Sorry it took a little longer to get this chapter up. I wanted to post it yesterday but the weather was amazing so rather than spending time at the computer I was busy enjoying the sun. It won't last, so I should have plenty of time to write again next week. Next chapter will be up Tuesday I think.
Viktoria might have been a little bit OOC last chapter, but I felt something needed to trigger Dimitri's protective instincts. I also think Vika knew her mother and brother would push her into telling the truth, and she's stubborn enough to justify herself by making it sound like she still believed those words, even if she already knew they were wrong.
Anyway, enjoy this chapter and the weekend :) Plot is mine, the rest is owned my Richelle Mead of course.
Chapter 8
DPOV
I didn't go back inside until I was completely sure everyone would be in bed. I didn't know what they'd think of me after everything I told them, but it's probably no worse than what I think of myself.
At first I couldn't sleep, and when I finally did drift off, I had another nightmare. It was nothing like my usual nightmares though. I'm not sure if it had anything to do with my revelations earlier or if there's something else affecting my dreams, but it was definitely different. Rather than me being Strigoi and doing aweful things to Roza, this time it was the other way around. Me going to save her, me being captured, Roza being pale and cold with red rings around her eyes. And finally, at the end of the dream, me staking her.
I woke up gasping for breath. I wish I could go back to my old dreams, at least they were familiar. Now I see things and places where I've never been before. I do understand what Adrian meant with looking at things from a different perspective though. These nightmares give me a whole new appreciation of what Roza went through.
Over the next few days I get reacquainted with my family, play with my nieces and nephew, eat all of my favorite meals and try to help my mother while she tells me to sit down and relax. Nobody mentions the arguement with Viktoria, Roza or my restoration again. I think they're just not really interested in the latter though. As far as they are concerned it's a miracle. I'm alive and that's what's important. It doesn't matter how it came about.
Only two people in the house keep their distance from me. Yeva is quiet, sitting in her chair and watching me and the others. Occasionally I see her fix a disapproving glare on me, but she never says a word. Babushka has her own agenda, she will tell me when she thinks it's time for me to hear.
Viktoria does talk to me, but things are a little strained between us. I think she's ashamed of herself, but I'm not ready to let her off the hook for insulting Roza yet.
One evening my family threw a party to celebrate my return. Almost the whole community showed up, bringing food and exclaiming how happy they are I am okay. I haven't seen most of these people since before I graduated. When I was guarding Ivan my trips home were short, just spending some time with the family before returning to my charge. After I was assigned to St. Vladimirs I never found the time to come here at all.
Luckily nobody is all that interested in how I came to be here. They congratulate my mother, and I hear several of them talking about miracles. A few people ask me about Rose, remembering her from the memorial, but after some vague assurances that she's okay and is working at Court they leave me be.
Only two things that happen at the party really stay with me.
The first thing was when I saw Viktoria talking to a boy. I didn't know him but he looked nice enough. It wasn't this boy that caught my attention though. Next to him is another boy, a little older, who does look familiar. I rack my brain trying to remember where I've seen him before. Finally I recall seeing him with Roza, just before I kidnapped her. I was standing in the shadows of a building, watching her make her way down the street with a boy and a girl. They never saw me because they went inside while Roza went to help the crazy old lady, giving me the perfect opportunity to take her.
The boy must've felt my gaze because he looks at me before making his way across the room and leaning against the wall next to me. He doesn't speak at first and he seems a little uncomfortable being near me. I don't push him and finally he introduces himself.
"Dimitri right? I'm Denis."
"It's nice to meet you. I guess that's your brother talking to Viktoria?"
"Yeah that's Nikolai. I think he likes her but he's too scared to make a move."
I laugh at that. "It's not easy to ask a girl out, I'm sure he'll pluck up the courage eventually."
He laughs with me but seems surprised.
"Aren't you bothered by the idea of your sister dating? I heard you can be quite protective."
"I am, but Karolina and Sonya convinced me years ago that I have no business getting involved in their lives like that. They also showed me they are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves."
I remember that conversation vividly. I was twelve and I didn't like the guy Karo was going out with. One night I saw them outside and he was pushing her for a kiss she didn't want to give him. I thought I would step in and help out, but in the end Karo punched the guy, and after chasing him off, she kicked my ass for treating her like a damsel in distress. Then she got Sonya and the both of them gave me a lecture I wouldn't easily forget. I made a promise never to step in again unless they or Viktoria specifically asked me to, and I kept it.
Denis is quiet while I reminisce. He relaxes a little though, probably happy I'm not about to kick his brother out of the house for talking to Vika. After a while he starts shifting uncomfortably before getting to the point.
"Uhm.. I meant to ask you.. Is Rose okay? She was with us in Novosibirsk and just disappeared one day."
"Yes Rose is at court, she's working as a guardian there."
He looks relieved. "Good, we were all very worried. She was always telling us not to go out alone and to be careful, and then the one time we leave her alone she doesn't return. Do you know what happened to her?"
I debate on what to tell him. I don't want to tell the whole story, but since he was part of her group he deserves an honest answer.
"Rose was taken by a Strigoi. He held her for a while, but before she could be turned she escaped. After she recovered she went back to America and the academy to graduate."
"Good, the others will be happy to hear it too."
"Are you guys still hunting without her?"
"No we stopped actually. Tamara got scared when Rose vanished. Lev, Arthur and I tried to continue but it didn't take us long to figure out we weren't nearly as strong with just three of us. We had a few close calls so we quit. I'm actually about to return to St. Basil's with my brother. I'm hoping to graduate after all."
"That's great, I hope you succeed"
I think Roza will be happy to know all of them are apparently still alive, and she'd be especially thrilled to know Denis is returning to school. She made a huge difference in their lives. If she hadn't joined them, there is a good chance some, or all, of them might be dead by now. It's humbling to see how much influence Rose has on the people around her, even if she doesn't realize it herself.
Denis pushes away from the wall. "Well, it was nice talking to you. Congrats on your restoration, I'm sure Rose was ecstatic. Will you tell her about me going back to school when you see her?"
No need to tell Denis we aren't on speaking terms at the moment. I'll find a way to let her know.
"Yes I will, I'm sure she'll want to know."
"Thanks. See you around."
I don't see him again after that, but his brother sticks to Viktoria's side troughout the evening.
The second thing to catch my attention was a conversation with a couple I do know. I hadn't seen them in a long time so it took me a little while to remember their names when they came up to me and the woman started to talk.
"Hello Dimitri, it's nice to see you again."
That's when I recall their names. They're a bit of an oddity in our world. Moroi and dhampirs don't normally marry so they tend to keep to themselves.
"Oksana, Mark, good to see you too. Thanks for coming tonight."
Oksana is studying me and there is this odd, fluttering feeling in my head. To my surprise, Mark's eyes are unfocused for a second before he smiles at me.
"I couldn't have kept Oksana away if I wanted to. We were both very curious how this happened."
Before I can answer, Oksana continues.
"When I told Rose I thought it was a fairytale, or the ramblings of a man who wasn't in his right mind. Mark tried to stop me from telling her because of that. But clearly it was true, because here you are, and I can still see some of the remaining darkness in your aura. It's very interesting. I never thought it'd really be possible to restore Strigoi."
I'm flabbergasted. Oksana told Rose about restoring Strigoi? It takes a few seconds for her comment about my aura to register. I never knew Oksana is a spirit user. I feel the fluttering sensation again and Mark shoots a disapproving look at Oksana.
"Yes my element is spirit. It's not widely known, as far as everyone else was concerned I just didn't specialize."
It's like she read my mind. "How did you know that's what I was thinking?"
She looks a little sheepish. "I could see a lot of confusion in your aura so I read a little deeper. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done it."
I nod at her, still trying to process what I just heard. Oksana is a spirit user and can read minds. And apparently, at some point, she told Roza about a way to restore Strigoi.
"Rose found out about the possiblity of restoration through you?" I thought somehow Vasilisa found a mention of it and figured it out.
"I think so yes, didn't she tell you? As I said, I thought it was just a fairytale at the time. The only real clue I could give her was a name."
"No we never talked about it. Princess Vasilisa and Adrian Ivashkov had been doing research about spirit so I assumed that's where they found the information."
"Ah that is too bad, I was hoping you could tell me more."
I never thought there would be much to tell. Vasilisa somehow restored me using spirit and as far as I was concerned, that was the whole story. When I get back to Court I'll have to ask her sometime. Meanwhile I will tell Oksana the only thing I do know.
"I can tell you how I was restored. The Princess staked me with a stake that had been infused with spirit. I could feel the magic, it was.. I can't even begin to describe it."
Oksana and Mark look at eachother.
"I never thought of charming a stake but since they are made of silver, I could definitely see how that might work. You don't think a guardian could've used an infused stake?"
"I have no idea to be honest. I assume there's a reason the Princess staked me herself though. It would have been much easier to let a guardian do it, she could have infused several stakes after she found out how to, with no risk to herself."
"Yes I didn't consider that."
Oksana is introspective as she stands in front of me, but after a few minutes she starts studying me again. Mark is alternately watching Oksana and me, but he stays quiet. He hasn't spoken at all since greeting me, he seems content to just be next to Oksana and let her take the lead. He never seems surprised by what she's asking, or bothered by her silences. I'm a little puzzled, until I remember something babuska once told me. Mark and Oksana have a bond. He's shadowkissed like Rose.
Oksana either sees understanding on my face or she senses it by spirit, but she smiles at me.
"We should go home. Thank you for telling us so much Dimitri, I'm glad to know Rose succeeded where many others would have given up."
Mark speaks up as well, giving me some advice. "Make sure you keep an eye on Rose. There was a lot of darkness around her when she was here. I hope it's better now you're restored and she's back with her bondmate, but it's not an easy thing to be shadowkissed. She needs someone strong and reliable to be there for her if the darkness takes over."
Mark nods at me before taking Oksana's hand and heading outside. Soon after they leave I sneak upstairs to my room. I doubt anyone will notice I'm gone at this point and I want to be alone. Mark and Oksana have given me a lot to think about.
When I wake up next morning the house is still quiet. Everyone is probably sleeping late after yesterday's party. When I make my way to the kitchen though, my mother is already there. As soon as I sit down she puts a cup of coffee in front of me and continues cooking.
"Morning Dimka, did you sleep well?"
I mumble something unintelligible because I don't want her to know about my nightmares.
She leaves me be and I enjoy the companiable silence.
It's not until she pours me another cup of coffee before she turns off the stove, gets herself a cup and sits across the table from me.
"Dimka, what happened between you and Rose?"
"You heard what happened Mama. There is nothing else to say." I made an effort never to mention Rose if I could avoid it, hoping to evade a conversation like this.
"That's not what I meant and I think you know that. I do not believe she would just stay away from you, or from us, after everything she went through."
"Why not? Wouldn't you stay away from someone who did those things to you?"
"Dimka.."
I sigh. "I really don't want to talk about this Mama."
"I figured as much when you didn't bring her up over the past few days, and with the way you flinch whenever someone says Rose's name. I could see you were upset so I gave you some space, but I don't think letting you stew is doing you any good. What happened Dimka?"
I can tell there's no use in avoiding the subject so I reluctantly answer her question.
"After I was restored I was very overwhelmed. I could feel so many things again, emotions, pain. It was like I was rediscovering everything. And I could remember the things I had done over the months I was that monster. I was horrified Mama, I have done so much damage. People will never return to their homes and their families because of me.
I felt... damaged is probably the best word to describe it. I was myself and yet nothing like who I used to be. I was so focussed on the guilt I felt for everything I had done, and gratitude to Vasilisa for restoring me, I shut out everything else."
As I continue I fix my eyes on the cup in front of me, not wanting to see my mother's disappointment at what I'm about to tell her.
"Roza wouldn't let go. She tried to see me even though I told my guards and Vasilisa I didn't want to see her. I was no longer the man she knew, that she fell in love with, and at the time I thought that man was gone forever. I also thought being around her would just be a constant reminder to both of us of everything I had done.
But Rose kept trying. No matter how hard I pushed her away, she would always find another chance to see me or talk to me. She wasn't going to give up on me, no matter what happened or how damaged I was. One day I figured out a way for her to leave me alone, and I acted on it without thinking about the consequences. I told Rose I had given up on her and that my love had faded."
I feel like such a coward now, but at the time I really thought it was best for both of us. I doubt my mother will see it that way though. She raised me better than this.
I'm surprised when my mother talks in a soft voice. "Oh Dimka."
She doesn't sound disappointed or angry. I hear compassion in her voice and when I pluck up the courage to look at her she has a sad smile on her face.
"I didn't know what else to do Mama. At the time I didn't even know most of what she went through. In the past few weeks I've heard from other people to what lengths Roza went for me and it's astonishing. She has suffered so much, and it's all because of me. What I did to her was unforgivable. I still think she's better off without me in her life, but I shouldn't have gone about it the way I did."
My mother thinks for a while before asking me a question.
"If Rose had been turned, wouldn't you have done everything in your power to save her?"
"Of course I would."
"And if she had hurt you while Strigoi, would you have blamed her for it? Knowing who she was before she was turned, and how much she loved you?"
Again I answer without hesitation.
"No, it wouldn't really be my Roza."
"Then why do you blame yourself for what happened? And why can't you accept that Rose doesn't blame you?"
"Because of what I wanted to do to her Mama! If Rose hadn't been ingenious enough to figure out a way to escape, I would have turned the woman I love into a Strigoi! I.."
I choke up. Just imagining Roza like that, cold and evil, it's so much like the nightmare I had earlier this week. I can't bear thinking about a world in which my Roza is no longer alive.
My mother gives me a few moments to regain my composure before she smiles at me.
"Did you hear what you just said? The woman you love. Love, not loved Dimka. You are capable of feeling so much more than just guilt and gratitude, if only you would give yourself the chance. If you give Rose a chance."
And I realize I do love Roza, I love her more than anything. Knowing it makes everything so much worse thought. I sigh in defeat. "I don't think there is another chance for me and Roza. She has changed Mama. From what her mother told me she has closed herself off from everyone around her. And Abe Mazur told me to stay away from her, threatened me actually. I no longer have a place in Roza's life."
"I'm not surprised to hear about Abe. He's not above threatening anyone, least of all someone who upset his daughter."
My mind goes blank and my mouth falls open. It takes me at least ten seconds before my brain starts working again.
"Rose is his daughter?!"
"Isnt she? Rose never told me, but they look so much alike and Abe went to so much trouble for her. It was the only explanation that seemed to fit."
Recalling both their faces, I realize my mother is correct. The eyes, the hair color, her skintone. The nazar her mother gave her from her Turkish father. Her passionate personality, sarcastic sense of humour, willingness to bend the rules for the people she cares about, it all clicks. How did I never realize it? I groan.
"Oh god, I really am lucky Roza made him promise not to kill me."
My mother outright laughs at that. "Did she? Smart girl."
Neither of us talk after that, until my mother gets up to continue cooking.
"You never know if there's another chance until you try Dimka. I don't think Rose would just throw away her love for you because of something you did or said. The fact that she changed so much just proves how much it affected her. She never gave up fighting for you. Maybe it's your turn to fight for her now."
I consider her words. Since I've been restored I've tried to protect Rose by staying away from her, and by pushing her away forcefully because I thought it would be best. But what if I was wrong? And even if I wasn't wrong at the time, it doesn't mean I can't fight for her now I know how I feel.
"What should I do Mama?"
The answer doesn't come from my mother. An old voice speaks from behind me as I get slapped on the back of my head.
"You get on the first flight back boy. You will have to prove you are worthy of Roza. It will be incredibly difficult, and people who care about her will stand in your way. If you can convince them of your love and suitability though, you might find them to be powerful allies."
I do the only thing I can think of. I hug Yeva.
"Thank you babushka." She said it would be difficult, not that it was impossible. Yeva gave me hope.
