I tried not to delay too much posting this update. I had an idea of what I wanted for this chapter, but once I started to type it, it flew so naturally that it was scary. I guess I love these characters too much…

Anyway, I hope you guys will enjoy what's coming. Have a good read :o)



Chapter 9

Becoming a Gestalt for dummies, part two

Subject: Gestalt Merging, or how to become a body part and keep your self-esteem more or less intact.

(Reluctantly) imparted by Hook.

"You're so handsome, Skywarp… yeah, like the most handsome mech in the Universe. And your body is sooo hot… I would love to see that huge, monstrous, delicious interface wire everybody is talking about…"

"Mmh, really? Well, maybe I can give you a little taste… I've never been able to say no to a pretty lady like yourself…"

Skywarp startled at the sound of the door opening, almost losing his grip on the severed head he was holding in front of his face. He had spent the last half breem talking to himself through that lifeless carcass that once had belonged to some unfortunate female Autobot.

"Put that down," Hook ordered coldly.

Skywarp threw the grayish head on the pile of junk where he had found it. "There, there, don't blow a fuse… So whose head was that, anyway? We are so scarce of femmes and you Constructicon freaks use their parts to satisfy your kinky pleasures? Gee, at least you could put the girl back together in one piece."

"I'm not going to degrade myself by answering that. Stay away from the waste disposal unit and limit your processor functions to watching and learning. I received orders to initiate you in the principles of Gestalt merging, and as much as I despise such task, I had to comply."

"Trust me Hook, it's not exactly that I'm enjoying it either… TC was lucky, being assigned to Wildrider. Sure, the slagger is crazy, but at least he's not a boring drone… Huh, don't take it personal."

The glance Hook shot Skywarp was the same the Constructicon would have dedicated to a defective gear.

"So what are you going to teach me?" Skywarp continued, leaning casually on a workbench and folding his arms across his chest. "How to become a giant piece of Lego?"

"Transform", Hook commanded, not even looking at his uncomfortable student.

"What? What for?"

"Just do it."

Skywarp shrugged his shoulders and transformed into his F-15 combat jet mode, tearing down some cabinets of the laboratory in the process.

"Not to your alternate mode, you idiot, but to your Gestalt mode," Hook said with very little patience.

Skywarp returned to his bipedal form and scratched his head. "Ah, that one… Huh, to tell you the truth I haven't done it yet, it's kind of weird transforming into an arm… Hey, have you realized that Combiners could also be considered Triplechangers?"

If Hook had had two optics instead of a visor, he would have found the way to roll them. "Believe it or not, others have made that erroneous assumption before, so desist in your efforts to say something intelligent and limit yourself to obeying me. Transform."

"But… just like that? I mean, it's kind of embarrassing… What's the point in doing it alone? Do you ever fool around transforming into Devastator's head or into whatever part of his structure you form? Wouldn't it better to do it only with the rest of your teammates?"

"What I know is that you talk too much. There is a thick metal structure on the ceiling. Transform and attach to it now. Time is a unit that doesn't stop."

"Huh… I would really prefer to…"

Hook turned his back to the Seeker and started to rummage through a cabinet full of tools. "Lie down."

"Whoa, wait… I admit I barely say no to such words, but you're not really my type, Hook."

Hook was not the kind to repeat himself. Skywarp didn't see him pushing the red button on his wrist, but he definitely felt the energy discharge that shook his body, generously provided by a strange device above his head. If he had had the mindset to do so, he would have really considered being more careful with his surroundings from that on, especially when putting a foot in the Constructicons dominion.

"Aaaarrrgh! What did you do to me?!" he cried, falling to the floor and making frenetic efforts to move his body, which had completely ceased to obey him.

"Resistance is useless," Hook said, approaching him with a laser scalpel in hand.

"I… I can't slaggin' move! Whatever you did, undo it! Undo it, you hear me?!"

"I hit you with a mild electronic disruptor beam. Your processor will remain isolated from your motor functions for approximately a breem. You will have no secondary effects, so stop complaining."

"How do you expect me not to complain when you have paralyzed me?"

Hook activated the small controls on his wrist once again and the strange structure hanging above Skywarp seized the immobile Seeker and put him on his back on the workbench aside.

"If this is your definition of getting laid, I'm not interested! Let me go, you insane Constructicon freak!"

"Your yelling is not appreciated. I strongly recommend you to stop it, or I'll apply another dose of my electronic disruptor right to your vocalizer and, as past experiments have demonstrated, it won't be a pleasant experience."

Despite his panic, Skywarp knew that Hook wasn't one to make empty threats, so he made an effort to lower the tone of his voice. "B-but… what are you going to do to me? Y… you were supposed to teach me about Gestalt merging…"

"And that's exactly what I'm doing."

"By hitting me with some version of Screamer's null ray?"

"Unlike Starscream's null ray, my electronic disruptor beam maintains the functionality and sensitivity of the subject's structure."

"And why the slag do you need to keep me sensitive…?" Skywarp said, his panic reaching embarrassing levels when Hook approached and towered him with his shadow. "Oh for the slaggin' Primal Program… what the frag are you going to do? Help!! This maniac's trying to kill me! HELP!"

"Just as resistance has proven to be, petitions for help are also futile."

"Don't you dare touch me, you freak! I'm Megatron's favorite Seeker! Do you have any idea of the mess you will get yourself into if you offline me?"

"Only a childish mind such as yours could think that my primary intention is to deactivate you," Hook calmly said as he began to liberate the joints of Skywarp's left arm plates.

"Aaah, what you are doing? Stop messing with my arm!"

"An arm. Easily said, but have you ever thought about all the moving functions you are allowed to have because of this single servo?"

"Aaaah!" Skywarp cried when Hook applied a mild electric discharge to the now exposed circuits of his forearm.

"As you know, the structure of every Cybertronian is made of millions of components, a diverse kind of circuitry that allows perfect performance of the diverse functions our bodies are able to execute. This arm, as the rest of your limbs, is connected to your processor by a complex net of circuits that doesn't only allow it to move, but to feel. Unlike it, a Combiner Team member who transforms into an arm, is not just a perfect machine consisting of electrical and mechanical components. Gestalt technology goes beyond any kind of anatomical engineering and becomes something that, until not so many vorns ago, was an impossible thing: the creation of one superior being through the merging of different individuals. Even though said merging cannot operate without the communion of the mental processors of the Combiners involved, the process of mechanical union should not, and cannot, be underestimated. The body has to be as perfect as the mind."

"Perfect?" Skywarp asked, considerably more calmed. "How can it be perfect when Gestalt robots are big, crazy creatures? Every time Devastator merges, it's not only the Autobots that shiver in fear."

Another wave of pain made Skywarp cry when Hook applied another electrical discharge, this time to his open shoulder.

"Logic dictates that a mind and a body created by the union of unique individuals has to alter the clarity of the reasoning process," Hook coldly stated as he pinched the joint of Skywarp's index finger. "Like this finger. You consider it your own, that it moves only by the will of your processor. In a Gestalt robot, a finger is the finger of ALL, the same as yours. Even though moving it is an action coming from your own processor, you have to do it with the common will of your Gestalt. Otherwise, you will become an obstacle and will jeopardize the rest of your team. An enemy within the bond is the last thing any Combiner needs."

"How can a finger jeopardize a Combiner team? It's just a fraggin' finger!"

"Not when said finger is anatomically made of the independent structure of one of the team members," Hook replied, lifting the metallic plate of Skywarp's index finger and applying his laser scalpel to the exposed circuitry.

"OK! Just stop burning me! I want to still have my arm attached to my body when we finish this! Where did you learn to teach lessons? In some prison in Kaon?"

"Your words are out of order. I can perform flawlessly to within a 5000th of a Cybertronian mini-inch. No damage to your structure will be sustained."

"Alright, but it still hurts like hell!"

"Pain is momentary, leaves no physical sequels and is the perfect way to emphasize recently acquired knowledge. Are you ready now to transform into your Gestalt form?"

"Yes, yes… just stop torturing me!"

Hook stepped back. "The effects of the electronic disruptor beam I applied to you will vanish in seven astro seconds. Prepare your transformation cog to change into your Combiner shape for the first time."

Just as predicted, Skywarp was off of the workbench as soon as he recovered his mobility. For a moment it seemed that he would take aggressive actions toward his mentor, but the thought of future pain restrained him. It was not a good idea to become enemies with the only surgeon in the base, after all.

"Transform," Hook said again, pointing toward the big metallic plate on the ceiling. "Attach to that structure and wait for my instructions."

Skywarp glanced upwards. "What is that thing, anyway? Some sort of imitation you Constructicons use to practice the merging process?"

"Real Combiners do not need shameful methods such as this to complete a process as simple as merging. Poor imitators such as you and your teammates are entirely a different matter. Now transform!"

Skywarp offlined his optics and clenched his fists, concentrating for the first time in thousands of vorns on the process that was as natural to him as life itself. But he wasn't going through something as normal as to form into an alternate mode. He was assuming something more than a new form; he was becoming something else, a part of an immense being that was a complete stranger to him. How was he supposed to be part of a monstrosity if he was yet to know it?

Suddenly, his head was gone, the same happened with his arms and legs. His wings extended and pointed outwards, but they were not wings anymore. And he was blind. Completely blind.

"What the… I… I can't speak!" he 'said', completely panicked.

Hook glanced coldly at the gigantic and motionless arm before him. "Your vocalizer cannot function. From now on, when you assume your Gestalt form you will communicate with your teammates only through the Combiner bond, if you can ever achieve it, that is."

"Then how it is that you can you hear me?"

"The structure you are attached to allows outsiders to communicate with your isolated form. It's a very basic principle."

"I… I feel really weird… I think I'm going to purge my fuel tanks… If I can ever find my mouth, that is… Put me down! This is a nightmare!"

The nightmare would have reached new levels of horror if Skywarp could have seen himself, a giant black and purple arm hanging sterile from the ceiling.

"Your transformation process is incomplete," Hook told him. "Rearrange the metal layers of your thumb and rotate the plate X-15 of your forearm ninety point seventy five degrees."

"W…what…? Thumb? Forearm? Where the slag they are?"

Hook shot a mild laser beam to the indicated spots, making Skywarp cry in pain. "There, and there… Rearrange them now, otherwise you won't be able to move properly."

Skywarp didn't know how, but he concentrated on the places in which he was feeling the burning pain of Hook's precise shots.

"Initiating motion process," Hook continued. "At my signal, move your index finger."

"I… I can't… please let me return to my original form… this hurts…"

"You won't abandon your Gestalt form until you complete an entire cycle of basic movements. Now move your index finger."

Skywarp didn't know how he did it, nor could he have described the process with words. It was like lifting a very heavy weight in a place that didn't have anything to do with his arms or legs. But it was him, it was his body moving, his mind commanding such movement…

And it wasn't his index finger that moved. It was the middle one, leaving the clenched giant fist to show itself obscenely to the snobby Constructicon surgeon.

Hook didn't show any exterior signal of being offended by that vulgar human gesture. When he spoke, his voice was as calmed and elegant as always.

"As it seems that you don't have major problems with the movement of the fingers, let's proceed to the elbow joints, one of the most sensitive parts of a Cybertronian organism. Allow me to exemplify."

Two breems later, when Reflector walked outside the Constructicons laboratory, he couldn't help but shiver when he heard the cries of pain coming from the inside. It seemed that Vortex, the Combaticon interrogation specialist, had some good competence concerning the millenary art of torture.

……………

Subject: Basics of Gestalt rivalry - cooperation - or how to deal with other Combiner teams that also suffer Primus complex.

Imparted by Swindle, with the invaluable assistance of Drag Strip.

Two shining Autobot insignias received the limpid light of the terrestrial moon, which was bathing handsomely the vegetated hill.

"Mmmmh, my hero," Thrust said grinning, moving away to avoid the punch Dirge threw in his direction immediately after.

"Whoa, careful!" Thrust continued, barely able to restrain himself from the attack of laughter that was threatening to take control of his vocalizer. "I mean it, Dirge, you don't look that bad. As a matter of fact, I even find you hot."

"Hot as a Quintesson wart? I still don't understand why Swindle insisted on painting these slagging insignias on my wings, but most of all I don't understand why the slag I said yes!"

"He said it was part of the program."

"To the inferno with the program!" Dirge said, tearing off a tree from its roots. "I don't recall anybody asking my opinion whether I wanted to become a Combiner team member!"

"Our opinions are not important, Screamer stated that very clearly. All we can do now is to learn as much as we can from Swindle and Drag Strip."

"Yeah, and about that… Where the slag are those two losers? Swindle said we would learn everything we needed to know about protocol between Decepticon Gestalts but until now the only thing I've learned is that this disgusting terrestrial grass itches!"

"Don't complain about terrestrial grass," Swindle said, appearing from behind both Seekers and startling them. "Some humans pay good money for it, did you know?"

"I don't care what humans pay for! You have ten astro klicks to catch my attention, Swindle, or we'll both be out of here. What the slag did you bring us here for? What's to learn in this filthy place?"

"Relax, flyboy, lesson is getting started…" Swindle stated calmly, putting his hands on both Seeker's shoulders. "See those lights?"

Dirge and Thrust focused their optical sensors on the dozen incoming lights that were approaching at the bottom of the valley.

"Human vehicles… so what?" Thrust spat.

"Not just regular human vehicles… Those are underground racing vehicles."

Dirge shook his head. "Are you organizing human races now, Swindle? Is there a limit to how low you can fall? I thought the ground was the limit, but you are full of surprises."

"Thank you. I'll take that as a compliment."

Swindle hadn't finished talking when his comm link came to life and a presumptuous voice could be heard.

"I'm ready here. How much more do I have to wait? I've been ready for almost a breem now. I don't care if you've finished taking bets or not, I'm starting this race right now!"

"Calm down buddy, I'm done with the bets indeed, but take it easy. Remember what we agreed, Drag Strip? You would give those humans two laps of advantage…"

"Yeah yeah yeah, they can have three, they can have as many as they want. I can beat any human with all my tires punctured and driving backwards."

"You are the real king of the road, my friend, nobody but you. Now remember our little deal. No human casualties this time, alright? Finding you new opponents is not becoming easier."

Drag Strip mumbled something unintelligible and ended the communication.

"What was all that about?" Thrust asked.

"Just a little example of nice and smooth cooperation between rival Gestalt members," Swindle said, sitting between the two Coneheads.

"Cooperation? It seems to me that you are using that foolish Drag Strip to gain some human credits."

Swindle laughed. "You're more intelligent than you look, Dirge, I give you that, but in this case you are wrong… at least partially. You see, Drag Strip receives the half of my earnings – or what he thinks is half – but the main reason he does this is to temporarily satisfy his obsession to win."

"Tell me something I don't know," Dirge snarled. "But why would you be interested in helping him? I bet you have a zillion other ways to make earnings on this filthy planet. I thought you Combaticons hated those Stunticon loonies…"

"And we do, flyboy, we do… But sometimes you need to forget about old rancor for the sake of major goals."

"Such as profits?" Thrust asked ironically.

"There is no more sacred goal than profits, my friends, but in this case I was talking about simple comradeship. You guys are about to enter the Decepticons Combiner Teams world, and trust me, blending in won't be easy, nor pleasant. There is a special protocol, rules you have to follow… Otherwise, you're doomed."

"So you brought us here just to tell us that slag?" Dirge complained. "What a waste of time!"

"My friendly piece of advice is a free bonus, and you two flyboys should know that I never give anything for free. But don't you think I brought you here for nothing. Just stay where you are and keep your processors open. By Megatron's orders, you both are mine for the rest of the night shift, so you better make this useful and learn something."

"Learn… learn what?" Dirge insisted.

"Ssssh… the race is about to begin…"

Just as Swindle had said, the human vehicles took off, leaving dense clouds of dust behind, but also a very impatient sentient yellow Tyrell P-34 Six-Wheeler race car, who couldn't wait for the two laps of advantage granted to be over.

"I don't understand Drag Queen, really," Thrust said with contempt. "Why does he race against humans when he could race against his teammates?"

"Aaaah, basic Combiner protocol," Swindle replied. "Drag Strip races his teammates indeed, but he can't do it as often as he would like to. You see, the Stunticons were made to conquer the roads, alright, but if you take a closer look at their screwed personality components, you will notice that, despite of their high speed, they're all a bunch of loser junk piles. In other words, Drag Strip's need for racing can't be always covered by his teammates. So what does he do? He comes to me. And I help him, for a price."

"So we have a Combaticon and a Stunticon working together…" Dirge said with a grimace. "How romantic… What's next, Mr. Dealer? Are you going to put together a mental asylum to make Wildrider and Mixmaster feel at home? Or will you make possible Long Haul's fantasy of actually constructing something by himself? I'd advise them to be careful. If you were able to sell your own teammates as scrap, I don't want to think what other Combiners can expect from your help."

Swindle burst into laughter, not even slightly offended by Dirge's words. "I'm glad to see you know the basics of the personalities of your soon to be fellow Combiners, Dirgy. Oh, Drag Strip has just won his race… Faster than usual, and he just destroyed one human vehicle… Okay, time for us to proceed to the practical part of our lesson, boys."

"What do you mean practical?" Thrust asked. "You want us to race against those humans too?"

"You wouldn't believe how much humans pay for the opportunity to race against a Decepticon, but I have something better planned for you two. You guys are Seekers, aren't you? What do you call yourselves? Oh yes… princes of the skies."

"That's what Starscream calls himself," Thrust corrected.

"Never mind, those details are not important. What I mean is that your ego doesn't have to envy that of your treacherous Air Commander. And I wouldn't be the one to lower you from your high elite level, oh no. You two, my friends, deserve nothing less than the big spotlights tonight."

"What the slag are you talking about?" Dirge asked.

"The humans pay a fortune to race a Decepticon… but you wouldn't believe how much they paid to witness a real Autobot-Decepticon fight."

"Autobot…?" Dirge repeated, looking at his recently painted red insignias. "You're not saying…"

"That's exactly what I'm saying, Dirgy boy," Swindle said with a smile, patting Thrust's shoulder. "You are to battle this evil Decepticon Seeker tonight."

"What the frag…? First, I'm also an Evil Decepticon Seeker, and one who doesn't give a pit about what you say! If I'm fighting someone tonight, that will be you, screw head!"

"Mmmh, I don't think so. If you know what's good for you, Dirge, you will fly down there and exchange some good punches with your wingmate."

Dirge hesitated, his fists clenched with frustration. "Did you fry a microchip? These humans will see we have the same design! They'll never believe we belong to different factions, even with these slaggin' badges you painted on my wings."

"Never underestimate the humans' stupidity. They will believe what you tell them to believe. Showtime now, guys! Give me a good spectacle and I'll be very generous with the earnings."

Now it was Thrust's turn to get infuriated. "You are more slagged than I thought if you believe we're going to obey you. We are Elite Seekers, you filthy piece of Combaticon junk! There is no way I'm going to fight Dirge, no slaggin' way!"

Swindle smiled cynically. "Oh, but you will, Thrust, you will… You don't want me to inform Soundwave that you both refused to accept the valuable teachings I generously shared with you tonight, do you? I don't need to say that once that piece of information reaches Megatron's audios, the consequences won't be nice for you two. Our dear leader has big plans for your so called Seeker Gestalt… You don't want to ruin them, do you?"

"This is blackmail!" Dirge cried.

"Just a bit of friendly persuasion between fellow Combiners. Now would you please proceed below? You will notice that the humans have already created a circle with their vehicles. Give them a good show. Remember, I'll contact your comm links to notify you who will be the winner. This is the first time I've done this and I can't predict how the bets will go."

Dirge grimaced and shook his head, not knowing who he despised more, Swindle or himself, about to be part of a circus for a bunch of organic creatures. "So you don't know who will win, huh? As a heroic Autobot, I feel it's my duty to complain about your methods."

"Complaint acknowledged, my dear Autobot, but ignored. Now you know what to do. Transform and roll out!"

………

Dirge and Thurst had been fighting for some minutes when Drag Strip came out from the trees at the top of the cliff and stood beside Swindle. The Stunticon was dragging the shattered carcass of a human racing car with one hand.

"What a pair of losers," the Stunticon said. "It's so obvious they are faking their battle. They are hitting each other with minimal strength."

"Perhaps, but the humans seem not to notice it. See? They are fascinated… You'd say they are witnessing Primus and Unicron battling face to face."

Drag Strip grimaced with contempt whilst he removed a small branch from his forearm. "Mmmph. These humans are so easy to impress… I have to say I'm disappointed, Swindle. You said you would find me some real rivals for tonight, and yet my victory couldn't have been easier. I'm still waiting for you to provide me a challenge worthy of my skills."

"And you will have it, Drago, you will have it… I'm already moving my influences to get you back on the F1 circuit, all legal and everything. I bet you miss your old origins, huh?"

"I can't miss what I don't remember. But as long as you get me some decent opponents, I'll race anywhere."

Drag Strip threw the battered human car into the bushes and turned around, clearly preparing to leave.

"Hey… Aren't you forgetting something, Drag Strip? I wagered you I would make those two Coneheads fight each other to entertain the humans, with Dirge using Autobot insignias."

Drag Strip's optical visor shone with anger. "I didn't think you were talking seriously, that's why I didn't pay enough attention to your stupid bet. So don't consider this a victory, because it isn't. You didn't win me, got it?"

"Whatever you say, my friend. But still…"

"Take the amount we agreed from my earnings tonight. I'm not into these races because of the profits, anyway."

That's all Drag Strip said before transforming and disappearing through the bushes at full speed.

Swindle smirked. Most of the Combiners hated competition, but he enjoyed the existence of other Gestalt teams. Manipulating their natural rivalries and taking advantage of their obsessions had proven to be a rich way of obtaining profits. If there was someone who knew exactly how to handle relationships between members of different Combiner teams, that was him, and that also included Autobot Gestalts, of course.

As he scanned the dented car Drag Strip had thrown and guessed how much Scavenger would pay for such a nice piece to add to his junk collection, Swindle activated his comm link and targeted the Coneheads fighting below.

"Okay guys, show's over. You're being a bit too enthusiastic, Thrust, which was good because most of the humans bet on you. Time for you to back down and let the good guy win. Remember the juicy profits awaiting, not to mention that I'll make sure to report to Soundwave what wonderful students you two were tonight. So, Dirge, you know what to do. Show that Decepticon creep who's boss!"

To be continued.



This chapter was so fun to write. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

Next update: Starscream will receive a lesson he will never forget.

Bear hugs to iratepirate for beta reading.

Thanks for reading and for all your support, guys. Please leave me a review with your opinion. See you soon!