Jack stood and walked away. He couldn't hear this. Committing Ianto would just enforce him feeling rejected. He needed to just sit and think. He sat at his desk and mulled over what Owen had said. He didn't want to think Owen was right. His eyes looked down at the stone sitting on the desk.
"An Altracti Fear Stone? What's Ianto doing with this? No wonder he just snapped..."
He opened the letter on the desk. The last letter Ianto thought he was giving. He unfurled the papers, seeing filled-in employee discharge forms, a death certificate, and a letter addressed to him. He burst into tears.
"Oh Ianto..."
Seeing the death certificate with the word "suicide" broke something inside Jack. Owen's words rung through his head - this wasn't a cry for help. He was really serious.
"Ok. Owen's right."
Jack opened the note left to him and read.
My dearest Jack,
I'm so sorry you see me as just a play toy, a threat for you to control. Even if your feelings for me were all just a ruse, mine for you were genuine. You were my everything, my entire world revolved around you, and it broke my heart to find out about your true intentions. The stone opened my eyes, and took away the only reason I had to live. Everything else was just too painful. I hurt every moment of every day, but had to keep it all to myself because it was considered inappropriate. I had to hide away to keep people from seeing the pain inside simply because it was inconvenient for them. Even you stopped allowing me to show the suffering after, what you considered, an appropriate amount of time. I just can't live in this world anymore. I can't take the loneliness and expectations. I feel bad that I don't get to say goodbye in person, but I know I have to go, and you still have the power over me to stop me - even if it's not real for you. But I will say thank you, because you gave me the happiness I needed to live. It was just selfish and hopeful of me to think it would last. But it's all ok now. Everything is as it should be. I don't belong here anymore.
I love you. It saddens me to think that if there is an afterlife, I won't see you there.
I will remain yours, for as long as I - and you - live.
Ianto Jones.
Jack balled.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."
The letter had torn his heart out. He would ask himself why Ianto would ever think he didn't care for him, but he knew why. The stone had shown him his worst fear, and not knowing what it was, thought it was real. He left his office to go sit by Ianto's side.
"Jack?"
Jack said nothing to Owen, who was writing up a report. Jack dragged the make-shift stool to Ianto's bedside. He kissed his forehead and sat himself down.
"I'm so sorry, Yan, that you saw what you did. If only you'd told me, I could have explained... You are everything to me, Yan. Everything. Nothing would ever change that, you hear? I'm going to be here now. Always when you need. You can be as broken as you need, I'm not leaving you, and I always care. It was all real."
Owen returned to his paperwork. He didn't mind Jack sitting there talking to himself. Tosh had kept coming back every five minutes for news, until Owen shooed her away saying he'd call if anything changed, that they could all come together soon and talk, but he needed to do some paperwork first. He was tired, now that the adrenaline had worn off.
"Jack, we need to get him to a proper facility soon, and it's going to take some time to organise. I need your approval."
"Yes. Do what you can. I'll make a call to UNIT."
Jack got up again. He was going to look after Ianto if it killed him. And that meant there was no option other than caring for his Ianto until he was better.
Jack called UNIT, and they actually had a couple of suggestions for him. He said he needed to meet any of the psychiatrists before letting them meet Ianto, and that he needed somewhere to have Ianto on a 24 hour suicide watch. They suggested the UNIT hospital, but it was in London. He didn't want to ship Ianto out to London, but both of their psychiatrists were in London too. He was left with either committing Ianto in a local hospital and trying to avoid the awkward issues of secrecy and finding a psychiatrist they could give clearance to, or going to London for maybe months. He'd said he'd call them back soon with an answer. For now, he called a team meeting in the med-bay to discuss what had happened and where to go from here.
"We have to commit Ianto. But he's not going to be happy about it." Jack said solemnly.
"Jack, start at the beginning. Tosh and I are very confused..."
"The fucker tried to off himself."
"Owen, that's enough. Apparently he'd been unhappy for some time. But just faked it because he thought we wanted him to, that had to. It...it was my fault. I didn't ... care for him like he needed." Jack fought back the tears, taking a deep breath.
"But I'm going to care for him now. Even if he hates me for it. Anyway, on our hike, he found this."
Jack lifted a bag, and the stone was inside.
"An Altracti Fear Stone. They use these to see one's own deepest fears. And somehow... Ianto found one. And thought it was all real."
"And so he just decided to commit suicide?" Gwen asked, with a tone of 'well that's not enough'.
"He didn't 'just' decide to do that. He... he thought... that we hated him. All of us. That ... I ... hated him, just using his emotions to control him. He wrote me a letter, telling me that I was all that was keeping him here, and so when he saw the vision, he didn't have reason to live anymore."
"How?" Tosh questioned.
"Electrocution." Owen stated bluntly. "I'd noticed a change in him and thought I'd keep an eye on him, but when I saw he'd made a list of different suicide methods, I panicked and just went to get Jack. He must have noticed... and tried before we could stop him."
"Ok. So what now?"
"Well Gwen, there are two options. We take him to London, have him admitted to the UNIT hospital and have their psychiatrist work with him. But that'd likely take months. Or, we find a local hospital, try explain the situation to the staff and somehow find a psychiatrist that we can give clearance to so Ianto can actually talk."
There was silence. Both options had ups and downfalls. The team didn't want to say anything in case it contradicted with Jack.
"I'm asking for opinions, guys." Jack said to the blank faces.
It was Tosh who spoke first.
"I think he should stay here. He knows it here, it'll make him more comfortable and less like we're exporting the problem."
"I agree with Tosh. I know a couple of people from the police days that are used to dealing with trauma. He's family now, Jack, we can't just send him away."
Jack nodded. "I wanted to keep him here too, where we can all help. I just wanted to make sure I was doing what was right for him, not what made me feel best."
"I'll organise it with the hospital then. Gwen, could you give me the names of those doctors?" Owen asked, swivelling in his chair.
"Contact them all, I want to meet each of them first." Jack said.
"I'll start doing some research into how we can help."
"Alright, but once you do that I'm going to need you and Gwen to manage most of the things around here for a while. Owen and I need to be around Ianto for the first part of this."
Tosh nodded at Jack, and started looking through her computer. Jack petted Ianto's cheek.
"It's ok my love. We'll help you."
Jack gave him a gentle kiss.
