UNDYING PIE 2
Chapter nine is here, and it's filled with the good, wholesome randomness you so desire.
Enjoy!
(I don't own FF and all its components. Kweh.)
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CHAPTER NINE - IT'S HOW BIG!!!?
The second group had now reached Junon, after following the sparkly flames of Axel torching Barret.
"Phwef..." Barret said, jumping into the sea to cool down, but then he got shocked by the electricity thingy. Dumbass. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!!!!!"
"Get out of the water, Mister, you'll hurt Mr. Dolphin!!" Priscilla cried, but went TOTALLY unnoticed. HOORAY!
Kadaj glared at Axel as he led the group towards the lift up to the top city.
"Okay, it's just a little further to WalMart." He explained, before thrusting a chakaram into the guard on watch of the lift, because he didn't have 10 gil. Hahahaha.
"Ugghh... No, please, have mercy!" The guard groaned as he pulled the chakaram back out of him. "I-I don't want to die, n-not yet!"
"Yeah, I can't hear THAT enough."
So, everyone proceeded up the lift. Except for Barret. But we'll see him again soon, I'm sure.
"Kadaaaaaaaj..." Yazoo mumbled in a whisper, nudging him when the lift started. "Stop glaring at Axel!"
"But he... He wanted Mother's head for his own Reunion!!!!" Kadaj whispered back.
"No he didn't."
Yazoo shook his head. Kadaj was being far too stubborn for him to care at that time, about anything other than his theory that Axel and Reno were planning a Reunion with Jenova's head, which you should know, if you PAYED ATTENTION TO THE LAST CHAPTER!!!!! Which is also ludicrous, since neither of them are Jenovites. Baka Kada-kun!
"Well, kiddies, here we are." Axel said, as the lift stopped in the middle of a square courtyard, completely surrounded by huge buildings. "All of this is WalMart Junon."
Everyone's jaws dropped.
"You're kidding." Red XIII gasped.
"Cloud, that is OVER. The. Line." Vincent said blankly.
"Wow, talk about shock with a capital 'S'." Axel (sort of) digressed in his own special linguistic system. "Man, this place is bigger than I remembered. And, seriously, I was only here, what, yesterday? I already miss Roxas! Phwef, anyway, I forgot this place is, like, what, five times bigger than Universal Studios?"
"IT'S HOW BIG!!!?" Everyone else yelled.
"Five times bigger than Universal Studios. Got it memorized?"
"You do mean Universal Studios in the Mediterranean, right?" Yazoo asked.
"Yeah."
"Oh." Everyone said. THAT they could understand.
"Okay, we've gotta go through the store." Axel said, going all commando. No, not THAT way. Sorry to disappoint any Axel fan girls reading.
"Why?" Kadaj asked, mentally adding 'Because Mother's in there and you want to steal her?'
"Because Mother's in there and I want to steal her."
"What?"
"Because Cloud's probably barricaded the main doors shut, Dipshit! Now let's MOVE!"
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Meanwhile, Sephiroth, Tifa, Cid and Roxas were escaping through the hallways with the kicking and screaming Aeris in their possession.
"TIFA!!! CID!!! ANONYMOUS BLONDE BOY!!!" She cried, flung over Sephiroth's shoulder. "WHY!!!? WHY ARE YOU WORKING FOR HIM!!!!?"
"We're not! We're just helping him rescue you!!" Tifa said, running behind them.
"RESCUE ME FROM WHAT!!!?"
"Hey guys!" Zack said perkily, suddenly appearing and running next to them.
"ZACK! ZACK!!!" Aeris screeched. "HELP ME!!!!"
"Sorry Aer, nothing I can do." He smirked.
"OH, YOU WORK FOR HIM TOO!? LIKE TIFA! AND CID! AND THE ANONYMOUS BLONDE BOY!!!?"
"What anonymous blonde boy?"
"Hiya." Roxas said, waving randomly at Zack.
"Oh, THAT random blonde boy. Well, anyway, guys, ALL the doors are blocked, except for the one through the stock area to the store."
"How do you know!?" Cid asked.
"Well, after Cloud resisted my distraction, I got away from the guards and was able to sneak around looking for a way out!" Zack replied.
"Nice." Sephiroth said. "And where is this exit?"
"Just through here!"
So, they all crashed through the door ahead of them, and through the stock area into...
...SAFEWAY!?
"Hang on a minute..." Vincent said, since the other group were in the store too, if you had bothered to read the first scene. They were in a TOTALLY different isle, though. "...Is Safeway even part of WalMart?"
But, for once, Vincent went ignored! LÉ GASPE! Well, maybe because he was just mumbling to himself. BUT STILL!
"Let's see here." Axel said, looking around. "The way into the HQ from here is through the 'stock area'."
So, everyone began looking for the stock area.
"Here's some gravy mix, so the stock must be near." Kadaj said. "OOOH! Here we go! Knorr instant chicken stock!"
The group crowded around, and Kadaj began chucking all the packets of stock off the shelves in hope of finding an entrance to the HQ.
"Wait..." Sephiroth said, stopping.
The others stopped too.
"I sense... Kadaj... And Yazoo. On the other side of the store!" He said.
"They're here!?" Tifa cried. "We have to find them!"
"Yeah, then we can get the hell outta here!" Zack added.
"Ooooh! Discount jerky!" Cid said brightly, to which the others simply rolled their eyes. He got dragged along when they continued on through the isles.
"WHERE ARE WE GOING NOW!!?" Aeris screamed.
"You know, maybe it would be better if she was unconscious?" Sephiroth suggested, tired of his back being beaten at and his front being kicked at.
A metaphorical light bulb quickly appeared over Roxas's head.
"Here!" He said, jumping into the nearby medicine and toiletry isle and coming back quickly with a bottle of Nytol.
"Good thinking kid!" Zack said, snatching the Nytol off him, opening it and shoving it straight into Aeris's mouth.
She kicked and screamed more...
"EWW! Zack, that tastes like--"
...Before it kicked in, and she just went to sleep. Just like THAT.
"That was fast." Tifa blinked.
So, before they caused even more of a scene (since they were causing a pretty big one to begin with), they ran off to find the others.
"Hold on." Kadaj said. "I sense... I sense Sephiroth! He's coming!"
"Me too!" Said Yazoo, pointing to the end of the isle.
Which was when they appeared, and the big group was reunited! YAY! Well, before that, Tifa had Final Heavened and Cid had Highwinded through a large group of people at a Vanish Stain Removal demonstration, and Zack tripped over a collection of packets of toilet paper that hadn't been stacked on the shelves yet, but they were still reunited! YAY!
"We haven't got much time, Cloud's probably got us on a surveillance camera." Sephiroth said. "He could be on us at any time. We've gotta mov--"
"SEPHIROTH!!" Cloud yelled.
Guards began to block each end of the isle.
"Oh, shit." Sephiroth said. He certainly didn't expect THAT to happen!
"Hey, look!" Kadaj said, pushing a button that was behind the last packet of instant stock. "The way into the HQ!"
A doorway suddenly opened from the shelving area.
"WHAT!? HOW DID--" Cloud stuttered.
"It's our only hope!!" Axel cried with a surprising sense of suspense. "LET'S GO!!"
So, everyone piled through the random doorway, and shut it before Cloud and his guards could get to it.
"DAMMIT, there's a five minute timer on that thing!!!" Cloud yelled angrily. "I'm gonna kill the bastard who programmed it!!!!"
"Ummm, sir?" The guard on his left said. "You programmed it."
"WELL!!" Cloud said in a very camp way, flicking his hair. "When I feel emo enough, I shall kill myself!! HMPH!!"
Well, basically, he then began to wait for the timer to end. Because then he could chase after them. Yeah. I know. Pretty stupid of him to put a timer on the door, eh?
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Hoooooo boy. Anyway, our reunited gang was racing through the corridor beyond the stock area. To save time, they came to the end, and stopped at a lit up room...
...Which contained Cloud's Airship!
"OOoooh! Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Seph?" Kadaj asked.
"Umm, yeah, we should steal the ship." Sephiroth said blankly.
"...Actually, I was thinking we should go back and get something for lunch, I'm getting kinda hungry..." He said sheepishly. "B-But, I guess we should do what YOU were thinking."
"Bearing in mind that it's actually almost 4PM?"
"HEY! Rub it in my face and I'll tell Mother!"
"Ooooh! Oh, Roxas!!!" Axel said softly, squeezing Roxas close to him. "OH MY DARLING ROXAS! How I have missed you! I'll never let Cloud, no, I'LL NEVER LET ANYONE TAKE YOU AWAY FROM ME EVER AGAIN! NEVEREVEREVEREVEREVER! NEVER!"
"Umm, this is the guy I was telling you about." Roxas said, looking over at Tifa.
"Hey, we can't kill him! It's Axel! Everyone LOVES Axel!" Tifa said brightly. "And so should YOU!"
"BITCH!!" He screamed. "WE HAD AN AGREEMENT!
"Well, we didn't know it was Axel! There are exceptions!"
"... ..DAMMIT! DAMMIT ALL TO HELL!!"
After a few seconds of checking it out, Cid hopped aboard the Airship.
"HEY, EVERYONE, ON BOARD!!" He yelled.
So, everyone piled aboard.
"Cloud calls her the Oprah Winfrey." Cid said, starting it up. "Makes sense since there's a big picture of her on the hull."
And, sure enough, there was!
"Only Cloud..." Everyone sighed.
As soon as it was fired up, Cid took the wheel and busted the Oprah Winfrey right out of the glass roof.
"Cid, we're heading back for Midgar." Sephiroth said.
But because FF7 Airships are unnecessarily fast (well, they are! It's Junon to Midgar in two seconds, dude!), they were already there.
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For my own convenience, I then snapped forward to the group all back at the 7th Heaven.
"Hey, what about Barret? And Loz?" Yazoo asked.
Kadaj shrugged. He didn't really care about either of them. Oh well.
"Hey, look! I took Cait Sith apart!" Reeve said happily.
"Oh yeah. Go to your house and put him back together again." Vincent said.
"OKAY!" Reeve squealed and then did exactly that.
"So, we have Aeris back." Sephiroth said. "But she still only knows canon. And the whole city is becoming morphed to that fan girl's mind."
"Yeah, just about five seconds ago I saw an army of bishounens." Tifa said, looking out of the window and secretly drooling.
Zack put his hand on his chin in a thinking position.
"Hey, well, maybe whoever started this can put it back to normal, if we find out who that is!"
Sephiroth thought back.
"The blast from the Shinra HQ. It came from the floor below the one me and Aeris were on, which is... The Science lab!"
"And we ALL know who works in the Shinra science lab, DON'T we?" Zack grinned.
It took a while to chew over, but, they came to the conclusion that it was...
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...HOJO! Well, duh!
Sephiroth, Kadaj and Yazoo had decided to go see their creator and question him about the weird goings on at his house, which was a little way from the center of the Top Plate. But you knew that already.
"Hey, it's three of my six sons." Hojo said, after opening the door.
"Actually, you have about six... Ty sons." Sephiroth corrected him. "Me, and my clones."
"...Oh well. Ever since I've been taking these pills, my mood's been very, very good, but my memory poor, I'm afraid..." Sighed Hojo, shaking a random box of pills that looked like TicTacs but weren't.
"Well, can you tell us what went on with that explosion the other night?" Kadaj asked.
"Oh yes. Well, myself and some other Professors were trying to create Jenova specimen that wouldn't have silver hair, like yourselves. We did it ages ago with the 'Jenooooooooova', shortened to 'Jenüva' Project, but sadly haven't had such luck just using Jenova cells." Hojo explained.
"Shouldn't we have had a say in that?" Yazoo asked.
"NO!!" He snapped back. "Anyway, we ran out of live Jenova cells after Rufus and the Turks somehow 'lost' Jenova's head... Don't ask, they're so stupid... Well, Professor Odine found the numberless specimen: Cloud. During the storm, however, the machine we were using to extract the cells from his dead body malfunctioned, and that's what caused the explosion."
"So, everything went back to being like Cloud remembered it being or desired it to be!" Sephiroth said. "And the fan girl was his psycho creation based on his powers! That explains it! But how do we reverse it?"
"I don't know." Hojo said. "Now leave me alone, and don't come EVER again."
And then he very rudely shut the door on them.
"...Does he REALLY have sixty sons?" Kadaj asked inquisitivley.
"Actually, only... Me." Sephiroth replied. "The rest are clones."
And then started a whole random converastion about these six(ty) clones, as they walked into the sunset back to the 7th Heaven. Blergh.
BASS IT!
Okay, short, but sweet, right? I feel like I rushed this, even though I didn't.
UMMM! GIMME QUESTIONS! PLEASE, I BEG OF YOU!! I BEG! I BEG!!!! YOU'VE REDUCED ME TO BEGGING!!!!!!!
Okay, just incase you were wondering... Hojo's sixty (plus) sons: Sephiroth (obviously); Kadaj, Yazoo, Loz and Riku (the four main clones. Riku IS a Jenovite. It's obvious); Even (honestly!!!) and all the other random specimens... Hurhurhur... Yeah...
TTFN, persons! Luv y'all! XxXxX
