"What...is your name?"

A snort. "Drew Lipsky."

A small beep sounded.

"What...is your quest?"

"Quest? Uh, to not be beaten up by bullies?"

Another beep..

"What...are your intentions with my daughter?"

"What are my- I don't have any intentions with your dau-" he was cut off by a high-pitched wailing that drowned out any and all other noises for several seconds. James' glare made Drew gulp before saying, "Does wanting to be her friend count?" A third beep answered his question.

Kim, standing off to the side and rubbing her head, asked, "Is this really necessary, Dad?"

"Nothing is unnecessary when it comes to your well-being, Kimmie-cub," James replied sternly, "especially when there's a boy involved." He turned back to Drew, double-checking the various wires and connectors that were attached to the young man's head and neck, before resuming his questioning. "What is the last thing that you remember?"

Ron piped up with, "Well, I remember walking here with KP and Drew, and then when you pulled out that weird machine thing I asked Kim for the Kimmunicator and I started playing…"

"Ronald, I wasn't asking you," James said, his focus still clearly on Drew.

Drew shifted uncomfortably. "I, er, I remember getting my head stuck in a toilet at school. In Lowerton?" Clearing his throat, he continued with a grimace, "I remember those stupid, bulky, dumb, uncool jerks, Joel and Mike-they're into those meathead sports, football and, uh, ice football-laughing about my hair, saying that it needed a good washing." He self-consciously touched his hair. "I also remember thinking 'gee, these toilets are really dirty. I wonder if I can make something that cleans them automatically since the janitor is CLEARLY not doing his job'. And I remember-"

"Okay, I think that's enough on that," the older man said, the machine's beeping clearly finally getting on his nerves. James took the various nodes off of Drew and set them aside. "He's answered the most important questions. I have to protect my Kimmie-cub from boys with ill intent, after all." He leaned forward to look more closely at Drew and asked, "Drew, do you know who I am?"

"Should I?" The confusion in his voice was evident as he also began to scrutinize the other man. He suddenly gasped and blurted, "Oh my gosh! You're me, aren't you?"

"Wait, what?!" Ron looked up from the Kimmunicator on which he was playing a game and looked around manically. "Who's what now? Who's you?"

"This guy is me!" Drew cried, reeling back in shock.

"Drakken is Kim's dad?!" Ron grabbed his hair at the supposed revelation. "Mr Dr P, I am SO SORRY! I can't believe Mrs Dr P would do that!"

"Ron, she didn't… And Drew didn't mean that Drakken was with..." Kim tried to say, but could not manage it through her incredulity at the two boys' behavior.

"No. No, you are not me, and Drakken is not Kimberly's father," James said slowly, looking at Kim for some help. He found none, however, as she was now busy smashing her hand into her face. The young men had upgraded to incoherently yelling and babbling. His eyebrows furrowed as he spoke more loudly, "Boys, I am not Drew Lipsky!" Specifically turning to Drew, he added, "My name is James Possible, and I was an old college friend of yours."

This seemed to calm Drew down, but Ron gave James the evil eye and asked, "How do we REALLY know that's who you are?"

"Ron, stop giving in to hysteria!" the redhead in the room snapped in frustration. Knowing that the only thing that would calm down Ron's logic fail was an even bigger one, she said, "You've known my dad since pre-K. How could he be Drew AND Drakken AND my dad? He'd be, like, nearly 80 by this point!"

"Oh, right." Ron sat down and sighed, reaching down to restart his game-playing only to find the device missing. Looking around, he realized that Rufus had taken it when he was freaking out and had started up a game of his own. "Hey, buddy, can I have that back?"

"Snooze 'n lose!" the little mole rat chittered, happily pounding away at the buttons.

"Aw man!"

Ignoring the two, Drew queried with some confusion, "So you were a friend-friend? Like, an actual friend?"

"Of course I was!" James seemed almost offended by the implication in Drew's question.

"So…" The younger man seemed to be having trouble thinking of what to say. "Do you...do you know how I went so coo-coo? Like...did I get beaten up so bad I cracked, or had an experiment gone wrong or something? Or," he gasped, "did someone discover that Santa Claus isn't real? 'cause, well, we were friends and you knew what I was up to, right?"

James was at a loss for words. "Well, Drew, I was your friend-friend, but I did lose touch with you. I'm not sure when it was that you 'went cuckoo', as you young people say." James blinked at the other, now younger man and chuckled.

"So you have no idea when I started losing it?" Drew asked incredulously. He snorted and flopped back in his seat. "Some friend YOU are! ...were." A pregnant pause followed as he whispered to himself for a few seconds. "Were? Are… Hmm..."

Taking advantage of Drew's distraction, Kim broke into the conversation. "If you're done with your interrogation, Dad, we have other things that we need to take care of."

"We do?" James asked, seemingly lost in his thoughts.

"Yes, we do." Kim pulled on his arm, getting him up from his own chair, and started dragging him off. "New clothes, that sort of thing?" She could see him starting to protest, to which she cut off with, "I know it's late, but frankly, Drew needs at least a new pair of pants."

"Pants?" Her father scratched his head. "Can't he borrow some of Ronald's clo-"

"I told you that my mom donated it all!" Ron cried as he waved his arms in front of him. At James' confused expression, he seemed to think on it a bit more. "Oh, right, you weren't there."

"Ronald, calm down," James said, eyeing the blond's raised arms. "Mistakes happen. Perhaps next time you should lay off of the caffeine?"

"Dad…" Kim said, pointing to the clock. "Clothes won't buy themselves, and someone won't let me have a car. Now, there are only so many stores that would sell stuff that a guy should be seen in, so we need to get go-"

"Why would you need to go buy some guy clothes?" a set of voices asked from the stairs.

The redhead resisted a growl but was unable to hold back a pained look. "Tweebs."

"Oh, who's that?" Tim asked as he slid down the bannister, his brother behind him. Both had large, mischievous grins on their faces.

"Jim, Tim, this is Drew," James said, clapping a hand on Drew's shoulder. "He'll be staying with us for a while."

"Is he an orphan?" Jim asked. "Did we adopt him?!"

"Now now, don't get too excited," James cautioned. "He'll only be staying with us until...he can get his head on straight."

"Is he Kim's new boyfriend?" Kim balked at that question, whereas Drew's face turned a brilliant shade of purple.

"Tweebs…" she growled warningly. As usual, that just encouraged them to keep going.

"He's blue… Is he related to Drakken or something?"

"He's gotta be! There's no way that's from silver treatments."

"So if Kim made kissy-face with him…"

"And he's her arch-foe's son…" They both made an exaggerated gross-out face.

"Ewww, supervillain cooties!"

"Shut it, tweebs!"

"Kimmie, boys, please. No shouting." James had come back from putting his coat on. He then began heading for the door, keys in hand. "Kimmie-cub, are you sure Drew shouldn't come with for this?"

"I'm a little worried that we, ah, might recognize him. Blue skin and all…" Kim said, waving her hand. She was actually worried about being seen with him. She still didn't have everything figured out for her plan, and she didn't want to accidentally damage her own rep. It would be especially bad if they were to run into Bonnie with Drew tagging along. "Ron can handle watching Drew and the tweebs."

"I can?" Ron shot Kim a surprised look.

"He can?" the other males asked in unison.

"Yeeesssssss," Kim drew out in annoyance as she tried to pretend that the smoking crater that had been the forest hadn't happened earlier. She was definitely not going to mention it now. "Which is why it's just fine to leave them here. ALL of them here." Ron began to protest, clearly trying to bring up the earlier incident, which she cut off with, "Unless you want to go clothes shopping with me."

They all looked at each other.

"We'll be fine," the twins agreed.

"I, uh, don't need clothes? You don't need to go," Drew said lamely.

"Go on without us! I've totally got this sitch on control!" Ron crowed.

"Under control. You have it under control, Ronald."

"Exactly, Mr Dr P!"

Kim began shoving her father out the door she had just opened. "Okay, got it covered, let's go. Bye, don't burn the house down with a death ray!"

SLAM!

There was silence for a few seconds. "That is the second time today that the door slammed like that," one of the twins noted.

Ron looked at them, clearly curious. "The second time…?"

The twins looked at each other. "Just someone that wasn't all that taken with our charming personalities," the other sniggered.

Drew rolled his eyes. He sarcastically remarked, "Somehow, I don't think you're being honest."

"Ron, you should make a naco run for all of us!" Jim suddenly said excitedly. "We're all hungry. Right Tim?" He nudged his brother in the side.

"What?" his twin asked, confused, before he realized what his brother was trying to do. "Oh! Yeah!" Grabbing his stomach, Tim continued, "We're both starving."

"You know I can't-" The boys suddenly shoved a pile of various dollar bills into his hands. "...can't not grande size! Booyah!" Ron started for the door, a huge smirk on his face.

"Hey! What about me?!" Drew asked, his fists clenched in anger at Ron apparently forgetting about him.

"Don't worry, Drew," the blond said as he threw the front door open. "I'll get you TWO nacos since you haven't had any before."

"Yum, nacos!" Rufus squeaked from Ron's shoulder as the pair left, slamming the door behind him.

The room was quiet for a few moments before Drew slouched down. "Great. Now I'm stuck babysitting!"

"Eh, don't worry about it. We can handle ourselves." The green-clad twin ducked down and began searching under the couch.

"What are you doing?" Drew asked grumpily, standing to grab the boy before Tim stepped between the two. "Stop it! You'll hit your head or something."

"As if."

The blue boy stood up as straight as he could and leveled a finger at the boy under the couch, clearly not realizing that the action couldn't be seen by the younger boy. "You had better listen or, or else!"

"Or else what? You'll go all supervillain on us?" Jim pulled out a small toy-like device from where he'd been digging around.

"Now what-what-why would you, erm, say that?" Drew sputtered.

"'cause we know you were Drakken."

"What?! How did you kno-" Drew slapped a hand over his mouth. Parting a couple of fingers, he asked, "Did Kimberly tell you earlier?"

"Why would she tell us?"

"No one ever tells us anything!" Tim groused. "Which is why we need to spy to find stuff out."

"Wait a minute…" Drew glared, his hand falling away from his face. "If you knew, then why were you giving Kimberly a hard time?"

Tim chuckled. "We were just having some fun."

His glare didn't let up as he said, "I find it hard to believe that you two managed to spy on her without her knowing."

"It was easy! First we built a bug or five that could pick up audio."

"Bug?"

"Spy device," Tim clarified. "Next, we put them all around the house in strategic locations."

"Not the bathroom." Jim shivered. "That would just be gross!"

"And then we have them set to let us know if they pick up speech!" He paused. "It just kind of stinks that the only one that works is the one in the study…"

"Yeah, like I'm supposed to believe that." The blue boy eyed them. "There's no way you had a spy device that-"

Tim went over to the lamp and, from the base, pulled out what looked like a quarter. "Take a look at this!" He tossed it at Drew, who caught it with some fumbling.

Drew examined the small coin and shrugged. "A quarter. So what?"

The boys smirked. "Try to open it."

"Try to open- Are you kidding me?" He laughed as he started to mess with the small object. "It's a coin! It won't-" He cut himself off when the middle opened up with a little pressure, revealing the complex array of circuitry inside. The older boy gaped at the two younger ones as they beamed at his expression. "Are you two magic or something?"

"Nope. We're geniuses!" Jim pushed a button on the toy he had, making it come to life. The blue boy watched, fascinated, as the robot's arms extended out and waved around. His fascination turned to surprise when the robot tackled him into a chair and wrapped its arms around him, making him drop the bug on the floor.

"Hey! What are you doing?!" he cried.

"Helping our new brother out," Tim said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"You're not very good at helping people if this is what you consider to be 'helping'," Drew muttered.

"Nah, we don't mean this. We mean you!"

"Huh?" The older boy tilted his head in confusion.

"Your clothes are terrible," Jim said, pulling at Drew's shirt.

"Your hair is terrible," Tim continued, his hand practically getting stuck in the young man's greasy mane as he patted it in demonstration.

"And your everything is way out of date!" they finished together.

"Gee, thanks," Drew drawled sarcastically. Cocking an eyebrow, he added with even more sarcasm, "What would you geniuses recommend?"

They both looked at each other and nodded.

"Well, we tried to recruit someone that would know better than us…"

"But she just got freaked out instead," Jim said as he shook his head in disappointment. "We do know what you need, and we're gonna do our best to give it to you, new bro! What you need…"

"...is a manly makeover!" To Drew, they both seemed to smirk evilly, their hands suddenly full of random items such as brushes and t-shirts.

"N-now you, er, kids, let's, let's be reasonable," he said, his voice failing him from the sudden fear gripping him. Drew tried to get up from the chair, but found that the hold of the little mini-bot was far stronger than he thought it would be. "You know that Kimberly is getting me clothes."

"Yeah, right," Jim said, adding a small raspberry to the end of his statement.

"She'll just get you artsy-fartsy girly-guy clothes!" Tim finished.

"We're gonna give you a proper make-over," Jim said with a smile. "Haircut first!"

Weakly, Drew uttered, "You, uhm, you shouldn't be playing with scissors!"

"Don't worry…"

"Mom says we're responsible enough to use them!"

Drew chuckled nervously. "You are joking, right? ...right?"

"This'll go by faster if you don't struggle," Jim said, experimentally snipping the air with the aforementioned scissors.

"Otherwise we might miss with them!" The boys laughed in a comically evil fashion and set upon him.

Drew's horrified scream echoed out for blocks.


Author's Notes

Finally! I managed to get this out! It only took double the time the story's even been posted. Life ate my life, if you haven't been following my other stuff.

Kim is very wishy-washy. Wants to rehab him, but doesn't wanna wreck her reputation by being seen with him... Guess that's another reason she had him walk behind her and Ron, huh? Doesn't really make sense to me. Then again, I was the loser in high school so I don't think I could ever understand that. I guess we'll very, very eventually see if that manage to work out or not.

Someday far, far in the future there will be romance. For now, just have some comedy.