The Darkness in me

Chapter 9

Sasuke could only watch as Itachi is removed from the room with tears streaming down his face. What had happened to make Itachi do that for him? And just what did he mean by become strong and brave for him? Where was he going to be? Surely, Itachi was going to be alright wasn't he? Sasuke shook his head, he didn't want to think of Itachi not pulling through. Sasuke didn't think that he had been worth saving, much less dying for.

He watched as The Anbu that had been standing guard in the room stepped out with the doctor, leaving Sasuke in the room with Gaara, who was looking at Sasuke with a curious stare.

"You're Itachi's little brother." Gaara stated and Sasuke just sat there, not bothering to even attempt to make conversation. He wanted his brother, he didn't want some stranger keeping him company. "Your bad choices caused what happened here today." Sasuke frowned at the kid's bluntness. He supposed he should be grateful that the Sand Brat stated what was on his mind and didn't hold back.

"But I think I see what your brother saw in you. You have the potential to be great, if given the opportunity to become strong first." Gaara paused his speech, as if giving it a little more thought before continuing. "At this point I think the best way to make you strong is to send you back to Konoha. Of course, not to live with the people that want you dead. No, maybe among the villagers." Sasuke scowled at the Sand nin. He didn't want to go anywhere without his brother. Itachi had risked everything to take him away from that village for a reason. What would going back prove? He wished now that he could talk to let the Sand nin know his thoughts. How was Sasuke supposed to deal with this for the rest of his life? How was he supposed to become a strong ninja if he couldn't talk?

Sasuke turned his attention from Gaara when he felt the silver haired Anbu's presence reenter the room. Sasuke looked at him not really expecting him to say anything, after all Anbu weren't supposed to talk were they?

"The doctors don't want me to tell you about Itachi's condition, but I believe that you have every right to know what's going on." The Anbu informed Sasuke. "Itachi's current condition is critical, the burns were bad enough that it effected Itachi's kidney function which went from normal to now barely functioning because of the burns. Itachi could pull through, but right now the odds aren't good." Sasuke squeezed his eyes shut, and clinched his hands into fists. He didn't want this to happen. He didn't want Itachi to die trying to protect him. He wasn't worth it.

"I know you might think that I am going to just hand you over to them" The Anbu said "I won't, I made a promise to your brother, and while it might not look like I am fulfilling that promise I am. I won't allow your family to bring you anymore harm." Sasuke supposed the man was telling the truth although, his father did have people in Anbu. He still didn't really understand why his father thought it necessary to kill him. Unless he was afraid Sasuke was going to tell of his plans to attack Konoha in which place Fugaku had every right to fear because after what happened to Itachi there wasn't anyway that Sasuke wasn't going to tell.

Sasuke turned away from the Anbu and scowled at the wall. Was his brother going to live? Sasuke could feel anger at his family growing, while it was true that Sasuke could be blamed for what happened after he had attempted suicide. He couldn't be blamed for what his father had been planning to do from the very start. Why was this happening now? When Sasuke felt more useless than ever. Why did Itachi have to protect him? Sasuke knew that Itachi loved Sasuke as much as Sasuke loved Itachi. Sasuke would have died willingly to avoid Itachi being hurt. It seemed like Itachi was willing to do the same for him.

"Is Itachi going to make it?" Sasuke mouthed wondering if the Anbu could understand him.

"At this point it's not certain whether he will or not." The Anbu replied. "I know that's not the answer you want to hear, but it's the only one I can provide you right now."

"Why aren't you guarding him?" Sasuke mouthed.

"Because it's my job to keep you safe." The Anbu replied "Besides I have already talked to The Hokage and he will be spending someone else to watch over your brother."

"How do we know that they can be trusted." Sasuke asked "My father has people in the Anbu you know."

"You're just going to have to trust me." The Anbu replied "and I know that thought is more scary to you than just about anything else right now after what your brother told you."

"My Father will pay for what he done to Itachi, have no doubt about that" Sasuke mouthed, feeling more dark than he had ever felt. His anger at his father for doing this to his brother was greater than anything his father had done to him. His father could consider his plans ruined, Sasuke would not allow his father to attack Konoha. Itachi loved the village, nearly more than his own family, and since Itachi couldn't protect it right now, Sasuke would. He would do anything to make sure that Itachi's legacy lived on.

"Vengeance isn't always the best road to travel" The Anbu said "I know that doesn't help with what your father has done to you, but it will give you something to think about."

"I want to see Itachi" Sasuke mouthed if he could have found a way to shout his demand he would have done it. He wasn't going to let his brother go without being by his side.

"Give the doctors a few more minutes with him. They are trying to get him set up on dialysis, but Itachi's body isn't taking to well to it."

That thought depressed Sasuke further, that his brother might lose his life because of him. He looked down at his sheets, he had promised Itachi he wouldn't hurt himself anymore. That had been an easy promise to make but it wouldn't be so easy to keep. Already, Sasuke was feeling the urge to cut. Closing his eyes, Sasuke couldn't help the tears that filled his eyes. His brother didn't deserve this, everything that was happening was because Sasuke had walked in on a conversation that he hadn't been meant to hear. Now his father wouldn't rest until he was dead.

Sasuke opened his eyes and looked over at the Anbu standing by the door. He had the feeling that he could trust whomever was behind the mask. The man had traveled this far with Itachi, keeping both of them from harm. Surely, he couldn't be one of his father's people? Sasuke opened his mouth, wishing he could go back in time before he had decided to cut his throat. He desperately needed to speak this out loud so that he could get it off his chest.

Kakashi looked over at Sasuke, the kid seemed to be struggling with his thoughts. He wished he could help the kid deal with the fact that his brother was likely going to die, leaving Sasuke to feel guilty, but Kakashi had the feeling that there was a lot more going on than Itachi had ever known about. Kakashi had the feeling that certain things happened because of something that he hadn't known about but his father couldn't risk Sasuke talking. Which made Kakashi wonder about how convenient Sasuke's suicide attempt at been. Could there have been some kind of jutsu that had controlled Sasuke's actions? Why had the kid gone for his throat instead of his wrists? Sasuke could have just as easily bled to death from cutting his wrists as he would his throat. Whatever had happened, if Sasuke had been controlled cutting the throat would have been the best course of action to keep Sasuke from talking to anyone and to make it look like suicide. Kakashi frowned, not liking where his train of thought was heading. If any of that was true that would make the Uchiha more powerful than even the Hokage had imagined them to be. The time to stop them was quickly coming. He just hoped that Sasuke could be strong enough to get through it in the condition that he was in. Things were going to get rough and scary for a while but eventually Kakashi believed they would settle down. Sasuke was going to have to do a lot of growing in the next few months, physically and emotionally.

Kakashi kept his eyes on Sasuke, watching him continue to mull something over. Kakashi saw Itachi's doctor coming down the hall, a grim expression on his face.

"How is he?" Kakashi asked his voice low so that Sasuke couldn't hear him talking.

"I'm afraid, his kidney function is almost nil. He is not responding well to the dialysis, I'm afraid that he will be very lucky to make it through the night." the doctor told Kakashi.

"His brother wants to see him" Kakashi said after a moment of thinking about the news. Sasuke wouldn't take it well.

"It would be best to let him in, it would give him a chance to say goodbye." The doctor said grimly. Kakashi nodded and stepped back inside Sasuke's room.

"You can your brother as soon as the nurse brings you a wheelchair." Kakashi told the boy, who still looked like he was struggling with wanting to say something.

Sasuke nodded not liking the grim tone to Kakashi's voice, he had the feeling Itachi hadn't gotten good news from the doctor. That scared Sasuke more than he was willing to let on, who would protect him if his brother wasn't there? He needed Itachi, otherwise Sasuke didn't know if he would be able to overcome his need to cut all the time. He understood that his family didn't want anything to do with him, his own father wanted him dead. He wasn't sure if his mother knew that much about the situation but given the fact that she was willing to stand beside the man while he abandoned Sasuke, told Sasuke more than he wanted to know. She probably didn't know about the death sentence but she wouldn't stand up for him if she did. Sasuke couldn't help but wonder when their clan became a clan of cowards. For that was exactly they were a power hungry clan of cowards. Sasuke would do anything to see them stopped. Even if it meant his eventual death, he wouldn't allow Itachi to die for nothing.

A few minutes later a nurse entered the room, pushing a wheelchair.

"Don't push yourself too hard." the nurse informed Sasuke as she helped him from the bed and into the wheelchair. The nurse rolled Sasuke over to the Anbu, who took over pushing Sasuke down the hall to his brother's room.

Sasuke felt tears immediately well in eyes as he caught sight of his unconscious brother. Sasuke had never meant for this to happen, he had wanted to be as talented as Itachi was. He wanted his older brother to be proud of him, that's really the only approval that Sasuke had ever needed, he didn't care about what his father thought, although with the cutting it might have seemed that way. It had hurt Sasuke deeply when Itachi had never had time to help him train, but he could understand why Itachi was so busy. He was an extremely talented shinobi who was in demand, and couldn't always be where he wanted to be when Sasuke wanted him there. Sasuke understood that better now than he did before he attempted suicide.

The Anbu pushed Sasuke up to where Sasuke was right next to his brother. Sasuke wished more than ever that he could talk to his unconscious brother, to let Itachi know that Sasuke was beside him and that he didn't need to be afraid of whatever happened next.

As it was Sasuke could only settle for reaching out and touching Itachi's hand, hoping that his brother could feel that Sasuke was with him. It hurt to see his brother so close to death, and it was all because of him.

"Itachi made the choice to protect you" The Anbu said from beside Sasuke "he knew there was a chance that he could be hurt or even killed, it was all worth it to him if you survived."

Sasuke wondered how it was that the Anbu could tell what was on his mind. Although he figured it wouldn't be too hard to know that Sasuke was worried about his brother, it didn't take a genius to figure that out. What did take a genius was there next move from here. Where would they go? Sasuke wasn't sure that Suna would allow them to stay here, not after the drama of the last few hours anyways.

Sasuke spent the next several minutes watching Itachi's shallow breathing, his thoughts on how he was supposed to grow up without his precious older brother. It wasn't something that he had wanted to do, but obviously he wasn't going to get a say in the matter. Sasuke's already broken heart felt like it was shattering into even more tiny pieces that he wasn't sure could even be put back together again. Not after everything that Itachi had risked for him.

"I hate to do this now" The Anbu said from beside him "but I need to ask if you know of anything about your clan's plans."

"I know that they plan on attacking Konoha" Sasuke mouthed turned towards the Anbu so that the man could read his lips. "I don't know when they plan this, but I assume it's going to be soon. I walked in on my father and my uncle discussing the fact that something needed to be done about Konoha and that several deaths would be inevitable."

That confirmed part of what Kakashi had been thinking, now to find out if his father had literally had a hand in Sasuke's attempted suicide.

"Does your clan have any kind of jutsu's that control a person's actions? Like say make them do something they wanted them to do?" Kakashi asked and Sasuke frowned.

"I know that Father was working on a secret technique but he wouldn't talk about it. All he said was that it could change things for the Uchiha." Sasuke replied wondering where the Anbu's line of questioning was going.

"Why did you cut your throat instead of your wrists?" Kakashi asked, his eyes narrowed on the younger Uchiha's face. "It would have been easier for you to slit your own wrists than cut your own throat."

"I had planned on slitting my wrists." Sasuke admitted "but there when I was getting ready to, it felt like my hand was being moved against my will to my throat." Sasuke frowned when he realized why the Anbu had been asking about a jutsu that could control a person's actions. "I had decided I wasn't going to kill myself that night" Sasuke admitted "and about that time is when I done what I done."

"That's what I thought" Kakashi said scowling "That was your father's way of trying to shut you up so that you wouldn't speak about what you had overheard."

"Why did he wait so long to do it then?" Sasuke mouthed.

"He wanted to make it look like you killed yourself so that he wouldn't be to blame." The Anbu replied "and it would have worked to if you hadn't survived. Now all we need to do is find evidence to support our claims. I don't think that will be too hard to do."

Sasuke frowned and turned back to his brother, he remembered clearly the night he had tried to himself. He had planned on slitting his wrists but when he had reached the place a few miles away from the village, it had felt like something had forced his wrist up to his throat. Could his father have really used his secret technique against him? If he found that is what had happened, hell wouldn't be able to stop Sasuke from killing his father.

"You shouldn't worry about this situation right now, I don't think your father will be let out of jail anytime soon." The Anbu told him "Just concentrate on being with your brother for the time being." Kakashi's mind was whirling with the information Sasuke had willingly given him. He hoped he could fulfill his promise to Itachi by keeping Sasuke safe because it looked like they would be returning to Konoha, probably sooner rather than later.

One thing was certain Kakashi was going to have to find a way to inform The Hokage of the information that Sasuke had given him. They could prevent the attack from happening if they got the information delivered to the right people at the right time. Kakashi wasn't sure what punishment the Hokage would have for the proud clan but he wasn't certain it would be one that no Uchiha would agree with. In the middle of all of that Kakashi would be returning with Sasuke, and more than likely Itachi's body. He would have to keep Sasuke safe from his own family, Kakashi was certain that The Uchiha's wouldn't want Sasuke at Itachi's funeral, but Kakashi would make sure the boy was there.

Turning back to Sasuke, Kakashi could see the tears and the longing in Sasuke's eyes. It hurt his heart knowing that Sasuke so clearly wanted to be able to talk to his brother and comfort him but was unable to. Sasuke couldn't be blamed for the talking issue if what Sasuke had told him was true about the technique that the Uchiha's had been developing. One thing was certain none of it would be good for the clan when the Hokage found out what they were up to.

Kakashi felt tears well in own eyes as he watched, Sasuke open his mouth as if to say something but no sound came out. Kakashi hated the helpless look in Sasuke's eyes, and in that moment, Kakashi became determined to help Sasuke overcome his disability. He might not be able to teach the kid to talk again but he could help the kid to communicate and become a strong nin. He wondered if the Hokage would allow him to retire from the Anbu and become a teacher. Who knows Sasuke may even be given the opportunity to prove to his family that he was worth more than just the Uchiha name.

Kakashi could feel Sasuke's grief coming off of him in waves and it hurt him, knowing that Sasuke wouldn't be able to avoid this hurt, he would have to face it and deal with it by himself. But that didn't mean that he would be alone, no Kakashi would be there to guide him.

Knowing that he didn't have the words that would make Sasuke feel better about the situation, Kakashi reached out and put his hand on Sasuke's shoulder. He hated that Itachi was dying but was proud that he had been willing to die just to protect his brother. You didn't find that much devotion to one's family anymore.

Sasuke felt the Anbu's hand on his shoulder, he didn't know why but the mysterious man seemed more like a friend than a guard. He seemed like a man who cared more than he should, he seemed to genuinely like Itachi and dislike the rest of the Uchiha's. At this moment, Sasuke didn't much care for the other Uchiha either, and he would gladly see his Clan burn for what they had done to Itachi. Even as Sasuke watched, Itachi's breathing slowed to the point that Sasuke could barely see his brother's chest rise. Fear filled Sasuke's heart and he leaned forward and gripped Itachi's hand in his own. He wanted so badly to be able to speak something, anything that would make this easier for Itachi.

"I'm so sorry, that I done this to you." Sasuke mouthed though he knew his brother couldn't hear him. "If I hadn't been so selfish maybe this never would have happened." Sasuke leaned forward and lay his head on the mattress, no wanting to see Itachi breath his last but needing to be there when it happened. Tears dropped down Sasuke's face, his heart hurting more than it ever had before. Why was this happening? Why did Itachi think Sasuke was important enough to die for? He would never be able to make it up to Itachi and that hurt him deeply. Obviously there was something in Sasuke that Itachi thought was worth going through this hell for, but Sasuke didn't see it. Clearly no one in his family saw or they wouldn't do doing what they were currently doing.

"Why?" Sasuke mouthed again wondering for the millionth time why this was happening. How was he supposed to grow strong from this? Difficult situations didn't always make a person stronger, sometimes it made them give into their weaknesses. Sasuke felt like he was apart of the weak group, he didn't think he had it in him to be as strong as Itachi was. Sasuke didn't think anyone could even be half the shinobi that Itachi was, he was talented and worked hard at everything he done, even protecting his little brother.

"I won't let your life be wasted" Sasuke muttered as he felt Itachi draw in another breath and slowly release it, his chest grew still with that last hiss of air. Sasuke looked up, afraid to look at his brother, he didn't want his last image of Itachi to be that of him dying on a hospital bed. Sasuke felt the Anbu squeeze his shoulder again. Sasuke opened his eyes and forced himself to look at Itachi. His older brother looked more peaceful than he ever had in life. And that was saying something because Itachi loved peace. Sasuke wished for a moment that he could trade places with Itachi, but then he realized that Itachi would be in his position, angry at their father, and unsure of his next move. What would Itachi want him to do? Sasuke his brother wouldn't want him to grieve for the rest of his life, but how could Sasuke not? When the one person that had ever really cared about him was gone?

Sasuke looked up at the Anbu unsure of what he should be doing other than grieving at that moment. Sasuke didn't think that he had ever felt so alone in his life. He was only 13 years old, how was he supposed to feel in this moment.

"Sasuke do you think if you are kept in protective custody that you would be okay in Konoha again?" The Anbu asked, he knew Sasuke had a lot of fear in him at this moment and he couldn't blame the kid. He still had a long recovery ahead of him, he shouldn't have to worry about his family going after him too. Sasuke frowned, he didn't really want to go back to Konoha if things were really as bad as Itachi had claimed they were, then why would he want to go back. He didn't have anyone there that cared for him.

"I can promise that you will be safe." Kakashi said quietly "if you go back, I can teach you to become the strong shinobi that your brother believed you could be." Kakashi knew that Sasuke was at least determined to do that much for his brother, even if he could do nothing else but focus on the hate he had towards his family right now. Kakashi hoped he could turn that hate into energy in which Sasuke could use to grow stronger and maybe perhaps even defeat his father if it should come to that. Which Kakashi didn't think it would, the Third Kazekage would keep Fugaku in jail for the time being, he wouldn't release him any time soon.

"I don't think that it's really possible for me to continue as a nin." Sasuke mouthed as he turned back towards his lifeless brother. He hoped that Itachi was out of whatever pain this life had brought him, Sasuke couldn't stand the thought of Itachi hurting, the fact that Itachi had hurt for Sasuke and what he had been going through made Sasuke want to become stronger and better. He just wasn't certain that he could accomplish being a ninja now.

"You're not the first disabled ninja" Kakashi said "if that's what your worried about. You can still become a strong shinobi you don't need to be able to talk to be a shinobi." Sasuke frowned how would this man know that Sasuke wouldn't be the only disabled nin.

"I'm afraid" Sasuke admitted "and I don't really want to leave Itachi even though he is no longer here." Sasuke didn't even want to really have this conversation, he just wanted to be able to talk to his brother, see what Itachi's next move was. Sasuke was scared, unsure of what his options really were. To be honest going back to Konoha was probably his best bet. At least then he could be around people he was familiar with even if he did have to stay away from his own family.

"I suppose that Itachi will have to have a funeral." Sasuke mouthed "and Mother will want to be there for it. Sasuke wasn't sure that he even wanted to be around his mother right now, nor ever again for that matter.

"Despite everything your mother has done, she deserves to say goodbye to her eldest son." The Anbu pointed out "and like I said you won't be alone. I don't think the Hokage will allow any of your family to be around you once I get that information back to him."

"I shouldn't have to be guarded from my own family." Sasuke mouthed bitterly "I should never have walked in on that conversation that father was having with my uncle."

"Then where would the village be if you hadn't?" The Anbu asked.

"Don't know" Sasuke shrugged "but Itachi would still be alive and that is all that matters to me."

"And maybe many more little brother's would lose their elder brothers in the attack" Kakashi pointed out "it's important to keep that from happening, to keep them from what you are feeling now."

"Maybe" Sasuke said, leaning forward and pressing his forehead against his brother's cool forehead. Sasuke didn't like the lack of warmth because it meant that his brother truly was gone and wasn't with him anymore. Closing his eyes, Sasuke fought against the tears, but it was a losing battle. His grief was spilling over and he had no idea how to handle it. He was scared to go anywhere without his brother, because Sasuke knew that no matter what Itachi would have protected him, now Sasuke was faced with returning to the one place that he was certain wasn't safe for him.

"Itachi made me promise that if something happened to him, I would take you and run." Kakashi said knowing that eventually Sasuke would give in because they had to return Itachi to Konoha. "I promise I wouldn't do anything that wasn't in your best interest. I know you're scared and you have every right to be, but the Hokage has enough man power to protect you. No one will let your family hurt you."

"If you say so." Sasuke sighed feeling defeated and more depressed than ever. This whole situation could have been avoided if he hadn't been such a screw up.

Kakashi's heart hurt for the boy, he was clearly scared and unsure of what he should do next. Kakashi couldn't blame him, if he had his entire clan aiming to kill him just for overhearing a conversation he would be scared to. Kakashi would do his best to prevent that from happening. Once they were back in Konoha though things would probably be normal for a little while at least until Fugaku was released from jail. Things would get difficult then because they would have to find the evidence of the clan's betrayal, and Kakashi was certain that it wouldn't be easy to find. Fugaku was a smart man, he wouldn't just leave any kind of plans lying around. Sasuke might know something about where they were but Kakashi doubted it.

"I'll give you a few more minutes with Itachi and then they are going to have to take his body." Kakashi said softly knowing that Sasuke heard him though he chose not to acknowledge what he'd said.

Sasuke didn't want them to take Itachi's body, he wanted to keep his brother with him, but Sasuke knew it wouldn't be fair to not release Itachi's body for burial. His brother deserved to be able to rest in peace. That was something that Sasuke could do for Itachi, he could return with him to Konoha and allow him to be buried in the family plot.

"I'm sorry this is the way things ended for you" Sasuke silently sobbed "But I promise I will do what you want and do my best to become a strong shinobi and not be controlled by my fear. I know it's not going to be easy, especially not without you by my side, but I'm going to do it, for you, I am going to do it for you."

"That's where you are wrong." Kakashi said "Itachi may not be here with you in body, but he is here with you in spirit. And that's not the only place he's with you" Kakashi kneeled down beside Sasuke and put a finger over Sasuke's heart. "Itachi is in here, and no matter what happens to you, he will always be right there encouraging you when you don't think you can keep going. So do your best for for him, because he will be watching over your every step now." Standing up, Kakashi pulled Sasuke's wheelchair out of the way of the medical personnel that had come to prepare Itachi's body for the return journey to Konoha.

"I don't know that I'm well enough to travel" Sasuke told the Anbu that was standing behind him, as he averted his gaze from the people taking his brother from him. His heart was screaming for them to not take Itachi from him, but Sasuke knew they needed to take him. Sasuke closed his eyes so that he wouldn't see his brother's sheet covered body be removed from the room. Sasuke hadn't thought that anything in his life could hurt like this, he had thought he had felt hurt when his father had barked at him to be more like Itachi but that pain was nothing compared to what he was feeling right now. Nothing would ever be the same without his older brother to guide him but Sasuke knew he wouldn't make the same mistake that he had in attempting to take his own life. Sasuke would somehow find the strength to get through the difficult situations he would make his brother proud so that one day, Sasuke would get to see him again.

First of all though, he had to overcome his eating disorder and his wanting to cut all the time. Sasuke wasn't sure how, but he had the feeling he would be able to recover without too much trouble, at least health wise, he was certain his family would cause him trouble. If the Anbu was to be trusted, then maybe Sasuke wouldn't have to deal with it alone.

Naruto is back in the next chapter, Sakura will be making an appearance soon too. Thanks for reading and reviewing Liz