stare. "I was wondering too. But upon seeing you I think I have the answer." He pressed a button on his comlink and ordered. "Bring them in."
Revan's blood pressure would have risen if it were not because of the NT-S23 unit. Two soldiers brought in the three intruders. Carth's eyes widened with disbelief.
"Dustil Onasi!"
Revan followed suit. "Mission Vao!" She turned her head to look at the other person. "Zaalbar! Of all people! You!"
Balsa stood there grinning at the scene. "So he is your son. I was surprised when I saw the uncanny resemblances he has to you. As for the Twi'lek and Wookiee?" He looked enquiringly at Revan.
"She's not my kid, that's for sure. She's in my charge though." Her eyes bored into the Twi'lek's guilty eyes and her jaws set in a firm line. "Where did you find them?"
"In the laundry room, hiding in one of the empty compartments. The Wookiee was hidden beneath some sheets. They gave the laundry lady a nasty shock." He looked at Carth's grim face and Revan's almost impenetrable gaze on the Wookiee and the Twi'lek. "I uh, perhaps should leave the five of you alone for the moment."
Carth apologised to Balsa about the stowaways. The admiral simply waved away the apologies and said it was okay. The room was unpleasantly quiet for a moment. Mission fidgeted and Dustil lowered his head. Zaalbar was suddenly extremely interested with the ceiling.
"Explain." Carth's voice sounded dangerously low.
"It was all her idea, Father. Not mine." Dustil pointed a finger at Mission. The Twi'lek glared at him and he glared back.
"Talk, Mission. Now." Revan's stare never left Mission's face and the Twi'lek bravely looked into her eyes.
"I just wanted to go with you."
"And?"
"We sneaked onto the ship after you guys boarded with the stealth generator on and hid in the laundry room. We didn't do anything else, I swear! Why are you guys so mad anyway? It's not like we did something really wrong. Dustil wanted to go with Carth and I wanted to follow you. Coruscant ain't a nice place you know."
Revan rubbed her temples. Why me? I have no kids but why am I suffering like a parent?
"Mission, you have done the opposite of what I told you to. I said you were not to go to Coruscant and you should have listened to me. It's not the matter of whether you want to follow me or not. You could have gotten yourselves killed if those were Sith soldiers that caught you! I know Coruscant isn't a place you like to live in but at least...at least you are under the Council's care there." She rubbed her temples harder.
"You always claim that you hate people calling you a kid but today you acted like one! You've shown irresponsibility and brashness. You could have gotten Dustil into such deep trouble! Imagine the problem you could have created if things went wrong. And Zaalbar, of all the Wookiees on Kashyyyk I thought you would be more sensible. But instead of acting like a grown up you acted like an immature brat. What am I to do with you two?"
"I am sorry Revan." Zaalbar moaned.
Mission glared indignantly at Revan for daring to call her a brat. Before she could make a smart retort, Zaalbar cupped her mouth with a furry hand and growled lowly.
Carth looked sternly at Dustil and the younger man gave his father a weak smile. "It wasn't my fault! Don't look at me like that!" Dustil snapped irritably at Carth. The older man frowned and looked hurt.
"I'm not accusing you, Dus. But you knew better than to run around like that..."
"I said it wasn't my fault!" Dustil's eyes burnt with anger.
Zaalbar growled loudly again and the father and son kept quiet in case the Wookiee decided to maul them for arguing.
Dustil looked nervously at the Wookiee and back to his father. Damn! Why do I have to apologise? "I'm...uh...sorry?"
Carth shook his head dismissively. I wanted a son and I get a downright stubborn and hot-blooded boy. "It's okay, son. At least you're not hurt. But do this again, I'm warning you."
"Thanks Father. I won't." I am NOT going to listen to you, old man.
Mission looked expectantly at Revan. The woman was muttering the Jedi code under her breath and her eyes were closed. "The two of you are grounded. You are to stay in your rooms until we reach Dantooine. You are only allowed out during meal times. I will arrange for rooms for the three of you."
"But Carth didn't even ground Dustil!" Mission pointed out with frustration.
"Dustil was pulled into this little scheme of yours and it was not his fault. You should be thanking the Force that Carth didn't demand the two of you to be kicked out into hyperspace! Dustil is Carth's son, thus his responsibility. You are my responsibility and Zaalbar is too, thus, you do what I tell you to do." Her headache grew stronger by the second.
"You can't do this! You can't!" Mission yelled at Revan at the top of her lungs.
"You would do better to listen to me, kid. No more arguing, no more buts. This headache is killing me." Revan gave the Twi'lek a stern look and rubbed her temples.
"Why am I acting like a mother when I'm not one Carth?" She called to the Force to wash away the annoying headache. Carth looked at her in surprise. She's actually talking to me?
"Because you're like one to her?"
She rolled her eyes at him. "You and your lame attempts at jokes. I'll go get those rooms for the three of you stowaways. You two stay in my room until I come back. Understand?"
Mission and Zaalbar nodded their heads and took the room card from Revan. She stepped out of the room and a new wave of headache attacked her.
Stupid headaches.
-----
Her boots clicked loudly on the metallic floor as she made her way to her room. She had managed to get a room with four bunks for the three "stowaways" and her headache was still bothering her.
Revan decided it was best that she headed to the medical room first for some pain relievers before retreating to her room. She didn't see a man coming from another way and the two of them walked into each other. A pile of datapads fell from the man's arms and landed on the floor with a loud clatter. The man apologised profusely without looking at her. Revan pardoned him and bent down to help the man pick up the datapads.
"I'm really sorry miss." The man looked up to smile at Revan but when he saw her face he stared in uncertainty for a moment. "Miss, do I know you?"
She gave him a small smile. "I'm sorry but I don't think so."
The man tilted his head and realisation swarmed over his face. "I should have recognised you from the moment I saw that pretty face of yours."
Talk more man, and you'll loose your teeth. Shit, I've got to stop being so hostile.
"You're Mikha, Mikha Nu'el, right?" The man asked her. Revan looked at him questioningly. Ok buddy, how did you know that name?
"Yes, I'm Mikha. How did you know me?"
"Ha, dear old Servio showed me your picture many times before. Speaking of that poor guy," the man shook his head sadly. "He was a good man."
Servio..."He showed you my picture? He never had one of me." He said that seeing me everyday was enough to last ten villages for a lifetime. How could he have had one of me?
"Actually he had lots, and he talked a lot about you too."
What's going on?"Oh dear, I haven't introduced myself yet, have I? I'm Gon Nox. I used to be Servio's roommate." The man named Nox held out a hand to shake hers. Revan accepted it quietly and with confusion. Why in the galaxy did Serv have my pictures?
"I'm pleased to meet a friend of Servio's, Mr Nox."
"Please, call me Gon. I was looking for you after what happened to him." Nox shook his head again.
Revan looked at the man enquiringly. "You were looking for me? Why?"
"After Servio died he left his belongings on the ship. They sent it back to his place- your place, but it was sent back to them. So I figured out that you might have moved so I kept his things for you and tried to look for you at the same time." Nox explained to her.
"I was working somewhere else. You have his things with you now?" Of course I was gone. The good old Republic recruited me a week after his death.
"Well, not now. I left them at home on Corellia. But I'm going back in a few days. Maybe I can send it to you. Where are you staying?" Nox asked her.
"I will be on Dantooine for sometime I think. You can send it to the Republic base, since I will be there." Revan told him without thinking. The mixture of confusion and the nagging headache made her nauseous.
"Right. I should be going now. I need to send this datapads to the Admiral before dinner. See you around then. Nice meeting you, Mikha." Nox gave her a small nod and walked away whistling. Revan hit her head softly with her palm and walked into the medical room for her relievers.
Why in the world does Servio have my pictures? Man, if you were not dead pal I would be interrogating you till you fell flat on your face now.------
"You're not still angry with me are you, Revan?" Mission asked Revan softly as she glanced at the woman sitting on the couch.
The Twi'lek was playing Paazak with Jolee and the old man was muttering profanities under his breath as he watched Mission take away his credits. Zaalbar was sitting on a table and gobbling down a large amount of food. Dustil was practising his moves with a wooden stick with the help of Juhani.
Revan didn't answer Mission and continued to read her datapad. Jolee gave the Twi'lek girl a smirk and whispered. "You're in deep trouble, kid. She's not even talking to you." Dustil looked at Revan. What's she doing anyway?
"Concentrate, Dustil. Never take you eyes off the opponent." Juhani's voice registered into his head.
Mission ignored the old man's jeering and tried her luck again. "Revan? Are you listening to me?"
The older woman still didn't look up.
Frustrated, Mission yelled at the top of her lungs. "REVAN!"
Revan jumped in her couch and glared at Mission. "I'm not deaf you know. No need to yell at me." Jolee chuckled loudly.
"Lass, the kid's been calling you for some time now. You didn't answer her."
"Oh. Sorry. I was reading something. What was it?"
Mission puffed her cheeks. "Welcome back to the world. I was asking you whether or not you're still angry with me. You're not, are you?" The irritation in her voice had a hint of anxiety.
It was Revan's turn to chuckle. Dustil stopped and looked at her again. I wonder what is she going to say? "Mission." She paused for a moment as another fit of chuckles hit her. "Mission. If I really was that angry with you your ass would be running faster than your legs by now."
The Twi'lek gave a sigh of relief. Dustil continued to look at her. No anger in her. Is she really that good? Hmm...it could be an act... Revan seemed to have sense him looking at her and turned around to give him a smile. "You're doing great, boy. Keep it up."
The door opened and Carth walked in. "Hey everyone. Just got back from the bridge. We'll be arriving at Dantooine in five hours time. Rev, I want to talk to you for a minute." He gestured at Revan. She raised an eyebrow at him which implied, "you wish, brother, I ain't going anywhere with you." Carth shook his head at her and asked again, "It's business. Dodonna's orders." He waved a datapad at her.
Revan got up with reluctance and followed him.
"What?" The door closed with a hiss behind her.
"Not here. Dodonna wants me to pass you something."
"Your room then. It's the nearest." Revan mumbled hesitantly.
She walked towards his room and Carth just stood there staring at her. That's some improvement. Is she really talking to me now?
Revan settled herself on a couch in Carth's room. "What?" If it weren't because of the tension between the two of them Carth would have smiled at her. Instead, he walked up to her and handed her a datapad.
Carth sat on a couch opposite to hers and intertwined his fingers in front of him. "Dodonna says that your real name and identity will be concealed to avoid any unwanted problems, with the assassinations and all. She doesn't want an angry mob going after you either. So, after much consideration, that's what she said, you can choose whatever background and name for this mission."
She kept quiet for sometime and frowned. Carth shifted uncomfortably in his couch. "Do you want to do this?" I should've told Dodonna no. She's been trying to deal with her fake identity and now she needs to choose one on her own. Damn the Council for putting her through this.
"I'm fine Carth. Actually I was thinking about it too." She typed something into the datapad and handed it back to him. Carth read what she typed in.
Name: Nu'el, MikhaOccupation: Scout
Her old identity? Carth looked up from the datapad. "You sure about this one?"
She sniffed and looked at him through her half closed eyes. "Why? I'm fine with it. You know the rest of the bio data. I think you can get it from the Republic employee archives."
"I'm fine with it. It's just...you're using that identity."
Revan shrugged her shoulders. "I don't mind. That was me for the past few years." His heart tugged a little when he thought about the lies that she had to face. Damn the Council.
They sat there doing nothing as the minutes passed. It was so silent that they could hear the music from the mess hall on the floor below them playing. Revan made no move to leave, and Carth made no move to talk to her.
After a long pause, Carth finally spoke. "What are you trying to do to yourself, Rev?" He got up and knelt next to her couch on one knee. "Avoiding me is not going to make me go away and leave you."
Revan closed her eyes as she sighed. "Why do you love me Carth? How can you love someone like me?"
He took her hand in his. "No one can explain why people fall in love. I love you because of who you are now and not because of who you were, Rev. You're important to me and I'm not trying to be all mushy here."
The black haired woman gave a chuckle. "You're not mushy. Just plain ignorant." You're loving a woman who cannot love, a woman who is supposed to feel nothing, and a woman who murdered your wife. "I killed your wife, you remember how she died, don't you?" Her eyes hardened and she took her hands out of his. Standing up straight, she gave him another cold look.
He looked up at her. "You didn't kill Morgana. It wasn't your fault. Stop blaming yourself."
"Understand this, Onasi. Most of the things that happened in the past are my fault. If it wasn't because of me that attack would not have happened and no one would have died. I am a Jedi, Carth. Not some ordinary woman who you can just love with ease. We have our rules and I am to follow them whether I like it or not."
Carth controlled his mounting anger at the word "Jedi". "You're not a machine Revan, you're a human woman. Emotions are not as dangerous as your Council think it is. Why can't you just stop being paranoid and admit that you love me too Rev? Is that so hard?"
Revan laughed and rolled her eyes at the same time. "Me paranoid? Look who's talking! I don't love Carth. Why can't you just register that in your brain? Trying to talk me out of it would do nothing to change my mind. Love is as disastrous as a Terentatek in a Jedi Enclave. Look what happened to Nayama! Look what happened to Jolee! Do you want to end up like them? I don't!" Her chest raised and fell rapidly as she tried to get more air into her lungs.
Carth stood there, surprised at her flaring temper. Just great. I wanted to just talk and now I pissed her off. Revan raised a hand to stop him when he was going to talk again.
"Don't. Why must most of our conversations end up as a shouting match? Just... just ...please Carth. Understand. I cannot love you and pushing me isn't going to change anything. Can we just be friends? Please?"
"Follow her decision, but stay by her. She has fears. Then show her that she has nothing to fear. Show her that you really love her. You said you'd wait right? Then wait!"
Jolee's words returned to Carth's mind. He shook his head sadly. Follow her decision, and try again later. His hands clenched into balls of fists. Damn it! I can't do this!
"Damn it, Rev! Will you just stop acting like an idiot and stop torturing yourself? What the hell happened to the Rev I knew? Who are you?!"
"Who am I? I wish to know too." Revan's eyes never looked so cold and hollow. "Can you tell me that, Carth?"
"You're a damn coward. A damn coward who cannot accept herself and others!" He walked up to her and grabbed her shoulders. "Stop doing this to yourself! Stop doing this to me!"
She shocked him by chuckling. "Indeed, I'm a coward. A bloody one at that. A damn bloody coward..." She trailed off. I have to hurt him once more. Then her voice rose again. "I killed you wife! You said you remember how she died in your arms. You remember how the blood flowed from her and how she tried to call your name. I ruined your life! Dustil hates you! I've killed millions upon millions and I deserve everyone's hate. You said you hated me before, when I didn't know who I was. You have to hate me, Carth. Why can't you register that into that bloody stupid brain of yours? Let go of me!" Ouch, Revan, that should hurt him enough. She wrenched herself free from him and stormed out of the room.
Carth grabbed her by the arm again and forced her to look at him. "I do hate you. I hated you more than I hated Saul." Revan tried to hide her shock and sadness at his words. "I hated you because you promised me a life when I was at my lowest; I hated you because you made me feel alive again when I wanted to be dead."
His voice softened as he loosened his grip on her. "That was the hate I had for you when I found out who you were. I hated you because I loved you, and I still do."
Tears threatened to flow from her eyes when she heard his words. Why must you love me this much, Carth? Why? As much as she wanted to give in and wrap her arms around the man she loved, her mind screamed, and told her to pull back. She did.
"Thank you, Carth. But like what I said, I do not love you." She pushed his hand away from her arm and walked out of his room in mock confidence. Her heart sheared with agony and her eyes stung again.
Just as the door opened, the ship shook and a loud explosion was heard. Revan and Carth staggered and fell onto the floor. She turned to look at him and he at her.
"You okay?" Carth yelled as another explosion sounded. Revan nodded her head as she got up. He saw her mouth move but couldn't hear anything. But he made out what she meant.
"To the bridge."
Anyway,in case you guys are wondering, my Revan's scout name is pronounced as "Mai-kha" :P.
