I'm so fucking stupid. Phil liked me back and then I went and fucked it up for the both of us and I have not a fucking clue how to get him back. He probably doesn't even like me back now and that thought hurt me the most. It always sucks knowing you can't have what you could have had.
It's 11am and Phil's in his room still while I'm watching some TV by myself. Is this actually what my life is like now? I don't have more time to dwell on it when the doorbell rings. Who the hell is it? Phil's head pokes through the door to the lounge and I'm shocked by his appearance. Looks like he's been having it tough too. I try to ignore it because I know that some part of it is my fault. It rankles me inside.
"Do you know who that is?" Phil's voice is slightly croaky from disuse but he sounds so sexy, I just stare at him without answering.
He takes my silence as a negative and for the first time in ages, I can see some of the childish Phil-like curiosity return and I leap off the sofa to join him on the quest to find the mystery guest at our home. I walk after him and I indulge myself in watching his fine bum and the way his hips move. God, I want him so fucking much. I don't know what came over me then though because we're almost at the door when I yell "Stop!" I need help.
Phil understandably jumps and his hand slips on the handle, swinging opening the door forcefully, when I finally let out what has been driving me insane all these years "I love you, Phil."
I hear two gasps. One from Phil. One from Lily, standing outside our door. Oh no.
X - x - X
One hour has gone since I declared my love for Phil and I've spent that hour listening to him and Lily arguing through the walls. So here's how everything went down my admission:
Everyone was still. No one said anything even though we'd all heard what I'd said. Lily looked as though she was in shock and I could feel all the blood in my body pool in my face and ears. I couldn't bear to look at Phil even though I knew that it would be best if I did so that I could gage his reaction but I didn't want to see rejection on his pretty face. I just can't. Not then and not even now. Which is why I ran and why I am still hiding in my room instead of fixing the huge mess I made with his relationship with Lily.
Don't get me wrong, I wanted to hang around to help the situation but with how embarrassed I was and just how awkward everything else was, had my legs moving on their own accord up the stairs and into my room, straight under the duvet.
I didn't need to strain to hear the shouting though with our paper thin walls. I wish I couldn't, this was my entire fault. What timing I have.
"I knew it, Phil! You can't deny it now! You've been seeing Dan behind my back -" Lily is crying.
"Like I said! I wasn't cheating, I don't know why he said he loved me! I'm just as confused," Phil yelled back. Lily seriously doesn't know Phil if she thinks that he's possibly cheat on her. That'd be the last thing he did. But I'm being unfair. I do make the entire situation look bad for Phil. I'm literally the worst best friend there could be.
"Even if you aren't going out, there's something there, Phil! Don't try to deny it because it's more than obvious!" Is it?
"I don't know, Lily! I just don't know what's going on..." Phil's voice has dropped in volume and I escape the fortress of my covers to press my ear against the wall outside my bedroom in the corridor to hear what he's saying.
"-things got really hard. Dan's been weird and I want things to go back to normal. I don't know why Dan said he loved me - I'm being honest with you now, Lily, you've been a wonderful girlfriend but I don't think I can keep seeing you because I don't feel that way about you anymore..." It's all silent again and I wish I could be in the room to see their faces. So Phil doesn't like Lily now?
I watch as they leave the lounge and walk down the stairs together, unaware of my presence only down the corridor but they both look so sad. Is this my fault? Does Phil blame me for his failed relationship? Can we be together like we wanted? Does he love me?
All these questions.
"We need to talk, Dan. Now." I look up into Phil's beautiful, determined eyes.
Looks like I might be getting some answers.
Yes, I know it's been an absolute age D: I'm sorry! This chapter was hard to write for some reason... How am I doing? I want to make the next chapter chattier or at least more entertaining somehow... Dunno... ANYWAYS Review Review Review please :)
